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THE  HITHERTO  UNIDENTIFIED 

CONTRIBUTIONS 
OF 

W.     M.    THACKERAY 

TO 

"PUNCH" 


THE  EXCITEMENT  IN  BELGRAVIA. 
Jeamks  and  the  Butler. 

Jcames.    " 'AVING   NOW   IGASAMINED  MY  SATIFFIGITE,  AND   FOUND 
MY  FiGGER   SATASFACTURY,   ELOW  ME  TO  HASK  ONE  QUESTION 

— Is  Sir  John's  a  High  Chutch  Family,  Mr.  Brown?  and 
DO  YOU  Fast,  according  to  the  Rubric,  hevery  Friday 
IN  THE  year?  Because  in  this  case,  the  place  will  not 
do  for  yl//i." 
Btitler.  "Mr.  Jeames,  we  will  try  and  get  you  a  dispen- 
sation." 

[See  page  283 


THE    HITHERTO    UNIDENTIFIED 

CONTRIBUTIONS 

OF 

W.   M.  THACKERAY 

TO 

"PUNCH" 

IVITH 

A     COMPLETE    AND    AUTHORITATIVE 

BIBLIOGRAPHY  FROM   IS43    TO    IS4S 

BY 

M.  H.  SPIELMANN 

AUTHOR    OF    "the  HISTOKY   OF   '  PUNCH  '  "    ETC. 

WITH     NUMEROUS    ILLUSTRATIONS 
AND  EXPLANATORY  NOTES 


NEW  YORK   AND   LONDON 

HARPER    &    BROTHERS    PUBLISHERS 

1900 


Copyright,  1899,  by  Harper  &  Brothers. 
All  rights  reserved. 


I  6'  I  'M-^i 


PR 
■  1 99a 


TO 
THE  MEMORY  OF 

JESSIE    WIENER 

THIS  BOOK 

Us  Hn scribed 


PREFACE 

The  material  for  this  volume — based  on  authen- 
tic and  exclusive  information — has  been  by  me  for 
some  years.  My  first  intention  was  to  produce  an 
Essay  that  might  be  printed  in  serial  form,  and 
this  project  had  the  cordial  and  practical  sympa- 
thy of  the  proprietors  of  Piinch,  and  the  express- 
ed approval  of  Mrs.  Richmond  Ritchie.  But  as  I 
wrote,  the  subject  grew  under  my  hand;  my  desire 
for  absolute  accuracy  involved  a  greater  degree  of 
completeness  than  I  had  anticipated ;  and  the  re- 
sult is  a  volume  which,  I  hope,  if  only  for  the 
sake  of  the  Bibliography,  makes  some  claim  on 
the  lover  of  Thackeray  and  on  the  collector  of  his 
works.  From  the  first,  it  seemed  desirable  that 
such  a  book  should  be  given  to  the  public;  the 
fact  that  the  matter  has  been  trifled  with  in  an- 
other quarter  renders  necessary  the  course  which 
I  have  taken. 

This  new  bibliography  includes  pieces  not  so 
much  suppressed  or  forgotten  as  unrecognised  as 
the  work  of  Thackeray  —  pieces  which  are  often 
quite  as  worthy  of  preservation  as  many  of  his  light- 
er sketches  and  verses.     Literary  considerations 

vii 


PREFACE 

apart,  they  are  in  the  aggregate  of  real  value  and 
interest,  for  they  show  upon  what  topics  of  public 
concern  Thackeray  was  writing  during  the  years 
here  dealt  with,  and  what  he  thought  about  them  ; 
that  is  to  say,  his  views  on  things  in  general,  and 
on  the  major  and  minor  events  that  passed  in  his 
day :  opinions,  in  short,  which  help  to  reveal  the 
man  and  which  are  as  necessary  to  the  biographer 
for  the  full  understanding  of  his  character  as  the 
books  that  he  wrote  or  the  letters  wherein  his  own 
self  is  sometimes  set  down  and  sometimes,  may  be, 
concealed.  This  Essay,  then,  lays  claim  to  a  cer- 
tain personal  interest,  and  to  possess  something  of 
the  charm,  it  is  hoped,  that  belongs  to  a  genuine 
literary  discovery. 

Ranging  from  a  short  paragraph  of  a  line  or 
two,  a  mere  epigram,  to  a  long  article  of  a  page  or 
more  (say,  2500  words,  journalist's  measure),  and 
from  a  couplet  to  a  poem  of  123  lines,  these  con- 
tributions contain  many  things  that  the  publish- 
ers of  Thackeray's  Works  must  assuredly  have 
included  in  their  "  Contributions  to  Punch'"  had 
they  known  of  them ;  for  among  his  comments  on 
events,  political  and  social,  as  well  as  among  the 
simpler  ebullitions  of  pure  fun,  there  are  many 
sketches,  essays,  and  verses  more  interesting  and 
important  than  many  which  have  hitherto  been  re- 
published. 

Of  the  hundred  and  fifty  new  items,  I  deal  with 
nearly  all — clearly  stating  that  I  here  indulge  in  no 
speculations  of  authenticity,  whether  from  internal 

viii 


PRE  FAC  E 

evidence  or  otherwise,  except  where,  quite  at  the 
beginning  and  towards  the  end  of  the  book,  such 
cases  are  expressly  specified.  My  information  is 
absolute,  for  the  items  are  all  entered  against  the 
author's  name  in  a  long -forgotten  editorial  day- 
book, and  for  these  items  he  was  duly  paid.  From 
the  grand  total  of  428  Punch  entries,  I  have  care- 
fully eliminated  those  which  have  been  reprinted, 
or,  with  the  exception  of  two  or  three  duly  indi- 
cated, those  which  have  been  in  any  way  referred 
to  by  former  bibliographers. 

I  may  be  blamed  by  some  for  not  quoting  in  ex- 
tenso  every  article  and  poem,  and  for  omitting  the 
less  important  or  the  less  striking  passages  which 
might  be  sacrificed  without  disadvantage  —  or  it 
might  even  be  said,  with  advantage — to  the  origi- 
nal. But  my  desire  has  been  to  give  prominence 
to  nothing  that  might  fairly  claim  the  privilege  of 
oblivion ;  and  I  have  felt,  besides,  that  I  have  no 
right  to  assume  property  in  contributions  that  be- 
long to  Ptmch  itself,  where  alone  they  may  be 
properly  seen  and  read  in  the  surroundings  for 
which  they  were  composed  and  from  which  they 
took  their  tone. 

I  have  not,  then,  dug  up  matter  which  is  for- 
gotten. I  have  dealt  only  with  that  which  people 
are  buying  and  reading  every  day,  ignorant  of  the 
authorship  of  many  of  the  most  amusing  and  in- 
teresting pieces.  If  proof  were  needed  of  the  de- 
gree in  which  Thackeray's  authorship  has  been 
forgotten,  or  only  half  understood,  even  in  quarters 

ix 


PREFACE 

where  it  should  be  most  famiHar,  I  need  but  draw 
attention  to  a  statement  which  appears  in  the 
Authorised  Edition:  "This  edition  of  Mr.  Thack- 
eray's '  Ballads '  will  be  found  to  include  all  the 
verses  that  are  scattered  throughout  the  author's 
various  writings."  Yet  in  this  volume  I  introduce 
to  the  reader  about  a  score  of  unidentified  poems, 
many  of  very  considerable  importance,  and  half  of 
them,  at  least,  worthy  of  a  place  in  Thackeray's 
Collected  Works — which  position,  it  may  be  be- 
lieved, they  will  now  secure  in  any  new  edition. 

It  is  erroneously  supposed  by  many  of  Thack- 
eray's readers  that  the  fact  of  his  having  illustrated 
an  article  or  a  set  of  verses  is  evidence  of  his  hav- 
ing written  the  text  which  they  accompany;  or, 
again,  that  all  articles  touching  subjects  on  which 
he  was  known  to  write  with  frequency,  and  with  a 
relish  that  seemed  to  make  them  his  own — such 
as  "Jenkins,"  "Jeames,"  "Louis  Philippe,"  the 
"poet  Bunn,"  and  the  like — must  necessarily  be 
from  the  Titmarshian  pen.  Nothing  could  be 
more  misleading.  Indeed,  it  is  this  unfortunate 
belief  which  has  from  time  to  time  betrayed  the 
student  of  Thackeray.  Several  of  the  Punch  staff 
were  writing  in  a  similar  strain  and  with  similar 
views  in  the  traditional  Pitnch  manner  on  the  self- 
same topics  of  political  and  social  interest  at 
about  the  same  time ;  that  their  contributions  are 
therefore  often  indistinguishable  is  not  matter  for 
surprise.  For  years,  a  couple  of  contributions 
by  Matthew  James   Higgins  ("Jacob  Omnium") 


PREFACE 

and  Percival  Leigh  have  been  accepted  as  Thack- 
eray's, and  even  so  included  in  his  "  Collected 
Works."  It  is  hardly  less  difficult,  sometimes, 
even  for  the  expert,  to  determine  the  author- 
ship of  certain  drawings  when — especially  in  the 
case  of  decorated  "  initial  letters "  and  small 
sketches — Doyle,  Leech,  and  McConnell  were  ex- 
ercising their  pencils  on  similar  subjects  in  the 
same  spirit,  frequently  with  much  the  same  touch 
and  quality  of  caricature ;  when  Captain  Howard 
was  imitating  the  three  of  them;  and  when  Swain, 
the  engraver  of  all  four, -was  adding,  as  it  were,  the 
common  denominator  of  his  own  handiwork. 

A  further  cause  for  confusion  lies  in  the  inap- 
propriateness  of  many  of  the  undoubted  Thack- 
eray drawings  to  the  text  they  embellish  without, 
however,  "  illustrating."  Almost  from  the  begin- 
ning it  was  the  habit  of  the  Editor  of  Punch  to 
commission  decorative  initial  letters  and  small 
comic  sketches  by  the  dozen.  The  subject  de- 
picted was  immaterial.  These  drawings,  which 
usually  dealt  with  some  humorous  idea,  would  be 
used  without  much  sense  of  fitness  or  affinity  be- 
tween the  ideas  of  text  and  picture.  To  an  Ori- 
ental reference  —  such  as  "The  Meeting  of  the 
Sultan  and  Mehemet  Ali "  —  there  might  per- 
chance be  adapted  an  Oriental  sketch,  though  no 
nearer  in  appositeness  than  Blue  Beard  demand- 
ing back  the  key;*  but  it  does  not  appear  that 

*  A  whole  series  of  Blue  Beard  initials  by  Thackeray  is  to 

xi 


PREFACE 

the  incongruity  greatly  afflicted  the  Pufic/i  Editor, 
or  evoked  a  protest  from  the  public.  But  even 
when  Thackeray's  sketch  is  really  illustrative,  there 
is  in  this  occasional  fact  no  argument  in  favour 
of  his  having  been  the  author  of  the  text  as  well. 
He  illustrated  scores  of  pieces  by  other  hands — 
Jerrold's,  Leigh's,  Gilbert  a  Beckett's,  and  the  rest 
— so  that  evidence  more  conclusive  is  necessary 
before  one  is  justified  in  attributing  authorship  to 
Thackeray  with  anything  like  certainty. 

The  illustrations  in  this  volume,  therefore — cuts 
which  Messrs.  Bradbury,  Agnew  &  Company  have 
been  so  good  as  to  make  for  me  from  the  original 
wood-blocks  drawn  upon  by  Thackeray  himself — 
belong  in  every  case  to  the  text  they  accompany. 
Of  the  many  scores  of  his  sketches,  promiscuous- 
ly thrown  off,  that  dot  the  pages  of  Punch,  I  have 
of  course  laken  no  heed;  for  those  which  illustrate 
the  writings  of  others  are  obviously  outside  the 
scope  of  this  book.  But  it  may  be  stated  that, 
so  far  as  I  remember,  not  a  single  one  has  ever 
before  been  reprinted  outside  the  office  of  Punch, 
except  in  the  untrustworthy  articles,  since  aban- 
doned, to  which  I  have  already  alluded.  Those 
"socials" — pictures  with  explanatory  text  or  con- 
versation  beneath  —  which   have   not  been   dealt 

be  found  in  Punch.  Were  these  originally  intended  for  the 
Blue  Beard — "very  sardonic  and  amusing  to  do  so,  but  I 
doubt  whether  it  will  be  pleasant  to  read  or  hear  " — on  which 
he  was  engaged  in  1850,  or  does  he,  in  this  reference,  once 
more  use  the  title  as  a  nickname  for  one  of  his  characters  ? 

xii 


PREFACE 

with  previously  are  here  described  if  not  in  every 
case  reproduced. 

A  close  examination  of  this  side  of  Thackeray's 
work  in  Piiiick  rewards  the  diligent  inquirer  with 
discoveries  of  minor  importance.  Thus  Mrs.  Rich- 
mond Ritchie  is  shown  to  be  not  entirely  correct 
in  thinking,  as  she  says,  in  her  delightful  Bio- 
graphical Edition  of  the  Works  of  Thackeray: 
"  For  the  Eastern  adventures  of  the  Fat  Contrib- 
utor Leech  drew  the  only  illustration,  I  believe, 
that  he  ever  made  for  my  father's  writing."  On 
several  occasions  Leech's  hand  embellishes  the 
text  of  his  old  friend  in  the  pages  of  Pmtck. 
Again,  the  drawing  entitled  "  Bucks,"  in  her  in- 
troduction to  "Contributions  to  Ptcnck,''  is  seen 
to  be  the  study  for  "A  Side- Box  Talk"  (No.  384, 
1848),  the  chief  head  having  been  previously  used 
in  the  sketch  to  Gilbert  a  Beckett's  "  Theatrical 
Astronomy"  (No.  276,  1846).  And,  again,  the  little 
caricature  of  "Charles  II.  in  the  Royal  Oak,"  on 
p.  xviii.,  was  not,  as  is  half  suggested,  destined  for 
an  unwritten  chapter  of  "Miss  Tickletoby's  Lect- 
ures on  English  History,"  but  is  a  grotesque 
sketch  of  what  was  used  on  p.  267,  vol.  xii.,  1847 
—"High  Art  in  Westminster  Hall."  The  letter 
quoted  on  p.  133  is  printed  by  the  permission  of 
Messrs.  Smith,  Elder  &  Co. 

In  setting  these  writings  of  Thackeray  newly 
before  the  reader,  I  have  thought  it  desirable  to 
give  some  explanation  of  the  circumstances  under 
which  they  were  produced,  in  order  that  topical 

xiii 


r 


PREFACE 


allusions  might  be  more  clearly  understood.  Just 
so  much  comment,  therefore,  it  seemed  incum- 
bent on  me  to  offer  as  would  helpfully  elucidate 
the  articles  and  verses  attributed  at  length  to  their 


rightful  author. 


M.  H.  S. 


CONTENTS 


PAGE 

Preface vii 

Contents xv 

List  of  Illustrations xvii 

Introductory  i 

CHAPTER 

I.  Vols.  IL,  IV.,  and  VI.  (1843-1844)     ....  16 

II.  Vol.  VI.,  Continued  (1844) 55 

III.  Vol.  VII.  (1844) 85 

IV.  Vol.  VIII.  (1845) 112 

V.  Vol.  VIII.,  Continned  (1845) ^^9 

VI.  Vol.  IX.  (1845) -.149 

VII.  Vol.  IX.,  Continued  (1845) 170 

VIII.  Vols.  X.  and  XI.  (1846) 187 

IX.  Vols.  XII.  and  XIII.  (1847) 204 

X.  Vol.  XIV.  (1848) 218 

XI.  Vols.  XV.  and  XIX.  (1848  and  1850)    ...  248 

XII.  Vol.  XX.  (185 ij 283 

XIII.  Vol.  XX.  {Continued)  and  Vol.  XXI.  (185 1)    .  299 

Bibliography 317 

Cartoons  Suggested  by  W.  M.  Thackeray      .     .     .  338 

Index 339 


ILLUSTRATIONS 


PAGE 

The  Excitejucnt  in  Bclgravia Frontispiece 

The  Legend  of  Jawbrahim-Hermidee 17 

Assumption  of  Aristocracy 35 

Notice — Leahies  from  the  Lives  of  the  Lords  of  Literature  43 

Shakespeare  Cojnpressed 51 

A  Hint  for  Moses 87 

A  Hint  for  Moses 89 

A  Case  of  Real  Distress 91 

Shameful  Case  of  Letter   Opening no 

Liberal  Reward 113 

Ode  to  Sibthorp i3r 

Nezv  Portrait  of  H.R.H.  Prince  Albert 135 

The  Ascot  Cup  Day leo 

The  Stags:  A  Drama  of  To-day 171 

Miss  Malony  and  Father  Luke 182 

A  New  Naval  Drama 191 

A  Netv  Naval  Drama 192 

The  Meet  if  ig  between  the  Sultan  and  Mahomet  Ali    .     .  196 

The  Heavies 198 

The  Household  Brigade 199 

The  Household  Brigade 200 

The  Household  Brigade 200 

What's  Come  to  the  Clubs  ? 201 

Kitchen  Melodies — Curry 202 

Horrid  Tragedy  in  Private  Life 205 

xvii 


ILLUSTRATIONS 

PAGE 

The  Cambridge  Address  io  Prince  Albert     .     .     .     .     .  208 

Afr.  Punch  for  Repeal 219 

Afr.  Punch  for  Repeal 220 

French   Sympathisers 224 

The  Portfolio 236 

The  Portfolio 239 

The  Hampstead  Road 249 

The  Hampstead  Road 250 

The  Hampstead  Road 251 

The  Hampstead  Road 252 

Military  Correspondence 253 

Military   Correspondence 254 

Military  Correspondence 255 

Military   Correspondence 256 

The  Balmoral  Gazette 360 

Is  There  Anything  in  the  Paper  ? 269 

A  Side-Pox  Talk 273 

The  Excitc7nent  in  Belgravia 285 

fohn  Bull  Beaten 291 

If  Not:    Why  Not  1 307 

Punch  and  the  Woodblock 316 

Who's  Afraid^  or,  the  Oregon   Question.    Car- 
toon by  fohn  leech To  face  1  o 

The    Airs.    Caudle    of   the     House    of   lords. 

Cartoon  by  fohn  leech "  166 

^^  Never    Mind    losing    the    First    I  feat''    &c. 

Cartoon  by  Richard  Doyle "  188 

Young    Yankee-  N^oodle    teaching    Grandmother 
Britannia     to    suck     Fggs.       Cartoon     by 

fohn  leech "  190 


CONTRIBUTIONS    TO   "PUNCH 


INTRODUCTORY 

It  is  natural  to  believe  that  an  author  is  most 
himself  —  that  is  to  say,  most  honest  and  least 
self-conscious  —  in  his  anonymous  writings;  and 
that  his  opinions  are  expressed  with  the  greater 
freedom  and  candour  when  his  personality  is  not 
being  put  forward  along  with  them.  It  would  be 
unjust  to  say  that  "  the  real  Thackeray"  is  onl}^ 
or  even  chiefly,  to  be  seen  in  those  writings  of 
which,  at  the  time  he  produced  them,  he  did  not 
intend  publicly  to  proclaim  his  authorship,  because 
a  man  so  open  and  sincere  could  have  felt  but 
little  advantage  in  the  cloak  of  anonymity.  Yet 
upon  some  matters,  political,  social,  and  personal, 
he  no  doubt  did  express  himself  more  fully  and 
more  bluntly  than  if  he  had  to  sign  "  W.  M. 
Thackeray"  or  "  M.  A.  Titmarsh"  at  the  foot  of 
the  contribution,  instead  of,  at  most,  "Mr.  Punch," 
"Hibernis  Hibernior,"  or  even  nothing  at  all. 

In  all  of  these  writings  we  are  struck  with  the 
honesty,  earnestness,  and  common-sense  of  the 
critic,  even  though  we  may  occasionally  fail  to 
recoo;nise  the  bis:  view  of  the  statesman.  Yet 
Thackeray  was  more  of  a  statesman  than  his  col- 

A  I 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

league  Douglas  Jerrold,  who  for  years  was  prac- 
tically PilucJls  Prime  Minister.  It  was,  moreover, 
greatly  on  a  question  of  statesmanship  that  he 
left  Ptnich  (just  as  Doyle  had  left  it  on  a  question 
of  religion);  for  he  did  not  choose  to  identify  him- 
self with  the  "  savageness "  of  the  particular  col- 
league first-mentioned,  whose  political  writings  he 
believed  to  be  against  the  interests  of  the  country 
as  well  as  against  the  dignity  of  the  paper.  Yet 
this  repugnance  of  his  for  violence  has  been  cited 
as  a  reproach.  He  was  not  fierce  enough,  we  are 
told — not  vehement  enouo'h  in  his  denunciations 
of  human  folly;  and  it  is  evidently  reckoned  for 
unrighteousness  that  he  preferred  irony  as  a  flail 
for  the  evil-doer,  to  burning  wrath  and  hot  denun- 
ciation. Perhaps  the  famous  old  lady  who  con- 
sidered Thackeray  "an  uncomfortable  writer  "was 
the  first  who  discovered  him  to  be  a  Cynic.  Per- 
haps she  was  right  —  but,  in  that  case,  a  Cynic 
after  Thackeray's  own  heart.  "Ah,  my  worthy 
friends,"  he  once  wrote  in  "Philip,"  "you  little 
know  what  soft-hearted  people  these  cynics  are! 
If  you  could  have  come  on  Diogenes  by  sur- 
prise, I  daresay  you  might  have  found  him  read- 
ing sentimental  novels  and  whimpering  in  his 
tub." 

How  far  Thackeray  was  a  cynic  or  a  pessimist, 
and  just  how  deeply  he  felt  on  things,  moral  and 
material,  you  may  perhaps  see  better  here  from 
some  of  these  unsioncd  contributions  than  from 
those  papers  to  which,  in   his  better-known  writ- 


THE    OXFORD    ELECTION 

ings,  he  put  his  name.  In  one  notable  particular 
they  are  of  special  interest 

These  anonymous  expressions  of  opinion  reveal 
Thackeray  as  a  politician  far  more  thoroughly, 
perhaps,  than  his  more  deliberate  utterances.  By 
reason,  partly,  of  their  brevity,  and  partly  of  what 
was  at  one  time  considered  to  be  their  epheme- 
ral character,  they  were,  many  of  them,  allowed  to 
sink  into  oblivion.  Although  their  literary  merit 
is  often  relatively  slight,  their  interest  and  value, 
when  they  are  regarded  in  the  aggregate,  will  now 
be  recognised  and  appreciated  for  another  reason, 
for  the}^  shed  additional  light  on  this  phase  of 
Thackeray's  mind  and  work,  and  add  to  our  knowl- 
edge of  his  personality.  The  events  they  recorded 
and  discussed  have  now  become,  like  Thackeray 
himself,  a  portion  of  our  country's  history. 

I  need  make  little  apology,  then — the  better  to 
complete  the  picture — -for  placing  before  the  reader 
a  recital  of  an  event  which  has  no  immediate  con- 
nexion with  Pjincli,  as  it  occurred  three  years  after 
Thackeray's  active  interest  in  that  journal  was 
closed.  I  refer  to  his  candidature  for  the  repre- 
sentation of  Oxford  in  1857.  Mrs.  Richmond 
Ritchie  has  already  set  before  the  public  in  the 
"  Biographical  Edition  "  of  "  The  Virginians  "  an 
entertaining  narrative  of  the  struggle ;  but  to  no 
one  has  it  heretofore  occurred  to  appeal  for  his  rem- 
iniscences to  the  gentleman  who  acted  as  Thack- 
eray's election  agent  on  that  interesting  occasion. 
This  gentleman,   the   Rev.  Charles   Williams,  of 

3 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

Benson,  Oxfordshire,  has  courteously  responded 
to  my  request,  so  that  the  following  brief  notes 
may  be  accepted  as  supplementing  those  of  Mrs. 
Ritchie : — 

"  From  1857  to  1899  is  a  long  jump,  and  only  a 
very  general  impression  remains  with  me.  For 
the  period,  Thackeray  was  an  Advanced  Liberal, 
and  especially  was  a  warm  advocate  of  Vote  by 
Ballot.  I  have  endeavoured  in  the  following^  rec- 
ollections  to  give  you  some  idea  of  what  took 
place  and  some  notion  of  the  impressions  made  on 
me.  If  I  have  never  recorded  them  before,  it  is 
because  such  a  record  was  never  asked  for. 

"  My  personal  recollections  of  this  distinguished 
man  are  confined  to  the  short  period  when  he 
visited  Oxford  as  candidate  for  the  seat  vacated  by 
Mr.  Neate,  unseated  for  bribery,  &c.  It  was  a 
short  but  very  fierce  contest,  and  public  feeling 
ran  high.  Thackeray's  supporters  felt  that  Mr. 
Neate  had  been  dealt  with  very  unfairly,  and  so 
far  as  my  recollection  serves  Card  well's*  friends 
had  in  the  first  election  been  equally  guilty  of  cor- 
rupt practice  ;  certainly  coercion  and  intimidation 
had  been  largely  employed.  On  the  other  hand, 
in  the  second  election,  Cardwell's  friends  felt  that 
as  the  City  would  not  risk  disenfranchisement  as 
the  result  of  a  second  petition,  they  had  a  more 
free  hand  and  could  more  safely  use  their  favourite 
forces ;  and  they  did  not  scruple  to  do  so. 

*  Viscount  Monck,  Thackeray's  original  opponent,  it  will 
be  remembered,  retired  in  favour  of  Mr.  Cardwell. 

4 


THACKERAY    AS    CANVASSER 

"  Mr.  Thackeray's  platform  addresses  made  a 
good  impression,  but  he  made  one  unfortunate 
mistake.  It  was  in  the  days  when  the  question  of 
'  vote  by  ballot '  was  coming  to  the  front,  and  as  he 
was  speaking  on  the  subject  he  was  interrupted  by 
some  one  in  the  audience  who  shouted — '  That's 
it,  sir!  and  we'll  have  the  Ballot  on  polling  day!' 
'  No,'  replied  Thackeray,  '  we'll  fight  them  with 
their  own  weapons.'  This  answer  was  wilfully 
misconstrued  by  his  opponents  who,  by  Press  and 
platform,  accused  him  of  professing  principles  he 
would  not  put  into  practice,  and  it  cost  him  many 
votes.  For  some  reason  all  the  Dissenting  in- 
terest went  against  Thackeray  and  a  great  many 
of  the  old  Freemen,  Scot  and  Lot  voters,  were 
cheaply  purchased  and  voted  against  him. 

"  I  spent  one  day  with  the  great  man  canvassing 
in  two  of  the  poorer  districts  of  the  City  and  am 
always  pleased  to  recall  it  as  one  of  the  pleasant- 
est  days  in  my  life.  We  interviewed  a  great  many 
people  and  it  was  an  education  to  me  to  note  how 
he  adapted  himself  to  all.  With  the  intelligent  he 
conversed  as  with  equals;  to  the  poor  and  un- 
taught he  was  courteous,  but  not  patronizing;  to 
the  rude,  dignified  without  being  unkind.  Op- 
ponents he  met  frankly,  arguing  calmly,  as  one 
convinced  of  the  justice  of  his  own  opinions.  But 
for  trimmers  he  did  not  hesitate  to  show  his  con- 
tempt. I  remember  one  case  in  point.  We 
searched  awhile  for  one  voter  and  at  length  ran 
him   to   earth   in  a  beer-house.     He  was  politely 

5 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

asked  for  vote  and  interest,  but  at  once  began  to 
hedge  and  talk  of  considering,  making  it  very  clear 
that  he  wanted  a  bribe.  Thackeray  turned  away 
in  disgust  and  rather  sharply  called  on  us  to  fol- 
low and  '  leave  the  fellow  alone.'  Almost  the  next 
man  on  whom  we  called  was  a  man  of  some  posi- 
tion who,  on  being  asked  for  his  vote,  at  once 
said — '  No,  sir,  I  am  a  supporter  of  Mr.  Cardwell.' 
'  Shake  hands,  sir;'  said  Thackeray, '  it  is  a  pleasure 
to  meet  such  a  man  as  you,  who  can  speak  out 
plainly.     Though  you  are  an  opponent  I  am  glad 

to  make  your  acquaintance.  But  as  for  such  d d 

shilly-shallying  fellows  as  we  have  just  left,  I'd — 
kick  them !' 

"The  election  went  against  us,  and  the  man  who 
took  the  defeat  most  calmly  was  Thackeray  him- 
self. I  had  been  engaged  all  day  at  one  of  the 
small  committee-rooms,  and  when  the  polling  was 
over  went  to  the  Mitre,  which  was  our  centre. 
From  there  we  went  to  the  Town  Hall  for  the 
declaration  of  the  poll,  and  I  shall  not  easily  forget 
the  speech,  so  calm  and  dignified,  made  by  our 
Candidate.  He  knew  what  arts  had  been  employed 
against  him,  but  he  made  no  reference  to  them. 
He  accepted  his  defeat  in  a  manly  spirit,  and  said, 
'  I  shall  now  go  back  to  my  desk,  which  perhaps 
I  ought  not  to  have  left.'  Perhaps  he  was  right, 
but  niany  of  us  felt  that  Oxford  had  suffered 
a  great  loss  in  losing  the  services  of  such  a 
man." 

It  will  be  remembered  that  the  poll  was  declared 

6 


HIS    DEFEAT    AT    OXFORD 

on  July  2  1,  1857,  when  Thackeray  was  beaten  by 
67  votes  —  the  figures  being,  Cardwell,  1085, 
Thackeray,  1018. 

Thackeray's  attitude  on  other  absorbing  topics 
of  the  day  may  be  found  in  the  following  pages. 
Thackeray  the  Home  Ruler  and  the  "Advanced 
Liberal"  is  seen  beside  Thackeray  the  wide- 
minded  Churchman.  His  seeminor  hatred  of  the 
Irish  and  the  Roman  Catholics  is  transparent 
enough — it  was  only  those  among  them  who  did 
not  "play  fair"  whom  he  hated.  He  loved  the 
Irish ;  he  had  married  an  Irishwoman,  and  his  af- 
fection shines  out  through  every  satire  and  most 
caricatures.  He  entertained  some  dislike  of 
Americans,  and  more  of  the  French  ;  but  equally 
in  these  cases  it  was  the  worst  individual  types, 
or  the  wrongness  of  their  political  acts  that  he  at- 
tacked: and  he  was  no  more  conciliatory  to  un- 
worthy deeds,  political  and  otherwise,  at  home.  In 
similar  fashion,  he  satirised  the  Prince  Consort, 
while,  all  the  time,  as  he  himself  explains,  he  was 
filled  with  admiration  for  his  public  and  private 
virtues. 

The  additional  ballads  may  reveal  no  new  side 
to  his  genius  for  humorous  verse,  nor  the  social 
articles  much  that  is  unknown  in  regard  to  princi- 
ple or  practical  reform ;  but  that  they  will  add  to 
the  completeness  of  the  picture  w^hich  we  already 
have  of  the  great  wa'iter  and  kindly  thinker  no  one, 
I  think,  will  fail  to  see, 

7 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

The  amount  of  work  which  Thackeray  .did  for 
Ptuich  is  usually  estimated  by  the  volumes  of  his 
Collected  Works  that  contain  "  The  Book  of 
Snobs,"  "Jeames's  Diary,"  "Travels  in  London," 
"  Punch's  Prize  Novelists,"  "  The  History  of  the 
next  French  Revolution,"  "  Mr.  Brown's  Letters," 
and  other  series,  as  well  as  the  numerous  sketches 
and  "  Ballads,"  Irish,  constabulary,  and  the  rest, 
with  which  the  public  is  familiar.  How  much 
busier  he  was  than  might  be  deduced  by  any  such 
computation  may  be  ascertained  by  a  careful  ex- 
amination of  the  Bibliography  appended  to  this 
volume.  Even  this  Bibliography,  absolutely  com- 
plete as  to  the  ground  that  it  covers,  does  not 
include  certain  articles  and  verses  which  can  be 
recognised  by  the  expert,  but  which,  in  the  ab- 
sence of  unquestionable  documentary  evidence  es- 
tablishing their  authenticity,  it  has  been  thought 
better  to  ignore. 

In  "The  History  of  PiLiich''  I  sought  to  give 
some  idea  of  Thackeray's  zeal  for  the  paper  which 
had  brought  him  so  much  renown,  by  setting  forth 
the  exact  fis:ures  of  his  contributions  over  stated 
periods.  To  the  extent  of  these  labours  some  ref- 
erence should  here  be  made.  Taking  nine  con- 
secutive volumes  belon2:ina:  to  the  vears  that  saw 
Thackeray's  least  interrupted  labour  for  the  paper 
— namely,  from  the  beginning  of  1844  to  1848,  we 
find  the  following  record  : — 


HIS    WORK    ON    PUNCH 


Year. 

Volume. 

Columns  Contributed. 

1844 

VI. 

?^% 

columns, 

1844 

VII. 

24^ 

(( 

1845 

VIII. 

24 

(( 

1845 

IX. 

4.si 

<< 

1846 

X. 

397 

(( 

1846 

XI. 

*> 

(( 

1847 

XII. 

46 

a 

1847 

XIII. 

7^ 

a 

1848 

XIV. 

39i 

a 

Total 

Zl(^ 

a 

Average 

per  volume 

37i 

"        or  i^  per  week. 

This  weekly  average,  of  course,  was  below  his 
appointed  contribution.  To  the  individual  mem- 
bers of  the  staff  was  regularly  appointed  a  certain 
amount  of  space  which,  theoretically,  they  were  ex- 
pected to  fill.  Thus  Douglas  Jerrold's  share  was 
162  columns  in  each  half-yearly  volume  (or  6^  a 
week);  Gilbert  Abbott  a  Beckett's,  135  (weekly 
average  5!^) ;  Percival  Leigh's,  Tom  Taylor's,  and 
Horace  Mayhew's,  54  (weekly,  2  columns);  and 
Thackeray's  46  (weekly  i-\l).  His  space  was  the 
least  accorded  to  all  those  who  have  been  men- 
tioned, for  his  work  on  Eraser  and  elsewhere  pre- 
vented him  from  regarding  Punch,  as  many  of  the 
others  did,  as  the  preponderant  channel  for  his  lit- 
erary and  artistic  energy.  As  a  matter  of  fact, 
not  one  of  them  came  up  to  his  average,  for,  dur- 

9 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

ing  the  whole  period  named,  Douglas  Jerrold's 
total  was  729  columns  (average  81  per  volume); 
Gilbert  a  Beckett's,  900  (average  100);  Percival 
Leigh's,  348  (average  40);  Horace  Mayhevv's,  280 
(average  31);  and  Tom  Taylor's,  175  (average  20). 
It  has  happened  in  Thackeray's  case  that,  when 
occupied  in  preparing  a  series  of  articles,  he  would 
allow  a  month  or  two  to  elapse  without  appearing 
in  PuncJis  page  at  all.  Thus  in  the  seventh  vol- 
ume, for  the  year  1844,  when  he  undertook  the 
trip  which  resulted  in  "  Mr,  Punch  in  the  East," 
his  record  is  as  follows : 


July. 

8 

Aug. 

5i 

Sept. 

6 

Oct. 
0 

Nov. 
0 

Dec. 

4l 

Total. 
24i 

Weekly. 

I  col. 

It  is  somewhat  strange  that  a  man  of  such  quick 
and  fruitful  imao^ination  should  have  achieved  so 
little  success  in  PttncJis  councils  as  a  suggestor  of 
subjects  for  the  weekly  cartoon.  It  will  be  re- 
membered that  the  duty  of  Punc/is  staff  -  officers 
is  not  only  to  contribute  each  week  their  usual 
quota  of  texts  and  illustrations,  but  also  to  attend 
the  Wednesday  dinner  in  order  that  they  may 
join  in  the  political  and  social  discussions  that 
follow  it  for  the  evolution  of  a  subject  for  the  Car- 
toonist. Within  the  period  here  dealt  with,  Mark 
Lemon  proposed  five-and-thirty  cartoons,  Henry 
May  hew  twenty,  Douglas  Jerrold  sixteen,  Hor- 
ace Mayhew  fifteen,  and  so  forth,  while  Thack- 


10 


^(ilii 


< 
< 

O 


o 

H 
CO 

D 
OJ 

O 

o 

w 

O 

H 

o 


•^■1 


•2  ^ 


^ 


I'allUi 


HIS    SUGGESTIONS    FOR    CARTOONS 

eray  made  only  four  suggestions  which  found 
favor  at  "  the  Table  "  and  which  were  accordingly 
adopted. 

The  first  of  these  was  entitled  "  Who's  Afraid  ? 
OR,  THE  Oregon  Question  ;"  drawn  by  John  Leech 
and  published  in  No.  196,  on  the  12th  April,  1845. 
This  dispute  with  America  concerning  the  boun- 
dary line  running  through  the  Oregon  territory 
had  given  grave  anxiety ;  or,  according  to  Pwicli, 
"  some  of  the  American  statesmen  '  talked  loud ' 
and  frightened  many  old  ladies  on  this  side  of 
the  Atlantic."  President  Polk's  Address  was  not 
calculated  to  allay  public  anxiety,  and  an  Ameri- 
can vote  replied  to  British  preparations.  In  this 
cartoon  Sir  Robert  Peel  and  a  typical  Amer- 
ican (according  to  Leech's  notion)  are  on  the 
ground  preparing  for  a  duel.  Sir  Robert  Peel 
has  his  pistol  in  hand  and  looks  mischief.  He 
is  seconded  by  the  Leader  of  the  Opposi- 
tion, little  Lord  John  Russell  —  an  allusion  to 
the  solidarity  of  British  opinion.  In  the  back- 
ground President  Polk,  or  the  agitated  Amer- 
ican figure  who  does  duty  for  him,  looks  in  alarm 
at  his  amiable  second,  King  Louis  Philippe,  who 
offers  him  a  pistol  with  the  words,  "  Courage,  mon 
President;  visez  ait  coeurr  Without  either  re- 
moving his  pistol-hand  from  his  pocket  or  reliev- 
ing his  right  of  his  cigar,  the  champion  anxious- 
ly inquires  — "  Do  you  think  he's  in  arnest .?"  It 
may  be  observed  that  by  some  strange  oversight 
the  drawinof  on  this  block  has  not  been  reversed, 

II 


THACKERAY    AND   PUNCH 

SO    that    every   actor    in    it   appears    to   be    left- 
handed. 

Nearly  four  months  later  (9th  August,  1845) 
Thackeray  helped  Leech  to  one  of  his  most  popu- 
lar hits.  Douglas  Jerrold's  Mrs.  Caudle  was  de- 
livering her  course  of  Curtain  Lectures  to  the  up- 
roarious delight  of  the  British  public.  To  the 
eighth  lecture  Leech  had  contributed  a  small  illus- 
tration, representing  Mrs.  Caudle  in  frilled  night- 
cap, lying  in  bed,  and  holding  forth  to  her  weary, 
persecuted  spouse  on  the  wickedness  of  free- 
masonry in  general,  and  on  the  keeping  of  its 
secrets  in  particular.  It  occurred  to  Thackeray 
one  day  to  adapt  this  capital  drawing  to  the  illus- 
tration of  the  Curtain  lectures  habitually  adminis- 
tered by  Lord  Brougham  to  the  House  of  Lords, 
and,  inductively,  to  its  Lord  Chancellor,  Lord 
Lyndhurst.  Leech  carried  out  the  notion  admira- 
bly, and  it  is  clear  that  Douglas  Jerrold  had  a 
hand  in  the  "cackle"  —  as  the  legend  beneath 
illustrations  is  technically  termed.  The  Cartoon 
is  entitled  "  The  Mrs.  Caudle  of  the  House  of 
Lords"  —  and  the  spectator  who  raises  his  eyes 
from  these  words  to  the  caricature,  and  rests  them 
on  the  alert  and  shrewish  face  of  Lord  Brougham 
looking  out  from  the  frills  of  his  night-cap,  can 
hardly  resist — even  now,  after  so  long  an  interval 
— the  burst  of  laughter  which  must  rise  to  his 
lips.  The  point  of  the  cartoon  is  accentuated  by 
the  text,  "  What  do  you  say  T  asks  this  political 

Xantippe  :  "  Thank  heaven  !    Yoit  re  going  to  enjoy 

12 


A    TELLING    HIT 

the  recess — and  y  oil  II  be  rid  of  me  for  some  months? 
Never  mind.  Depend  upon  it,  when  you  come 
back,  you  shall  have  it  again.  No :  I  don't  raise 
the  House,  and  set  everybody  in  it  by  the  ears  ; 
but  I'm  not  going  to  give  up  every  little  privi- 
lege ;  though  it's  seldom  I  open  my  lips,  goodness 
knows!" — Caudle  Lectures  {improved).  The  hap- 
py blending  of  Mrs.  Caudle's  methods  of  speech 
and  Lord  Brougham's,  and  their  felicitous  applica- 
tion to  the  circumstances  at  the  period  of  the  pro- 
rogation, rendered  this  cartoon  one  of  the  most 
popular  and  most  warmly-received  that  ever  was 
published  in  Punch. 

The  subject  of  the  next  caricature  is  fully  re- 
ferred to  where  the  "  Extract  of  a  Letter  on  the 
Late  Crisis "  is  dealt  with.  When  Sir  Robert 
Peel  resigned  at  the  end  of  1845,  mainly  owing  to 
dissensions  in  the  Cabinet  over  the  measures  to  be 
taken  to  meet  the  anticipated  failure  of  the  Irish 
potato  crop,  and  Lord  John  Russell  responded  to 
the  summons  of  the  Queen  to  form  a  new  Ministry, 
Punch  took  two  distinct  views  of  the  situation  and 
expressed  them  in  two  separate  cartoons  on  the 
same  day  (December  1845;  t)ut  the  Number  is 
the  opening  one  of  the  first  half-yearly  volume  for 
1846).  The  first,  inspired  by  Henry  Mayhew  and 
drawn  by  Leech,  represents  Lord  John,  as  the  new 
page-boy  admitted  by  the  sulky  ex-page-boy.  Sir 
Robert  Peel,  to  the  presence  of  the  Queen  and 
Prince  Albert;  the  Sovereign  looks  at  him  and 
remarks:  "  I'm  afraid  you're  not  strong  enough  for 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

the  place,  John."  The  skit  hit  off  the  situation 
and  expressed  the  general  feeling  so  exactly  that 
it  was  loudly  applauded.  It  was,  besides,  propheti- 
cally true,  and  it  so  neatly  represented  a  not  un- 
common situation  that  it  is  quoted  to  this  day. 
On  the  opposite  page  appears  Thackeray's  view, 
turned  into  a  rival  cartoon  by  Richard  Doyle.  On 
a  race-course,  with  the  winning-post  marked  "  Free 
Trade,"  Lord  John  is  "  up"  on  "Abolition,"  and 
the  owner,  Richard  Cobden,  is  giving  the  jockey 
his  last  instructions.  These  plain  directions  form 
the  title  to  the  caricature :  "  Never  mind  losing 
the  First  Heat:  Go  in  and  win."  With  this 
double  cartoon  Punch  comfortably  hedged ;  it  was 
Thackeray's  side  that  lost ;  for  not  only  did  Lord 
John  miss  the  first  heat  but  the  second  as  well,  in- 
asmuch as  it  was  Peel  who  ultimately  rode  "  Aboli- 
tion "  to  the  winning-post. 

Thackeray's  fourth  cartoon  "  Young  Yankee 
Noodle  teachinor  Grandmother  Britannia  to  suck 
Eggs  "  (21  March,  1846),  immediately  followed  on 
that  representing  little  President  Polk  "showing 
fight"  to  old  John  Bull,  who  exclaims  with  a  laugh 
— "  What  ?  You  young  Yankee  Noodle,  strike 
your  own  Father !"  Both  sketches  were  drawn  by 
Leech,  and  heralded  the  compromise  and  final  set- 
tlement of  the  Oregon  boundary  question. 

That  Thackeray  might  have  achieved  greater 
success  had  he  chosen  to  devote  more  attention 
to  political  caricature  can  hardly  be  questioned. 
It  is  a  form  of  art  in  which  good  drawing  is  not 

14 


THACKERAY    AS    CARICATURIST 

absolutely  essential ;  indeed,  at  the  present  date 
we  have  seen  at  least  one  political  humorist, 
whose  pencil  is  not  highh'-trained,  deservedly  com- 
mand wide  popularity  by  reason  of  his  ingenuity, 
humour,  and  concentrated  power  of  good-tempered 
ridicule.  Thackeray,  moreover,  had  the  faculty 
of  reproducing  likeness  ^witness  his  caricatures 
of  Louis  Philippe,  which  frequently  contain  the 
pictorial  essentials  of  the  full-dress  Cartoon  with 
an  added  sting  that  should  cause  few  to  complain, 
as  some  have  done,  of  his  "  want  of  vehemence  " 
in  attack. 


CHAPTER   I 
VOLUME    II.   FIRST    HALF-YEARLY   VOLUME,   1842 

That  "  The  Legend  of  Jawbrahim-Heraudee  " 
is  to  be  accepted  as  Thackeray's  first  appearance 
in  Punch  cannot  be  positively  asserted.  It  can- 
not even  be  said  with  authority  that  he  wrote  it. 
I  am  absolutely  confident  that  he  did  ;  and  besides 
pointing  to  its  subject  and  style,  I  would. adduce 
as  circumstantial  evidence  the  fact  that  he  con- 
tributed at  the  same  time  a  Fitzboodle  Paper 
to  Eraser s  Magazine,  in  which,  arguing  that  the 
cigar  is  a  serious  "  rival  to  the  ladies,"  he  says, 
"  while  Mahomet  Ben  Jawbrahim  causes  volumes 
of  odorous  incense  of  Latakia  to  play  round  his 
beard,  the  women  of  the  harem  do  not  disturb  his 
meditations."  If,  on  the  other  hand,  "  The  Le- 
gend "  is  not  Thackeray's — a  proposition  which, 
such  is  "  The  Legend,"  I  decline  to  admit— it  does 
not  follow  that  the  initial  chapter  of  "  Miss  Tickle- 

A. 

toby's  Lecture  on  English  History"  constituted 
his  first  appearance  in  Punch;  for  it  must  be 
pointed  out  that  as  many  items  from  new  or  un- 
known contributors  were  at  that  time  comprehen- 
sively entered  to  the  "  Editor,"  it  is  quite  possible 

16 


JAWBRAHIM-HERAUDEE 

that  some  of  his  earlier  pieces  are  lost  in  the 
anonymity  imposed.  In  consequence  of  the  in- 
terest belonging  to  this  contribution,  it  is  here  re- 
printed in  full: 

"THE  LEGEND  OF  JAWBRAHIM-HERAUDEE 


HERE  once  lived  a 
king  in  Armenia, 
w  hose  name  was 
Poof-Allee-Shaw;  he 
was  called  by  his  peo- 
ple, and  the  rest  of 
the  world  who  hap- 
pened to  hear  of  him, 
Zubberdust,  or,  the 
Poet,  founding  his 
greatest    glory,    like 


Bulwer-Khan,  Moncktoon-Milnes- Sahib,  Rogers- 
Sam  -  Bahawder,  and  other  lords  of  the  English 
Court,  not  so  much  on  his  possessions,  his  an- 
cient race,  or  his  personal  beauty  (all  which,  'tis 
known,  these  Frank  emirs  possess),  as  upon  his 
talent  for  poetry,  which  was  in  truth  amazing. 

"  He  was  not,  like  other  sovereigns,  proud  of  his 
prowess  in  arms,  fond  of  invading  hostile  coun- 
tries, or,  at  any  rate,  of  reviewing  his  troops  when 
no  hostile  country  was  at  hand,  but  loved  Letters 
all  his  life  lono^.  It  was  said,  that,  at  fourteen,  he 
had  copied  the  Shah-Nameh  ninety-nine  times, 
and,  at  the  early  age  of  twelve,  could  repeat  the 
B  17 


THACKERAY    AND   PUNCH 

Koran  backwards.  Thus  he  gained  the  most 
prodigious  power  of  memory;  and  it  is  related  of 
him,  that  a  Frank  merchant  once  coming  to  his 
Court,  with  a  poem  by  Bui wer- Khan  called  the 
Siamee-Geminee  (or.  Twins  of  Siam),  His  Majesty, 
Poof-Allee,  without  understanding  a  word  of  the 
language  in  which  that  incomparable  epic  was 
written,  nevertheless  learned  it  off,  and  by  the 
mere  force  of  memory,  could  repeat  every  single 
word  of  it. 

"  Now,  all  great  men  have  their  weaknesses ;  and 
King  Poof-Allee,  I  am  sorry  to  say,  had  his.  He 
wished  to  pass  for  a  poet,  and  not  having  a  spark 
of  originality  in  his  composition,  nor  able  to  string 
two  verses  together,  would,  with  the  utmost  gravity, 
repeat  you  a  sonnet  of  Hafiz  or  Saadee,  which  the 
simpering  courtiers  applauded  as  if  it  were  his  own. 

"  The  king,  as  a  man  of  Letters  himself,  pre- 
tended to  be  a  great  patron  of  all  persons  of  that 
profession,  inviting  them  to  his  Court,  receiving 
them  at  first  with  smiles,  and  fillino-  their  mouths 
with  sugar -candy  and  so  forth.  But  smiles  and 
sugar-candy  do  not  cost  much  ;  and,  in  return  for 
his  compliments.  His  Majesty  made  the  poets  pay 
him  very  handsomely ;  for  he  sucked  their  brains, 
learned  their  beautiful  poems  of  them,  and  then 
showed  them  the  door.  In  fact,  when  he  had 
heard  their  poems  once  read  to  him,  he  could  re- 
peat them  without  missing  a  word  ;  and  then  he 
would  pretend  to  be  violently  angry  with  the  bards 
for   daring    to    deceive    him.     '  This   an    original 

i8 


JAWBRAHIM-HERAUDEE 

poem!'  he  would  cry;  'Oh,  shame-faced  rocrues! 
I  have  heard  it  this  score  of  years;'  and  repeating 
it,  would  forthwith  call  for  his  furoshes  to  beat  the 
poets'  heels  into  jelly.     Thus  he  learned  a  great 
deal   of   delightful   poetry,  and   at  small   charges. 
Now,  strange  to  say,  the  king  had  a  female  slave, 
the  far-famed  moon  of  beauty,  surnamed,  for  the 
slimness  of   her  shape,   Roolee- Poolee,  who  had 
almost  as  wonderful  a  memory  as  his  himself,  and 
would  sit  and  cap  verses  with  him  for  weeks  to- 
gether.    She  knew  the  works  of  all  sorts  of  authors, 
and  could  repeat  you  a  little  lively  erotic  ditty  of 
Thamaz  the  Moor,  or  a  passionate  tale  by  Byroon, 
or  a  long  sanctimonious,   philosophic,   reflective 
poem  by  the  famous  old  Dervish  Woordsworth-el- 
Muddee  (or  of  the  lake),  and  never  miss  one  sin- 
gle word.     To  be  brief,  she  was  the  next  person 
in  the  kingdom,  after  the  king,  for  memory;   for 
though  she  could  not,  like  His  Majesty,  repeat  a 
poem  on  hearing  it  once,  after  hearing  it  twice  she 
was  perfect  in  it,  and  would  speak  it  off  without 
missing  a  word.     And  as  the  poet  touchingly  ob- 
serves, that  '  Birds  of  one  and  the   same  feather, 
will  frequently  be  found  in  one  and  the  same  com- 
pany;' so  likewise  the  Court  of  Armenia  boasted 
a  kindred  spirit  to  that  of  Poof-Allee  and  Roolee- 
Poolee,  in  the  person  of  the  chief  of  the  eunuchs, 
Samboo   Beg.     Samboo  had   been   a  Shaitan,  or 
printer's  devil  in  the   printing-office  of  Buntlee's 
J^Jugazeen  (the  fashionable  periodical  of  Constanti- 
nople), and  thence,  after  acquiring  a  love  of  Let- 

19 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

ters  and  a  great  power  of  memory,  had  been  trans- 
ported to  the  Armenian  Court,  where  he  held  the 
important  post  before -named.  After  hearing  a 
thing  thrice,  Samboo  Beg  would  repeat  it  without 
a  fault,  as  he  had  been  frequently  known  to  do 
with  the  leading  article  of  the  Aurora-Po  (the 
fashionable  Court  newspaper  of  Armenia),  which 
he  would  have  read  to  him  while  he  was  beins: 
shaved  in  the  morning,  before  he  waited  upon  his 
Sovereign. 

"  Thus,  then,  the  matter  stood  in  this  singular 
court : — 

King  Poof- Allee  )        ,,  4-4.1-       (once 

,^  .  *        Ti      1      T)     1      \  could  repeat  a  thing  \  ^    ■ 
Princess  Roolee-Poolee  t    c.      \        ■  \  twice 

c      u       x>  \  after  hearing  j  .,    . 

Samboo  Beg  )  '  thrice ; 

and  now  you  must  be  informed  how  they  put  this 
stransre  talent  of  theirs  out  to  interest. 

"The  king  gave  out  that  he  believed  there  were 
no  more  original  poems  left  in  the  world,  that  he 
believed  men  of  letters  were  impostors,  but  that 
he  would  give  its  weight  in  gold  for  any  original 
work  which  a  poet  should  bring  him.  Those  who 
failed  were  to  suffer  the  penalty  of  the  bastinado, 
and  were  to  pay  a  fine  to  the  crown. 

"  Now  what  did  he  do }  When  any  poet  came 
to  recite.  Poof -Alice  received  him  with  courtesy 
sitting  on  his  throne,  with  his  eunuch,  Samboo 
Beg,  waiting  behind  him. 

"  As  soon  as  the  poet  had  done  his  verses,  he 

would  assume  a  terrible  air  and   say  '  Bankillah, 

20 


J  AWBRAHIM-HERAUDEE 

Bismillah,  Rotee  -  Muckun,  Hurrumzadeh  !  (Ma- 
homet is  the  true  prophet,  and  Mecca  the  Holy 
City.)  Slave  of  a  poet,  thou  hast  deceived  me ! 
this  poem,  too,  is  borrowed';  and  then  he  would 
repeat  it  himself,  and  bid  Samboo  go  and  fetch 
Roolee  -  Poolee  (who  had  been  standing  all  the 
while  behind  a  curtain  and  had  heard  every  syl- 
lable)— and  Roolee- Poolee  appearing  would  also 
repeat  the  poem ;  and  as  if  to  put  the  matter  be- 
yond all  doubt,  Samboo  himself  would  step  for- 
ward saying,  '  Nay,  I  myself  have  known  the 
verses  for  years  past!  and  would  repeat  them'; 
as  well  he  mioht,  havinix  heard  them  thrice  re- 
peated  already,  viz.,  by  the  inventor,  by  his  Maj- 
esty, and  by  Roolee- Poolee.  Then  if  the  poor 
bard  could  not  pay  a  handsome  fine,  he  was  bas- 
tinadoed ;  in  fact,  to  use  the  monarch's  own  vile 
pun,  he  was  completely  Bamboozled. 

"  It  was  a  wonder  then  after  some  time,  when  the 
fate  of  all  poets  at  King  Poof-Allee's  Court  came 
to  be  known,  that  still  literary  men  could  be  found 
to  spout  their  verses,  and  to  brave  the  inevitable 
bastinado,  which  was  their  reward;  but  such  is  the 
infatuation  of  men  of  letters  in  Armenia,  Persia, 
and  elsewhere,  that  they  will  make  poems  be  they 
never  so  much  belaboured  for  them,  and  there  was 
never  a  lack  of  bards  to  come  and  sing  before  the 
Armenian  throne.  There  was,  for  instance,  the 
celebrated  writer,  Mollah  Moongoomeree,  who  re- 
cited his  poem  of  Eblis,  and  was  beaten  according- 
ly; there  was  Ulphabeet-Baylee,who  sung  his  little 

21 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

verses  to  the  guitar,  and  whose  heels  were  scarified 
for  his  pains ;  and  a  hundred  others  whose  names 
might  be  mentioned,  but  that  the  heart  grows  sick 
at  thinking  of  the  fate  which  attended  these  gen- 
iuses, and  at  the  atrocious  manner  in  which  Poof- 
Allee-Shaw  treated  them.  His  conduct  you  may 
be  sure  awakened  the  deepest  indignatTon  in  all 
loyal  bosoms,  and  many  a  conspiracy  was  hatched 
in  order  to  put  the  monarch  to  shame. 

"  Now  there  lived  somewhere  on  the  peak  of 
Mount  Caucasus,  a  famous  and  wise  old  bard  and 
prophet,  who  was  chief  of  the  Syncreteek  sect  of 
philosophers,  and  much  admired  by  his  followers. 
They  were,  though  not  numerous,  yet  of  undaunt- 
ed courage,  and  cheerfully  went  down  at  the  com- 
mand of  their  master,  the  great  jawbrahim-her- 
AWDEE  (may  his  shadow  never  be  less !),  to  recite 
these  poems  before  Poof-Allee,  and  assert  their 
claims  to  originality.  Alas !  one  by  one  they  came 
back  dreadfully  bastinadoed ;  and  the  old  man,  re- 
volving their  wrongs  in  his  mind,  determined  to 
avenge  them.  '  This  king,'  said  he, '  who  repeats 
a  poem,  when  one  of  my  faithful  children  has  ut- 
tered it — this  woman,  this  rascally  black  slave  who 
repeats  it  after  the  king,  what  can  be  their  art.^*  I 
am  sure  they  must  either  take  it  down  in  short- 
hand, or  that  they  must  employ  some  other  dia- 
bolical stratagem  !'  Accordingly  Jawbrahim  Her- 
awdee  climbed  up  to  the  topmost  peak  of  his 
mountain,  and  remained  there  for  three  weeks  in 
tremendous  meditation ;  he  lay  on  his  back  there 


J  A  W  B  R  A  H  I  M  -  H  E  R  A  U  D  E  E 

in  the  snow,  not  caring  for  the  burning  noon  sun, 
nor  the  icy  night- wind,  but  he  fasted,  and  gave 
up  his  soul  to  the  contemplation  of  the  heavenly 
bodies,  and  at  the  end  of  the  three  weeks  came 
down  to  the  huts  and  hermitages  where  the  Syn- 
creteeks  inhabited,  emaciated  certainly,  but  still, 
to  the  astonishment  of  his  disciples,  wearing  a 
cheerful  aspect. 

" '  My  children,'  said  he,  '  I  will  go  down  to  Ar- 
menia, and  confront  this  wicked  king,  who  has 
put  our  brethren  to  shame.'  And  though  the  dis- 
ciples clung  about  him,  he  yet  resolutely  deter- 
mined to  go  forth,  and  girded  his  loins,  and  mount- 
ed his  dromedary,  and  descended  the  rugged  sides 
of  the  mountain, 

"  He  took  nothing  with  him  but  a  little  bag  of 
rice  for  himself  and  his  faithful  animal,  his  night- 
cap, and  his  harp,  which  he  slung  behind  him. 

"'If  I  can't  puzzle  Poof- Allee-Shaw,'  said  the 
sage,  '  only  Belzeboob  himself  can  hope  to  over- 
come him.' 

"  In  the  six-thousandth  year  of  the  Hejra,  it  be- 
ing the  day  Nishti,  the  thirteenth  day  of  the  month 
Ramjam,  there  was  great  gloom  and  despondency 
in  the  Court  of  Armenia — as  when  was  there  not, 
when  the  heart  of  Armenia's  king  was  sad.'^ 

"  He  was  ill,  and  was  out  of  humour — no  liter- 
ary man  had  appeared  before  him  for  many  days ; 
his  great  soul  yearned  for  new  poetry,  and  there 
was  none  to  be  had.  He  called  upon  Roolee- 
Poolee  to  recite  to  him  in  vain :  could  she  com- 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

pose  verses  of  her  own  ?  and  did  he  not  know 
every  poem  that  ever  was  written  ?  He  flung  his 
slippers  at  Roolee-Poolee's  head,  and  the  faithful 
girl  retired  sobbing.  Then  he  called  upon  Sam- 
boo-Beg  for  a  song;  but  Samboo  too  failed,  and 
left  the  royal  presence  howling,  after  a  vigorous 
bastinado.  Then  he  told  the  slaves  to  bastinado 
each  other  all  round — which  they  did ;  and  after- 
wards dared  not  come  near  their  august  master, 
who  sate  in  his  divan  alone.  '  By  the  beard  of 
Mahomet's  grandmother,' said  he  (and  that  oath  no 
believer  was  ever  known  to  break),  'if  I  do  not 
hear  a  new  poem  to-day,  I  will  levy  an  income-tax 
to-morrow  upon  all  Armenia.' 

"Just  as  evening  fell,  the  curtain  of  the  sacred 
apartment  was  drawn  aside,  and  the  head  of  the  chief 
of  the  eunuchs  appeared  between  the  interstices. 

'"Grinning  hound  of  a  black  slave,  what  wilt 
thou  T  said  the  King — flinging  at  the  same  time 
one  of  his  top-boots  in  the  direction  in  which  the 
smiling  sycophant  appeared. 

"  '  Light  of  the  world  !'  replied  the  faithful  negro, 
'  there's  a  poet  come !  a  poet  of  fame ;  no  other 
than  the  great  Jawbrahim  Heraudee.' 

"'What!  the  shiekh  of  the  Syncreteeks.?'  cried 
the  king,  delighted;  '  bring  sherbet  and  pipes — go, 
slaves,  get  a  collation  ready,  set  the  fountains  play- 
ing, bring  flowers,  perfumes,  and  the  best  of  every- 
thino;.'  And  the  deliijhted  monarch  himself  rushed 
outside  the  court  of  the  palace  to  welcome  the  il- 
lustrious straniicr. 


JAWBRAHIM-HERAUDEE 

"  There  stood  indeed  the  great  Jawbrahim;  he 
was  not  on  the  back  of  his  dromedary,  but  led  the 
animal  by  the  bridle:  it  seemed  to  bend  under  the 
weight  of  two  huge  baskets,  which  hung  on  either 
side  of  his  humps. 

"  '  Great  bard,'  said  the  king,  bending  low  before 
him,  'welcome  to  the  court  of  Armenia;  thy  fame 
hath  long  since  travelled  hither,  and  Poof-Allee's 
heart  yearns  towards  the  sage  of  Mount  Caucasus.' 

"  Jawbrahim-Heraudee,  who  knew  the  fallacious 
nature  of  his  majesty's  compliments  and  welcome, 
made  a  stiff  salutation  in  reply  to  this  oratorical 
flourish,  and  thus  said  :  '  The  fame  of  Poof-Allee 
has  reached  to  the  summit  of  Mount  Caucasus; 
the  world  cries  that  he  is  a  lover  of  poetry,  and  a 
generous  patron  of  bards — and  is  it  so,  O  king  ?' 

"  Jawbrahim  spoke  these  words  in  such  a  queer, 
satiric  way,  that  Poof-Allee  did  not  at  first  know 
whether  he  was  complimenting  him,  or  merely 
laughing  at  his  beard.  '  Poetry  I  love,'  said  he ; 
'  poets  I  respect,  if  I  find  them  original :  but,  O 
Caucasian  sage !  many  poets  have  come  before 
me,  who  were  but  magpies  with  peacocks'  plumes ; 
who  looked  like  lions,  but  lo!  when  they  opened 
their  mouths,  brayed  like  donkeys :  these  I  chas- 
tise as  they  deserve ;  but  the  real  poet  I  honour 
with  my  soul.' 

"  '  Am  I  a  real  poet,  or  a  false  poet  r  inquired 
Jawbrahim. 

" '  That  I  cannot  tell,  except  from  reputation, 
and  can  only  be  sure  of  when  I  have  heard  a  speci- 
es 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

men  of  your  art.  Be  it  original,  I  promise  you 
that,  though  your  work  be  twenty  cantos  long,  I 
will  pay  its  weight  in  gold;  but  be  it  a  copy  (as  I 
shall  know,  for  I  know  by  heart  every  known  poem 
in  the  world),  I  shall  exercise  upon  thy  heels  the 
wholesome  rattan.' 

" '  May  my  heels  be  beaten  into  calf's-foot  jelly,' 
replied  Jawbrahim,  '  if  the  poem  I  shall  sing  be- 
fore your  Majesty  be  not  entirely  unknown  to  you. 
Only  the  moon  has  heard  it  as  yet,  as  I  lay  upon 
the  snowy  peak  of  Caucasus  —  or,  mayhap,  an 
owl  has  listened  to  a  stanza  or  two  of  it,  as  he 
flapped  by  my  midnight  couch  upon  his  pinions 
white.' 

" '  Will  you  take  a  trifle  of  anything  before  you 
begin.?'  asked  the  king:  but  the  sage  only  waved 
his  head  in  scorn,  and,  tying  up  his  dromedary  to 
a  post  in  the  courtyard,  said  that  he  required  no 
refreshment,  but  would  commence  his  poem  at 
once.  Accordingly  the  monarch  and  his  suite 
led  the  way,  and  seated  themselves  in  the  mag- 
nificent chamber  of  the  palace  which  was*  called 
the  golden  nightingale  cage,  or  the  hall  of  song. 

" '  I  have,  sir,  a  choice  of  works  which  I  can  re- 
cite to  you.  Will  you  have  a  sonata  to  Sweden- 
borg,  an  ode  to  Madame  Krudner,  or  a  little  di- 
dactic, enclytic,  aesthetic  —  in  a  word,  synthetic 
piece,  on  the  harmony  of  the  sensible  and  moral 
worlds  and  the  symbolical  schools  of  religion  V 

'"The  subjects,  sir,  do  honour  to  your  morality,' 
replied  the  king,  '  but  strike  us  as  rather  tedious.' 

26 


J  AWBRAHIM-HERAUDEE 

"  '  My  ode  to  my  country  ? — 

O    for    dear    Little    Britain  —  for    dear    Little    Britain  —  my 

country. 
Close  to  Goswell-street  road, — closer  to  Simmary  Axe, — 

" '  Simmary,  my  lord,  is  not  the  real,  and,  so  to 
say,  organic  pronunciation  of  the  term — but  rather 
the  synthetic  and  popular  one. 

O   for  dear  Little   Britain,  that's  near  thy  row  Paternoster, 
Near  to   the   Post-office   new,  near  to   the   Bull   and    the 
Mouth, 
O  for  Aldersgate  pump !" — 

"  '  Those  jaw-breaking  hexameters  and  pentame- 
ters, O  sage !'  here  interposed  the  monarch,  who 
had  already  begun  to  yawn,  '  were  never  much  to 
my  taste;  and  if  you  will  please  to  confine  your- 
self to  some  metre  more  consonant  to  the  Arme- 
nian language ' — (in  which  dialect,  it  need  scarce- 
ly be  stated  that  the  poet  and  the  monarch  both 
spoke), — '  if  you  will  condescend  to  try  rhyme,  or 
at  the  worst,  blank  verse,  I  shall  listen  with  much 
greater  pleasure.' 

"  '  Sire,  I  will  enunciate  a  poem  in  sixteen  cantos, 
if  you  please,  and  written  in  the  Dantesque  tei^za- 
rima'  But  the  unconscionable  Sovereign  of  Ar- 
menia, knowing  the  extreme  difficulty  of  hunting 
up  the  rhymes  in  that  most  puzzling  of  metres, 
begged  Jawbrahim  rather  to  confine  himself  to 
blank  verse :  on  which  the  Caucasian  sage,  taking 

his  harp,  sung  as  follows: 

27 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

Eastward  of  Eden  lies  the  land  of  Nod  ; 

There  grew  an  old  oak  in  the  vale  of  Ely — 

Old  as  the  world,  in  lasting  marble  dure. 

The  threefold  serpents  animating  clasp 

The  mundane  ^gg,  and  wondrous  trident  coil'd, 

The  cataracts  of  everlasting  heaven, 

The  fountains  of  the  co-eternal  deep, 

Defined  anon,  and  growing  visible, 

Undimm'd  shone  out  clear  as  the  hour  of  dawn  ! 

Harmonious  symmetry,  proportion  bland  ! 
Visions  were  thine  wherein  the  sculptile  mind 
Twin'd  with  the  harmless  serpent  as  in  sport. 
Till  grew  his  aspect  spectral,  and  his  eye 
Flitting  athwart  a  place  of  sepulchres. 
Hung  o'er  his  shoulders  broad  and  on  his  breast. 

•JT  tF  tP  •??  -TT  ^ 

Consistency,  eternity's  sole  law, 

The  indefatigable  universe, 

Substance  with  attribute.       *  *  * 

"  Then  entering  into  his  theme,  the  poet  after 
these  preparatory  considerations  gave  utterance  to 
his  SLibHme  epic,  which  is  far  too  long  to  be  noted 
here.  He  spoke  of  the  vision  of  Noah,  and  the 
Book  of  Enoch  ;  he  spoke  of  the  children  of  Cain, 
of  Satan,  Jiidael,  Azazael ;  and  when  he  arrived  at 
that  splendid  part  of  his  work  in  which  he  cries — 

Oh,  Amazarah !  most  majestical 

Of  women,  wisest  and  most  amorous ! 

he  looked  up  at  the  king  and  paused,  expecting 
no  doubt  that  applause  would  ensue. 

''  The  king  bounced  up  on  his  seat — the  black 


JAWBRAHIM-HERAUDEE 

eunuch  suddenly  started  and  opened  his  great  gog- 
gling black  eyes — the  lovely  Roolee-Poolee  stretch- 
ed out  her  fair  arms  and  gave  a  yawn.  The  fact 
is,  they  had  all  been  asleep  for  hours. 

'"Samboo — Roolee-Poolee,' cried  the  Monarch, 
'  I  was  a  little  overtaken  and  did  not  hear  that 
awful  long  poem,  but  you  can  repeat  it,  can't  ye.?' 
Samboo  and  the  lady  could  not  repeat  one  word  of 
it.  They  began  to  stammer  '  the  catechisms  of 
everlasting  Heaven,' — '  the  mundane  egg  in  won- 
drous trident  boiled ' — '  the  harmless  spectral  ser- 
pent with  his  eye  flitting  athwart  a  pair  of  spec- 
tacles ' — 'but  as  for  repeating  the  whole  of  the 
lines,  that  was  impossible.  The  king  was  obliged 
fairly  to  give  in,  and  to  confess  for  the  first  time 
in  his  life  that  the  poem  he  had  heard  was  orig- 
inal. 

"  '  O  sage,'  said  he  (in  quite  a  new  compliment), 
'  your  poem  does  equal  credit  to  your  head  and 
heart.  I  cannot  reward  you  as  you  merit,  but  that 
poor  guerdon  which  my  straitened  circumstances 
permit  me  to  offer  to  the  original  poet  is  justly 
thine.  Take  thy  poem  to  my  treasurer,  have  the 
book  in  which  it  is  written  weighed  against  the 
purest  gold,  and  by  the  beard  of  the  prophet's  rel- 
ative, the  orold  shall  be  thine.' 

"  '  Will  it  not  please  you  to  hear  the  rest  of  the 

poem,  sire  ?'  said   the  sage,  '  there   are   but  forty 

thousand   lines   more,  and   having  vouchsafed    to 

give  me  a  patient  hearing  since  yesterday,' — 

"  '  Since  w/ie7i  T  exclaimed  Poof-AUee. 

29 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

'"Since  yesterday  at  sunset, when  I  began;  and 
the  stars  came  out,  and  still  my  song  continued ; 
and  the  moon  rose,  and  lo !  my  voice  never  fal- 
tered ;  and  the  cock  crew,  but  we  were  singing 
before  him;  and  the  skies  were  red,  and  I,  like 
the  rising  sun,  was  unwearied ;  and  the  noontide 
came  and  Jawbrahim  Heraudee  still  spake  of  Aza- 
zael  and  Samiasa.' 

" '  Mercy  upon  us,  the  man  has  been  talking  and 
we  have  been  asleep  for  four- and -twenty  hours,' 
cried  lovely  little  Roolee-Poolee. 

'"Your  Majesty  paid  me  a  compliment  not  to 
notice  how  the  hours  flew,'  said  Jawbrahim, '  and 
I  will  now  proceed,  by  your  leave,  with  the  44th 
canto:  besrinninsf  with  an  account  of  the  birds' — 

Then  came  the  birds  that  fly,  perch,  walk,  or  swim, 
On  trees  the  Incessorial  station  hold, 
The  Gallinaceous  tribes  must  feed  and  walk ; 
The  Waders         *         *         *         # 

" '  Hold  your  intolerable  tongue,  O  poet  with  a 
burned  father!'  roared  King  Poof-Allee  in  a  fury. 
'  I  can  bear  no  more  of  thy  cursed  prate,  and  will 
call  my  slaves  with  bamboo  canes  if  thou  utterest 
another  word.' 

" '  Thou  promisedst  me  gold  and  not  a  beating, 
O  king!'  cried  the  sage,  scornfully.  '  Is  it  thus  that 
the  Armenian  monarchs  keep  their  word.^*' 

" '  Take  thy  gold  in  the  name  of  the  prophet,' 
replied  the  king — '  go  to  my  treasurer  and  he 
shall  pay  it  to  thee,' 


J  AW  BRAHIM-HERAUDEE 

"  '  He  will  doubtless  not  pay  without  a  draft  from 
thy  royal  hand.' 

'"I  can't  write!'  shouted  the  king;  and  then 
recollecting  himself,  and  his  reputation  as  a  literary 
genius,  blushed  profusely,  and  said,  '  that  is,  I  can 
write,  but  I  do  not  choose  to  have  my  signature 
in  the  hand  of  every  rogue  who  may  take  a  fancy 
to  forge  it.  Here,  take  my  ring,  and  Samboo  go 
thou  with  Jawbrahim ;  see  his  poem  weighed  by 
the  treasurer,  and  its  weight  in  gold  counted  out 
to  the  poet  (may  dirt  be  flung  on  his  mother's 
grave).  Go,  Samboo,  and  execute  my  commis- 
sion.' 

'"  On  my  eyes  be  it !'  replied  the  faithful  negro ; 
and,  with  Jawbrahim,  whose  face  wore  a  look  of 
exulting  malignity,  quitted  the  royal  presence. 

*^  j#.  4^  .yt, 

W  TV"  ^P  •7i» 

"  Some  two  hours  afterwards,  the  hoofs  of  Jaw- 
brahim's  dromedary  were  heard  clattering  over  the 
paving  stones  of  the  court,  and  the  king  going  to 
the  window,  had  the  satisfaction  of  beholding  that 
renowned  chief  of  the  Syncreteeks  pacing  solemn- 
ly by  the  side  of  the  animal  which  he  led  by  the 
bridle. 

" '  May  I  never  see  his  ugly  nose  again !'  cried 
Poof-Allee ;  '  the  rascal's  unconscionable  poem 
must  have  weighed  twenty  guineas  at  least' 

"  At  this  moment,  and  looking  rather  fright- 
ened, in  came  Samboo.  He  made  a  low  salaam 
to  his  master  and  restored  to  him  his  private 
signet. 

31 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

"  '  How  much  did  the  old  wretch's  poem  weigh?' 
asked  Poof-Allee. 

'"  O,  him  weighed  a  berry  good  deal,'  answered 
Samboo,  still  salaaming;  'but,  massa,  treasurer 
had  a  jolenty  of  money,  and  him  paid  him  poet, 
and  sent  him  about  him  business.' 

" '  Did  it  weigh  twenty  guineas  ?' 

'"  O  berry  much  more — him  poem  in  two  col- 
umns.' 

'"Two  columns?  two  vohimcs  you  mean,  you 
black  antigrammarian.' 

" '  Well,  two  bolumns  two  columns,  two  columns 
two  bolumns,  him  all  de  same.' 

" '  How  do  you  mean,  ruffian  ?'  shrieked  the 
monarch,  when,  with  some  hesitation  the  negro 
handed  him  a  paper,  thus  written : — 

'"Sire, — I  acknowledge  to  have  received  from 
your  treasurer,  Cashee  Beg,  the  sum  of  two  hun- 
dred and  fifty-five  billions  four  hundred  and  nine- 
teen thousand  nine  hundred  and  six  tomauns,  two 
rupees,  and  sixpence,  being  the  weight  of  my  splen- 
did epic  poem,"  The  Descent  into  Jericho,"  recited 
to  your  Majesty  last  night. 

"'And  lest.  Sire,  you  should  be  astonished  that 
such  a  sum  should  be  paid  for  a  poem  (for  which, 
in  fact,  no  money  can  pay),  learn  that  I  had  no 
paper  whatever  to  write  (which  would  have  ren- 
dered the  bargain  a  much  cheaper  one  to  your 
Majesty),  but  that  I  was  compelled,  at  much  pains, 
to  engrave  my  epic  upon  two  pillars  which  I  found 


SOME    INTERPRETATION    THEREOF 

in  the  ruins  of  PersepoHs,  and  which  now  lie  in 
your  august  treasury. 

" '  I  have  the  honour  to  be,  Sire, 

"  '  With  the  utmost  respect, 
"'Your  Majesty's  most  faithful  Servant, 

"  '  JAWBRAHIM-HERAWDEE    SVNCRETEEK.' 

"  Fancy  how  poor  Samboo  Beg  was  bambooecl 
that  night!  how  the  treasurer  was  fustigated,  how 
all  the  clerks  of  the  treasury  were  horsed  and 
swished ! — 

"  Anything  like  the  rage  of  Poof-Allee  was  never 
known  since  the  days  when  Achilles  Khan  grew 
furious  whilst  laying  siege  to  the  town  of  Shah 
Priam.  As  for  Jawbrahim-Herawdee,  he  returned 
safely  among  the  Syncreteeks,  and  spent  his  money 
in  publishing  several  immortal  works  which  have 
rendered  his  name  beloved  and  celebrated ;  and 
never  after  that  did  Poof-Allee-Shah  pretend  to  be 
a  man  of  letters,  or  try  to  swindle  poor  literary 
gentlemen  any  more. 

"  This  story  is  taken  from  the  ancient  Chron- 
icles, written  in  the  Armenian  lano^uao'e,  and  suno- 
by  the  shepherds  of  the  Caucasus  as  they  drive 
down  their  flocks  to  water  by  the  Red  Sea.  Praise 
be  to  Mahomet  and  the  twelve  Imaums!" 

The  reader  will  have  observed  a  number  of  turns 
of  expression  as  well  as  endowment  of  English 
names  with  pseudo  -  Arabic  form,  which  are  dis- 
tinctive of  certain  other  of  Thackeray's  contribu- 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

tions  which  are  dealt  with  hereafter.  This  Orien- 
talising, as  it  were,  of  literary  celebrities  and  their 
works  is  characteristic  of  the  writer's  fun ;  and  the 
references  will  for  the  most  part  be  at  once  under- 
stood. Some,  however,  may  not  so  readily  recog- 
nise Tom  Moore  in  "  Thamaz  the  Moor " ;  the 
Morning  Post  in  "Aurora  Po  " ;  the  Rev.  Robert 
Montgomery  in  "  Mollah  Moongoomeree,"  and 
his  poem  of  "  Satan  "  in  its  Mahometan  form  of 
"  Eblis  " ;  F.  W.  N.  Bayley  (called  "  Alphabet  Bay- 
ley,"  an  early  contributor  to  Punch)  in  "  Ulpha- 
beet-Baylee  ";  or  even  Lytton's  prodigious  poem 
of  "The  Siamese  Twins"  in  Bulwer- Khan's  "  Si- 
amee-Geminee." 

VOLUME   IV.  FIRST   HALF-YEARLY   VOLUME,  1843 

"  The  Sick  Child  " — a  rather  poor  set  of  verses 
upon  an  over-eaten  little  boy,  with  an  illustration 
by  John  Leech  (see  No.  79) — we  may  presumably 
determine  by  the  pseudonymous  signature  of 
"  The  Honourable  Whilhelmina  Skeggs,"  seeing 
that  Thackeray  certainly  affixed  the  name  of 
Goldsmith's  creation  to  the  letter  entitled  "  A 
House  at  the  West  End,"  in  1845  (Vol.  ix.,  p.  55), 
having  already  introduced  the  character  into 
"  Strange  Insult  to  the  King  of  Saxony  "  (Vol.  vi., 
p.  243).  A  little  later  on  (May  20)  he  protests  in 
a  characteristic  drawing  against  the  "  Assumption 
of  Aristocracy,"  illustrating  an  article  by  Gilbert 
Abbott  a  Beckett  wherein  the  impudence  of  the 

34 


A    CUNNING    ASSUMPTION 

notorious  "  Baron  Nathan  "  is  amusingly  gibbetted. 
That  well-known  and  really  popular  dancing-mas- 
ter, who  was  for  many  years  Master  of  the  Cere- 
monies at  the  Rosherville  Gardens,  was  originally 


ASSUMPTION   OF   ARISTOCRACY 
"  CHve  that  card  to  )'our  master,  and  say  a  gentleman  wants  to  see  him." 


known,  we  are  told,  as  Mr.  Nathan.  The  astute 
M.C.  assumed  the  name  of  Baron,  and  in  due  time 
dropped  the  Mr.,  and  requested  his  friends  to  do 
so  too  and  to  "  call  him  by  his  first  name,"  to  the 
amusement  of  society  and  the  awesome  respect  of 

35 


THACKERAY    AND.  /^  UNCH 

the  groundlings.  PuncJi  found  Baron  Nathan  out 
and  was  fond  of  making  at  his  expense  announce- 
ments such  as  this:  "  Fashionable  Intelligence: 
Baron  Nathan  has  left  Kennington  for  the  West 
End,  by  the  Paragon  omnibus.  The  Baron,  being 
unable  to  find  an  inside-place,  took  the  oaths  and 
his  seat  on  the  coach-box." 

VOLUME  VL  FIRST  HALF-YEARLY  VOLUME,  1844 

Under  the  heading  of  "  Important  Promotions! 
Merit  Rewarded  !"  (p.  15)  we  have  some  character- 
istic fooling  based  on  the  idea  that  Jenkins  [PuncJis 
personification  of  his  then  bete  noire,  the  Morning 
Post)  has  been  made  a  peer  and  Duke  of  France, 
by  the  French  King,  Henry  V.,  while  Mr.  James 
Grant,  the  journalist  (not  the  novelist),  editor  of 
the  Moiniinz  Advertiser  2iwA  the  author  of  a  much- 
discussed  book,  "  Paris  and  its  People,"  has  also  been 
appointed  Chevalier  of  his  Order  of  the  Pig  and 
Whistle.  In  a  Circular  issued  to  the  French 
nobility  Jenkins  invites  them  to  celebrate  the 
event  at  his  rooms  in  Upper  Camomile  Buildings, 
Little  Short's  Gardens,  fifth  floor,  when  "  La  No- 
blesse est  price  d'apporter  son  propre  tabac."  The 
Patent  is  thus  expressed : 

"  NOUS    HENRI     ROI     DE     FRANCE    ET    DE    NAVARRE,    A 
TOUS    PRESENS    SALUT. 

"  Voulant  reconnaitre  les  services  de  notre  fidele 
et  aime   domestique  " — [a  sly  stab,  this] — "  Jean 

36 


"AN    AUDACIOUS    FORGERY" 

Thomas  Jennekins,  envers  nous  et  notre  couronne; 
NoMMONS  notre  dit  ami,  Due  et  Pair  de  France 
et  de  Navarre,  avec  les  titres  de  Due  de  la  Pluche, 
Marquis  de  I'Aiguillette,  Comte  et  Seigneur  de  la 
Soniiette-de-rAntichambre. 

"  Henri. 
"Par  le  Roi,  Le  Secretaire  de  I'Office,  De  la  P1eur 
de  Jasmin." 

Then  follows  in  the  next  number,  with  an  illustra- 
tion by  Leech,  "  The  Ducal  Hat  for  Jenkins  "  (p. 
32),  a  bright  sketch  into  which  the  Prince  Consort, 
who  had  designed  a  new  shako — then  recently  dis- 
tributed to  the  army,  and  one  of  PiincJis  frequent 
butts — was  good-humouredly  introduced. 

"We  hasten  to  lay  before  our  readers  the  fol- 
lowing ill-spelt  and  worse-conceived  communica- 
tion. .  .  .  We  unhesitatingly  pronounce  the  letter 
AN  AUDACIOUS  forgery";  while,  as  to  the  author  of 
it,  "  we  leave  him  to  the  pangs  of  his  own  conscience 
and  the  opprobrium  of  an  indignant  public."  The 
"forgery"  is  then  printed: — 

"AN  DEN  HERRN  HERRN  PUXSCH,  HOCHWOHL-GE- 
BOREN,  STRAND,  LONDON. 

"  Windsor,  Jan.  7. 

"  Plelt- Marshal  His  Royal  Highness  Brince 
Albert,  D.C.L.,  bresents  his  gombliments  to  Mr. 
Punch. 

"  Having  heard  of  the  bromotion  of  Mr.  Jenkins 
by   H.R.H.  the  Comte   de  Chambord,  the    Fielt- 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

Marshal  has  retired  to  his  study  and  gombosed  for 
the  use  of  Herzog  Jenkins  and  the  other  Dukes 
who  have  been  greated  by  the  D.  of  Bordeaux,  a 

DUCAL  HAT  .  .  . 

"  The  dugal  goronet,  it  vill  be  obserfed,  will  sur- 
mounts de  hat,  vich  may  be  a  livery  hat,  a  beafer 
hat,  or  vat  you  call  a  four-and-nine,  at  bleasure. 

"  De  gockade  vill  be  vite  (emblematic  of  videlity, 
burity,  and  the  house  of  Bourbon): 

"  Ven  de  hat  grow  old  (or  vat  you  call  zeedy),  Brinz 
Albert  has  arranged  so  dat  it  vil  make  a  beawdiful 
and  ornamendal  flovver-bot  for  a  drawing-room  vin- 
dow.  Dis  vas  also  de  indention  of  de  military  hat 
vich  has  obdained  so  much  bobularity  in  de  army. 

"  B.S. — I  berceif  dat  Herr  Grunt,  de  zelebrated 
liderary  man,  has  been  greated  Ritter  of  de  Order 
of  de  Big  (pig)  and  Vistle.  I  afe  no  vistles,  but  I 
can  subbly  him  from  my  farm  vid  some  bigs  very 
fine." 

• 

The  next  contribution  consists  of  a  long  and 
elaborate  piece  of  chaff  of  "  The  Moral  Young 
Man."  This  was  James  Grant  again.  He  had 
written  another  well  advertised  book — ^"The  Great 
Metropolis  " — which  by  its  inflated  tone,  its  indif- 
ferent style,  doubtful  accuracy,  and  tendency  to 
snobbery,  tempted  Thackeray  to  this  parody — a 
humorous  sketch  that  might  almost  have  taken  its 
place  as  a  chapter  in  the  "  Book  of  Snobs."  As 
Thackeray  here  introduces  some  grotesque  allu- 
sions, not  always  pleasant,  by  the  way,  to  some  of 

38 


A    "LADY    OF    LITERATURE" 

the  aristocratic  writers  of  the  day,  a  special  quota- 
tion from  the  article  is  desirable. 


"NOTICE. 

"  We  mentioned,  in  a  former  Number  of  this 
periodical,  that  we  had  engaged,  at  immense  out- 
lay, and  in  accordance  with  the  wishes  of  a  num- 
erous class  of  the  British  public,  a  moral  young 
MAN,  well  known  in  the  world  of  letters  and  news- 
papers, and  enabled,  from  his  experience,  his  op- 
portunities, his  learning,  and  his  peculiar  turn  of 
mind,  to  impart  to  our  little  journal  that  tone  of 
gravity  and  decorum  which  by  some  it  has  been 
found  to  lack.  .  .  , 

"  In  his  literary  lives  the  moral  young  man  natur- 
ally (and  gracefully,  as  we  think)  begins  with  the 
people  of  title  who  adorn  both  the  Red  Book,  and 
the  still  more  ennobling  calendar  of  the  Muses. 

"LEAVES  FROM  THE  LIVES  OF  THE  LORDS  OF 

LITERATURE. 

"  By  THE  Author  of  '  Paddington  and  its  People,' 
'  The  Great  Necropolis,'  &c.,  &c. 

"  Blessington,  The  Countess  Marguerite  of. 
— The  author  may  be  a  proud  man  whose  work 
commences  with  such  a  name  as  that  of  the  above 
distinguished  scion  of  the  aristocracy.  Sir  Joshua 
Lawrence's  portrait  of  her  ladyship,  which  has 
been    engraved  several   times,  has   rendered   her 

39 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

form  and  features  familiar  to  the  British  public, 
and  therefore  I  need  give  no  portrait  of  them  here. 
Suffice  it  to  say,  that  both  are  (as  far  as  poor  hu- 
man nature  can  be,  and  indeed  which  of  us  is?) 
faultless.  Her  ladyship's  style  of  writing  is  ditto; 
and  her  works,  both  of  history  and  fiction,  are 
ornamented  with  a  great  number  of  phrases  both 
in  French  and  Italian,  which  sparkle  through  her 
English  like  gems  in  the  night.  To  the  merits  of 
these  works  the  whole  British  Press  bears  witness. 
'  Brilliant,  charming,  elegant,  graceful,'  are  expres- 
sions, I  may  even  say  epithets,  rung  out  in  the 
fair  Countess's  praise  by  every  critic  in  these  do- 
minions. Those  gents  who  bestowed  such  lauda- 
tory conipliments  upon  her  ladyship's  productions 
are,  I  observe,  rather  shy  of  quoting  anything 
from  them.  And  why  }  — -  from  envy  to  be  sure, 
as  I  have  often  found  in  my  own  case ;  the  review- 
ers being  afraid  lest  their  criticisms  should  appear 
stupid  and  uninteresting  by  the  side  of  the  writ- 
er's delightful  text. 

"  My  avocations  as  a  member  of  the  press  and  a 
leader  of  public  opinion,  have  prevented  me  from 
reading  any  of  her  ladyship's  works ;  and  as  I 
know  nobody  who  has,  I  am  not  enabled  to  fur- 
nish the  reader  with  a  cataloo^ue  of  them. 

"  Her  ladyship's  house  is  at  Kensington,*  and 
is  named,  I  understand,  after  another  fair  author- 

*  Gore  House,  which  came  into  the  hands  of  Alexis  Soyer, 
as  is  set  forth  later  on. 

40 


"LITERARY    GENTS" 

ess,  who  shall  be  mentioned  in  her  place.  I  do 
not  visit  there,  and  therefore  of  course  cannot  de- 
scribe the  contents  of  the  mansion ;  need  I  say  I 
should  be  happy  to  do  so  ? 

"  The  Countess  is  a  Peeress  in  her  own  right, 
and  was  elevated  to  that  dignity  upon  presenting 
one  of  her  delicjhtful  and  successful  novels  to  his 
late  lamented  Majesty  George  IV.  Kneeling  at 
the  royal  feet  to  receive  the  Countess's  coronet 
(which  is  always  placed  on  the  head  o'f  the  noble- 
man or  lady  at  their  investiture),  the  fair  Countess 
dropped  one  of  her  gloves ;  on  which  his  Majesty, 
picking  it  up,  observed  to  Mr.  Bentley,  the  respect- 
ed publisher,  who  attended  with  a  copy,  '  lloiii 
soil  qiii  mal y  pensc!  This  was  the  origin  of  the 
Guelphic  order.  I  have  this  story  from  undoubted 
authority — from  a  gent  indeed,  who  has  written  a 
good  deal  in  Mr.  B.'s  Miscellany,  where  I  should 
be  very  glad  to  furnish  articles  at  the  usual  remu- 
neration per  line.  .  .  . 

"Brougham,  Lord  Henry. —  His  lordship  is, 
as  the  world  very  well  knows,  a  political,  or  what 
the  admirable  Morning  Herald  calls  lego-politi- 
cal gent.  He  was  educated  at  Edinburgh,  where 
he  became  acquainted  with  little  Jack  Horner, 
Judge  Jefferies,  Editor  of  the  Edinburgh  Review, 
and  Admiral  the  Reverend  Sir  Sydney  Smith,  of 
whom  more  anonymously.  Having  finished  his 
studies,  he  was  brought  to  the  bar  in  London, 
where  he  has  distinguished'  himself  in  various 
ways   ever  since.     Being  born   and  bred   in  thq 

41 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

North,  his  accent  has  stuck  to  him  Hke  a  burr, 
and  he  has  used  that  tongue  of  his  to  more  pur- 
pose than  any  gent  of  the  long  robe.  During  the 
Session  as  the  Times  has  remarked  of  him,  his 
labours  are  tremendous.  You  may  see  him  in  the 
morning  at  the  House  of  Lords,  or  in  the  Privy 
Council,  the  eagerest  among  the  judges  there ; 
and  all  the  time  writing  off  articles  for  the  Edin- 
burgh Review.  In  the  evening,  he  is  at  the  Lords 
again,  backing  up  his  friend  Lord  Monteagle,  to 
whom  he  is  tenderly  attached.  At  night  I  have 
myself  enjoyed  the  pleasure  of  his  company  at  the 
Garrick's  Head,  in  Bow  Street,  where  he  aston- 
ishes the  world  by  his  eloquence.  Such  is  only  a 
part  of  the  life  of  this  restless  though  brilliant 
genius !  .  .  . 

"  But  it  is  as  a  literary  man  that  we  are  called  upon 
to  judge  him ;  and  as  such  he  has  been  at  every- 
thing. '  His  lordship  is  as  a  bird  that  has  hopped 
upon  every  branch  of  the  tree  of  knowledge,'  as 
Goethe  observes  :  as  Mr.  S — m — 1  R — g — rs  re- 
marks, rather  coarsely,  he  has  been  at  everything 
in  the  literary  way,  from  p-tch  and  t-ss  to  man- 
si — ghter.  A  politician,  a  theologian,  an  historian  ; 
on  classics,  optics,  physics,  metaphysics,  he  has 
wrote,  and  with  unbounded  applause.  All  his 
works  are  to  be  had  on  all  these  subjects,  and  at 
immensely  reduced  prices. 

"  He  is  a  corresponding  member  of  three  hun- 
dred and  ninety-six  philosophical  societies.     He  is 

the  inventor  of  the  Brougham  carriage,  for  which 

42 


LORD    BROUGHAiM 


every  man  that  uses  a  cab  may  thank  him.     In 
fact,  an  equestrian  statue  of  him  is  to  be  set  up  in 


St.  Martin's  Lane,  in  a  Brougham  carriage,  as  soon 
as  anybody  will  subscribe  for  the  purpose. 

"  He  is  equally  distinguished  in.  France  (about 


43 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

which  country,  its  capital,  Paris,  and  its  people, 
Messrs.  Saunders  &  Ottley  have  just  published  a 
remarkable  work).  In  France  he  is  a  member  of 
the  National  Institute,  and  also  Drum  -  Major  of 
the  National  Guards^  King  Louis  Philippe  has 
had  the  above  portrait  of  him  put  up  at  Versailles. 
He  has  in  that  country  a  chateau  at  Cannce,  where 
Bonaparte  landed,  and  where  Cannibal  the  Car- 
thaginian was  defeated  by  Scipio  (no  doubt  an- 
other African)  in  the  Roman  service ;  and  there 
he  cultivates  the  olive-branches  which  he  is  in  the 
habit  of  presenting  to  King  Louis  Philippe  and 
our  gracious  Sovereign. 

"  Lord  Brougham,  unlike  other  great  men,  has 
no  envy ;  no  uncharitableness ;  no  desire  to  get 
his  neighbours^  places,  or  to  oust  his  friends.  In- 
deed, his  very  enemies  admire  him  more  than  any- 
body else.  .     . 

"  Edward,  Earl  Lytton  Bulwer,  who  is  the 
next  noble  on  my  proud  list  of  fame.  As  an  Earl 
— and  his  title  was  actually  conferred  upon  him  at 
his  baptism — he  could  not  sit  in  the  House  of 
Commons,  and  therefore  relinquished  the  vain  rank 
of  an  hereditary  aristocracy  to  serve  his  country 
in  Parliament,  which  he  did  as  member  for  Lis- 
keard.  He  was  made  Baronet  for  his  services 
there;  in  compliment  to  which  he  wrote  his  emi- 
nent work,  '  The  Last  of  the  Baronets.'  Messrs. 
Saunders  &  Ottley  will,  I  daresay,  be  happy  to 
supply  any  of  my  readers  with  a  copy  of  that  per- 
formance at  the  usual  moderate  charge. 

44 


LORD    LYTTON 

"  Sir  Edward's  labours  as  an  author  have  been 
multivarious.  He  has  written  histor}',  poetry,  ro- 
mance, criticism,  politics,  the  drama.  He  has  had 
detractors — what  great  man  has  not  ?  I  can  speak 
myself  from  bitter  experience.  .  .  . 

"Among  the  celebrated  authors  in  this  family 
may  be  also  mentioned  His  Excellency  Lord 
Henry  Bulwer,  the  Ambassador  to  Madrid,  whose 
work  on  Paris  and  the  Parisians  is,  however,  alto- 
gether inferior  to  a  late  work,  published  by  Messrs. 
Saunders  &  Ottley ;  viz.  '  Paris  and  its  People ;' 
and  which  that  admirable  journal,  the  Mornmg 
Herald,  says  is  to  be  found  on  every  Englishman's 
bookshelf.  .  .  . 

"In  person,  I  may  add,  he  is  stout  and  swarthy. 
He  wears  a  blue  coat  and  brass  buttons ;  boots 
named  after  the  famous  Prussian  partisan,  Prince 
Blucher;  silver  spectacles,  and  drab  trousers,  very 
much  crinkled  at  the  knees.  He  is  about  sixty- 
nine  years  of  age,  and  lives  in  Tibbald's  Row,  Hol- 
born — at  least  a  gent  going  into  a  chambers  there 
was  pointed  out  to  me  as  this  above-named  pride 
of  our  country." 

What  a  description  of  Tennyson's  "  padded  man 
that  wears  the  stays  ''! 

"  Lady  L.'s  Journal  of  a  Visit  to  Foreign  Courts  " 
(p.  52)  was  the  diary  of  Lady  Londonderry  that 
created  some  stir  among  "the  fashion"  of  the  day* 
and,  in  spite  of  the  derision  of  the  critics,  secured 

*  It  appeared  serially  in  the  New  Monthly  Magazine. 

45 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 
a  considerable  circulation  amonsf  readers  who  care 

O 

greatly  for  the  doings  of  smart  people.  Thack- 
eray's sense  of  snobbery  was  tickled,  and  he  ridi- 
culed the  airs  as  well  as  the  matter  of  the  "  Journal" 
in  his  "  Letter  from  Lady  Judy  Punch  to  Her 
Grace  the  Duchess  of  Jenkins."  The  Lady  Gui- 
ditta  describes  how  the  Duke  of  Jenkins,  Lord  St. 
Paul's,  Lady  Friarbridge,  and  Lord  Billingsgate 
read  and  discuss  the  Diary  and  its  affected  use  of 
French  —  the  whole  consisting  of  two  pages  of 
scornful  review. 

"  What  malheur  afflige  my  dear  Duchess  V  So 
the  letter  begins,  in  the  spirit  of  the  Journal.  "  I 
looked  for  you  in  vain  last  night  at  Lady  Smith- 
field's.  I  sent  Lord  P.  to  all  your  accustomed 
sejours  of  evenings — I'Hotel  de  I'Aigle,  Route  de 
la  Cite ;  la  Maison  de  la  Conduite  Blanche ;  le 
Chateau  de  Jean  de  la  Paille,  a  Hampstead  —  in 
vain — your  Grace  was  absent.  The  nobles  of  the 
land  were  without  their  brightest  ornament ;  and 
the  dear  Duke  of  Jenkins  (who  joined  us  after- 
wards) was  seen  at  his  club  taking  his  ordinary 
rafraichissenient  of  nioitie  et  moitie  alone." 

Thackeray,  in  a  merry  vein,  revels  in  the  errors 
and  absurdities  of  "  Lady  L.'s  Journal,"  and  uses 
Lord  St.  Paul's  to  apply  his  scourge.  When  Lady 
L.  complains  that  few  things  annoy  one  more 
"  than  the  appearance  of  one's  maid  by  one's  bed- 
side at  four  o'clock  in  the  morning,"  he  not  only 
expresses  delight  with  the  composition  ("  one  only 

finds  people  of  fashion  ever  use  one's  language  in 

46 


LADY    LONDONDERRY'S    DIARY 

the  proper  way — does  one  ?"),  but  points  out  that 
it  must  be  still  more  annoying  for  the  maid  who 
must  get  up  at  three.  When  she  deplores  that 
railway -tarvelling  brings  one  "into  contact  with 
all  sorts  and  conditions  of  people"  he  objects  to 
"this  dangerous  sort  of  writing  nowadays,"  this 
"shuddering  at  being  brought  into  contact  with 
fellow-creatures."  —  ("  Fellow -creatures!  No,  no. 
For  Heaven's  sake  moderate  your  expressions !" 
cries  the  Duke.)  When  she  says  that  at  Aix,  "  I 
took  a  bath,  but  cannot  say  I  liked  the  experi- 
ment," the  reviewer  smiles — experiment !  !  When 
she  explains  that  Ehrenbreitstein  is  "  bristling 
with  its  embrasures,"  he  laughs  outright — "  it  is 
as  if  we  were  to  say,"  remarks  Lord  St.  Paul's, 
"  indented  with  pikes."  "As  you  say,"  responds 
the  Duke ;  "  it  is  only  the  very  highest  nobility 
that  can  think  of  such  expressions."  When  she 
speaks  of  stopping  at  a  dirty  inn  at  Langenfeldt 
"where  nineteen  years  ago,  returning  from  Vien- 
na, we  bought  and  carried  off  all  their  china,  of 
which  they  neither  knew  the  beauty  nor  the  value, 
but  which  turned  out  to  be  the  finest  old  Dres- 
den, and  once  the  property  of  the  Margraves  of 
Anspach.  The  landlord  remembered  us  all " — 
"  No  wonder  he  did,"  cries  Lord  St.  Paul's,  and 
suggests  that  perhaps  her  ladyship  put  up  with  the 
inn  again  as  she  suspected  there  was  "  more  china 
to  be  had  at  Langenfeldt."  After  an  exposure  of 
the  French  with  which  the  book  is  so  freely  gar- 
nished, Lady  Guiditta  ends  :  "  It  was  one  o'clock  ; 

47 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

one's  maid  had  been  in  waiting  with  one's  pattens, 
I  don't  know  how  long;  and  when  one  got  home, 
one  was  quite  glad  to  get  to  one's  bed  and  dream 
of  one  of  the  most  delightful  soirees  one  ever  en- 
joyed." 

Under  the  title  of  "  Biographical  and  Literary 
Riddles"  and  over  the  sionature  of  "A  Youna: 
Gent,  at  Jowell  and  Hames's"  (p.  129)  we  have  a 
trifle  hardly  worthy  of  the  author.  One  of  these 
riddles,  at  least,  may  be  quoted:  "When  may  the 
late  celebrated  Dr.  Jenner  (whose  memoirs  I  have 
perused  with  unfeigned  delight)  be  compared  to  a 
certain  kind  of  potato.-^  When  it's  '  a  vaxy  natur'." 
In  the  same  number  he  begins  his  amusing  chaff  of 
Bulwer  Lytton,  whom  for  years  he  bantered  in  a 
good-natured  way.  On  this  occasion  (as  in  others 
later  on),  under  the  heading  of  '"The  Author  of 
Pelham'"  the  novelist's  name  is  the  point  of  at- 
tack, and  Thackeray,  in  the  character  of  an  illiter- 
ate correspondent,  "  Bonosmores,"  inquires  whether 
it  is  now  "Sir  Edward  George  Earl  L,ytton  Bul- 
wer" or  "Sir  Edward  George  Earl  Buhver  Lyt- 
ton," or  "Sir  Edward  Bulwer  Earl  Lytton  George," 
or  "Sir  Edward  Bulwer  Lytton  Lytton  Bulwer 
Lytton  Earl,"  and  so  on ;  adding,  "  We  doant  whish 
to  be  hanswered  in  joax  but  seriaiiut  in  ernest." 
"  Gems  from  Jenkins  "  (p.  153)  deals  with  the  dog- 
French  advertisements  in  the  Morning  Post,  and 
points  out,  in  respect  of  a  selected  announcement, 
"  that  little  boys  of  six  years  old  will  remark  with 

pleasure  that   out   of   the   last   twenty-two  words 

48 


THE    TEN    HOURS'    PROBLEM    SOLVED 

in  the  paragraph  only  four  are  right.  "We  are 
incHned  to  think,"  continues  the  caustic  critic  of 
the  aristocracy,  "that  Jenkins  writes  bad  French, 
not  because  he  knows  no  better,  but  because  in 
the  fashionable  world  good  French  would  not  be 
understood.  They  don't  like  it  there.  They  like 
the  French  loaded  and  doctored  like  their  wine." 
The  reader  should  here  be  reminded  that  of  the 
many  Jenkins  papers  in  Punch  only  a  few  were  from 
Thackeray's  hand;  the  vast  majority  were  by  Jerrold. 

In  the  same  number  (p.  155),  we  have  Thack- 
eray's first  mock -Irish  contribution.  This  con- 
sists of  a  letter,  signed  "  Your  obajient  Servant,  A 
Mimber  of  Parliament  for  Oppressed,  Degraded, 
Miserable,  but  Beautiful  Ireland,"  on  "  What 
should  Irish  members  do  in  regard  to  the  Ten 
Hours'  Bill.''"  The  insfenious  writer  contends  that 
inasmuch  as  the  mill-owners  oppose  the  measure 
on  the  ground  that  by  slicing  off  the  last  two 
hours  froni  the  day's  labour,  those  two  hours  on 
which  their  profit  depends,  the  difficulty  may  be 
solved  and  the  ruin  of  the  masters  averted,  by 
taking  "  off  the  two  first  hours,  which  are  not  in 
the  laste  profitable,  and  the  matther  becomes  aisy 
and  comprehensible!" 

The  next  week — "The  History  of  the  next 
French  Revolution"  was  running  the  while — there 
appeared  an  advertisement,  "  To  Persons  of  Fort- 
une," headed  "  An  Eligible  Investment,"  an  illus- 
trated comment   on  a  Times  announcement.     A 

far  more  important  contribution  (April  27,  1844) 
D  49 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

was  entitled  "  Les  Premieres  Armes  de  Montpen- 
sier;  or,  Munchausen  out-done,"  which  dealt,  in  a 
column  and  a  half,  with  the  fantastic  despatch  for- 
warded to  the  French  Queen  by  Colonel  Thiery, 
the  aide-de-camp,  or  tutor,  of  the  young  Due  de 
Montpensier,  in  which  the  Colonel  ludicrously  ex- 
aggerated the  heroic  gallantry  of  his  young  master, 
magnified  the  terrific  wound  which  gave  no  anx- 
iety and  would  leave  no  scar,  and  enlarged  on  the 
unaccountable  panic  which  seized  several  hundred 
of  the  enemy,  lodged  on  a  height  considered  by 
the  Arabs  to  be  impregnable,  when  they  beheld 
the  astounding  courage  of  the  youthful  warrior 
and  of  his  brother  the  Due  d'Aumale.  Mr.  Punch 
expresses  the  hope  that  so  imaginative  a  courtier 
as  M.  Thiery,  at  the  approaching  visit  of  the 
French  King,  will  follow  at  the  sovereign's  august 
back,  and  make  himself  known  to  the  Sage  and 
to  certain  Imaginative  English  worthies  who,  how- 
ever, cannot  claim  to  be  quite  his  equals  in  his- 
torical romance. 

The  most  important,  hitherto,  of  Thackeray's 
metrical  contributions  appears  on  p.  189,  entitled 
"Great  News!  Wonderful  News!  Shakspeare 
compressed."  It  is  a  celebration  of  a  reading  given 
at  Court  by  Charles  Kemble  of  Cymbclinc  "in  an  ab- 
breviated edition,"  and  is  to  be  taken  as  half  attack 
on,  half  encouragement  to,  the  Court,  rather  than 
as  a  lampoon  on  Charles  Kemble,  one  of  PitncJis 
frequent  butts.  It  consists  of  eighteen  verses,  and 
is  printed  with  marginal  notes  in  black-letter. 

50 


SHAKSPEARE  COMPRESSED 


"GREAT  NEWS!  WONDERFUL  NEWS! 


SHAKSPEARE   COMPRESSED 


Pnnri]  roonfteretlj  tljat 
S;l)akspfiir£  IjntI)  at 
Ifiigtljnppciireti  brfors 
ije  (!lXiU£U£. 


What  wonderful  news  from  the  Court, 
Old  Will's  at  the  palace  a  guest, 

The  Queen  and  her  Royal  Consort 

Have  received  him  "  a  little  compressed." 


^e  eattij  ijcr  ©rare  rotU  Who'll  venture  to  whisper  henceforth, 
nor  Aima.,nrnfibUH-9.        Her  Grace  loves  the  Opera  best? 

imt  take  ti)e  rigijt  Our  QuEEN  has  acknowledged  to  the  worth 
•ng  18 j£  roaijfi.  q^  Shakspeare  a  little  compress'd. 

Heiti)jr  iDtU  ijcr  ©race   Who'll  talk  of  Van  Amburgh  again  ? 
bcastEs  iicBiT  ito  mo.        ^^  more  are  his  beasts  in  request; 
They're  good  but  for  poor  Drury  Lane, 
At   home    She    has    Shakspeare   com- 
pressed. 


tlor  ijc  Itttcl  fTliuinbe 
(a  Billij  Dainr  fjlloiut). 


Away  with  the  tiny  Tom  Thumb, 
Like  mighty  NapoleOiV  dress'd ; 

For  Shakspeare  a  courting  has  come, 
Like  Tommy  "a  little  compressed." 
51 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 


prnid)  src5  (in  T\\Q^  Court  in  its  splendour  assembles 

courie  assmbif,  onb       (  i  "e  play  gives  its  dullness  a  zest), 
i^astcr  tjtmbif  tiif     And  the  last  of  the  Royal  old  Kembles 
Reads  Shakspeare  a  little  compressed. 


yiaijer  mitlj  Ijis  bolu? . 


®ijfij  formt  rcmnii  Behold  them  all  diamonds  and  lewels, 

ring  nujaU,  iin6  ting.       Our  QuEEN  and  our  Prince,  and  the  rest ; 
ting,  biiig:  ijc  piai]f   ^s  they  sit  upon  gilded  fauteuils, 

brginiiitlj.  ,      ,    ,■  r. 

And  listen  to  Shakspeare  compress  d. 


Act  I. 


X\i  firstf  ^rtr. 
(After  tljia  ijc  serumits 
IjaitB  mufftuncs 
alio:Dt£.) 


Great  Cymbeline's  Court's  in  a  gloom, 
Rash  PosTHUMUs'  flame  is  confess'd ; 

Poor  Imogen's  locked  in  her  room, 
And  her  love  is  a  little  compressed. 


Act  II. 


2Vftrr  tlje  inljicij  an 
intcrlubc  of  (Dingcr- 
Crrrc. 


Fair  Imogen  sleeps  in  her  bed, 

Iachimo  lurks  in  a  chest ; 
What,  locked  in  a  drunk .-'  the  Prince  said, 

I  think  he's  a  little  gompress'd. 


Act  III. 


lit  tl)ir{)c  3^ctf. 
"A  straungc  incififut  of 
imogcn. 

i-lourtslj 
of  (Trnmpfts. 


Now  Imogen,  flying  the  Court, 

Appears  in  boys'  trousers  and  vest ; 

O  fie,  I\lr.  Kemble  stops  short. 
And  the  act  is  a  little  compress'd. 


Act  IV. 


l)e  fonrtlje  'ktXt. 
t)e  Oluteiie's  ©rare 
n)i'cpctl]  for   Jniogijn, 
j)00t£  mox^t  \ 


When  the  Queen  heard  how  Imogen  died, 
(Poor  child  !  like  a  dove  in  a  nest). 

She  looked  at  the  Prince  at  her  side, 
And  her  tears  were  a  little  compress'd. 

5- 


AND    PRESENTED    AT    COURT 


t)£  ffittrcn's  05rn:e 
rfjoicctlj  tl)at  Imogijit 
is  DOt  BtbiJE. 


Act  V. 

But  O  !  how  Her  Majesty  laughed, 
When  she  found  'twasn't  dying  she  saw, 

But  fainting,  brought  on  by  a  draught 
From  Imogen's  mother-in-law. 


®i]£  $)iaij  ftcarotti)  niai)    And  now  come  the  Romans  in  force, 
to  a  close.  .      i    t~.  •        i     •  • 

And  PosTHUMUS  comes  in  their  train  ; 


t)trtB£  ta  rEroartcI). 


iSritannin  rulctl)  ijc 
t)£  plaij  cnbctlj. 


With  their  foot,  and  their  chariots,  and  horse, 
They  come  over  England  to  reign. 

Impossible !  here  says  the  Queen — 
Our  lady,  with  pride  in  her  breast: 

O  bring  me  the  lovers  again. 

And  pray  let  the  fight  be  compress'd. 


l)e  curtain  falktlj. 


GRAND    TABLEAU. 


ilaster Cicmble boroctij.   The  lovers  are  happy  as  just; 

The  lecturer  closes  his  book. 
And  bows  from  the  presence  august, 
W^ell  paid  with  a  smile  and  a  look. 


|)imcl)   iUoralisctl) 


Great  Lady  !  the  news  of  thy  court 

Poor  Piuich  has  oft  read  as  a  pest ; 
But  with  this  he  inclines  not  to  sport. 

As  he  solemnly  here  does  attest. 
If  it  please  you  our  bard  to  cut  short, 

It  doubtless  is  done  for  the  best. 
Be  pleased,  too,  we  pray,  to  exhort 

Sir  Bob  with  your  royal  behest 
To  shorten  his  speeches,  and  for  't 

Your  Grace  shall  be  heartily  blest  ; 

53 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

And  fiercely  I'll  joke  and  retort 

On  all  who  your  peace  would  infest. 

And,  though  joking  is  known  as  my  forte, 
I  never  will  jibe  or  will  jest, 

If  you'll  list  to  our  Poet  immort- 

Al,  and  love  him  complete  or  compress'd." 


CHAPTER   II 
VOLUME    VI.  {continued) 

Thackeray's  review  of  the  "  Academy  Exhibi- 
tion "  appeared  the  following  week  (May  ii,  1844, 
p.  200).  Those  who  know  Turner's  passion  for 
rendering  such  meteorological  phenomena  as 
would  enable  him  to  deal  to  his  heart's  content 
with  light  and  colour,  while  attaching  to  his  titles 
scraps  of  poetry — chiefly  his  own,  from  "  The  Fal- 
lacies of  Hope  " — will  appreciate  Thackeray's  bur- 
lesque catalogue-entries  under  "  Trundler,  R.A.": 

"  34.  A  Typhoon  bursting  in  a  simoon  over  the 
whirlpool  of  Maelstrom,  Norway,  with  a  ship  on 
fire,  an  eclipse,  and  the  effect  of  a  lunar  rainbow. 

O  Art,  how  vast  thy  misty  wonders  are, 

To  those  who  roam  upon  the  extraordinary  deep ; 

Maelstrom  thy  hand  is  here. 

From  an  unpublished  Poem. 

"4.  (Great  Room).  Hippopotamuses  at  play  in 
the  river  Scamander. 

"1311.  The  Duke  of  Wellington  and  the 
Shrimp*  (Seringapatam,  early  Suarin). 

*  Suggested  by  the  Napoleon  picture — "  The  Exile  and  the 
Rock  Limpet." 

55 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

And  it  can  be,  thou  hideous  imp, 
That  life  is  ah!  how  brief,  and  glory  but  a  shrimp! 

Frotn  ail  unpublished  Foetn. 

"  We  must  protest  against  the  Duke's  likeness 
here ;  for  though  his  grace  is  short,  his  face  is  not 
of  an  emerald-green  colour;  and  it  is  his  coat,  not 
his  boots,  which  are  vermilion;  nor  is  it  fair  to 
make  the  shrimp  (a  blue  one)  taller  than  the  con- 
queror of  Assaye ;  with  this  trifling  difference  of 
opinion,  we  are  bound  to  express  our  highest  ad- 
miration of  this  work.  It  is  the  greatest  that  the 
English  school  of  quiet  landscape  has  produced. 
The  comet  just  rising  in  the  foreground,  and  the 
conflagration  of  Tippoo's  widow  in  the  Banyon 
forest  by  the  sea-shore,  are  in  the  great  artist's  hap- 
piest manner." 

Maclise  is  bantered  for  his  numerous  pictures 
from  "  The  Vicar  of  Wakefield,"  and  Landseer  is 
satirised  for  his  realistic  accuracy  in  small  things. 
The  (alleged)  work  that  most  tickles  Thackeray's 
fancy  is — 

"25.  The  Highland  Luncheon. 

'Gin  a'  the  binks  that  fa'  your  body, 
Your  bubbly  Jock  and  winsome  poddie, 
Your  lilting,  lilting,   linkum  doddie, 
Should  gar  your  ee, 

"  The  words  of  the  Ayrshire  bard  were  never 
more  admirably  illustrated.  The  tail  of  the  Kelpie 
in  the  distance  is,  perhaps,  a  little  out  of  drawing; 

56 


A    BALLAD    OF    MALBROOK 

but  the  Stot  is  the  very  picture  of  Hfe ;  and  the 
mutton-ham  with  which  the  sheep-dog  (both  are 
hkenesses  of  eminent  pohtical  characters)  is  run- 
ning away,  is  unparalleled." 

In  the  same  Number  we  have  "A  Rare  New 
Ballad  of  Malbrook,  To  a  new  tune,"  in  a  pro- 
logue and  eleven  verses,  in  the  manner  of  "  The 
Fine  Old  English  Gentleman."  As  will  be  seen, 
it  was  a  bitter  attack  on  the  Duke  of  Marlborough 
of  the  day.  An  election  had  been  proceeding  at 
Woodstock,  and  a  portion  of  the  electoral  ammu- 
nition against  the  Duke's  part  in  it  consisted  in  a 
list  of  alleged  mean  and  cruel  persecutions  of  the 
poor  of  his  neighbourhood.  Jerrold  had  already 
produced  a  scathing  article  upon  the  text  the  week 
before ;  and  Thackeray  followed  it  with  his  "  rare 
new  ballad."  It  was  remembered  at  the  time  that 
Woodstock  was  the  scene  of  painful  elections. 
Only  six  years  before,  in  1838,  Lord  John  Churchill 
had  contested  the  seat  against  his  brother  Lord 
Blandford,  and  had  lost  it  by  only  five  votes,  after 
an  extremely  bitter  struggle.  On  the  present  oc- 
casion, when  the  anger  of  Punch  and  of  the  coun- 
try had  been  aroused  by  the  painful  revelations, 
the  contest  was  carried  on  by  Mr.  Humfrey,  the 
opposing  candidate,  hardly  less  vigorously  or  acri- 
moniously for  the  fact  that  the  Duke  had  rejected 
the  candidature  of  Mr.  Thesiger  in  favour  of  his 
son.  Lord  Blandford. 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 
"A  RARE   NEW  BALLAD  OF  MALBROOK. 

®o  a  Xcu)  (Tunc. 

TO  BE  SUNG  AT  WOODSTOCK,  AT  THE  ELECTION  DINNER  THERE, 


Last  evening  I  did  sup  at  Joy's  Hotel, 
Where,  to  the  merry  clinking  of  the  can, 

Great  Evans  (who  can  troll  the  chorus  well) 
Did  sing  "the  Good  Old  English  Gentleman." 
A  gallant  song  it  is,  of  moral  plan. 

And  somehow  always  makes  my  bosom  swell. 

Strange  visions  in  my  sleep  that  evening  ran; 

I  was  again  a  boy  of  Oxenford, 
And,  all  unheeding  of  the  Proctor's  ban. 

To  famous  Woodstock  town  had  driven  my  tan- 
Dem,  and  was  strolling  upon  Blenheim  sward  : 

Whom  should  I  see  approach  but  Blenheim's  Lord. 
He,  too,  the  tune  I  heard  at  Joy's  began, 

And  thus  he  sung — 

(5oob  ®ib  CnglisI)  ©cntlcmon. 


I'll  sing   you    a  good    old    song,   about   England's    days    of 

splendour; 
John  Churchill  was   the   famous  Duke  that  did  our  race 

engender. 
And   as   he   beat  the    French,  and  was   our   country's  best 

defender. 
Why  he   took   money  from  Queen  Anne  and  likewise  from 
the  Pretender. 

Like  a  brave  old  English  nobleman, 
Of  the  good  old  honest  time. 
58 


A    BALLAD    OF    M ALB ROOK 

Lord,  Lord,  it   is   a  dreadful  thing  to   think  what  my  sires 

got  thro'  in 
A  century  or    so    of    reckless    life,    and    made    extravagant 

doing  ; 
With  building,  racing,  dicing,  eating,  drinking,  courting,  Jew- 

They  emptied  Great  John  Churchill's  bags,  and  left  poor 
me  to   ruin. 

Those  brave  old  English  noblemen,  &c. 

This  nation  was  ungrateful,  and  so  I  plainly  tell  them. 
Why  give  us  Churchill's   park  of  trees,  and  then   not  let 

us  fell  them  ? 
Why  give   us   gold   and    silver  plates,  and  then   not    let  us 

sell  tliem  ? 
Plate  we  had,  but  mutton   and  beef  we   could  very  seldom 

smell  them. 

We  poor  old  English  noblemen,  &:c. 

As  the  people  treated  us  so  base,  why  it  is  my  maxim. 
Whenever  I  get  a  poor  man  down,  never  to  relax  him; 
Whenever   I   have   a   tenant  safe,  how  I    squeeze    and    tax 

him  ; 
Whenever  he  will  not  pay  his  rent,  I  sells  him  up  and  racks 

him. 

Like  a  true  old  English   nobleman,  Sec. 

My  ancestors  an  almshouse  built* — (the  greater  asses  they) 
For  a  score    of  poor  old  women,  as  could  eat  but  couldn't 
pay; 

And  they  used  to  come  and  crawl  about,  in  my  great  park 
way ;  ^ 

Hang  their   eyes !    like   so   many  flies,  all    in   the   sunshine 
gay ! 

What  a  sight  for  an  English  nobleman,  &c. 

*"*  Vide  Ptmch,  No.  147"  \i-e.,  Douglas  Jerrold's  article  aforesaid.] 

59 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

Their  rags  and  wrinkles  made  me   sick,  as   sure '  as  I  wear 
ermine ; 

To  turn  them  out  of  Blenheim  Park  I  graciously  did  deter- 
mine ; 

So  I  bricked  the  Almshouse  gate  up,  and  I  read  my  keep- 
ers a  sermon  : 

Says  I,  No   more  let  into   my  door  that  poor   old  crawling 
vermin  ! 

For  I'm  a  true  old  English  nobleman,  &c. 

There   was  John   Bartlet,*  who   picked  up   a  half  -  eaten 
rabbit — 

How  dared  John  Bartlet  for  to  venture  for  to  go  for  to 
grab  it  ? 

I  sent  him  to  Oxford  Gaol  because  he  dared  to  nab  it. 

No  more,  I  warrant  you,  he'll  indulge  in  that  there  villain- 
ous habit, 

And  steal  from  an  English  nobleman,  &c. 

Before    he    went    to    Oxford   Gaol,    this   Bartlet   had    the 

cholera. 
I  promise  you,  when  he  came  out,  his  cheeks  looked  paler 

and  hollorer. 
Fourteen  days  he  lay  in  gaol,  his  conduct  was  intolera- 
Ble ;  and  such  as  practices  vice  will  rue  it  if  they  foller  her, 
Says  a  moral  old  English  nobleman,  &:c. 

There  was  John  Harris,*  too ;  and  sir,  what  d'ye  think, 
He  was  a-riding  on  his   old   horse,  and    actually   gave   him 

drink — 
Gave  him  drink  in  Woodstock  Pond,  at  which  I  could  not 

wink ; 
For   I    am   Lord    of   Woodstock  Town,   and   will    suffer    no 

such  think, 

As  sure  as  I'm  a  nobleman,  &c. 

"  *  Vide  Punch,  No.  147  "  [/.  c,  Douglas  Jerrold's  article  aforesaid.] 

60 


THE    PUBLIC    CLOCKS 

The  parker  might   have  let  him  off,  but  I  was  firm  to  hold 
out, 

I  committed  and  fined  him  myself,  and  so  his  goods  were 
sold  out. 

Ruined  he   was    and   turned    out  of  doors,  with  nought   to 
keep  the  cold  out, 

And  the  knackers  got  his  silly  old  horse,  and  so  John  Har- 
ris was  bowled  out 

By  a  true  old  English  nobleman. 

So  now  let's  sing  God  save  the  king,  and  the  house  of  bold 

Malbrook, 

Take  this  here  example,  rogues,  of  a  gallant  English  Duke, 

And  voters  all  of  Woodstock,  let  all  grumbling  be  forsook, 

And  let  my  son  the  marquis,  for  your  parliament-man  took. 

P^or  he's  a  true  young  English  nobleman. 

And  loves  the  olden  time." 

A  protest — one  of  many  made  at  that  time — 
against  the  state  of  the  public  clocks  (May  25)  is 
in  Thackeray's  characteristic  vein  : — 

"THE   CLOCKS   AGAIN 

[  We  are  atitJiorised  to  publish  the  follozving  Ex- 
tract of  a  Letter  from  a  Yomig  Gentleman  who 
lives  in  the  New  Road,  opposite  Marylebonc 
Church^ 

"  \6th  May,  1S44. 

"Great  heavens!  how  long  is  the  clock  influ- 
enza to  continue  ?  Invited  to  dine  yesterday  with 
Lady  Mary  Scramjaw,  at  half-past  seven,  in  H-rl-y 
Street,  I  entered  that  street,  via  New  Road,  pre- 
cisely as  the  Clock  of  M-ryl-b-ne  Church  indicated 

61 


THACKERAY    AND   PUNCH 

the  hour  to  be  twenty-five  minutes  to  eight.  Two 
minutes  afterwards  I  knocked  at  Lady  Marys 
door — 't  was  ojDened,  not  by  the  page,  that  youth 
attired  in  green  all  over  yellow  buttons  like  the 
cowslip  meadows  in  May — not  by  her  footman,  a 
large  man  with  scarlet  whiskers  and  powder — not 
by  her  butler,  a  person  whom  I  have  frequently 
known  to  be  mistaken  for  a  dean; — but  by  a  maid- 
servant— a  person  in  curl-papers  and  red  elbows, 
who  stared  at  me  from  either  side  of  her  smutty 
nose  as  she  bade  me  ascend  to  the  salon. 

"  I  did  so,  unannounced ;  and  what  was  my 
astonishment  on  entering  the  drawing-room,  to 
find  a  female  in  a  camisole  with  no  front  of  hair, 
standing  on  the  centre  table  and  picking  out  the 
bits  of  wax-candle  from  the  chandelier  that  hangs 
in  the  middle  of  the  room ! 

"  Heavens !  how  she  screamed  as  she  saw  me. 
It  was  Lady  Mary  Scramjaw  herself!! 

*Jf,  JA,  Jf,  Jf.  Jf. 

-7t*  "A*  -7t»  •7t»  "7i» 

"  When  herfaintino;  form  was  carried  out  of  the 
room  by  the  footman  (who  had  his  hair  in  papers) 
and  the  butler  (without  his  coat),  I  found,  on  glanc- 
ing at  the  ormolu  clock  on  the  mantle-piece,  that 
it  was  only  Six  o'Clock.  I  had  come  too  early. 
I  had  been  misled  by  the  Marylebone  impostor. 
Is  this  not  too  bad — too  ijross  ?  What  are  we  to 
trust,  if  even  Church  Clocks  deceive  us  ? 

"  Adieu — Your  distracted,  but  affectionate 

"  Frederic  de  Montmorency. 

"  P.S.  —  Saturday.     I  shall  never  be  asked  by 

62 


A    WASHINGTON    DEBATE 

Lady  Mary  again.     The  Clock  is  still  at  35  min- 
utes past  7  (hang  it!)" 

A  lively  report,  dated  from  Washington,  of  the 
"  Animated  Discussion  of  the  Pork  and  Molasses 
Bill — Glorious  Discomfiture  of  Jer.Diddlers  Party," 
appeared  in  the  same  number.  This  grotesque 
document,  representing  the  debate  as  consisting 
chiefly  of  abuse,  knives,  and  pistol-shots,  after  a 
suitable  introduction  proceeds: 

"Solomon  Crowdy  was  great  in  his  speech  on 
the  Pork  and  Molasses  Bill,  and  showed  up  Jer. 
DiDDLER  of  Bluenose  county,  as  a  swindling  do- 
tard, and  Nick  Rudge,  of  Little  Jericho,  as  a  mur- 
derous ruffian. 

"Nick  Rudge  said  Sol.  Crowdy  was  a  liar;  and 
pretended  to  laugh  to  scorn  the  assertions  of  a 
forger  and  a  bankrupt. 

"  Sam  Blood  said  that  forgery  was  a  misfortune, 
and  bankruptcy  no  disgrace.  He  had  been  bank- 
rupt twenty-three  times  himself.  He  gloried  in  it. 
{Cheers)  He  would  not  see  his  friend  the  honour- 
able Sol.  Crowdy  attacked  with  starving  calumny 
for  such  a  trifle. 

"  Jer.  Diddler  accused  Sol.  Crowdy  of  let- 
ting off  a  man  who  had  helped  a  nigger  to  es- 
cape. 

"  At  this  shameful  charge,  Sol.  took  out  a  knife 
and  cut  at  Jer.  Diddler,  who,  drawing  a  pistol, 
levelled  at  Crowdy,  but  missed  him  ;  the  members 
on   either  side   rushed   in   to  the   rescue ;    in  the 

63 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

flurry  of  which  knives  were  used  freely,  and  blood 
rose  above  par. 

"  Enoch  Ram,  of  Guinea  Pig  Island,  was  left  in 
possession  of  the  floor;  and,  unless  a  surgeon  has 
doctored  him  up  by  this,  I  doubt  will  keep  the  floor 
a  lengthy ish  time.  He  was'  knocked  down  in  a 
mistake  by  the  Hon.  Joel  Brawn,  with  a  lead  ink- 
stand, which  came  a  little  too  handy. 

"As  Jer.  Diddler  was  going  home,  Crowdy's 
son  the  Major  sprung  off  his  board  where  he  was 
tailoring,  and  fired  a  pistol  at  the  Hon.  Jer.  Did- 
dler, saying,  '  Take  that,  you  old  rascal,  for  firing 
at  my  father.'  It  is  said  the  Major  is  going  as 
Secretary  of  Legation  to  one  of  the  old  Courts  of 
Europe,^' — that  "  enfeebled  old  Europe  "  which  the 
report  imagines  will  feel  rather  abashed  at  "  the 
august  spectacle  "  of  this  "free  and  independent 
debate." 

Thackeray  threw  his  heart  into  his  next  con- 
tribution. This  was  the  half-bantering  but  elo- 
quent denunciation  of  "  The  Prince  de  Joinville's 
Amateur-Invasion  of  England"  (p.  234) — an  open 
letter  "  From  Punch  to  Joinville,"  full  of  scorn, 
patriotism,  and  righteous  anger,  much  what  might 
have  been  addressed  at  a  later  date  to  the  Prince 
Henri  d'Orleans.  It  is  so  serious  an  effort  that  it 
should  be  quoted  in  full,  although  Thackeray,  in 
his  disgust  at  the  Prince's  absurd  pamphlet,  shows 
himself  more  of  a  France  -  hater  than  he  really 
was. 


''PUNCH   TO    JOINVILLE" 

"PUNCH    TO   JOINVILLE. 

"  Dear  Monseig^ieur, 
"  When  the  bones  of  the  hero,  who  left  a  leg- 
acy to  Cantillon  for  trying  to  assassinate  the 
Duke  of  Wellington,  were  given  back  to  the 
France  which  he  loved  so  well — it  was  you,  dear 
JoiNViLLE,  who  were  despatched  to  remove  the 
sacred  ashes  from  the  rock  where  they  lay.  I  al- 
ways had  a  good  opinion  of  you  after  your  con- 
duct on  that  expedition. 

"  It  must  be  confessed,  the  brutal  tyrants  who 
murdered  the  meek  apologist  of  Cantillon,  be- 
haved pretty  handsomely  in  the  matter  of  giving 
up  his  Imperial  bones.  You,  Gentlemen  of  the 
Belle  Poicle*  were  feasted  with  the  best  of  wine 
and  victuals:  you  were  received  with  all  the  hon- 
ours that  such  a  brutal  and  uncivilized  nation  as 
ours  could  invent ;  our  Government  acceded  to 
the  request  you  made ;  our  men  dug  up  the  body 
you  wanted  ;  our  soldiers  carried  it  down  to  your 
ships ;  our  guns  fired  salutes  in  its  honour  and 
yours ;  our  officers  and  governors  did  their  utmost 
to  please  and  welcome  you,  and  held  you  out,  at 
parting,  the  hand  of  fellowship. 

"  The  next  thing  we  heard  of  you,  dear  Jom- 
viLLE,  was,  that  you  had  fiung  your  best  cabin  fur- 
niture overboard ;  turned  your  ship  into  a  fight- 
ing monster  — all  guns;   and  had  made  a  solemn 

*  La  Belle  Poule — the  name  of  the  Prince's  ship. 
E  65 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

VOW  to  die — to  sink  to  a  man — 'ods  niarlinspikes 
and  lee-scuppers ! — rather  than  strike  to  the  Eng- 
lish. 

"  Nobody  asked  you  to  strike  to  them.  They 
had  just  been  treating  you  with  every  imaginable 
kindness  and  courtesy;  in  reply  to  which  you 
shook  your  fist  in  the  faces  of  the  brutal  Island- 
ers, and  swore  you  would  never  be  bullied  by 
them. 

"  It  was  a  genteel  and  grateful  way  of  expressing 
your  sense  of  a  kindness — a  polite  method  of  show- 
ing gratitude  worthy  of  the  most  civilised  nation 
in  Europe.  It  had  not  the  least  bluster  or  bad 
taste.  It  did  not  show  that  you  had  a  propensity 
to  quarrel — that  rancour  was  lurking  in  your  heart 
— that  your  return  for  hospitality  was  hatred  and 
rage.  Your  conduct  was  decent  and  dignified, 
and  worthy  of  a  gallant  sailor,  a  gentleman,  and  a 
king's  son. 

"  The  gratitude  of  your  nation  is  proverbial. 
The  fondness  of  the  Carlists  of  France  for  the 
men  who  sheltered  them  and  fed  them,  when 
their  countrymen  would  have  had  their  heads  off, 
is  known  by  all  persons  who  read  a  French  news- 
paper. You,  of  the  younger  branch,  seem  also  to 
possess  the  same  amiable  quality. 

"  What  a  compliment  to  our  country  is  this  new 
pamphlet  you  have  been  publishing!  a  compli- 
ment still  greater  than  that  of  proposing  to  fight 
us  with  the  Belle  Pcmle  I — You  were  kindly  re- 
ceived in  our  perfidious   Island  last  year.      You 

66 


"PUNCH   TO    JOINVILLE" 

visited  our  cities,  towns,  and  country,  our  towns 
inland  and  seaboard.  And  your  benevolent  patri- 
otism instantly  pointed  out  to  you,  while  consid- 
ering the  'Etai  des  Forces  Navales  de  la  France', 
that  it  would  be  very  easy  to  burn  all  these  fair 
quiet  towns,  lying  so  peaceful  and  confiding  along 
the  water  side.  They  were  entirely  defenceless, 
and  their  unprotected  condition  touched  your 
great  soul,  and  suggested  to  your  Christian  spirit 
easy  opportunity  of  plunder. 

"Brave  Prince:  bold  seaman:  good  French- 
man!— You  can't  see  your  neighbour  comfortable, 
but  you  long  to  cut  his  throat.  Prudent  States- 
man— you  are  at  peace :  but  you  must  speculate 
upon  war ;  it  is  the  formal  condition  of  the  nation 
you  represent;  the  refined  and  liberal,  the  honest 
and  unsuspicious,  the  great  and  peaceful  French 
nation. 

"  You  want  a  steam  marine  for  your  country, 
because  with  it  the  most  audacious  aggressive  war 
is  permitted.  You  don't  want  '  brilliant  successes  ' 
any  more ;  your  chivalrous  spirit  suggests  more 
agreeable  conquests.  '  With  a  steam  navy,'  say 
you,  '  nothing  will  prevent  us  from  inflicting  upon 
the  enemy's  coasts  losses  and  sufferings  unknown 
to  them  hitherto.'  The  riches  accumulated  upon 
our  coasts  and  in  our  ports  would  no  longer  be  in 
safety.  Our  arsenals  are  crowded  with  ships  :  how 
they  would  burn !  Our  warehouses  are  full  of 
wealth — what  is  it  for,  but  for  Frenchmen  to  plun- 
der .f*     Our  women  are  the  most  beautiful  in  the 

67 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

world.  Sacrebleu !  how  they  would  scream  as 
five  hundred  jolly  lads  from  the  Belle  Poule  came 
pouncing  down  upon  them  ! 

"  Dear  Joinville,  I  can  fancy  you  dropping 
down  the  river  Thames,  and  the  generous 
thoughts  filling  your  bosom  as  (the  Queen  per- 
haps by  your  side,  all  smiles  and  kindness,)  you 
look  at  the  millions  of  merchant -ships  lying 
round  about  you.  While  the  sun  is  shining,  the 
people  are  shouting  welcome,  the  Queen  smiling 
on  his  arm — the  dear  fellow  is  thinking  how  glo- 
rious it  would  be  to  burn  all  those  ships  and  de- 
stroy that  odious  scene  of  peace,  plenty,  and  con- 
fidence. Dear  fellow!  nice  Prince  —  God  bless 
you ! 

"  I  declare  I  never  read  a  paragraph  more  credit- 
able to  the  writer's  head  and  heart  than  this: — 
'  Our  present  packet-boats  would,  from  their  great 
siviftness,  form  excelle^tt  corsairs  in  time  of  war. 
They  could  come  tip  with  a  merchant-ship,  pillage 
IT,  BURN  IT,  and  be  away  before  the  war  -  steamers 
themselves  could  reach  themr  It  is  quite  noble — 
Christian,  thoughtful,  princelike,  and  Frenchman- 
like— it  ought  to  be  printed  in  large  letters,  in  let- 
ters of  blood  for  preference.  The  beautiful  reflec- 
tion of  a  French  philosopher,  suggested  by  a  scene 
of  plenty. 

"  By  heavens !  the  extravagances  of  mad  old 
GiLRAY  \sic\  the  severed  heads  and  reeking  axes, 
the  hideous  mixture  of  grinning  and  murder  with 
which   he   was   wont  to  typify  a  Frenchman,  are 

68 


"PUNCH   TO    JOINVILLE" 

feeble  compared  to  this.  Here  is  a  lad— the  hope 
of  the  nation — anxious  to  maintain  '  the  honour  of 
France  ' — and  how  ?  by  murdering,  pillaging,  burn- 
ing, butchering  in  England.  His  argument  is — 
You  are  at  peace ;  therefore,  had  you  not  better 
get  ready  for  war.^  'Employ',  the  dear  boy  says, 
'  the  leisures  of  peace  to  prepare  and  sharpen  a  blade 
IV hie h  will  strike  effectually  in  time  of  war.'  Of 
course,  that  is  the  end  of  peace. 

"Suppose  His  Royal  Highness  Field  Marshal 
Prince  Albert,  after  his  visit  to  Eu  the  other  day, 
had  taken  advantage  of  his  vast  military  experi- 
ence, and  on  his  return  to  England  had  addressed 
a  report  to  the  War-of¥ice  suggesting  a  '  Plan  for 
burning  Cherbourg,'  '  Hints  on  the  practicability 
of  bombardino^  Toulon,'  '  Slio-ht  suQ-crestions  for  a 
general  massacre  of  the  inhabitants  of  the  French 
coast  between  Dunkirk  and  Bayonne ;'  our  neigh- 
bours would  have  thought  it  a  delicate  compliment 
no  doubt  —  a  pleasing  manifestation  of  opinion 
from  a  person  closely  connected  with  the  throne;  a 
kind  proof  of  the  good  feeling  between  one  coun- 
try and  the  other. 

"  But  no ;  we  don't  do  these  things,  dear  Prince. 
We  are  perfidious  Englanders;  brutal  in  our  habits, 
vulgar  in  our  notions ;  absorbed  by  gross  pursuits 
of  commerce,  and  coarse  lust  of  gain.  We  are  not 
civilised :  we  do  not  care  for  glory.  There  is  only 
one  nation  that  really  cherishes  glory  and  possess- 
es civilisation.    It  is  yours,  dear  Joinville  !    There 

is  only  one  nation  that  prides  itself  in  its  rapacity, 

69 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

and  glories  in  its  appetite  for  murder.  There  is 
only  one  nation  that  boasts  of  its  perfidiousness, 
and  walks  the  world  in  the  sunshine,  proclaiming 
itself  to  be  an  assassin.  We  may  be  perfidious, 
but  at  the  least  we  have  the  decency  of  hypocrisy. 
We  may  be  sordid,  but  at  least  we  profess  to  wor- 
ship Christian  peace — not  Murder  and  Napoleon. 
"  It  is  for  you  to  do  that:  for  you  to  fulfil  the 
mission  given  you  by  Heaven,  which  made  you  as 
it  made  an  animal  of  prey.  It  is  only  you  who 
shout  daily  with  fresh  triumph  your  confession  of 
faith,  that  you  will  rob  when  you  can;  that  when  at 
peace  you  are  meditating  aggression ;  that  states- 
manship for  you  is  only  the  organisation  of  rob- 
bery; you  who  call  rapine,  progress — murder  and 
pillage, '  the  propagation  of  French  ideas,'  and  mas- 
sacre, '  the  maintenance  of  the  rank  of  France  in 
Europe.'  Go  pander  to  the  vanities,  Joinville,  of 
your  sage  and  reasonable  nation!  foster  their  noble 
envy,  recreate  their  angelic  propensity  to  work 
evil — inflame  their  Christian  appetite  for  war.  The 
King's  son  of  such  a  nation  can  surely  not  be  bet- 
ter employed  than  in  flattering  the  national  spirit. 
If  he  love  peace,  they  say  he  is  a  bad  Frenchman. 
Commerce  is  brutal  and  English,  unworthy  of  the 
polished  intelligence  of  the  French  people.  Their 
culte  is  glory.  Continue,  Joinville,  to  minister  to 
that  noble  worship;  the  more  you  insult  your 
neighbours,  the  more  'national'  your  countrymen 
will  think  you.     Uon't  spare  your  insults,  then, 

but  suggest  fresh  plans  of  invasion  witli  tlie  calm 

70 


"PUNCH   TO    JOINVILLE" 

assurance  which  renders  your  nation  so  popular 
all  the  world  over.  Assert  your  claims  in  the  true, 
easy,  quiet,  unambitious,  gentle,  good-humoured 
French-polished  way,  so  little  querulous,  so  calmly 
dignified,  so  honestly  self-reliant!  Do  this,  and 
you  can't  fail  to  become  more  popular.  Invent  a 
few  more  plans  for  abasing  England,  and  you  will 
take  your  rank  as  a  Statesman.  Issue  a  few  more 
prospectuses  of  murder,  and  they'll  have  you  in 
the  Pantheon.  What  a  dignity  to  be  worshipped 
by  those,  who,  if  not  the  leaders,  at  any  rate  are 
the  Bullies  of  Europe." 

"  Agreez,  Monseigneur, 

"  Les   sentimens  de   Reconnaissance    respectu- 
"euse  avec  lesquels  j'ai  I'honneur  d'etre, 

"de  Votre  Altesse  Royale  le  profond  Admira- 
"  teur. 

Thackeray  was  now  well  launched  in  political 
writing,  and  on  the  8th  of  June  he  dealt  with  both 
home  and  foreign  affairs.  On  p.  243  is  a  long  set 
of  "  Rules,  To  be  observed  by  the  English  People  on 
the  occasion  of  the  Visit  of  his  Imperial  Majesty, 
Nicholas,  Emperor  of  all  the  Rnssias  " — a  poten- 
tate whom,  on  his  arrival,  Mr.  Punch  actually  de- 
clined to  receive  at  his  office.  No.  194  in  the  Strand. 
The  Emperor,  however,  consoled  himself  by  visit- 
ing many  other  private  establishments,  as  well 
as  some  of  the  chief  public  institutions.  These 
"  Rules  "  are  really  a  passionate  appeal  to  the  na- 

71 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

tion  to  receive  him  with  frigid  politeness,  but 
"  Don't  touch  his  money" — except  to  hand  it  over 
to  the  Polish  fund:  for  the  wrongrs  of  Poland  were 
at  that  moment  arousing  the  pity  and  kindling  the 
indignation  of  the  country.  Thackeray's  prophecy 
that  the  Emperor  "will  be  dropping  his  money 
wherever  he  goes  "  was  fulfilled :  the  Tsar,  splen- 
didly received  and  entertained,  visited  Storr  and 
Mortimer's  in  Bond  Street  and  purchased  jewellery 
to  the  amount  of  ^5000;  subscribing  also  five  hun- 
dred guineas  a  year  for  the  "  Emperor's  Cup  "  after- 
wards run  for  at  Ascot  until  the  prize  was  with- 
drawn at  the  time  of  the  Crimean  War.  To  this 
extent,  therefore,  Thackeray's  appeal,  here  partly 
reprinted,  \vas  disregarded.  "  It  was  politically 
done,"  said  Douglas  Jerrold,  when  he  and  John 
Leech  concocted  between  them  a  tragic  design  for 
the  Cup.  The  following  are  the  chief  of  the  "Rules." 

"As  the  Imperial  Autocrat  of  all  the  Russias  will 
doubtless  make  visits  to  numerous  public  in- 
stitutions in  this  country,  it  behoves  Punch 
to  instruct  the  people,  as  to  their  manner  of 
behaviour. 

"  Remember,  the  man  is  a  stranger — his  visit  is  a 
surprise  (and,  perhaps,  not  an  agreeable  one — 
but  that,  as  the  poet  observes,  is  neither  here 
nor  there),  and  we  must  meet  this  surprising 
incident  with  presence  of  mind. 

"  Britons !  Nicholas  is  here :  and  as  he  is  here,  it 
is  our  duty  to  make  the  best  of  him. 


HOW    TO    RECEIVE    THE    TSAR 

"  If  you  love  Punch,  be  peaceful.  You  have  obeyed 
me  as  yet:  listen  to  me  now.  No  hissing;  no 
rotten  eggs;  no  cabbage -stalks;  no  howling; 
no  mobbinof — no  nothing. 

•  Only  Silence!  All  the  institutions  of  the  coun- 
try which  he  is  desirous  to  see,  let  him  see — if 
he  wishes  to  examine  the  PtiJick-o^<zQ,  our  boy 
has  orders  to  show  him  over  the  premises.  If 
he  is  hungry  or  athirst,  beer  from  the  opposite 
public-house,  buns  from  Messrs.  Partington's, 
the  pastry-cooks',  will  be  provided — and  at  our 
own  expense.  But  all  shall  be  done  with  a 
politeness  so  frigid,  that,  by  Jupiter  Ammon! 
the  Autocrat  shall  consider  himself  in  Siberia. 
If  he  leaves  money,  the  Order  of  'the  Swan 
with  two  Necks,'  for  the  united  publishers — 
snuff-boxes  and  stars  for  our  chief  contributors 
— we  shall  know  what  to  do  with  the  same. 

"All  England  must  do  as  Punch  does.  Listen! 
When  Nicholas  comes,  receive  him  well.  Let 
the  manufacturers  open  their  doors,  and  show 
him  where  they  lie,  work,  working,  in  their 
factories — 02ir  emperors  of  the  world.  Let 
our  railway  people  set  their  engines  to  work  as 
hard  as  they  like,  to  convey  his  Imperial  Maj- 
esty. Let  our  race  -  horse  keepers  show  him 
their  studs — even  the  teeth  of  their  horses — if 
he  have  a  wish  to  look  that  way.  Let  Colonel 
BuLDER  be  civil  to  him  at  Woolwich:  let  the 
Port-Admiral  be  polite  to  him  at  Portsmouth : 
let  the   keeper  of  Golden   Square   show  him 

11 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

over  the  green  labyrinths  and  perfumed  glades 
of  that  delightful  resort  of  enchantment.  If  he 
have  a  mind  to  eat  white -bait  at  Greenwich, 
let  not  LovEGROVE  balk  him. 

"  But  mark!  he  will  be  dropping  his  money,  snuff- 
boxes, brooches,  orders,  and  what  not,  wher- 
ever he  goes.  Money  costs  him  nothing,  remem- 
ber, and  he  can  afford  to  lavish  it.  Friends, 
Countrymen,  swear  with  Punch! — Carry  every 
shilling  the  man  leaves  to  the  Polish  Fund. 
Remember  what  is  the  hand  that  offers  those 
honours.  Don't  touch  his  money.  Hand  it 
over  to  Lord  Dudley  Stuart. 

"But  why  speak?  I  know  you  won't  touch  his 
money.  You  are  not  mercenary:  yon  never 
traffic  money  against  honour:  yo7t  don't  care 
for  titles — no,  nor  your  wives  either:  the  cau- 
tion is  quite  needless  in  our  country. 

"  At  Ascot,  in  the  Park  Reviews,  at  the  Opera, 
wherever  people  congregate,  the  order  of  be- 
haviour to  be  laid  down  is  simply  this:  Any 
person  who  hisses  or  hoots,  is  to  be  held  as  a 
snob — he  does  not  understand  good  manners, 
nor  the  decencies  of  hospitality;  but  if  any 
person  hurras,  or  takes  off  his  hat,  you  have 
Punch's  instant  orders  to  lick  him.  "  Bonnet" 
that  miscreant!  Flatten  his  beaver  over  his 
miserable  eyes.  Tear  his  coat  tails  up  to  his 
cowardly  shoulders.  Seize,  brethren,  seize  his 
trembling  legs,  and  away  with  him.  Ducking 
was  meant  by  Nature  for  that  man.     Pumps 

74 


THE    RULES    CONTINUED 

long  for  that  man — why  call  him  a  man? — that 
thing,  that  kickshaw,  in  a  word.  Friends! 
you  understand  what  I  mean! 
"You  must  not  be  inveigled  into  a  foolish  admira- 
tion on  account  of  his  Imperial  Majesty's  per- 
sonal qualities.  He  is  very  tall,  but  the  Horse- 
Guards  are  as  big;  very  handsome,  but  Widdi- 
COMBE  is  as  good-looking;  very  athletic,  but 
can  he  do  as  much  as  Mr.  Risley  or  his  little 
boy.f*  He  can  ride  very  well,  but  we  offer  to 
back  the  Marquis  of  Waterford  against  him; 
very  slim,  but  he  wears  stays;  he  is  very  broad- 
chested,  but  he  pads  enormously.  When  the 
Guards  with  their  silver  trumpets  play  the  Rus- 
sian National  Air — beautiful  as  that  melody  is 
— let  no  man  cheer.  Remember  the  trumpets 
that  played  it  when  the  Cuirassiers  of  Paske- 

wiTCH  rode  into  burning  Warsaw. 

^  %  *  *  * 

"  As  for  the  Press — there  is,  between  ourselves,  our 
friend  J — nk-^ns — but  Heaven  help  us!  never 
mind  what  he  says.  We  know  the  poor  fel- 
low's state  of  brains  under  that  powdered  sconce 
of  his.  Let  Jenkins,  then,  have  full  liberty  to 
be  as  complimentary  as  he  likes. 

"And  if  his  Imperial  JNIajesty  does  anything  hand- 
some for  RiGB  .  .  . 

"  \The  Printer  respectfully  states  that  Mr.  Punch'' s  MS.  stops 
abruptly  here,  nor  has  he  been,  heard  of  at  the  Office  since  he  went 
aivay,  it  is  believed.,  to  Greentoich,  to  dine  with  a  party  of  Young 
England.,  who  are  thinking  of  making  him  their  leader^'' 

75 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

On  the  same  page  is  a  jokelet  having  reference 
to  the  comparative  neglect  with  which  the  King 
of  Saxony  was  treated  during  a  visit  which  unfor- 
tunately coincided  with  that  of  the  Emperor 
Nicholas.  The  paragraph  is  chiefly  remarkable 
for  introducing  the  character  of  Lady  Wilhelmina 
Amelia  Skeggs  (see  ante). 

The  conviction  of  Daniel  O'Connell,  with  the 
heavy  fine  imposed  and  the  sentence  of  imprison- 
ment, brought  from  Thackeray  an  important  open 
letter  addressed  to  the  confined  leader.  It  is  a 
generous  article,  proving  once  more  the  warmth 
of  Thackeray's  heart  and  his  real  sympathy  with 
Ireland,  and  may  well  be  given  in  full : — 


"TO  DANIEL  O'CONNELL,  ESQ. 

"Circular  Road,  Di'bun. 


"  Dear  Silvy  OTellico, 

"  One  of  my  young  chaps  had  got  ready  a  cari- 
cature of  you,  with  about  three  hundred-weight  of 
chains  on  your  old  legs  and  shoulders,  and  you  in 
a  prison-dress. 

"  But  when  he  heard  that  you  were  rca//y  locked 
up,  he  said  he  would  not  for  the  money's  sake 
(though  I  pay  him  well  for  it),  publish  his  paltry 
picture,  or  do  anything  just  now  that  would  giv^e 
you  pain. 

"  Neither  shall   I  crow  over  you  because  it  has 

come  to  this,  and  because  having  played  at  bowls, 

76 


"TO    DANIEL    O'CONNELL,    ESQ." 

you  have  at  last  got  the  rubbers.  If  you  did  not 
organize  a  conspiracy,  and  meditate  a  separation 
of  this  fair  empire — if  you  did  not  create  rage  and 
hatred  in  the  bosoms  of  your  countrymen  against 
us  English — iiyoii  did  not  do,  in  a  word,  all  that 
the  Jury  found  you  guilty  of  doing  —  I  am  a 
Dutchman  ! 

"  But  if  ever  a  man  had  an  excuse  for  saying 
hard  things,  you  had  it:  if  ever  a  people  had  a 
cause  to  be  angry,  it  is  yours :  if  ever  the  winning- 
party  could  afford  to  be  generous,  I  think  we 
might  now :  for  we  have  won  the  rubber,  and  of 
what  consequence  is  the  stake  to  us  ? 

"  Though  we  may  lock  you  up ;  yet  it  goes 
against  our  feelings  somehow  to  think  that  the 
GREATEST  MAN  IN  THE  EMPIRE,  (for,  after  all,  havc 
you  not  done  more  for  your  nation  than  any  man 
since  Washington  ever  did  ?)  should  be  put  in  a 
Penitentiary  ever  so  comfortable,  in  a  road  ever  so 
circular. 

"  Though  we  may  lock  you  up ;  yet  for  the  life 
of  me  I  don't  see  what  good  we  can  get  out  of  you. 
As  I  said  to  Afrs.  Punch  yesterday,  '  If  any  friend 
from  Ceylon  were  to  make  me  a  present  of  an 
elephant — what  should  I  do  with  \X.}  If  a  fine 
Bengal  tiger  were  locked  up  in  my  back-parlour — 
what  would  be  my  wish  ?  Out  of  sheer  benevo- 
lence I  should  desire  to  see  the  royal  animal  in  the 
Strand.' 

"  Though  we  may  lock  you  up,  let  us  remember 
that  there  are  seven  out  of  our  five  -  and  -  twenty 

n 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

millions  of  fellow -citizens  to  whom  your  punish- 
ment is  a  shame  and  a  bitter  degradation ;  and  it 
is  ill  to  set  so  many  hearts  rankling  against  us. 

"  Are  they  not  bitter  enough  already  — -  the 
fourth  part  of  the  men  of  our  empire — and  have 
they  not  cause?  Does  the  world  show  a  country 
so  wretched  as  yours  ?  If  you  were  to  send  over 
the  Lion  of  Judah  to  Lambeth,  and  the  Dove  of 
Galvvay  to  London  House,  wouldn't  we  turn  their 
Lordships  out ;  and  shall  we  be  too  hard  upon 
you  for  trying  to  do  likewise,  and  failing  ? 

"  No.  And  though  your  sentence  is  a  just  one 
in  spite  of  all  they  may  say,  yet,  please  God,  let  it 
be  inflicted  with  a  gentle  heart.  I  like  the  judge 
who  burst  into  tears  when  he  passed  it, 

"Vulgar  triumph  over  such  a  man  as  you  — 
chuckling  over  such  a  great  discomfiture  as  that 
— is  the  work  of  low  -  minded,  sordid  knaves.  If 
ever  I  laugh,  it  shan't  be  because  a  great  man  falls. 
I  wish  you  would  come  out  of  prison,  for  how  can 
I  poke  fun  at  you  through  the  bars.^* 

"Why  did  you  invent  stories  of  murder  and 
massacres  which  we  never  committed  }  Why  did 
you  brag  and  swagger  so  much  t  Why  did  you 
tell  so  many  untruths  regarding  us  Saxons  1  The 
Truth  was  bitter  enough  and  hard  enough  to  be 
told.  We  are  mighty  angry  with  Nicholas 
about  Poland ;  *  but,  until  lately,  has  somebody 
else  treated  Ireland  better.'* 

*  Leech's  cartoon  of  the  following  week  represented  Queen 

78 


A    HINT    TO    THE    QUEEN 

"  I  tell  you  what  is  to  be  done.  It  was  arranged 
in  a  Cabinet  Council  last  nio^ht — where  the  Rioht 
Honourable  Mr.  Piinch  was  called  in  —  it  was  ar- 
ranged that  her  Majesty  should  take  a  trip  of 
pleasure  in  the  summer  (after  a  certain  interest- 
ing event),  and  that  her  steps  were  to  be  directed 
to  a  kino-dom  called  Ireland,  which  I  have  occa- 
sionally  heard  described  as  the  greenest  and  most 
beautiful  spot  in  the  world. 

"  She  is  to  go  suddenly,  and  without  beat  of 
drum.  She  will  take  the  first  car  at  Kingstown 
Pier:  and  Lord  De  Grey  will  be  disgusted,  and 
the  people  of  the  city  surprised,  to  see  the  Royal 
Standard  of  the  Three  Kingdoms  floating  on  the 
tower  of  the  seedy  old  Castle  of  Dublin. 

"  After  a  collation,  another  car  (or  '  cyar,'  as  you 
call  it  in  Dublin — and  a  confounded  vehicle  it  is) 
will  be  called ;  and  her  Majesty,  stepping  into  it, 
will  sa}^  '  Car-boy,  drive  to  the  Circular  Road." 

"  He  will  know  what  it  means.  The  Queen  has 
COME  TO  Ireland  to  take  Dan  out  of  Prison. 

"  '  Let  bygones  be  bygones,'  Her  Majesty  will 
sa}^  (only  more  elegantly  expressed,)  a  fib  or  two 
more  or  less  about  the  Saxons  won't  do  us  any 
harm :  but  try  now,  jewel,  and  be  aisy :  don't  talk 
too  much  about  killing  and  eating  us :  don't  lead 

Victoria  and  the  Russian  Emperor  conferring.  Behind  the 
head  of  the  Tsar  is  a  map  of  Poland  ;  behind  the  Queen's, 
that  of  Jreland.  And  the  legend  is  :  "Brother,  brother,  we're 
both  in  the  wrong."  The  title  at  first  intended  was,  "  Two  of 
a  Trade.'' 

79 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

poor  hungr)'  fellows  on  to  fancy  they  can  do  it. 
The  Irish  are  strong  men,  and  won  every  battle 
that  ever  was  fought.  That  is  ver}^  well.  From 
Fontenoy  upwards,  we  give  them  all  to  you.  I 
have  no  objection  to  think  that  C/f:sAR's  Tenth 
Legion  came  out  of  Tipperary;  and  that  it  was 
three  hundred  of  the  O'Gradys  who  kept  the  pass 
of  Thermopylae. 

"  Nevertheless,  have  no  more  of  that  talk  about 
bullying  John  Bull.  Keep  the  boys  quiet,  and 
tell  them  they  can't  do  it.  It's  no  use  trying;  we 
won't  be  beaten  by  the  likes  of  you. 

"  But  we  have  done  you  wrong,  and  we  want  to 
see  you  righted  ;  and  as  sure  as  Justice  lives,  right- 
ed you  shall  be. 

"  Such  are  the  words  that  I  wish  to  whisper  to 
you  in  your  captivity, — words  of  reproof,  and  yet 
of  consolation  ;  of  hope,  and  wisdom,  and  truth ! 

A  long  set  of  verses  (p.  252)  entitled  "The  Dream 
of  Joinville "  returns  to  the  savage,  fire -eating 
pamphlet  afore-mentioned,  in  which  the  amiable 
Prince  urged  his  father  to  invasion  —  a  literary 
effort  which  was  generally  received  in  England 
with  laugrhter  and  derision.  These  dozen  stanzas 
contain  such  characteristic  examples  of  Thack- 
eray's peculiar  form  of  humour  and  humorous 
rhyme,  that  it  is  surprising  that  this  poem,  at  least, 

had  not  been  rescued  by  the  bibliograjDhers. 

80 


"THE    DREAM    OF    JOINVILLE" 


It 


THE  DREAM  OF  JOINVILLE 


"  Continental  gossip  says,  that  the  Prince  de 
JoiNViLLE  having  had  a  row  with  his  royal  father, 
concerning  his  famous  pamphlet,  rushed  away  to 
Saint  Cloud,  where  he  slept  at  an  inn,  and  dreamed 


the  following  dream  : — 


*  -)F  -jf  ^ 


Stealthily  we  speed  along 

I  and  my  black  steamers, 
None  can  see  the  colours  three 

Painted  on  her  streamers. 
Not  a  star  is  in  the  sky, 

Black  and  dull  and  silent; 
Stealthily  we  creep  along 

Towards  the  wicked  Island! 

Ne'er  an  English  ship  is  out 
Somehow  to  defend  it ; 

So  we  reach  the  Thames's  mouth- 
Swiftly  we  ascend  it. 

Then  I  give  a  lesson  fit 
To  Albion  perfidious; 

Properly   I   punish  it, 

For  its  treasons  hideous. 

Swiftly  down  the  Thames  we  go. 

All  pursuit  outstripping, 
Blowing  every  village  up, 

Burning  all  the  shipping. 
Fancy  Ramsgate  in  a  blaze, 

Margate  pier  a-dropping, 
Woolwich  burnt,  and  red-hot  shot 

Plunging  into  Wapping ! 
8i 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

London  town  's  a  jolly  place, 

England's  pride  and  wonder; 
Mortal  eyes  have  never  seen 

Such  a  place  for  plunder. 
Lord  !  it  is  a  glorious   night 

As  my  steamers  pretty 
Moor  there,  and  my  lads  and  I 

Pour  into  the  City. 


*'  Here's  enough  for  each,  says  I, 

Whatsoe'er  his  rank,  lads, 
Pierre  shall  rifle  Lombard  Street, 

And  Jean  shall  gut  the  Bank,  lads  ; 
Every  seaman  in  my  crews. 

Shall  take  as  much  as  suits  his 
Wish,  and  needs  but  pick  and  choose 

From  Jones  and  Loyd's  to  Coutts's." 


When  my  speech  the  seamen  hear. 

Each  man  does  salute  his 
Admiral  with  loval  cheer, 

And  then  begins  his   duties. 
Some  burn  down  the  Monument, 

And  some  the  Tower  invest,  sir; 
Some  bombard  the  Eastern  end, 

And  some  attack  the  West,  sir. 


Gods !  it  is  a  royal  sight, 
All  the  town  in  flames  is 

Burning,  all  the  way  from  White- 
Chapel  to  St.  James's  ! 

See  the  Mayor,  in  cotton  cap. 
Asking  what  the  blaze  meant! 

When  we  hang  his  worship  up. 
Fancy  his  amazement! 
82 


THE    DREAM    OF    JOINVILLE' 

Kill  me  every  citizen, 

But  spare  their  pretty  spouses; 
Hang  me  the  policemen  up 

At  the  station-houses. 
Beat  St.  Paul's  with  red-hot  balls, 

Set  Temple  Bar  a-blazing; 
Burn  me  Paper  Buildings   down, 

And  Lincoln's  Inn  and  Gray's  Inn. 

List  to  no  man's  prayers  and  vows. 

Grant  to  none  their  pardons: 
Blomfield  hang  at  London  House, 

Peel  at  Whitehall   Gardens. 
Apsley  House  is  stormed  and  won. 

Seize  the  Iron  Duke,  bovs  ; 
Have  him  out,  and  hang  him  up 

To  the  lantern-hook,  boys  ! 

Gods,  it  is  a  noble  flame  ! 

Now  my  fellows  thunder 
At  the  gates  of  Buckingham  — 

How  the  Prince  does  wonder. 
Out  he  comes  with  sword  and  lance; 

Boys,  stand  back,  impartial. 
See  an  Admiral  of  France 

Pink  an  English  Marshal ! 


o 


Tell  us  who's  the  best  at  blows, 

The  Army  or  the  Navy  ? 
Carte  and  Tierce  !  and  down  he  goes  ; 

Albert  cries,  "Peccavi!" 
"  Spare  my  precious  husband's  life  :" 

The  Queen  upon  her  knees  is. 
The  little  Princes  kneeling  round 

In  their  night-chemises. 

*  *  *  * 

83 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

Just  as  I  had  raised  my  arm 

To  finish  Albion's  ruin, 
Came  a  cock,  and  crow'd  a  cursed 

Cock-a-doodle-dooing. 
It  was  morning, — and  I  lost 

That  delightful  vision — 
Cruel  morning,  to  dispel 

Such  a  dream  Elysian  !" 


CHAPTER    III 
VOLUME    VII.  SECOND    HALF-YEARLY    VOLUME,  1844 

The  alleged  violation  of  the  letters  of  Mazzini, 
then  a  refugee  in  England,  by  Sir  James  Graham, 
the  Home  Secretary,  afforded  Punch  material  for 
a  terrific  and  continuous  attack  upon  the  Minister, 
who  for  some  while  was  probably  the  most  unpop- 
ular, and  the  most  bitterly  ridiculed  man  in  Eng- 
land. On  the  29th  June,  1844  (^ol.  7,  p.  7)  the 
weekly  cartoon  had  for  its  subject  "  Paul  Pry  at 
the  Post  Ofhce ;"  it  was  signed  by  Leech,  and  one 
of  the  papers  lying  on  the  floor  bears  the  name  of 
"  M.  A.  Titmarsh."  For  Thackeray  had  written 
in  the  same  number,  an  address  entitled  "  Punch 
to  the  Public,"  in  which  he  works  himself  up  into 
a  fine  frenzy,  such  as  so  often  moved  Douglas 
Jerrold.  "  As  Lord  Lyndhurst,"  he  begins,  "  is 
Chancellor  and  Keeper  of  the  Seals,  Sir  James 
Graham  is  a  Breaker  of  the  same.  .  .  There  never 
was  a  more  absurd  complaint  than  that  of  Count 
Oysterowski  lately.  He  said  something  uncom- 
plimentary of  the  Emperor  of  Russia,  or  the  Im- 
perial Trousers,  for  which  the  police'  seized  the 
Count,  his  paper  -  knives,  and  the  papers  in   his 

85 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

desk.  If  a  man  chooses  to  talk  disrespectfully  of 
an  Emperor's  breeches,  it  is  a  natural  consequence 
that  his  papers  should  be  seized.  If  his  papers 
are  seized,  it  is  a  natural  consequence  they  should 
be  read.  If  they  are  read,  and  contain  anything 
treasonable,  the  fault  lies  with  him.  Why  did  he 
write  or  receive  anything  improper;  and  what 
business  has  he  to  abuse  the  breeches  of  any 
crowned  head?  The  only  Emperor  one  can  speak 
of  with  safety  is  the  Kaiser  of  Timbuctoo,  for  he 
wears  none — but  this  is  not  to  the  purpose."  And 
then  the  author  turns  serious  and  declaims  against 
the  outrage  with  sustained  warmth  and  generous 
illustration. 

"  Now,  Governments  are  like  men,"  he  contin- 
ues;  "more  or  less  suspicious,  according  to  their 
temperament.  Hence,  the  more  a  Government  is 
hated,  the  more  suspicious  it  will  naturally  be- 
come, and  the  more  it  is  its  duty  to  open  letters. 
What  a  happy  knack  at  letter-burglary  some  folks 
may  get  at  this  rate,  and  what  an  enlarged  sphere 
of  agreeable  'duties'!  It  was  the  duty  of  the 
Council  of  Ten  to  clap  any  gentleman  under  the 
Plombes  if  they  suspected  hini ;  it  was  the  duty  of 
the  Emperor  Napoleon  and  Louis  XVII.  to  have 
a  Cabinet  Noir,  and  to  open  everybody's  letters. 
.  .  .  The  only  monarch  who  perhaps  does  not 
open  letters  is  Timbuctoo  before  mentioned:  and 
why  ? — See  the  paragraph  concerning  the  panta- 
oons. 

"  A  Hint  for  Moses"  (p.  19)  is  one  of  the  numer- 

86 


"A    HINT    FOR    MOSES" 

ous  not  ill-humoured  quips  in  which  Thackeray 
indulged  at  the  expense  of  E.  Moses  &  Son,  the 
tailors,  who  were  at  that  time  one  of  the  greatest 
advertising  firms  in  the  City  of  London.  This 
sketch,  for  which  the  author  drew  a  couple  of 
illustrations,  deals  with  a  supposed  incident  out- 
side, and  ultimately  within,  the  shop  of  Messrs.  E. 
Aaron  &  Co.,  when  a  country  gentleman,  loudly 


addressing  his  little  boy  (a  "simple  pair,"  who 
have  been  gazing,  "astonished  and  charmed,"  into 
the  shop  window),  speaks  as  follows: 

''''Country  Gentleman.  Wawns  lod,  we've  seen 
Loonun  thro'  a'most;  but  ifackins  we've  see  noo- 
thin  like  this, 

87 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

"  Boy.  No,  dear  papa,  this  is  indeed  a  galaxy  of 
splendour  to  which  the  other  magnificences  of 
this  proud  metropolis  bear  no  parallel. 

"  Country  Gentleman.  What  would  they  say 
in  t'  village  to  see  thee  in  sooch  a  coat  as  that, 
my  lod  ?  Ai'm  blest  if  moother  would  know 
thee! 

"  Boy.  Dearest  father,  'tis  hard  to  deceive  the 
keen  eyes  of  a  parent,  and  my  mamma  would 
recognise  her  boy  in  any  guise ;  but  I  think  with 
you  that  she  would  rejoice  to  see  her  child  attired 
in  one  of  Aaron's  fashionable  suits."  To  the  in- 
terested delight  of  the  spectators  they  enter  and 
the  boy  is  duly  measured.  A  few  days  afterwards 
the  author  is  amazed  to  hear,  on  the  self- same 
spot  —  "the  Majories  "  —  another  country  gentle- 
man and  another  son  indulging  in  a  dialogue  be- 
ginning thus : 

^'Country  Gentleman.  Wawns  lod,  we've  seen 
Loonun  thro'  a'most" — and  so  on,  da  capo.  Con- 
sequently, "  Philo  Justitias  Amicus,"  who  recounts 
the  story,  proceeds  to  comment  unfavourably  on 
human  nature.  On  the  same  page  he  exultantly 
provides  "  A  Nut  for  the  Paris  Charivari,"  in 
which,  referring  to  the  Prince  de  Joinville's  con- 
tempt for  the  Emperor  or  of  Russia's  subscription 
of  ^500  to  the  Wellington  and  Nelson  statues, 
he  is  made  to  ask,  "  What  is  it  compared  to  what 
we  did  }  Didn't  we  contribute  tJie  Bronze  /"  "  In- 
teresting Meeting"  (p.  22)  is  a  skit  upon  the  West- 
minster Hall  Competition,  in  which  the  Duke  of 

88 


A    HINT    FOR    MOSES" 


Wellington  and  his  companion  Punch,  burst  out 
laughing  at  a  portrait  of  "their  mutual  friend 
Lord  Brougham"  between  two  sleeping  nymphs. 


AA'^^ 


.0      (^ 


-.'"if 


'"'Egad,  it's  the  best  thing  he  can  do,'  whispered 
the  noble  Duke," 

Referring  to  the  original  catalogue  of  the  Ex- 
hibition in  question  I  find  the  following  entries, 

which  explain  the  joke : 

89 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

I-66.  Nymph  Sleeping E.  H.  Baily,  R.A. 

167.  Lord  Brougham Edgar  Papworth 

168.  A  Sleeping  Girl Edgar  Papworth 

In  the  following  week  (p.  23)  we  have  Thack- 
eray's comment  on  one  of  the  greatest  turf  scan- 
dals of  the  century. 

"  Maccabeus,"  a  three-year-old,  had  been  passed 
off  as  the  two-year-old  "  Running  Rein,"  and  after 
winning:  the  race  the  horse  was  killed  and  buried. 
The  animal's  head  was  subsequently  exhumed  and 
produced  in  evidence.  In  commenting  on  this 
case  Baron  Alderson  gave  "  noblemen  and  gen- 
tlemen of  rank"  a  lecture  on  the  natural  conse- 
quence of  their  consorting  with  persons  below 
them  in  station,  Thackeray  snorted  at  the  snob- 
bery and  was  up  in  arms  at  once.  Under  the  title 
of  "  Running *Rein  Morality"  he  closes  with  the 
judge,  whom  he  dubs  "  Mr.  Justice  Jenkins,"  and 
throws  him  heavily.  Noblemen  consort  with  black- 
guards, he  says  in  effect,  in  order  to  make  money 
out  of  them,  and  noblemen  and  gentlemen  are  not 
necessarily  convertible  terms. 

" '  Avoid  the  Turf  blackguards,'  says  the  Baron. 
'  My  son,'  I  say  to  you, '  avoid  the  Turf  gentlemen, 
too.'" 

"  Punch's  Fine  Art  Exhibition,"  a  column  of 
mock  review,  not  of  the  Academy  Exhibition,  but 
of  a  series  of  humourous  drawings  by  John  Leech, 
is  in  the  same  number  (p.  26),  as  well  as  "  Moorish 
Designs.     {From  the  Nationaiy — a  parody  of  the 

90 


A    CASE    OF    REAL    DISTRESS" 


sensationalism  of  the  French  newspaper  in  ques- 
tion. The  London  Correspondent  of  this  well- 
informed  and  intelligent  sheet,  knowing  that  the 
Emperor  of  Morocco  was  raising  troops  in  Eng- 
land, and  hearing  that  Eng- 
lishmen were  off  to  the  Aloors 
next  month,  announced  the 
1 2th  of  August  as  tlie  date 
for  the  declaration  of  the 
war!  And,  finally,  we  have 
the  article  and  illustration 
which  caused  Punch  to  be 
excluded  from  France  for 
some  time.  This  was  "  A 
Case  of  Real  Distress,"  in 
which  Louis  Philippe  is  rep- 
resented as  a  "  pauvre  mal- 
heureux  "  —  which  Thack- 
eray, by  an  unusual  slip, 
misspells  "malheurex" — out 

at  toes  and  elbows,  besreins;  with  his  hat,  to  which 
a  tricolor  cockade  is  attached.  "...  His  cousin, 
Charles  Dix  by  name,  left  him  a  pair  of  shoes, 
which  he  has  worn  ever  since  1830;  another  cous- 
in, Antony  Conde,  died  and  left  one  of  his  sons  a 
decent  maintenance.  But  there  are  a  dozen  left 
quite  unprovided  for,"  &c.,  and  a  ridiculous  sub- 
scription list  is  opened  in  which  the  humblest  ar- 
ticles are  contributed  by  *Dan  O'Connell,  Lord 
Brougham,  Benjamin  Sidonia,  Esq.,  and  Pecksniff. 
To  those  who  remember  the  facts,  and  the  irritable 

91 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

state  of  the  King's  nerves,  the  galling  character  of 
this  scornful  half-column  will  be  manifest,  and  the 
exclusion  of  Punch  from  French  soil  will  be  matter 
for  little  surprise. 

During  all  this  time  Daniel  O'Connell  was  in 
prison.  Punch  had  kept  his  word  and  had  treated 
him  kindly  the  while.  The  Liberator's  son  now 
publicly  stated  that  "  the  prisoners  were  looking 
right  well  and  getting  fat"  and  that  admirers  out- 
side were  providing  them  with  dainties.  Thack- 
eray celebrated  the  occasion  with  a  set  of  verses 
entitled  "  Punch  to  Daniel  in  Prison  "  (p.  38,  20th 
July,  1844).  They  accompany  Leech's  cartoon  re- 
presenting O'Connell,  swollen  to  enormous  propor- 
tions, beaming  with  contentment  as  he  sits  in  his 
great  chair,  sipping  his  wine  after  dinner.  Punch 
is  glad  at  heart,  and  Thackeray  carols  forth: 

"PUNCH    TO    DANIEL    IN    PRISON. 

Immured  in  Dublin's  prison  base, 

Great  Daniel,  while  thou  smartest, 
'Tis  thus  thy  venerable  face 

Appeared  to  PuncJi's  artist. 
He  reads  those  weekly  bulletins. 

Which   of  your  health   informs  us. 
And  thus  the  prisoner  paints,  who  grins 

Contented  and  enormous! 

Perhaps  the  wicked  limner  shows, 

Inclined  to  laughter  spiteful, 
That  certain  patriots'  vaunted  woes 

Are  not  so  very  frightful. 
92 


TO    O'CONNELL    IN    PRISON 

Perhaps  he  would  insinuate, 

By  that  stupendous  figure, 
That  those  who  free  are  Truly  Great, 

When  wronged  are  Doubly  Bigger ! 

I  know  not  which  :    but  love  to  read 

Each  speech  of  Dan  the  younger. 
Which  tells  us  how  your  people  feed 

Their  chiefs  imprisoned  hunger. 
How  matrons  cook  you  soups  and  broths, 

How  cakes  are  baked  by  virgins, 
How  weavers  weave  your  table-cloths, 

And  fishers  hook  your  sturgeons.* 

Says  Dan,  "  My  father's  cheek's  as  red 

His  mood  as  blithe  and  merry. 
As  when  at  morn  his  dogs  he  led 

Along  the  hills  of  Kerry. 
His  mighty  lungs  were  free  to  talk, 

His  body  stronger  waxen. 
Than  when  at  Tara  or  Dundalk, 

He  bullyragged  the  Saxon."  i 

Amen  !    I  hope  the  tale  is  true. 

Thus  brought  by  Irish  rumour; 
May  each  day's  prison  bring  to  you 

Good  health,  sir,  and  good  humour ! 
Amen,  cries  Lord  Chief  Justice  Punch, 

Approving  of  your  sentence, 
It  is,  I  swear  it  by  my  hunch, 

A  jovial  repentance  ! 

"*ArR.  Daniel  O'Connell,  jun.,  thought  the  prisoners  were  looking 
right  well  and  getting  fat,  tliey  had  just  received  an  enormous  cake  weigh- 
ing 45  lbs.,  a  sturgeon  from  Limerick,  weighing  200  lbs.,  and  table-cloth 
of  Irish  manufacture,  &c.,  &c." 

93 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

No  chains  shall  in  his  prison  clink, 

No  ruthless  jailor  urge  him, 
With  lashings  of  the  best  of  drink 

I'd  pitilessly  scourge  him, 
'Tis  thus  that  noble  Justice  Punch 

Would  treat  his  Celtic  neighbour, 
And  thus  at  dinner,  supper,  lunch. 

Condemn  him  to  "  hard  labour." 

Nor  you  alone  but  good  son  John, 

And  Ray,  and  Steele,  and  Duffy; 
Ye  dire  Repealers  every  one. 

Remorselessly  I'd  stuff  ye ! 
I'd  have  you  all,  from  last  to  first. 

To  grow  such  desperate  gluttons. 
That  you  should  eat  until  ye  burst 

Your  new  Repealers'  Buttons !" 

The  expressions  "  Truly  Great "  and  "  Repeal- 
ers Buttons,"  have  of  course  their  special  signif- 
icance. 

In  the  same  number  (p.  42)  under  the  heading 
of  "  Literary  Intelligence,"  Thackeray  continues 
the  theme,  and  announces  that  O'Connell  in 
prison  is  devoting  his  leisure  to  a  new  and  im- 
portant work  —  a  second  series  of  "The  Epi- 
cure's Almanac:  or  a  Dish  for  Every  Day  in  the 
Year."  A  couple  of  pages  further  on  he  rebukes 
the  Editor  of  the  Nation  for  the  susf^estion  that 
O'Connell  should  bestow  on  "  T.  B.  C.  Smith  and 
Al^raham  Brewster  for  obvious  purposes "  the 
pair  of  Irish -made  razors  which  had  been  pre- 
sented to  him.  Thackeray  is  playfully  shocked, 
and  declares  that  Punch  "declines  (from  a  regard 

94 


A    ROYAL    CHANCE    LOST 

to  his  fingers)  to  meddle  with  edge-tools;  he 
would,  therefore,  only  suggest  to  his  confrere,  the 
Editor  of  the  Nation,  to  try  upon  the  amateur 
assassin  who  wrote  that  dastardly  joke,  not  the 
razor,  but  the  strapT  It  should  be  borne  in 
mind,  however,  that  the  bitterness  of  the  jest, 
such  as  it  was,  was  the  result  of  the  state  of 
burning  indignation  and  resistance  to  remorseless 
persecution  in  which  he  habitually  lived.  The 
title  of  this  item  is  "  Irish  Razors  "  (p.  44). 

Thackeray's  Irish  sympathies  reveal  themselves 
again  and  again.  On  August  17th,  just  after  the 
birth  of  the  Duke  of  Edinburgh  (referred  to  in 
Punch  as  the  Duke  of  York),  Thackeray  expressed 
in  Punch's  name  the  national  regret  that  Prince 
Albert  had  not  accepted  his  suggestion  to  sojourn 
with  Her  Majesty  the  Queen  in  Ireland  for  a 
while,  so  that  the  Duke  "  would  have  been  born 
in  Dublin  on  the  birthday  of  Daniel  O'Connell, 
and  the  little  New-comer  might  have  asked  a  holi- 
day for  the  old  one,  and  the  Queen  might  have 
numbered  one  loyal  Irish  subject  more." 
Thackeray  was  probably  serious  when  he  entitled 
this  little  contribution  "  A  Chance  Lost  "  (85). 

"  To  the  Napoleon  of  Peace  "  (p.  90,  24  Aug. 
1844)  is  a  long  letter  of  warning  addressed  by 
Punch  to  Louis  Philippe,  beseeching  him  to  act 
up  to  his  sobriqiiet.  "  Pritchard  has  been  cast  out 
of  Otaheite,  and  Punch  has  been  banished  from 
France,"  and  the  King's  operations  against  Tan- 
giers — which,  he  declares,  was  only  bombarded  in 

95 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

order  that  his  sons,  the  Prince  de  Joinville  and  the 
Due  de  Nemours,  might  receive  pensions  and  so 
be  provided  for — alarm  Thackeray  lest  Gibraltar 
should  take  fire  from  the  African  conflagration. 
A  little  later  on  France  was  to  apologise  for  its 
outrage  on  Mr.  Pritchard,  our  consul  at  Tahiti, 
and  to  make  him  a  handsome  indemnity,  but 
Punch  was  still  smartinsf  under  the  Kino:'s  act  of 
retaliation  on  himself.  Moreover,  he  did  not  be- 
lieve in  the  King's  protestations  of  peace,  and  he 
abominated  what  he  regarded  as  the  impious  war 
which  the  French  were  making  on  the  Emperor 
of  Morocco.  "  If  this  goes  on  much  further," 
Punch  concludes,  "  with  all  our  love  of  quiet  we 
shall  be  forced  to  speak  out.  The  Missionaries 
are  already  gone  over  to  the  war-party.  Have  a 
care,  great  Sir,  that  Punch  don't  join  them  too. 
Dire  will  be  the  day  when  that  event  occurs ;  and 
we  shall  be  compelled  to  perform  the  sad  and 
painful  duty  of  Poking  up  the  British  Lion." 

"  Fashionable  Removals  "  (p.  94)  refers  to  the  an- 
nouncement "  that  that  hardened  old  sinner  Me- 
hemet  Ali  "  is  about  to  retire  to  Mecca  and  ex- 
presses a  wish  that  "  a  certain- law-lord,"  Brougham 
Hadjee,  might  accompany  him.  "  The  Last  In- 
sult to  Poor  Old  Ireland  "  (p.  95)  tells  how  the 
author  of  "  The  Great  Metropolis  "  [James  Grant, 
the  Elder]  is  engaged  upon  a  book  about  that 
most  unfortunate  country.  And  "  Revolution  in 
France  "  (95)  makes  public  the  fact  that  a  Female 

Revolution  in  Paris  has  ordained  the  suppression 

96 


LORD    iMAIDSTONES    CHALLENGE 

of  flounces  and  of  "  elastic  crinoline  petticoats  " 

(p.  95)- 

"  Jenny    Wren's     Remonstrance "     (p.    96)    is 

another  instance  of   Thackeray's  combined  good 

humour  and  good  sense.     Young  George  James 

Finch- Hatton,  Lord  Maidstone  (father  of  the  late 

Earl  of  Winchilsea),  bursting  with  patriotic  ardour, 

contributed    to  the   Morning  Post  of   14th  Aug. 

1844    a    furious    fire -eating    salt -petre- breathing 

set  of  verses,  in  which  defiance  is  hurled  at  the 

French.     It  is  necessary  to  quote  this  spirited  but 

tactless  outburst  in  order  to  appreciate  Thackeray's 

reply. 

"SHALL   WE  WHO    CRUSHED   THEIR    FATHERS.* 

Shall  we  who  crushed  their  fathers  at  Cressy  and  Poitiers, 
And  bade  their  guard  at  Waterloo  "be  off,"  and  "clear  the 

way," 
Sit   tamely   by   and  tremble   when    swords    have    left   their 

sheath, 
And  Gallic  threats  are  bandied  in  the  British  lion's  teeth  ! 
^Tis  thus  they  prate  of  honour,  and  spit  upon  the  hetn 
Of  Britannia' s  regal  vesture  and  shame  her  diadem. 

No,  by  the  soul  of  Edward,  by  the  triumphs  long  ago 
Of  the  strong  Norman  lance  and  gallant  English  bow, 
We  will  not  cower  before  them  while  yet  a  bosom  stirs 
At  the  tale  of  Crispin's  Morning  or  the  Battle  of  the  Spurs, 
And  yet  they,  &=€. 

"  *  Vide  Morning  Post,  Aug.  14th,  1S44." 
G  97 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

Their  ships  are  rolling  in  our  ports,  their  banners  deck  our 

walls, 
The  tri-color  is  sighing  in  the  breezes  of  St.  Paul's. 
For  fear  of  us  a  hundred  forts  gird  Paris  with   a  chain, 
And  Jacobins  and  Anarchists  look  on,  and  daren't  complain. 
And  yet  they,  6^r. 

They  begged  of   us   a   favour,  and  we  yielded   them  their 

plea. 
The  ashes  of  Napoleon  from  the  island  in  the  sea. 
We  gave  them   all  they  asked  for,  but  we  could  not  give 

them  back 
The  glory  which  departed  when  we  thundered  in  their  track. 
And  yet  t/ny,  &=€. 

The  mark  of  England's  heel  is  trampled  on  the  neck 

Of  Paris  and  her  citizens,  of  this  they  nothing  reck ; 

But   though    her   youth    may   bluster,   and    swear    they   felt 

it  not. 
There   are    other   youths   in  England   can   make  the   brand 

as  hot. 

And  yet  they,  &'c. 

Then  Dupin  cease  to  prattle,  and  Joinville  cease  to  write; 

The  ancients  had  a  custom  to  hold  their  tongue — and  fight. 

Pray  to  the  God  of  battles  for  a  strong  heart  and  hand, 

And  a  better  sword  than  Hoche's  to  decimate  our  land. 
And  cease  to  prate  of  /lonotir,  and  spit  upon  the  hem 
Of  Britannia's  regal  vesture,  and  shame  her  diadem.''^ 

Thackeray  reprinted  the  whole  in  Punch  and  in 

a  parallel  column  set  beside  them  his  parody,  in 

which  he  laughed  at  them  one  by  one.     As  Lord 

Maidstone  was   a  "  Finch,"  it   is  to  Jenny  Wren 

that  Punch  is  supposed  to  have  confided  the  task 

of  "inculcating  peace."     The  reply  runs  thus: 

98 


THACKERAY'S    PARODY 

"JENNY  WREN'S  REMONSTRANCE. 

Having  perused  with  wonder  Lord  Maidstone's 
poem,  in  the  Morning  Post,  Jenny  Wren  indites  a 
humble  remonstrance. 

Jenny  does  not  consider  it  necessary  to  teach  the 
genteel  reader  that  one  of  my  lord's  respected  names 
is  Finch. 

SILLY    LITTLE    FINCHES.* 

Silly  little  Finches  have  silly  little  ears, 

Make  Yoxtiay  to  rhyme   with- way — little  boy,  it  is  Yoxtiers. 

Why  sit  by  and  tremble?  when  swords  have  left  their  sheath, 

Then  will   British  lions  begin   to  show  their  teeth. 

Spitting  is  a  nasty  thing,  zuhich  French  people  do, 
Little  lordling,  doiit  begin  expectorating  too. 

Royal  Edward's  in  his  grave — he  and  his  long  shanks — 
Did  he  do  our  people  good — butchering  those  Franks? 
Harry  Fifth  won  Agincourt — won  it  at  a  pinch — ■ 
What  became  of  Harry  Sixth— silly  little  Finch? 
WitJi  your  wiggle  waggle,   ^c. 

"*This  poem  was  ordered  from  the  young  lady  who  writes  the  chief 
lyrical  effusions  for  our  establisliment,  and  who  received  the  strictest  in- 
junctions to  inculcate  peace.  Hence  the  slaughter  of  Lord  Maidstone 
by  Jenny  Wren. 

The  bombardment  of  Tangiers  has  taken  place  since  his  Lordship  was 
sacrificed.  That  event  has  much  altered  our  opinion,  and,  indeed,  our 
desire  of  maintaining  terms  of  politeness  with  the  chief  of  the  F"rench  Gov- 
ernment. And  (though  we  laugh  to  scorn  the  pretension  of  any  man  who 
would  question  our  right  to  contradict  ourselves  as  many  times  in  a  column 
as  we  please),  yet  we  condescend  to  own  that  our  opinions  ixre  consider- 
ably altered  by  the  brutal  onset  on  Tangiers. 

Lord  Maidstone,  then,  has  been  untimely  sacrificed.  But  his  Lord- 
ship's mangled  corpse  will  serve  to  show  that  we  had  a  sincere  desire  to 
maintain  the  peace ;  and,  at  the  same  time,  it  may  be  looked  at  as  the  first 
victim  of  what  may  be  a  long  and  fatal  war." 

99 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

He's  a  silly  fellow  of  rotten  things  who  brags, 

At  church  best  look  at  your  prayer-book — not  those  bloody 

flags. 
What !  the  Paris  forts  were  built  all  for  fear  of  you  ? 
Silly  little  Finch,  so  to  cockadoodledoo! 
With  your  wiggle  icagglc,  &>c. 

Was  it  then  so  generous,  granting  them  their  plea  ? 
Bull-Finch!  are  not  islands  at/z^^jj- "in  the  sea?" 
Better  read  the  story  of  the  fight  of  Mount  St.  John, 
He  robs  us  half  our  glory  who  says  the  French  had  none. 

With  his  wiggle  waggle,  &'C. 

The  march  of  English  Wellington-heels  has  trampled  French- 
men low. 
Swaggering  young  poet,  pray  Heaven  it  be  not  so. 
Trampled  men  will  turn  and  hate,  that  full  well  we  know 
We  should  never  trample  on  a  fallen  foe. 
O  you  IV iggle-7i.' aggie,  &>c. 

Then   Maidstone  cease  to  rhyme,  and  Joinville  cease  to 

write, 
Better  'tis  to  hold  your  tongue  in  order  not  to  fight. 
Better  'tis  that  little  boys  remember  the  old  rules. 
Nor  cut  their  little  fingers  while  playing  with  edge-tools. 

And  cease  to  poke  at  Frenchmen  with  your  wicked  lit- 
tle pen  ; 
So,  to  little  Finch,  cries  peaceful  Jenny  Wren," 

There  was  undoubtedly  felt  at  this  time  consid- 
erable irritation  against  France,  soon  to  be  dis- 
pelled by  the  visit  of  friendship  of  the  French  King 
— the  first  visit  of  amity  ever  paid  to  England  by 
a  monarch  of  France. 

Before  this  event  happened,  however,  Thack- 
eray printed  (p.  no)  "  The  Wooden  Shoe  and  the 

lOO 


WOODEN-SHOES    AND    BUFFALOES 

Buffalo-Indians  " — supposed  to  be  a  chapter  "  by 
that  eminent  traveller,  George  Jones."  [Mr.  George 
Jones,  the  author  of  "  Tecumseh  "  —  an  absurd 
book — wrote  a  letter  from  the  British  and  For- 
eign Institute  in  defence  of  that  society  and  of  its 
founder  and  manager,  Mr.  John  Silk  Buckingham, 
both  victims  of  Piinclis  attack.  That  letter  was  a 
very  grotesque  document  and  Punch  published  it. 
I\Ir.  Jones  declared  it  a  forgery ;  Punch  facsimiled 
it  and  circulated  it  among  Jones's  fellow  members, 
just  to  show  how  good  the  forgery  was,  Jones  be- 
gan an  action  which  was  duly  defended,  and  he 
then  withdrew,  paying  all  expenses  and  admitting 
the  genuineness  of  the  document.]  The  Wooden 
Shoes,  as  will  be  seen,  represent  the  French  (Sa- 
bots) and  the  Buffaloes  the  English  (Bulls).  The 
article  is  accompanied  by  a  cartoon  by  John  Leech, 
entitled  "The  War -Dance  of  the  French  Wild 
Men :  as  at  present  Performed,"  containing  the 
portraits  of  Joinville,  Guizot,  vSoult,  Thiers,  and  the 
King — the  last  of  whom  is  squatting  and  beating 
the  tom-tom  for  the  dancers.  The  main  portion 
of  the  paper  is  as  follows : 

"THE   WOODEN-SHOE  AND    THE    BUFFALO-INDIANS.* 

"  All  travellers  agree  in  stating  that  the  pow- 
erful tribe  of  Wooden- Shoe  Indians  occupies  a 

"  *  From  '  Walks  and  Wanderings  in  the  Wilderness  and 
Wigwams,'  a  forthcoming  work  upon  the  Virgin  Forests  of 
North  America,  by  that  eminent  traveller,  George  Jones." 

lOI 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

large  tract  of  territory  on  the  Great  Salt-water 
Lake,  opposite  the  island  inhabited  by  the  Roast- 
Buffalo  tribe.  The  two  tribes  have  been  at  war 
from  time  immemorial ;  the  Wooden-Shoes  hating 
and  cursing  the  Roast-Buffaloes,  and  the  Buffalo 
having,  in  turn,  the  greatest  contempt  for  his  neigh- 
bour across  the  Lake. 

"  The  Wooden  -  Shoes  are  particularly  bitter 
against  the  Buffaloes,  because  the  latter  are  the 
only  tribe  in  America  over  whom  the  Shoes  have 
not  obtained  an  advantao^e.  The  Shoes  are  the 
most  violent  and  quarrelsome  people  of  the  Con- 
tinent: they  live  by  robbery  and  pillage  :  they  are 
little  skilled  in  trade;  hence,  probably,  their  dislike 
to  it,  and  their  extreme  fondness  for  war. 

"  A  Chief,  to  have  any  authority  over  them,  has 
hitherto  been  in  a  manner  obliged  to  lead  them  to 
the  war-path  ;  for,  when  left  to  themselves,  they 
are  so  quarrelsome  that  they  are  sure  to  be  cutting 
each  other's  throats ;  and  the  Sachems  wisely  con- 
sider it  is  best  their  braves  should  be  employed 
against  the  enemy  than  in  the  ruinous  practice 
of  internecine  slaughter.  Many  moons  ago,  there 
was  an  unlucky  Chief  of  the  Wooden -Shoes,  the 
Manchoii  Blanc  or  White  Mtiffhy  name,  who  was  of 
rather  a  peaceful  disposition.  The  Wooden-Shoes 
scalped  him  and  his  wife,  lifted  the  war -hatchet, 
burst  into  the  territories  of  the  neighbouring  tribes, 
and  such  was  the  vigour  of  their  onset,  that  at  first 
all  the  Continent  was  subdued  by  them,  and  made 

to  pay  tribute  to  the  victorious  Wooden-Shoes. 

1 02 


LE    PETIT    CAPORAL 

"  They  were  led,  at  this  proud  period  of  their 
conquests,  by  a  chief  who  was  called  in  their  lan- 
guage, Le  Petit  Caporal,  a  warrior  of  undaunted 
courage  and  amazing  savageness  and  cunning. 
He  conquered  all  the  Continent,  and,  though  of  a 
low  origin  himself,  carried  off  from  the  Great 
Father  of  the  Pipe  -  Smoking  Indians  a  daughter, 
whom  he  brought  home  to  his  wigwam,  puttmg 
away  his  first  wife  for  the  purpose.  But  the  suc- 
cesses of  the  Petit  Caporal  were  of  brief  duration. 
The  tribes  allied  themselves  against  him ;  and, 
headed  by  the  Roast-Buffalo  Indians,  whom  he  had 
never  been  able  to  master,  they  overcame  and  ut- 
terly annihilated  him. 

"  They  held  a  council  after  the  victory,  and  de- 
termined on  restoring  the  government  of  the 
Wooden -Shoes  to  a  younger  brother  of  the  Sa- 
chem who  had  been  scalped  by  the  tribe.  The 
Wooden-Shoes,  however,  indignant  that  foreigners 
should  intermeddle  in  the  concerns  of  their  govern- 
ment, determined  to  get  rid  of  the  family  so  im- 
posed upon  them;  and,  though  they  allowed  the 
first  chief  (he  was  called  the  Fat  Turtle)  to  reign 
and  die  unmolested,  they  took  occasion  to  seize 
upon  his  brother,  who  succeeded  the  Turtle,  and 
turned  him  out  of  the  government,  and  out  of  their 
territory. 

"  We  now  come  to  the  chief  subject  of  the  pres- 
ent memoir — the  famous  old  chief  who  has  been 
called  by  his  countrymen  La  Vieille  Poire,  and  who 
has  reigned  over  them  for  fifteen  years. 

103 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

''La  Vieille  Poire  was  a  relation  of  the  Fai  Tttr- 
tle,  and  his  family  (a  younger  branch)  had  inces- 
santly been  quarrelling  with  the  elder  for  the  chief- 
tainship. The  Poire  s  father  conspired  against  the 
old  chief,  who  was  scalped  in  the  outbreak,  and 
had  hoped  to  seize  the  government  when  the  Vieux 
Manchon  was  murdered,  but  the  people  scalped 
the  pair  of  them ,  on  which  the  Poire,  who  was 
then  a  young  warrior  distinguishing  himself  in  the 
trail  of  the  enemy  along  with  the  other  braves  of 
the  Wooden-Shoes,  fled  away  from  his  native  tribe, 
having  no  fancy  to  leave  his  top-knot  to  dry  on  the 
pole  alongside  of  his  father's. 

"  Vieille  Poire  then  rubbed  off  the  war-paint  of 
the  Wooden-Shoes,  and  joined  the  Buffalo  Indians, 
tattooing  himself  as  much  as  possible  after  the 
manner  of  that  tribe.  He  lived  about  among  the 
Buffaloes  as  well  as  he  could,  and  finally  came 
back  to  his  own  tribe  with  the  Fat  Turtle,  when 
that  chief  was  restored.  In  the  delight  of  his 
heart,  the  Turtle  forgave  the  Poire  all  the  evil  his 
father  had  done,  and  restored  to  hini  the  paternal 
wigwam.  The  people  revolted  for  a  second  time 
against  Fat  Turtle,  when  the  Poire  persuaded 
them  that  he  was  the  very  man  for  their  purpose, 
and  accordingly  they  elected  him  their  Sachem. 

"  Since  then  the  Poire  has  attained  a  position 
vastly  too  secure  to  be  ever  ousted  from  it,  and 
now  governs  the  Wooden-Shoe  tribe  in  spite  of 
themselves.  As  they  were  a  very  rebellious,  cap- 
tious race,  the  Poire  surrounded  the  principal  vil- 

104 


THE  WOODEN-SHOES  TURBULENT 

lage  of  the  Wooden-Shoes  with  blockhouses,  which 
he  filled  with  his  own  braves,  who  are  ready  to 
fire  upon  the  other  Wooden  -  Shoes  if  they  make 
the  least  disturbance  or  revolt. 

"  In  the  last  15  years,  the  Poire s  children  have 
grown  up,  have  taken  squaws  of  their  own,  and 
the  papoosey  now  begin  to  swarm  about  their 
lodges. 

"  Last  year  the  Poire  sent  one  of  his  sons,  called 
the  Belle  Potilc,  or  Fat  Hen,  on  a  visit  to  the  Buf- 
faloes. Thev  showed  him  their  Island,  and  he 
thought  it  was  very  rich,  abounding  in  game,  firs, 
and  wealth  of  every  kind — the  young  braves  who 
went  in  the  canoe  with  the  Belle  Pojcle,  looked 
upon  the  Virgins  of  the  Buffaloes  and  panted  for 
the  day  when  they  should  set  their  wigwams  blaz- 
ing, scalp  the  young  men  of  the  tribe,  and  carry 
off  the  girls  to  their  own  lodges. 

"  The  young  men  of  the  Buffaloes — who  have 
been  thinking  too  much  of  their  hunting  and  trap- 
ping, their  fishing  and  trading,  and  who,  from  a 
long  habit  of  beating  the  Wooden-Shoes,  have 
got  to  despise  them  perhaps  too  much — are  mean- 
while beginning  to  awake  and  get  angry  too. 
'  Shall  we  who  crushed  their  fathers,'  they  say, 
'  allow  these  little  savas^e  Wooden-Shoes  to  bluster 
and  threaten?  Are  they  to  go  on  for  ever  whirl- 
ing their  tomahawks,  singing  their  war-songs,  fir- 
ing their  rifles  within  an  inch  of  our  noses,  and 
the  Buffaloes  never  to  show  their  horns?' 

"To  this,  there  is  an   Old  White  Bison  among 

105 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

the  Buffaloes  who  replies.  He  is  very  old,  very 
white,  very  wise,  and  very  brave  —  perhaps  the 
bravest  chief  now  known  in  the  world — for  he  has 
been  more  often  on  the  trail  of  the  Wooden-Shoes 
than  any  known  warrior,  and  lie  it  was  who  took 
the  scalp  of  the  Great  Brave  of  the  Wooden- 
Shoes,  the  cruel  and  terrible  Petit  Caporal.  'The 
Wooden -Shoes,'  says  he,  'sing  and  chatter  like 
women  ;  the  Buffaloes  are  men.  He  who  is  silent 
can  see  and  hear  better  than  he  who  talks.  He 
who  is  still  can  take  better  aim  than  he  who  is  run- 
ning. If  the  Wooden-Shoes  dig  up  the  hatchet, 
the  Buffaloes  will  take  it  up;  and  they  know  how 
to  wield  it  better  than  anv  brave  amono^  the 
Wooden-Shoes.  But  it  is  better  that  their  young 
warriors  should  brag,  than  that  our  lodges  should 
burn.  The  yelping  of  curs  only  frightens  children. 
The  Buffaloes  are  men.  I  have  spoken.  Hech !'" 
In  an  effective  short  story  contributed  to  the 
same  number  (p.  117)  Thackeray  succeeds  in 
striking  at  two  of  his  pet  aversions — Sir  James 
Graham,  the  Home  Secretary,  and  Mr.  Bucking- 
ham's Society.     This  is  entitled  : 

"SHAMEFUL  CASE  OF  LETTER   OPENING. 
"  A  TALE  OY  THE  BRITISH  AND  FOREIGN  INSTITUTE. 


"  We  have  received  from  a  member  of  that  ab- 
surd place  of  meeting  the  two  following  letters, 
which  we  print  at  his  request : — 


106 


SIR    JAMES    GRAHAM    AND    SAMUEL    JONES 

^^  August  1 6,  1844. 

"  Sir, 

"  You  will  see  by  the  stamp  on  the  paper,  that 
I  am  a  member  of  a  club  which  shall  be  nameless 
— but  spose  its  in  George  Street,  Anover  Square. 

"  I  ave  friends,  lovers  of  litteryture  and  members 
of  that  club.  Halderman  Codshead  is  a  lover  of 
littervture  and  member  of  that  clubb;  Mr.  X- 
Sheriff  Spettigue  is  a  ditto  ditto — and  hah  !  what 
tremlous  ixitement  and  dalicious  hinflux  of  joy  I 
ave  ad,  when  Selina  Spettigew,  in  her  kinary 
bonnit  and  pink  muzzlin  dress,  attended  our  pres- 
ident's last  lecture  on  Jericho!  I  was  introdewst 
to  her  by  the  sheriff  that  day.  It  was  but  the  fom- 
mation  of  a  wild  itihcffable  tremenduous  passion  on 
my  part. 

"  I'm  not  the  honly  member  of  our  club  of  the 
name  of  Jones,  has  you  well  know.  I'm  not  only 
not  the  only  Jones,  but  I'm  not  the  only  Samuel 
Jones  —  there's  another  S.  J.  (ang  him,  or  if  you 
will  allow  the  stronger  word, /r^jF  doiit  baivk yoin^- 
sel/,)  there's  another  Samuel,  the  capting,  late  of 
the  Oxillary  Legium,  a  great  feller  of  near  six  foot 
hio[h,  with  emence  beard  and  mistaches,  who  al- 
ways  smoax  his  filthy  sigars,  and  sivells  and  swag- 
gers hup  and  down  the  club-room  as  hif  it  was  his 
own.  Heven  when  Buckinham  comes  in,  this 
great  beast  don't  stir  hisself  or  take  hoff  his  at. 
'V^ou  may  then  fansy  what  a  rood  monster  he  is. 
They  say  he  killed  two  gents  in  jewels  in  Spain: 

and  though   he's  perpcinly  hectariug  over  me,  of 

107 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

course  /ain't  a  going  to  run  the  risk  of  gitten  my- 
self anged  for  the  pleasure  of  shootin'  him.  Be- 
sides I  never  fired  a  pistol  ho£f  in  my  life—but  to 
my  porpoise. 

"  You  must  know  this  beest  is  always  opening  my 
letters.  He's  at  the  Hinstitute  from  mornino:  till 
night,  and  has  I  can  only  stepp  in  of  an  evening 
when  my  estabblishment  (Swan  and  Edgar's)  is 
closed — of  coarse  he  has  the  pick  and  cheius  of  the 
letters  that  come  in.  And  I  have  my  letters  di- 
rected there  as  well  as  he  has.  It "s  more  fashna- 
ble. 

"  In  this  way  the  blaggerd  has  red  many  scoars 
of  my  letters — those  from  my  Ma  and  Sisters — 
those  from  my  Aunt  Cowdy  in  Liverpool — from 
all  my  friends  in  fact:  for  his  curiosity  is  perfectly 
iiisashable.  But  once  when  I  opened  one  of  his 
letters  by  mistake,  the  great  broot  snapt  his  fin- 
gers close  to  my  nose,  and  swoar  he'd  pull  it  if  he 
ever  found  me  meddling  with  his  corspondance 
again  !  The  consquance  now  is,  that  I  am  halways 
ableeged  to  wait  now  until  he  has  opened  both  our 
sets  of  letters,  before  I  venter  to  look  at  mine.  So 
that  I  hoft'n  say  (in  bitterness  of  sperrit)  '  there's 
two  on  'em  at  my  letters,  Sam  Jones  and  Sir 
James  Graham.' 

"  Well !  When  I  say  I  made  a  favorable  impres- 
sion on  the  art  of  Selina  Spettigew,  on  the  night 
of  that  Lectur  on  Jericho — I  bleave  I  may  say  so 
without  fear  of  going  wrong. 

"  Old  Spettigew,  who  had  been  asleep  during 

io8 


THE    TRAGEDY    OF    SAMUEL    JONES 

the  lecter  with  his  bandanner  over  his  face,  woak 
up  where  Buckinham  came  to  a  stop,  and  said  to 
me, 

'•'You've  taken  care  of  my  Selina,  Mr.  Jones.' 
"'Sir,' says  I,  '  I  ave,' and  Selina's  i's  and  mine 
met;  and  we  blushed,  viy  how  we  did  blush! 

'"Fll  tell  you  what,  Jones,  my  boy,'  says  he  (he 
knows  my  fammaly,)  '  I'm  blest  if  I  don't  ask  you 
to  dinner.'  My  art  beat  an  hunderd  a  minute  ;  I 
went  and  called  a  cab,  and  put  the  dear  ladies  in 
for  Hunter  Street,  their  fammaly  manshan,  and 
Spetty  and  I  ad  some  supper  at  the  Hinstatute, 
which  I  stood — the  appiest  of  human  beings  ! 

:^  ^  ^  i)F  % 

"  Days  roaled  on — Spetty  never  asked  me  to 
dinner — I  pined  and  pined  as  I  thought  of  Selina. 
I  didn't  call  in  Unter  Street.  Pride  pravented 
me:  and  bisness  hours  isn't  over  till  eight.  I 
saw  Spetty  at  the  lectur  on  the  tomb  of  Cheops' 
grandmother  (dalivered  by  Mr.  B.),  but  he  evoided 
me.  I  was  too  prowd  to  notice  him — /  am  not 
poor  —  /am  not  an  adventurer  seaking  for  fa- 
viours.  My  father  is  an  aberdasher  in  the  west  of 
Hengland,  I  am  in  London  honly  for  my  heduca- 
tion. 

"  Fansy  then  my  disgust  one  day  at  hearing 
that  other  Sam  Jones — confound  him — a  standin' 
among  a  score  of  other  chaps,  roaring  with  lafter, 
and  making  no  end  of  fun — and  imagin  my  luxry 
at  overearing  him  say — 

"'You  know  that  little  beast  my  namesake  who 

109 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

comes  to  this  infernal  hole.  He's  a  haberdasher's 
apprentice.  I  open  all  his  letters  by  mistake — 
and  have  read  every  word  about  his  mama,  and 
his  sisters,  and  his  aunt  Cowdy.  Well  sir,  six 
weeks    a^o,    old    Spettigue    was    here   with    his 



daughter  at  Buck's  lecture.  The  gal's  a  mon- 
strous fine  gal.  I  heard  Spet  say  he  would  ask 
the  little  brute  to  dinner.     I  got  his  invitation ; 


answered  it,  and  by  Jove,  sir,  I  went.  Real  turtle 
— and  plenty /of  port  after  dinner.' 

"  Hearing  this,  I  was  halmost  busting  with  in- 
dignation. So  I  goes  up  to  the  other  Samuel 
Jones  and  I  says,  '  Sir,'  says  I,  'your  umble  ser- 
vant'. 

"  At  this  sarchasm  the  beest  bust  out  laughing 

1  lO 


THE    DENOUEMENT 

again — and  all  the  other  fellers  as  well — and  has 
for  me — I,  sir,  can  bear  it  no  longer. 

"  Ham  I  to  be  robbed,  my  letters  to  be  opened, 
to  be  bullied,  laughed  at,  in  this  dastardly  way? 
No  sir,  as  you  have  taken  the  affares  of  the  Hin- 
stitute  in  hand — I  imploar  you  pint  out  the  shame- 
ful impydince  practised  upon 

"  Your  constant  reader, 

"  SAMUEL  JONES." 

^'B.  &-  F.  I.  August  1 8,  1844. 
"  Sir, 

"  It's  too  late  now.    You  needn't  put  in  that 

fust  letter  I  wrote.     It's  no  good:  no  ballsem  to  a 

broken  art.     Send  me  a  straight  waste -coat,  for 

I'm  dizzy-stracted.     I've  jest  read  in  the  Morning 

Post  the  following : — 

" '  Married  at  St.  Pancras,  by  the  Rev.  Dr.  Golightly, 
Samuel  Jones,  Esq.,  K.S.F.,  K.S.T.,  M.B.  &  F.I.,  late  a 
Lieutenant  in  tlie  service  of  her  ]\Iost  Catholic  Majesty,  to 
Selina  Scramjaw,  only  daughter  of  Mortimer  Spettigue, 
Esq.,  of  Hunter  Street,  Brunswick  Square.' 

"  It's   his  reading  my  letters  that  has  done  it. 
TJiis  is  the  consequence  of  the  spy  system. 
"  No  more  from  your  unhappy 

"  Sx\MUEL  JONES." 


CHAPTER  IV 

* 

VOLUME    VIII.  FIRST    HALF-YEARLY    VOLUME,   1845 

Thackeray  spent  the  winter  of  1844-5  ^n  his 
Egyptian  tour.  "  Travelling  Notes  "  and  "  Punch 
in  the  East "  were  the  result,  and  not  until  the 
22nd  of  March  of  the  latter  year  did  he  resume  his 
miscellaneous  commentary  upon  men  and  things. 
The  first  little  contribution,  a  protest  against  that 
ever-recurring  scandal  of  the  time — the  circularis- 
ing criminal  barrister,  is  entitled  "  The  Honour  of 
the  Bar"  (p.  129).  It  consists  of  a  circular  ad- 
dressed "  To  the  Unfortunate,"  wherein  it  appears 
that  "  Mr.  Oily  Gammon,  Q.C.,  still  continues  to 
give  his  valuable  assistance,"  to  prove  or  disprove 
anything,  to  bully  any  witness,  cut  jokes,  shed 
tears,  provide  sentiment,  with  a  fine  assortment  of 
religious  appeals,  &:c.,  on  terms  to  be  pre-arranged 
with  his  clerk.  Thackeray  makes  no  comment, 
but,  after  the  presentation  of  the  heading  to  his 
readers,  prefers  to  let  the  satire  work  without  en- 
forcing the  moral.  "  Disgusting  Violation  of  the 
Rights  of  Property"  (p.  142)  comments  on  the  ar- 
rest of  poachers  on  a  field  belonging  to  Sir  Robert 

Peel;  and  "  Historical  Parallel  "  (p.  149)  compares 

1 12 


PRINCE    ALBERT    MISUNDERSTOOD 

the  Standard's  description  of  Peels  onslaught 
upon  Disraeli  ("  the  most  terrific  castigation " 
ever  delivered  by  man)  with  the  claim  of  the 
National  of  Paris — that  "  Soult  thrashed  Wellinor- 
ton  dreadfully  at  Toulouse." 

There  are  not  fewer  than  six  items  in  the  next 
week's  paper  (5  April  1845).     "Liberal  Reward" 


(p.  151)  refers  to  Lord  Ellenborough's  presentation 
of  his  own  sword  to  Sir  Charles  Napier,  and  sug- 
gests that  Lord  Brougham  as  well,  Lord  "  Ellen's  " 
backer  at  home,  is  anxiously  "  looking  out  for 
something  handsome." 

Then  follows  the  important  contribution — "  Mr. 
Smith's  reasons  for  not  sending  his  Pictures  to  the 
Royal  Academy."  The  artist,  Mr.  Sebastian  Smith, 
in  the  course  of  a  long  letter  to  his  aunt,  explains 
that  he  prefers  to  exhibit  only  at  his  native  village 

"3 


H 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

than  run  the  risk  of  receiving  the  distinction  of 
having  his  picture  bought  at  a  quarter  of  its  value 
by  the  Prince  Consort,  or  of  being  directed  to  dec- 
orate his  new  kennel  with  frescoes  at  a  ruinous 
loss  to  the  painter,  with  the  contingent  slight  of 
having  his  work  torn  down  later  on  to  make  way 
for  the  productions  of  some  inferior  artist.  This 
sarcastic  utterance  is  founded  on  a  false  announce- 
ment that  Prince  Albert  had  turned  Titian  out  of 
the  palace  in  order  to  make  room  for  modern 
work. 

The  circumstances  were  simply  these.  When 
Prince  Albert  built  the  "  The  New  Summer  Tem- 
ple " — that  "Pimlico  Pavilion"  which  Thackeray 
celebrated  in  Pimch  four  months  after  his  first  as- 
sault— he  determined  to  have  the  eight  semi-circu- 
lar lunettes  of  the  little  irregular  "  Octagon  Room" 
decorated  by  eight  different  artists  in  the  new 
method  at  that  time  so  much  discussed  in  connec- 
tion with  the  new  Palace  of  Westminster :  that  is 
to  say,  in  fresco.  He  desired  to  encourage  an  art 
which  was  being  so  successfully  practised  in  Ger- 
many ;  and  as  he  regarded  the  matter  in  the  light 
of  an  experiment,  as  indeed  it  was,  he  offered  only 
a  nominal  price  to  each  artist,  namely,  ^40.  This, 
no  doubt,  was  but  a  fraction  of  what  each  artist 
might  otherwise  have  claimed  ;  but  the  experi- 
mental nature  of  the  undertaking  was  readily  ac- 
cepted as  putting  the  matter  outside  commercial 
considerations.     The   subjects   were  to  be   taken 

from  Milton's  "  Comus,"  and  the  artists  who  finally 

114 


ETTY'S    MORTIFICATION 

illustrated  them,  taken  in  the  order  in  which  their 
works  appeared,  were  Stanfield,  Uwins,  Leslie, 
Ross,  Eastlake,  Maclise,  Landseer,  and  Etty — the 
latter  afterwards  superseded,  unwillingly,  by  Dyce. 
Etty,  then  at  the  very  height  of  his  fame,  had 
selected  "  Circe  and  the  Sirens  Three  "  and  "The 
Daughter  of  Hesperus."  But  his  work  was  out 
of  harmony — as  well  it  might  be — with  that  of  the 
others :  he  would  not  give  the  high  finish  or  the 
more  subdued  and  tamer  colours  that  his  com- 
rades loved;  and,  above  all,  he  worked  away  at 
fresco  as  if  it  were  water-colour  or  oil  painting. 
There  is  little  doubt  that,  although  the  two  "  Cor- 
ner-Sylphs "  that  filled  the  spandrils  were  alto- 
gether admirable,  he  himself  was  not  satisfied  with 
the  result;  and  contemporary  criticism  sweepingly 
condemned  it.  Nor  was  the  Prince  more  content. 
He  ordered  the  fresco  to  be  taken  down,  and  the 
commission,  as  I  have  said,  was  transferred  to 
Dyce.  Etty  was  ignorant  of  this  decision  when 
he  sent  in  his  second  fresco ;  and,  to  complete  the 
misunderstanding,  the  Prince  was  not  aware  that 
the  artist  had  proceeded  with  the  "  Hesperus " 
and  had  delivered  it,  when  he  sent  him  a  cheque 
for  ^40. 

Etty  took  his  mortification  with  pathetic  dig- 
nity ;  but  when  the  facts,  more  or  less,  leaked  out, 
his  friends  and  admirers  gave  noisy  vent  to  their 
indignation,  and  Thackeray,  as  is  here  seen,  and 
Jerrold  were  amongst  the  most  emphatic.  That 
the   former   was    not   much   out  of   his  estimate 

115 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

of  the  money-value  of  the  works  is  proved  by 
the  fact  that  when  the  two  lunettes  were  soon 
afterwards  offered  for  sale,  Mr.  Wethered,  who 
owned  many  of  Etty's  works,  bought  them  for 
^400.  It  is  interesting  to  observe  that  at  the 
Wethered  sales  (1856  and  1858)  the  sketch  of  the 
"Hesperus"'  was  knocked  down  for  ^105,  and 
the  "  Circe,"  at  the  Gillott  sale  (1872),  for  not  less 
than  ^600.  Finally,  it  should  be  remarked  that 
Thackeray's  suggestion  in  "A  Painter's  Wish," 
here  reprinted,  to  the  effect  that  the  Prince  had 
removed  Etty's  picture  on  account  of  the  nudity 
of  the  figures,  had  no  foundation  in  fact. 

"Genteel  Christianity"  (p.  153)  calls  attention 
to  a  sentiment  in  the  Court  Circular  to  the  ef- 
fect that  "  The  Bishop  of  London  held  a  confirma- 
tion on  Maunday  Thursday  of  iho.  juvenile  nobility 
and  gentry,  dfr."  "Who,"  asks  Thackeray,  "  can 
say  the  church  is  in  danger  after  this  ?"  On  page 
154  appear  the  following  verses  which  are  here 
printed  in  extenso,  being  as  true  to-day  as  when 
they  were  written ;  they  refer,  of  course,  to  the 
Etty  incident,  already  explained. 

"A  PAINTER'S  WISH. 

I  WISH  that  I  could  Etty  be, 
A  mighty  man  methinks  is  he; 
And  strong  enough  to  try  a  fall 
With  Titian  or  with  Peter  Paul. 
And  yet,  why  deck  a  palace  wall 
As  gorgeously  as  Peter  Paul  ? 
116 


"A    PAINTER'S    WISH" 

He'd  love  and  honour  from  his  prince, 
My  gracious  lord  would  blush  and  wince ; 
And  so  I  would  not  Etty  be, 
To  shock  my  Prince's  modesty. 

I  would  I  were  the  great  Landseer, 

To  paint  the  best  of  dogs  and  deer; 

I  would  not  care  for  glory,  since 

I  pleased  my  Queen  and  charmed  my  Prince. 

And  yet  I  must  not  wish  for  that. 

To  paint  my  gracious  Prince's  hat, 

To  paint  his  cane,  his  gloves,  his  shoes, 

To  paint  his  dogs  and  cockatoos. 

And  nought  beside,  would  weary  me ; 

And  so  I  would  not  Landseer  be. 

Let  famous  Edwin  still  be  free 
To  paint  his  Queen's  menagerie ; 
Let  Etty  toil  for  Queen  and  Crown, 
And  princely  patrons  spurn  him  down, 
I  will  not  ask  for  courtly  fame, 
When  veterans  are  brought  to  shame — 
I  will  not  pine  for  royal  job. 
Let  my  M^cenas  be  a  Snob. 

Paul  Pindar." 

In  the  printing  of  these  verses,  "  spurn  "  was 
misprinted  "spoon" — a  blunder  which  Thackeray 
corrected  later  on  (p.  1 70)  in  a  special  paragraph, 

"  Dog  Annexation"  (p.  159)  is  a  mock  report  of 
certain  police-court  proceedings  in  which  an  Ameri- 
can adventurer  named  Polk  is  supposed  to  have 
stolen  from  a  Brazilian  grentleman  a  carriasfe-dosf 
called  "  Texas,''  which    he    had    sold    to    him    in 

America.     The  defendant  escapes  on  convincing 

117 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

the  magistrate  that  he  had  only  "re-annexed"  the 
dog,  and  is  discharged — annexing,  as  he  withdraws, 
his  worship's  hat  and  stick.  Bearing  in  mind  that 
the  President  of  the  United  States  was  named 
Polk,  that  the  English  Foreign  Secretar}^  was  the 
weak  minister,  Lord  Aberdeen,  as  well  as  the  dis- 
pute between  the  United  States  and  Mexico,  the 
reader  may  seek  out  for  himself  such  political  al- 
lusion as  he  choose.  The  essential  portion  of  the 
"  Report  "  is  here  quoted: — 

"DOG  ANNEXATION. 

"  John  Polk  was  put  to  the  bar  charged  with 
robbing  the  Mexican  minister  of  a  favourite  dog, 
named  Texas.  The  circumstances  of  the  case 
Don  Bernardo  Murphy  stated  to  be  simply 
these: — 

"  Some  months  since,  John  Polk  sold  his  Excel- 
lency the  dog  (a  very  large  animal,  spotted  black 
and  white,  that  used  to  run  under  his  carriage), 
subsequently  a  fellow,  by  the  name  of  Houston, 
a  countryman  of  Polk's,  who  had  been  in  his 
Excellency's  service,  absconded  with  the  dog,  and 
he  had  that  day  seen  it  at  Greenwich  Fair,  whither 
he  had  gone  in  company  with  Chevalier  Bunsen. 
The  animal  was  tied  to  a  van,  belonging  to  the 
prisoner,  and  from  which  he  was  haranguing  and 
psalm-singing  to  the  company  at  the  fair. 

"  Policeman,  X.  21,  said — Please  your  Worship, 

there  has   been   more   picking   of  pockets   round 

118 


"DOG    ANNEXATION" 

that  'ere  psalm-singing  wan,  than  in  any  part  of  the 
fair. 

"  Mr.  Aberdeen.  Silence,  Policeman,  What 
has  that  to  do  with  the  complaint  ? 

"  The  Mexican  Minister  continued,  in  a  very 
agitated  manner,  '  I  instantly  recognised  my  dog, 
and  gave  the  scoundrel  yonder  in  charge  to  a 
policeman.' 

"'Scoundrel!'  the  prisoner  cried,  {a  very  sancti- 
monious-looking felloiu,  who  field  the  dog  in  his 
arms) — '  Am  I  in  a  Christian  land,  to  hear  myself 
called  by  such  names .''  Are  we  men.?  Are  we 
brethren  ?  Have  we  blessings  and  privileges,  or 
have  we  not?  I  come  of  a  country  the  most  en- 
lightened, the  most  religious,  the  most  freest, 
honestest,  punctualest,  on  this  airth,  I  do.' 

"  Mr.  Aberdeen  (with  a  profound  bow).  You 
are  an  American,  I  suppose  ? 

"  Polk.  I  thank  a  gracious  mussy  I  am  !  I  can 
appeal  to  everything  that  is  holy,  and,  laying  my 
hand  on  my  heart,  declare  I  am  an  honest  man. 
I  scorn  the  accusation  that  I  stole  the  complain- 
ant's dog.  The  dog  is  my  dog — mine  by  the  laws 
of  heaven,  airth,  right,  nature,  and  possession. 

"  Don  Bernardo  Murphy,  very  much  agitated, 
here  cried  out — '  How  yours }  I  can  swear  to  the 
animal.     I  bought  him  of  you.' 

"  Polk.  You  did.  It's  as  true  as  I'm  a  free-born 
man. 

"  Don  Bernardo.  A  man  who  was  an  old  servant 

of  yours  comes  into  my  service  and  steals  the  dog. 

119 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

"  Polk.  A  blesseder  truth  you  never  told. 

"Don  Bernardo.  And  I  find  the  animal  now 
again  in  your  possession. 

"  Polk  {ciiddling  the  dog).  Yes,  my  old  dog — 
yes,  my  old  Texas,  it  did  like  to  come  back  to  its 
old  master,  it  did ! 

"  Don  Bernardo  {in  a  ftiry).  I  ask  your  wor- 
ship, isn't  this  too  monstrous } 

"  Mr.  Aberdeen.  Your  excellency  will  permit 
me  to  observe  that  we  have  not  yet  heard  Mr. 
Polk's  defence.  In  a  British  court  justice  must 
be  shown,  and  no  favour. 

"  Polk.  I  scorn  a  defence.  The  dosf  returned 
to  me  by  a  lor  of  natur — it's  wicked  to  fly  aginst  a 
law  of  natur.  If  I  sold  the  dog,  and  by  the  irre- 
sistible attraction  of  cohesion,  and  the  eternal  or- 
der of  things,  he  comes  back  to  me  —  am  I  to 
blame  ?  Its  monstrous,  heinous,  reglar  blasphemy 
to  say  so. 

"  Mr.  Aberdeen  appeared  deeply  struck  by  the 
latter  observation. 

"  Polk  {contimicd).  I  didn't  steal  the  animal. 
Steal.?  Is  a  man  of  my  character  to  be  called  a 
thief.'*  I  reatinexed  him  —  that's  all.  Besides, 
what  jurisdiction  has  this  here  court.-*  what  au- 
thority has  any  court  on  airth  in  a  question  pure- 
ly American.?  My  bargain  with  Don  Bernardo 
Murphy  took  place  out  of  this  country — the  dog- 
came  back  to  me  thousands  of  miles  away  here- 
from. 

"  Mr.  Aberdeen.  In  that  case,  I  really  must  dis- 

I20 


"THE    IRISH    MARTYRS" 

miss  the  complaint.  Allow  me  to  state  my  opin- 
ion, Mr.  Polk,  that  the  dog  is  yours;  I  have  no 
business  to  inquire  into  questions  of  annexation 
as  you  call  it,  or  of  robbery  as  his  Excellency  here 
(very  rudely,  I  must  think)  entitles  your  bargain 
I  entreat  rather  that  gentlemen  so  respectable 
should  live  together  in  harmony  ;  and — and,  I  wish 
you  both  a  very  good  morning. 

"  Mr.  Polk  then  left  the  office  whistling  to  his 
dog,  and  making  signs  of  contempt  at  Don  Ber- 
nardo Murphy,  who  slunk  away  in  a  cab.  .  .  ." 

On  the  same  page  "The  '82  Club  Uniform" 
shows  how  Smith  O'Brien  declared  that  costume 
to  be  the  proper  military  uniform  of  Ireland,  only 
now  requiring  a  sword  to  complete  it — a  sugges- 
tion which  "dreadfully  frightened  Mr.O'Connell." 

Thackeray  returns  to  the  subject  the  week  (p. 
168)  with  a  characteristic  verse,  entitled  "  The 
Irish  Martyrs :  '  The  Martvrs  wore  the  uniform  of 
the '84  Club'": 

"  At  Kilkenti}'  King  Dan  and  his  Marthyrs 

Sat  down  to  their  platthers  and  jorums, 
In  lovely  green-coats  and  goold  garthers — 

Och  sure  they  are  sweet  uniforums  ! 
But  there's  martyrs  besides  those  repailers 

Who  on  the  occasion  displayed  them — 
The  martyrs  I  mean  are  the  tailors, 

The  tailors  at  Dublin  who  made  them." 

The  author  seems  somewhat  out  of  temper  this 
week;    in  "For  the   Court   Circular"  (p.  167)  he 


121 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

twits  Disraeli  for  not  retaliating  on  Peel;  in  "  Royal 
Patronage  of  Art"  he  once  more  animadverts  on 
the  financial  rout  of  artists  honoured  by  the  Court ; 
and  again,  in  "  Gross  Insult  to  the  Court"  (p.  170) 
he  pointedly  refers  to  the  offer  by  a  Birmingham 
tradesman  to  Mr,  Turner  of  ^5000  for  three  pict- 
ures. To  this  Punch  adds  a  Note  :  "  We  have  our 
private  opinion  of  the  tradesman  who  made,  and 
the  artist  who  7'cfused,  the  above  offer,  but  that  is 
neither  here  nor  there." 

Returning  to  the  gossip  to  which  he  alludes  in 
"  Mr.  Smith  s  Reasons  "  and  "  Royal  Patronage  of 
Art,"  Thackeray  deals  yet  again  with  the  matter  a 
week  later  in  a  pretended  address  by  Punch  to 
"the  Commission  of  Fine  Arts"  (p.  172) — a  body 
which  had  first  been  gazetted  in  November  of 
1 84 1.  He  cannot  believe  the  story,  he  says,  and 
begs  the  Commission  to  inquire  into  and  denounce 
the  truth  of  it.  It  is, he  says,  "impossible,"  yet  he 
continues:  "'A  great  prince  insulting  a  poor  artist, 
is  like  a  lifeguardsman  bullying  a  little  baby. 
There  is  something  cruel  in  the  mere  idea.  The 
poor  thing  can't  resist :  it  was  only  meant  for  ca- 
ressing and  kindness,  to  be  dandled  on  the  giant's 
knee,  not  pommelled  by  his  great  fist.  .  .  .  What 
is  a  royal  Prince  who  knows  his  business  1 . . .  W^e 
place  him  glittering  above  us ;  his  part  of  the  job 
is  to  shine  and  be  splendid  like  the  sun — the  sun, 
which  shines  not  only  on  mountains,  castles,  ele- 
phants, and  such  big  things,  but  kindly  illuminates 

a  cock-sparrow  in  a  gutter,  and  warms  a  worm  on 

1 22 


"LITERARY    NEWS" 

a  dunghill."  They  are,  he  says, " '  allegations  which 
I  myself  totally  disbelieve.  I  don't  believe  that  a 
generous  British  Court  asked  for  a  picture,  didn't 
pay  for  a  picture,  and  ended  by  removing  it  from 
the  wall' . . .  Here  amidst  a  great  uproar  of  shrieks, 
yells,  hisses,  cries  of  '  treason,'  '  turn  him  out,'  &c., 
Mr.  Pnitc/is  Speech  was  concluded  by  his  being 
hustled  out  of  the  committee-room  by  the  police- 
man." It  is  clear  from  the  w^hole  of  this  long  article 
that  Thackeray  thoroughly  believed  in  the  charge 
he  was  bringing,  and  that  the  chivalry  of  his  nature 
roused  him  to  unusual  indignation.  But  it  was 
only  when  it  was  too  late  that  Mr.  Punch  regretted 
the  injustice  of  his  criticism  of  Albert  the  Good. 

Under  the  title  of  "Literary  News"  (p.  184) 
Thackeray  compares  two  recent  journalistic  events: 
"  Louis  Philippe  makes  Victor  Hugo  a  Peer  of 
France,  and  the  Duke  of  Wellington  calls  the 
Morning  Post  a  liar.  In  France  the  Journalists 
think  that  the  King  has  bestowed  a  deserved  hon- . 
our  on  one  of  their  profession.  In  England,  the 
Morning-  Post  feels  much  obliged  because  the 
Duke  accuses  it  of  falsehood.  In  return  for  this 
compliment,  the  brave  Briton  cringes  down  to  the 
testy  old  nobleman's  feet.  ...  In  France,  then,  a 
literary  man  is  made  a  Duke  ;  in  England  he  is 
happy  to  be  kicked  by  one." 

The  facts  are  these :  On  leaving  the  House  of 
Lords  the  Duke  gave  his  arm  to  a  short-sighted 
member,  and  the  reporter,  not  properly  discrimi- 
nating, thought  it  was  the  Duke  who  was  being 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

led  away.  He  hastened  to  Apsley  House  and  on 
being  informed  that  the  Duke  was  well,  reported 
to  his  paper  the  "facts  "  of  the  illness  and  conva- 
lescence. The  Duke,  with  characteristic  brusque- 
ness,  wrote  to  request  the  editor  "  to  give  directions 
that  when  his  (the  Duke's)  name  is  inserted  in  his 
paper  in  future,  care  should  be  taken  that  it  is  not 
made  the  matter  for  a  falsehood." 

Colonel  Sibthorp,  the  member  for  Lincoln,  was 
one  of  PmicJis  favourite  butts  by  reason  of  his 
almost  unique  persistence  in  wearing  whiskers, 
moustache,  and  beard — then  an  unheard-of  fashion 
in  England ;  but  his  kindly  nature  secured  him 
against  anything  liJ-ie  ill-natured  attack  in  any  por- 
tion of  the  comic  press.  Notwithstanding,  he  was 
ridiculed  good-humouredly  in  every  paper.  On  this 
occasion  Thackeray  seized  the  opportunity  of  pok- 
ing fun  at  both  Sibthorp  and  Wordsworth,  on  the 
strength  of  a  widely-quoted  rumour  that  the  Colo- 
nel was  about  to  shave!  On  page  i88  we  have 
his  "  Ode  to  Sibthorp,  by  the  Poet  Laureate," 
preceded  by  a  "  Notice  "  in  which  "  W.  W.'s  "  man- 
ner and  practice  are  alike  felicitously  parodied. 

"ODE  TO    SIBTHORP,  BY  THE  POET   LAUREATE. 

NOTICE. 

"  In  the  distant  solitude  of  my  mountains,  the 

echoes  of  the  great  world  reach   me  faintly  and 

seldom.     But  as  the  storm  sometimes  ruffles  the 

placid  bosom  of  my  lakes,  the  political    tempest 

124 


COLONEL    SIBTHORP'S    SACRIFICE 

breaks  over  the  Poet,  too,  occasionally,  and  blows 
into  commotion  the  placid  depths  of  his  soul. 

"  It  was  on  reading  in  my  paper  (the  St.Jaiiicss 
Chronicle,  which,  with  some  friends,  I  have  taken 
in  for  thirty-three  years)  the  announcement,  by  my 
admirable  friend  Colonel  Sibthorp,  that  he  was 


about  to  sacrifice  his  life  and  his  whiskers  upon 
the  altar  of  his  country,  that  I  felt  a  tumultuous 
movement  to  me  very  unusual. 

"  I  bathed  twice  in  the  lake,  and,  having  as- 
cended Mount  Rydal,  I  lay  down  upon  the  top- 
most peak  there,  and  flung  my  feelings  into  the 
following  lyrical  shape.     I  chose  the   Anapaestic 

measure,  as  best  suited  to  express   the   agitation 

125 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

of  the  subject  of  the  sacrifice.  The  other  metres 
employed  in  the  ode  are  of  a  cahner  tendency,  as 
the  reader  will  see. 

"  The  Genius  of  Britain  is  made  to  interpose 
between  our  Curtius  and  the  sacrifice  he  medi- 
tates. That  she  may  be  successful,  is  the  earnest 
hope  of 

W.  W. 

"  P.S. — I  cannot  but  think  the  accompanying 
design  of  singular  significance  and  beauty. 


®&e 


ON    MY    FRIEND    COLONEL    SIBTHORP     PROPOSING    TO    SACRIFICE 
HIS    LIFE    AND    HIS   WHISKERS. 

" '  In  the  cause  of  my  country,  who  says  I'm  afear'd — ' 
Says  Waldo  of  Lincoln,  '  to  cut  off  my  beard  ? 
Her  rights  to  maintain,  and  her  honour  to  save. 
Who  questions  how  much  or  how  little  I'd  shave? 

A  Protestant  born,  and  a  gentleman  bred, 
I'd  cut  my  mustashes  with  pitiless  gashes — 
I'd  shave  off  my  whiskers,  my  tuft,  my  eyelashes — 
I'd  shave  off  my  beard,  and  I'd  shave  off  my  head.' 

Pleased  with  the  Colonel  and  his  courage  wild, 

The  British  Lion  wagged  his  tail  and  smiled; 

Afid  Britain  thus  addressed  her  wayward,  whiskered  child: — 

"  My  bold  Dragoon,  my  favourite  son, 
With  heart  as  bold  and  manly 
As  beats  the  ribs  of  Wellington, 
Or  warms  the  breast  of  Stanley  : 
126 


—  DECLINED 

Thou  art  in)^  boy,  m}-  pride  and  joy, 

Of  chivalry  the  model; 
And  yet  the  sense  is  not  immense 

In  that  poor  honest  noddle ; 

What  cause  hath  wrought  thy  rambling  thought 

This  martyrdom  to  think  on  ? 
There's  many  here  that  I  can  spare, 

But  not  my  man  of  Lincoln. 

What  would  they  in  the  Commons  do, 

And  in  the  strangers'  gall'ry, 
Were  they  by  death  deprived  of  you, 

My  model  of  chivalry  ? 

That  head,  now  fixed  on  your  body, 

Is  wondrous  small  of  profit ; 
But  smaller  yet  the  good  would  be, 

My  son,  when  shaven  off  it. 

Retain  your  head,  my  son,  and  prize 

Your  face  above  all  money  : 
That  face  so  vacuously  wise, 

So  dolorously  funny. 

Ah,  never  cause  those  meagre  jaws 

To  lose  their  tufted  glories; 
And  never  shave  that  face  so  grave, 

My  Champion  of  the  Tories. 

Keep  on  your  beard,  your  head  keep  on, 

My  orders  are  explicit; 
You  might  not  know  that  it  was  gone — 

But  I,  my  son,  should  miss  it." 

"  T/t?/s  spoke  Britannia's  genius  excellent; 
The  British  Lion  tvagged  his  tail  intent; 
127 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

And  SiBTHORP,  blushing  deep,  and  loth  to  risk  her 

Displeasure,  humbly  at  her  footstool  leant. 
And  swore    he   would    maintain    both    head,    and    tuft,    and 
whisker.^'' 

The  author's  remaining  contributions  for  the 
week  are  two  political  items  of  little  importance: 
"  Humours  of  the  House  of  Commons,"  illustrat- 
ing the  difficulties  of  Mr.  Law,  the  Recorder,  in 
grappling  with  his  speech,  and  "  You're  Another," 
the  charges  made  by  members  against  certain  of 
their  colleagues  of  the  very  faults  usually  charged 
against  themselves. 


CHAPTER   V. 
VOLUME   VIII.   {continued') 

"The  Excellent  New  Ballad  of  Mr.  Peel  at  To- 
ledo" (p.  195)  is  one  of  Thackeray's  longest  and 
most  elaborate  set  of  comic  verses  in  Punch.  Ap- 
pearing on  the  3rd  of  May  1845,  they  deal  with 
an  adventure  —  unimportant,  but  a  good  deal 
laughed  at — of  the  second  Sir  Robert  Peel,  then 
Attache  at  our  Embassy  in  Madrid,  Mr.  Bulwer 
(afterwards  Lord  Bailing  and  Bulwer)  being  at  that 
time  Minister.  As  is  stated  in  the  note,  in  each  of 
the  eleven  stanzas  the  word  Toledo  is  made  to 
rhyme  alternately  with  "aydo"  and  "  eedo." 

"THE    EXCELLENT    NEW    BALLAD   OF   MR.    PEEL 
AT    TOLEDO.' 

Says  Bulwer  to  Peel, 

"  This  note  where  my  seal 
And  ambassador's*  arms  are  displa3'ed  O, 

Is  big  with  a  freight 

Of  secrets  of  weight, 
Concerning  a  town  of  Tolaydo. 

"  '  Toledo,  Tolaydo.  As  in  our  country,  the  name  of  tliat  famous  city 
is  always  pronounced  in  the  former  manner,  Toleedo,  whilst  in  Spain  it  is 
invariably  called  Tolaydo,  I  have  thought  proper  to  make  a  compromise  in 
my  little  poem,  and  to  give  each  method  of  pronunciation  a  chance  in  the 
course  of  the  stanza  of  twelve  lines." 

"  ^  Mr.  Bulwer  is  only  our  minister  at  Madrid,  but  I  have  thought  it 
more  respectful  to  give  him  the  ambassadorial  title." 
I  129 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

'Tis  a  delicate  job, 

And  I've  chosen  you,  Bob, 
And  beg  you  will  hasten  with  speed  O, 

And  deliver  the  note 

Where  you  see  that  I've  wrote 
The  address, — at  the  town  of  Toledo.' 

"  So  quit  your  cigars, 

And  your  twangling  guitars, 
And  the  beautiful  dames  on  the  Prado*; 

And  haste  and  fulfil 

Your  Ambassador's  will, 
By  posting  away  to  Tolaydo." 

"  Some  pangs  I  may  feel 

To  part,"  says  young  Peel, 
"  From  music,  and  women,  and  weed  0  ! 

But  to  honor  my  Queen, 

I  would  run  to  Pekin, 
And  shall  I  not  go  to  Toledo  ?" 

So  he  uttered  a  roar' 

For  his  carriage  and  four. 
The  order  was  straightway  obey'd,  O, 

And  he  bade  his  young  man  to 

Pack  up  his  portmanteau. 
And  was  off  in  a  trice  to  Tolaydo. 

"  My  pistols  I'll  load  ; 

(Says  he,)  for  the  road, 
And  make  the  banditti  to  bleed,  O. 

With  powder  and  ball, 

I'll  massacre  all 
The  rogues  between  this  and  Toledo." 

"  '  I  consider  this  mystery  as  very  fine — you  see  the  address  is  not  speci- 
fied— I  only  say  at  the  tozvn  of  Toledo — whereabouts  in  Toledo  ?  that  re- 
mains a  secret  between  his  Excellency  and  his  Attache." 

"  *The  Prado,the  Hyde  Park  of  Madrid,  where  the  nobility  drive  about  in 
their  tertuUias,  and  the  idlers  pass  their  time  in  dancing  the  Muchacha,  &c., 
and  amusing  themselves  with  "  cigars '"  and  "  guitars,"  as  above  described." 

^'^  A  roar  for  his  carriage  and  four.  As  indicating  impetuous  youthful 
haste,  I  must  be  permitted  to  consider  this  expression  very  fine." 

130 


"MR.    PEEL    AT    TOLEDO" 

Now  galloping  fast, 

The  journey  is  past 
As  quick  as  four  animals  may  do. 

Till  at  length  the  postilions 

(Those  faithful  Sevillians)' 
Drive  up  to  the  gates  of  Tolayclo. 

They  pull  up  their  mules, 

(For  such  do  the  fools 
Employ,  and  not  horses  as  we  do), 

And  say — "  Monsignor, 

We  are  now  at  the  door 
Of  the  elegant  town  of  Toledo.'" 

Some  carabineers 

Kept  guard  it  appears 
At  the  gate,  and  imagine  what  they  do? 

The  rascals  approach 

To  examine  the  coach 
As  it  stops  at  the  door  of  Tolaydo! 

"Let  go  my  barouche," 

With  a  scream  and  a  push, 
Says  Peel,  as  they  ventured  the  deed,  O. 

And,  inspir'd  with  disgust, 

His  pistols  he  thrust 
In  the  face  of  the  men  of  Toledo. 

"  Have  a  care,  my  signers," 

The  gentleman  roars. 
As  fierce  as  a  Western  tornado, 

"Approach  my  coach  panes, 

And  I'll  blow  out  the  brains 
Of  each  carabineer  in  Tolaydo. 

"  '  Though  Toledo  is  not  in  Seville,  yet  as  the  postilions  viay  have  been 
of  that  city,  I  conceive  myself  quite  authorised  in  using  the  expression." 

'"'And  it  is  an  elegant  town,  as  may  be  seen  by  Roberts's  delightful 
sketches." 

131 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

I  swear  with  an  oath 

To  murder  I'm  loath, 
But  if  ever  you  venture  on  me  do ; 

With  powder  and  ball 

I'll  murder  you  all, 
As  sure  as  you  live  at  Toledo." 

The  Carabineers, 

They  heard  him  with  fears, 
And  stood,  in  their  glory  arrayed,  O 

All  formed  in  long  lines, 

With  their  big  carabines', 
Across  the  main  street  of  Tolaydo. 

"  Be  hanged  to  his  shot," 

Says  the  Captain.     "  For  what, 
"Gainst  fifty  can  one,  such  as  he  do  ?" 

His  pistols  Peel  cocks, 

(They  were  IManton's  or  Nocks'), 
And  prepares  to  encounter  Toledo. 

But  what  sudden  alarms 

Make  the  soldiers  ground  arms, 
As  if  they  were  told  on  parade,  O.^ 

What  angel  of  peace 

Bids  the  hubbub  to  cease 
Twixt  Peel  and  the  guard  of  Tolaydo  .-^ 

Inform'd  of  the  rout. 

And  what  'twas  about. 
As  quickly  as  if  he  were  fee'd  O^, 

At  double  quick  trot 

There  comes  to  the  spot 
The  Political  Chief  of  Toledo. 

"  '  As  tkey  fortn  in  loiii;  lines  with  their  big  carabines. — Surely  this  is  a 
noble  way  of  expressing  the  armament  of  the  gallant  fellows,  and  gives  a 
fine  picture  to  the  imagination." 

"  ^  Can  haste  be  more  dexterously  described? — as  quickly  as  if  he  were 
feed." 

132 


"MR.    PEEL    AT    TOLEDO" 

He  beseeches  his  sons 

To  fling  down  their  guns, 
With  a  voice  Hke  the  canes  of  Barbado', 

"  Why  seek,  silly  boy," 

He  says,  "to  destroy 
The  peace  of  the  town  of  Tolaydo." 

Young  Peel,  at  his  frown, 

Was  fain  to  look  down, 
As  mute  as  a  fish  or  torpedo; 

And,  looking  sheepi'sh", 

Says  "  It  wasn't  my  wish 
To  kick  up  a  row  in  Toledo." 

It  wasn't  for  quarrels 

That  these  double-barrels 
From  out  my  coach-door  were  displayed  O 

But  to  ask  if  a  pistol 

Was  subject  to  fiscal 
Or  custom-house  dues  at  Tolaydo  ? 

The  Political  chief 

Expressed  his  belief. 
Bob  grinned  at  the  simpleton's  credo', 

The  Carabineers 

They  uttered  three  cheers. 
And  bade  the  young  hero  proceed,  O  ! 

And  the  name  of  the  youth 

Is  famous  for  truth, 
Henceforth,  in  Madrid  and  Toledo. 


"  '  I  mean  stveet,  like  the  well-known  sugar-cane,  which  renders  our 
tea  agreeable,  and  is  so  indispensable  an  adjunct  to  our  puddings." 

"  ^  I  have  made  him  look  like  a  sheep,  a  fish,  and  a  torpedo  in  two 
lines.  This  is  by  way  of  giving  an  idea  of  doubt,  perplexity,  hesitation — 
all  incidental  to  the  young  gentleman's  situation." 

"  ^  I  need  not  tell  my  accomplis<ied  friends  that  credo  in  Spanish  means 
'  I  believe — '  and  a  great  many  monstrous  fibs,  humbugs,  and  absurd 
statements  those  Spanish  simpletons  do  believe,  according  to  the  authority 
of  travellers." 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

MORAL 

My  tale  it  is  said, 

And  now  it  is  read, 
My  jolly  philosophers  say  do, 

If  Bobby  the  old. 

Isn't  sometimes  as  bold 
As  Bobby  the  young  at  Tolaydo? 

Yes,  the  sire  and  the  colt, 

Both  know  how  to  bolt, 
'Tis  the  chivalrous  blood  of  the  breed  O, 

And  we  see  in  the  youth 

The  Man  of  Maynooth, 
And  in  Parliament  House  his  Toledo." 


A  fortnight  later  (p.  220)  the  author  had  to  ad- 
mit that  in  his  notes  he  erroneously  described  a 
"tertullia"  as  a  coach,  instead  of  as  an  evening 
party,  and  "  Muchacha"  as  a  dance  instead  of  a  girl 
— as  if  he  did  not  know. 

The  next  number  of  Punch  contains  two  orood- 
humoured  references  by  Thackeray  to  the  numer- 
ous portraits  of  Prince  Albert.  The  first  is  spoken 
of  as  "  the  forty-fifth  this  year,"  a  photograph,  and 
the  forty-sixth, Thorburn's  fine  miniature  just  ex- 
hibited in  the  Royal  Academy,  (No.  795  in  the 
Catalogue — "  painted  by  especial  command  ") — 
and  they  are  hailed  as  a  "Delightful  Novelty"  (p. 
205).  The  second  reference  is  that  of  a  beadle 
who  expresses  his  intense  gratification  at  his  "Rile 
Iness  Prince  Halbert  (bless  him!)"  holding  ''my 
particler  staff  \vl  his  &."     The  letter  is  dated  from 

'34 


PORTRAIT    OF    THE    PRINCE    CONSORT 

the  Quadrant,  "Hopsit  the  Fire  Hoffis."  The 
picture  is  thus  described : — 

"  His  Rile  Eyeness  (womb  Evins  preserve)  is  a 
painted  in  his  Feel-Martial  Youniform.  ...  his 
Is  a  rollin  about  like  hanythink.  ...  he  olds  his 
Cock-At  and  phethars.  He  has  his  borders  on — 
the  Garter  on  his  breast,  and  the  Golden  Fleas 
round  his  neck.  A  huzza  is  coming  up  to  him 
with  his  Ryal  oss,  and  Whinzer  Carcel  is  drawn 
up  at  the  Back  of  the  Sean,  with  a  quanty  Ham- 
younition  and  canning-balls. 

"In  his  rite-&  he  olds  my  staf — so — 


O  is  the  Oss.  H  is  the  Huzza.  C  is  Windsor  Castle,  {where 
I've  iiitivjiticed  somebody  a  looking  out  a  winder),  and  S  is  my 
own  identical  staugh  as  hever  was. 

I 


'J3 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

Praps  now  this  complymint  has  been  pade  our 
horder,  you'll  seece  bein  quite  so  abewsif  about 
Biddies." 

Society  now  became  greatly  moved  at  the  an- 
nouncement of  the  Queen's  BaL  Costume^  for  which 
invitations  were  already  sent  out.  It  was  not  the 
first  that  had  been  held,  but  this  bal potidre,  which 
was  to  illustrate  the  decade  following  1740,  had 
the  curious  effect  of  inordinately  exciting  the 
minds  of  the  bidden  guests  over  the  monstrous 
charges  which  the  elife  of  the  hair -dressers  were 
reported  to  be  making.  Ten  guineas  par  tete  were 
talked  of  and  the  "  artistes  "  were  so  busy  that 
"  heads  "  were  to  be  made  days  before  the  event. 
Under  the  felicitous  sub-title  of  "  Powder  and  Ball " 
Thackeray,  who  was  very  wroth  with  the  whole 
affair,  attacked  alike  the  entertainment  and  those 
who  took  part  in  it,  and  suffered  from  it.  Intro- 
ducing the  subject  with  the  question — "  Isn't  it 
noble  to  think  of  the  great  and  proud  British  aris- 
tocracy tricked  out,  like  Pantaloon,  in  the  ugliest, 
most  foolish,  most  absurd  costume  that  ever  was 
invented  since  the  world  began  .?" — (for  hoops  were 
to  be  worn) — he  writes  a  long  letter  purporting  to 
be  addressed  by  Viscountess  Rubadub  of  152, 
Grosvenor  Square,  to  her  sister  Lady  Panny  Fan- 
towzle,  then  residing  in  Paris.  She  points  out  that 
as  she  and  her  six  daughters  are  invited  the  ex- 
pense of  hair-dressing  would  be  enormous,  and  she 
asks  her  sister,  at  her  son's  suggestion,  to  send  her 

over  a   French  barber  "  who  has  dressed  hair  for 

136 


THE    QUEEN'S    BAL    POUDRE 

the  low  theatres,  and  the  low  balls  "  for  which  "all 
the  grisettes  in  Paris;  all  the  tipsy  apprentices  of 
the  Carnival ;  all  the  shop-girls,  medical  students, 
pickpockets,  and  worse  people  still,  have  been 
powdering  and  patching  any  time  these  ten  years." 
Truly,  Thackeray  was  no  courtier.  Indeed,  he 
emphasised  his  point  three  weeks  later  (7  June, 
1845)  when,  under  the  title  of  "  Her  Majesty's  Bal 
Poudre  "  \^szc'\  he  recommended  a  variety  of  cos- 
tumes for  celebrities,  and  made  suggestive  hy- 
potheses such  as  these : 

"If  his  Royal  Highness  The  PRI^xE  wears  the 
dress  of  George  the  Second — who  despised  and 
bullied  artists  as  we  know  in  Hogarth's  case — we 
engage  to  find  a  painter  who  will  be  delighted  to 
be  kicked  down-stairs  by  His  Royal  Highness. 

"  If  Peel  will  go  to  the  Bal  Poudre  in  the  cos- 
tume of  his  grandfather,  we  will  not  make  a  single 
joke  at  him  for  six  weeks. 

^P  tP  tF  "fP  TV* 

"  If  Will.  Hogarth  and  Harry  Fielding 
could  wake  up  and  witness  the  scene,  and  behold 
respectable  old  men  befooling  themselves  in  mas- 
querade dresses,  modest  old  matrons  forced  to  be- 
grime themselves  with  powder,  and  disfigure  their 
persons  with  monstrous  hoops  and  furbelows :  if 
they  could  see  grave  statesmen  and  generals 
obliged  to  dress  up  with  wigs  like  Pantaloons  in 
the  Pantomine;  and  high-bred  English  gentle- 
women ordered  to  powder  and  rouge  like  moun- 
tebanks in  a  fair:   Good  Lord!  what  an  opinion 

137 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

they  would  form  of  the  taste  of  our  court,  and 
what  a  satire  they  could  make  between  them !" 

On  May  24th,  (No.  202)  Thackeray  devoted  a 
whole  page  to  one  of  his  powerful  and  earnest  ap- 
peals in  favour  of  Sunday  Opening  of  Museums, 
which  was  not  less  effective  for  beino^  conceived 
in  a  sarcastic  vein.  He  took  two  letters  to  the 
Times  as  his  text.  In  the  first,  "A  Clerk,  Who 
never  leaves  business  until  dusk"  wrote  to  ask 
why,  if  "their  Royal  Highnesses  the  Duke  of 
Cambridge,  Prince  George,"  and  many  others,  as 
quoted  from  the  daily  papers,  were  permitted  to 
visit  an  exhibition  of  the  Royal  Academy  on  a 
Sunday,  it  was  unrational,  un-Christian-like,  and 
improper  for  him  to  do  the  like,  after  attending 
Divine  Service  in  the  morning."  "  One  of  the 
People  called  Christians"  replied  that  these 
titled  personages  "  violated  their  duty  to  God  and 
society  "  by  "  an  act  immoral  and  indecent  in  it- 
self," which  certainly  would  bring  about,  &c.,  &c. 
— "  as  in  Paris."  Thackeray  proceeded  to  com- 
ment upon  the  latter  document  which,  he  de- 
clared, had  thrown  Mr.  Punch  into  a  fury : 
"  Stiggins  —  it's  Stiggins  —  I  know  it  is  —  the 
rascal !  to  say  the  Royal  Family  is  immoral  and 
indecent"  exclaimed  the  Sage,  who,  next  day 
indited  an  "ironic  letter"  to  the  clerk  afore- 
said. In  the  course  of  it  the  writer  draws  a  very 
charming  picture  of  the  poor  clerk's  happy  home, 
and  then  reproaches  him  for  the  unnatural  desire 
to  elevate  his  thoughts  with  Art  on  a  Sunday — 

138 


SUNDAY    OPENING    OF    PICTURE    GALLERIES 

"and  a  very  liberal  and  kind  Christian  he  must 
be  who  warns  you.  It  is  a  mistake  to  fancy  that 
an  examination  of  works  of  art,  though  they  may 
ennoble  and  improve  your  mind  on  Saturday,  is 
not  an  odious  and  wicked  action  on  Sunday !  .  .  . 
,As  for  the  Grand  Duchess  Stephanie  of  Baden, 
her  Royal  Highness  is  a  Frenchwoman  by  birth, 
and  a  Princess  living  in  a  country  where  sad  er- 
rors prevail — this  dreadful  one  among  others  : — 
of  admitting  the  public  to  recreation  after  the 
hours  of  devotion  on  the  Sabbath,  and  flinofins: 
the  galleries  and  museums  open  to  the  poor  who 
can  see  them  on  no  other  day.  Make  up  your 
mind,  my  lad,  and  console  yourself  for  living  in 
the  only  country  in  Europe  where  you  are  de- 
barred from  such  godless  enjoyments  .  .  .  We 
are  right,  depend  upon  it — and  all  the  world  for 
ages  and  ages  is  wrong.  ...  I  can't  think  of  a 
company  of  French  or  German  peasants  (I  have 
seen  very  many  such)  dancing  under  an  elm-tree, 
with  Monsieur  le  Cure  looking  on,  very  likely, 
without  a  feeling  of  horror  at  their  criminality — 
tempered,  however,  with  pleasure  in  remember- 
ing that  we  in  England  are  free  from  such 
crime.  .  .  .  Some  of  these  unfortunate  creatures 
believe  it  is  wrong  to  eat  mutton-chops  on  a  Fri- 
day— and  the  wretched  bigots  will  tell  you  that  it 
is  '  immoral  and  indecent  and  an  insult  to  Heaven 
and  Society '  to  do  such  a  thing.  Blind  and  mis- 
erable superstition  !  You  must  not  amuse  yourself 
on  Sunday  with  pictures — but  as  for  chops  on  a 

139 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

Friday,  eat  as  many  of  them,  my  good  friend,  as 
you  can  buy.  ...  It  might  be  rest  to  your  weary 
eyes,  that  have  been  bleared  all  the  week  over  the 
blue  lines  in  a  ledger,  to  look  at  such  a  picture  as 
the  Catherine  oi  Raphael  in  the  National  Gallery, 
or   the    Claude   that    hangs    beside    it.  .  .  .  Who 
knows  whether  the  sight  of  God's  beautiful  world 
might  not  awaken  as  warm  feelings  of  reverence 
and  crratitude  as  the  talk  of  the  Rev.  Mr.   Stig- 
GINS  indoors,   who   was  howling  perdition  at   me 
over  his  pulpit  cushion  for  not  being  present  sit- 
ting  under  him?       It  is  very   probable    that   he 
thinks  his  sermon  a  very  much  finer  thing  than  a 
fair  landscape,  and  can't  understand  how  a  picture 
should  move  any  mortal  soul.  .  .  .  Depend  on  it, 
Stiggins   knows  best   what's   good  for  you.  .  .  . 
Never  mind  all  Europe,  but  stick  to  Stiggins.  .  .  . 
And  if  doubts  and  repinings  et'/// cross  your  abom- 
inable mind,  read  over  his  letter."     There  is  more 
of  the  sort,  in  which  Thackeray  reminds  Stiggins 
that  his  logic  is  weak — that "  you  might  go  out  for 
a  walk  of  an  afternoon,  but  it  does  not  follow  that 
you  should  stay  out  all  night.  .  .  .  And  our  admir- 
able legislature  has  provided  that  only  the  gin-shops 
should   be   opened   on   Sunday  —  not   the  wicked 
theatres."     Had  Thackeray  only  known  that  not 
until  a  half-a-century  later  would  that  opening  be 
granted  for  which  he  so  stoutly  pleaded  !* 

*  It  is  interesting,  now  that  the  Sunday  opening  of  muse- 
ums is  regarded  as  an  established  boon  by  an  important  sec- 

140 


"FATHER    MATHEWS    DEBTS" 

The  same  number  contains  a  couple  of  stanzas 
on  "Father  Mathew's  Debts" — which,  to  the 
amount  of  ^7000,  had  to  be  defrayed  by  sympa- 
thising and  appreciative  friends  in  England.  The 
second  verse  develops  an  attack  on  Daniel  O'Con- 
nell : 

"Who  paid  Big  Dan? 
I,  says  starving  Paddy, 
Though  I'm  a  poor  laddy, 
But  I'll  do  all  I  can 
For  that  sootherin  man, 
Who  discoorsis  so  gran' 
Och  Dan!" 

But  four  years  later  (September  1849)  Punch 
turned  on    Father   Mathew   for  having,  when  in 

tion  of  the  more  serious-minded  of  the  population,  to  note  that 
the  last  Return  with  respect  to  the  British  Museum  shows  the 
following  figures  : 

256  ordinary  week-days,  454,998  visitors  ;  8  hours  open  ; 
222  visitors  per  hour. 
44  Sundays,  37,886  visitors ;  37}  hours  open  ;  239  visit- 
ors per  hour. 
Similarly,   during   the    incomparable    exhibition    of  Turner's 
works  held  at  the  Guildhall  of  the  City  of  London  in  1899, 
the  average  attendances  numbered  t^oo per  kour  on  week-days, 
and  348  per  hour  on  Sundays.     Again,  during  i8g8  (the  last 
report  available  at  the  time  of  writing)  the  daily  attendance  at 
the  National  Gallery  of  British  Art  ("  The   Tate   Gallery  ") 
averaged  between   700  and  800  on  week-days,  and  1000  on 
Sundays.     It  is  therefore  possible — in  view  of  this  practical 
expression   of  opinion   on   the  part  of  the  public — that  the 
Royal  Academy  may  come  in  course  of  time  to  share  Thack- 
eray's views  and  to  take  action  upon  them. 

141 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

Boston,  abruptly  declined  an  invitation  to  attend 
an  Anti-Slavery  meeting  on  the  ground  that  "he 
was  not  aware  of  any  passage  in  Scripture  forbid- 
ding the  existence  of  slavery." 

For  some  while  past  Sir  Robert  Peel  had  been 
engaged  in  the  pleasing  occupation  of  "dishing  the 
Whigs,"  and  this  Liberal  tendency  of  the  Conserv- 
ative Government  had  naturally  not  escaped  the 
usual  criticism.  Mr.  Cobden  had  declared  in  the 
House  that,  in  the  circumstances,  "a  Conservative 
Government  is  an  organised  hypocrisy,"  and  in 
Punch  Leech  had  pointed  the  like  moral  in  his 
admirable  Cartoon  of  the  "  Pas  des  Miroirs ;  or, 
the  Power  of  Imitation" — in  which  he  showed  the 
Conservative  Cabinet  aping  the  Liberal  leaders  in 
"a  very  ingenious  dance  which  has  for  some  time 
past  excited  the  admiration  of  all  who  have  wit- 
nessed it."  Thackeray  treated  the  matter  very 
happily  from  another  point  of  view.  About  this 
time  the  fountains  of  Trafalgar  Square,  which  had 
already  come  in  for  the  sarcasm  and  ridicule  so 
long  continued  on  account  of  their  absurd  inade- 
quacy, had  begun  to  play,  and  it  was  found  that 
the  Union  Club,  which  stands  on  the  west  side  of 
the  Square,  was  entirely  deprived  of  water  from  the 
well  which  it  had  sunk  some  time  before  at  great 
expense.  Thackeray  did  not  fail  to  note  the  par- 
allel, and  in  "  The  Allegory  of  the  Fountains" 
(No.  203)  he  neatly  drew  it,  for  the  benefit  of  his 

readers. 

142 


"THE    ALLEGORY    OF    THE    FOUNTAINS" 

"The  Clubbists  of  the  Union  sank  a  well 
Deep,  deep  into  the  bowels  of  Pall  Mall ; 
The  rushing  water  gurgled  in  the  shaft 
And  all  the  footmen  washed,  and  all  the  members  quaffed. 

Two  wondrous  fontanels  arose  to  grace. 

Lord  Nelson's  column  and  Trafalgar  Place; 

Deep  in  the  bosom  of  the  earth  below, 

The  builder  digged  to  make  his  fountains  froth  and  flow. 

Up,  up  to  heaven  Trafalgar's  Fountains  rose. 
Their  spray  bedewed  the  Duke  of  Bronte's  nose, 
George's  fat  statue,  and  St.  IMartin's  Rail, 
And  bathed  in  silver  dew  Northumbrians    Lion  Tail. 

Down,  deeper  down,  the  Union's  water  sank. 

No  more  the  footmen  washed,  the  members  drank : 

Ask  ye  the  fatal  reason  of  the  drought  ? 

The  Union  wells  were  sold,  and  up  Trafalgar's  spout. 

A  moral  from  those  Fountains  twain  I  drew, 
(Each  thing  in  life  a  moral  hath,  or  two,) 
And  thought  St.  Stephen's  Chapel  could  compete 
With  those  two  aqueducts  of  Cockspur  Street. 

The  Liberals  sought  and  found  the  spring  and  sank  it — 
It  was  the  cunning  Tories  came  and  drank  it ; 
'Twas  Russell  bade  the  waters  rise  and  flow, 
Lo  from  Peel's  brazen  pipes  it  issues  now  ! 

Thus  recognising  Whig  and  Tory  types 
In  voluble  and  brazen  water-pipes — 
I'm  thankful  that  the  stream  at  last  is  free  ; 
Bobby  or  Johnny  what's  the  odds  to  me } 

'Tis  hard  for  John,  no  doubt,  that  stealthy  Bob 
His  stream  of  fame  should  thus  divert  and  rob; 
And  that  for  which  he  toiled  through  seasons  hot, 
Should  fructify  another's  garden-plot. 

143 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

Let  us,  not  caring  for  the  strife  a  dump, 

Accommodate  ourselves  with  Peel  for  pump; 

And  so  the  liberal  waters  to  compel. 

Pump  freemen,  day  and  night !    and  work  the    handle 

WELL  ! 

On  the  same  page  we  find  two  other,  very  un- 
important, contributions — the  one  on  the  "  Spht 
in  ConciHation  Hall "  (that  is  to  say,  the  public 
beginning  of  the  great  quarrel  between  "  Young 
Ireland  "  and  "  Old  Ireland  ")  ascribed  to  a  master- 
stroke of  policy  on  the  part  of  Peel ;  and  the 
other  is  a  further  double-barrelled  shot  at  the  Bal 
Poudre  and  the  Prince  Consort.  It  is  playfully 
suQfSfested  that  the  ball  was  instituted  "  in  order 
to  accustom  his  Royal  Highness  the  Prince-Field 
Marshal  to  the  smell  of  powder." 

Irish  politics  now  engaged  Thackeray's  atten- 
tion far  more  often  and  more  fully  than  his  pub- 
lished works  suggest.  To  the  fulminations  of  Dan 
O'Connell  he  ever  lent  a  good-natured  ear.  Yet 
he  replied  with  warmth,  entertaining  all  the  while 
feelings  not  unkindly  towards  the  Liberator;  and 
to  the  more  sincere  and  disinterested  violence  of 
the  Young  Ireland  party,  led  by  Thomas  Davis 
and  Mr.  (afterwards  Sir)  Charles  Gavan  Duffy,  he 
retorted  with  some  show  of  contemptuous  irony. 
It  was  not  till  later  that  he  understood  how  pure 
was  the  flame  that  burned  in  the  breasts  of  these 
ardent,  seditious  young  patriots,  and  how  real  and 
brilliant  the  genius  of  certain  among  them.*     In 

*  When  Thackeray  went  lecturing  in  the  United  States  in 

144 


THACKERAY    AND    "YOUNG    IRELAND" 

No.  205  Thackeray  printed  a  two-column  letter, 
headed  "  Young  Ireland  "  and  addressed  by  "  Mr. 
Punch  (of  Ptmch)  to  Mr.  Davis  (of  The  Nation^ 
— that  colleague  to  whose  memory  his  fellow-work- 
er, Sir  Charles  Gavan  Duffy  afterwards  devoted 
one  of  the  most  touching  and  passionate  tributes 
that  ever  were  conceived  by  an  admiring  mind  and 
a  noble  and  tender  heart. 

"  I  write  not  to  Davis,"  says  Thackeray,  "  of 
whom  I  never  heard  until  now ;  but  to  the  great 
leader  of  the  Irish  nation."  This  dedication  is 
ironical,  and  the  writer  proceeds  to  develop  his 
satire.  "  Fools  that  English  statesmen  are,  and 
ignorant  of  the  state  of  affairs  in  Ireland !  It  is 
Dan  we  fancy  is  still  regnant.     We  don't  know 

1852,  with  Mr.  Eyre  Crowe,  A.R.A.,  to  take  care  of  him 
("  Crowe  is  my  immensest  comfort,"  he  wrote  to  Mrs.  Brook- 
field),  he  there  came  upon  Thomas  Francis  Meagher.  Mr. 
Crowe  records  in  "With  Thackeray  in  America"  that  they 
met  in  the  railway  car  him  whom,  as  "  Meagher  of  the  Sword," 
Thackeray  had  so  unmercifully  mauled  in  Punch.  Meagher 
was  delightful  and  entertaining.  "It  was  interesting  to  see," 
says  Mr.  Crowe,  "this  impromptu  meeting  of  the  now^  genial 
rebel  and  the  author  of  the  '  Battle  of  Limerick,'  written  in 
Punch  in  1848,  and  to  think  of  its  well-known  lines  .  .  .  Need- 
less to  add  that  these  were  not  adverted  to  .  .  .  One  of  the 
incidents  which  delighted  his  interlocutor  was  heard  subse- 
quently. Some  one,  in  the  presence  of  Meagher,  spoke  disre- 
spectfully of  Her  INIajesty  the  Queen,  which  so  roused  the 
anger  of  the  rebel  that,  but  for  friendly  interference,  he  would 
have  given  the  unmannerly  lout  a  sound  thrashing."  But 
whoever  denied  the  sense  of  chivalry  of  the  group  that  gath- 
ered round  Duffy,  Davis,  and  The  Nation  ? 
K  145 


THACKERAY     AND    PUNCH 

that  you  have  come  quietly  in  and  deix)sed  him. 
'How  the  deuce  shall  we  appease  the  old  fellow?' 
says  Peel  to  me.  '  How  the  dickens,  Duke,  are 
we  to  satisfy  him  ?'  says  I  to  an  illustrious  war- 
rior. We  are  still  thinking  about  O'Connell, 
when — fiddle-de-dee — the  pea  is  not  under  the 
thimble  at  all.  It  is  no  longer  Dan,  but  Davis  ! . . . 
'The  garrison  of  Dublin,'  you  go  on  to  say,  'was 
paraded.  Its  cartridges  were  ready,  its  battalions 
concentrated,  to  meet — unarmed  citizens.  Viceroy 
of  the  Alien!  your  precautions  were  cowardly.' 
This  is  not  merely  fine  eloquence,  but  very  noble, 
courageous  conduct,  too.  I  like  the  spirit  of  the 
fellow  who  goes  up  to  a  soldier,  and  shakes  his  fist 
in  the  tyrant's  face,  exclaiming — '  You  dastardly 
coward!  you  armed  ruffian!  you  miserable  bully! 
I  could  thrash  you  if  I  liked,  but  I  don't  choose ;' 
for  though  the  soldier  has  precise  orders  not  to 
move  out  of  his  place,  yet  it  is  evident  he  might 
move,  the  blood-thirsty  assassin! — and  what  right 
has  he  to  be  interposing  his  great  bayonet  and 
cartouche-box  in  the  society  of  peaceful  men  ? . . . 
Ah !  dear  Sir,  don't  fancy  we  are  all  indifferent  to 
your  wrongs.  Europe  must  contemplate  with 
horror  the  atrocious  tyranny  under  which  yo.u 
labour.  Three  or  four  hundred  thousand  of  you 
can't  meet  as  in  other  countries,  and  hurl  defiance 
at  an  iniquitous  government, — but  troops  must  get 
ready  their  cartridges  forsooth  !  You  can't  make 
little  attempts  to  disunite  the  empire,  but  some  of 

you  are  clapped  into  prison.     Every  nation  and 

146 


TO    DAVIS,    OF    THE   NATION 

every  regular  government  in  Europe  must  look 
down  with  profound  pity  upon  this  tremendous 
oppression,  and  join  with  you  in  your  appeals  for 
liberty.  ...  In  the  mean  time,  and  until  young 
Davis  has  mastered  old  Dan,  let  us  see  fairly  the 
state  of  things: — The  Irishmen  assemble  by  mill- 
ions, and  the  British  tyrant  does  nothing.  O'Con- 
NELL  reigns  and  levies  taxes,  and  the  British  tyrants 
let  him.  Davis  calls  the  Queen  an  alien  ;  the  army 
cowards;  instigates  'triumph;'  has  no  objection  to 
blood ;  incites,  infuriates,  simple  folk ;  and  the 
British  tyrant  has  not  a  word  to  fling  at  him.  If 
his  eloquence  should  bring  about  commotion,  be 
the  blood  on  the  British  tyrant's  head,  not  on 
Davis's.  I  feel  assured  that  this  is  the  feeling  of 
every  just  man  in  Europe;  and  that  all  govern- 
ments. .  .  .  detest  the  monstrous  despotism  which 
bows  your  meek  spirit  down." 

In  his  book  on  "  Young  Ireland  "  Sir  Charles 
Gavan  Duffy  refers  to  this  letter,  in  which,  he  says, 
that  Davis  "  was  graciously  assured  that  since  Marat 
there  had  not  been  so  objectionable  a  person  ;  and 
turned  into  contemptuous  ridicule  for  presuming 
to  maintain  his  conviction  a2;ainst  Mr.  O'Connell. 
The  writer  of  this  homil)''  was  understood  to  be 
Mr.  Thackeray."  Now,  it  is  interesting  to  recall 
the  fact  that  two  years  before  Thackeray  had  him- 
self contributed,  though  anonymously,  two  draw- 
ings and  sets  of  verses  to  TIic  Nation.  One  of 
these,  full  of  sympathy  and  character,  bore  the 
title  "  Daddy,  I'm  Hungry,"  and  purported  to  rep- 

147 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

resent  "A  Scene  in  an  Irish  Coachmaker's  Family, 
Designed  by  Lord  Lowther,  July  1843."  The 
verses  are  not  without  their  sting,  and  as  they  find 
no  place  in  the  latest  edition  of  Thackeray's  works 
the  most  striking  of  them  may  be  quoted  here — 

A  sweet  little  picture,  that's  fully  desarving 
Your  lordship's  approval,  we  here  reprisint — 

A  poor  Irish  coachmaker's  family  starving 

(More  thanks  to  your  lordship)  is  dhrawn  in  the  print. 

See  the  big  lazy  blackguard  !    although  it  is  Monday, 
He  sits  at  his  ease  with  his  hand  to  his  cheek, 

And  doin'  no  more  work  than  a  Quaker  on  Sunday, 

Nor  your  lordship's  own  self  on  most  days  of  the  week. 
***** 

He  turns  from  their  prattle  as  angry  as  may  be, 
"O  daddy,  I'm  hungry,"  says  each  little  brat; 

And  yonder  sits  mammy,  and  nurses  the  baby, 
Thinking  how  long  there'll  be  dinner  for  that. 

For  daddy  and  children,  for  babby   and  mammy, 
No  work  and  no  hope,  O!    the  prospect  is  fine; 

But  I  fancy  I'm  hearing  your  lordship  cry — "  Dammee, 
Suppose  they  do  starve,  it's  no  business  of  mine."  * 

It  should  not  be  forgotten,  too,  that  when  Sir 
Charles  left  England  to  begin  his  great  career  in 
Australia,  Thackeray,  whose  friend  he  had  become, 
sent  him  the  kindly  God-speed  that  is  printed  in 
his  "  Life." 

*  The  verses  appear  in  the  reprint  of  "  Sultan  Stork"  (George  Red- 
way,  1887),  but  without  the  ilhistrations. 


CHAPTER  VL 
VOLUME    IX.   SECOND    HALF-YEARLY    VOLUME,   1845 


A  "  SOCIAL  "  drawing,  unsigned  and  unidentified 
— chiefly,  no  doubt,  on  account  of  its  likeness  to 
Leech's  work — appears  in  the  first  number  (207) 
of  the  ninth  volume  of  Ptinch.  In  one  of  the  Lon- 
don squares  the  tattered  proprietor  of  a  potato-can 
accosts  a  small  and  evidently  inexperienced  urchin, 
to  whom  a  great  broom  has  been  confided,  along 
with  all  the  responsibility  it  signified  to  him.  The 
sketch,  slightly  but  very  skilfully  drawn,  is  full  of 
character,  and  deals  with  a  type  of  subject  that 
was  not  less  a  favourite  with  its  author  than  with 
Leech.  It  should  here  be  stated  that  in  John 
Leech's  "  Pictures  of  Life  and  Character "  this 
drawing  was  included ;  and,  indeed,  it  almost  ap- 
pears as  if  Leech  had  touched  up  on  it.  But  there 
is  no  doubt  that  the  drawing  came  from  Thack- 
eray and  was  duly  credited  to  him  in  the  Editorial 
book.     (See  next  page.) 

On  the  same  page,  in  "  Stiggins  in  New  Zea- 
land," Thackeray  attacks  Colonial  land-grabbing 
conducted  by  the   British   Propaganda  under  the 

cloak  of  religion  and  missionary  work.     He  quotes 

149 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

some  startling  examples,  and  alleges,  apparently 
on  the  authority  of  Mr.  Charles  Buller,  M.P.,  that 
Father  Kendal  paid  for  "  forty  square  miles  of  land 
with  thirty-six  axes."  This  he  declares  "  a  miracle; " 


THE  ASCOT   CUP  DAY 


S'y 


"  WHY  ARE  YOU  ON  THE  CROSSING,  JAMES?     IS  YOUR   FATHER   HILL?" 
"NO.       he's    DROVE   MOTHER    DOWN   TO    HASCOT." 

but  he  hastens  to  explain  that  unlike  "  the  admi- 
rable Fathers  (bless  theni  for  their  benevolence  and 
Christian  good  -  will !),"  "  the  Roman  Catholics  of 
New  Zealand  have  not  asked  or  taken  an  acre." 

This  article  was  inspired  by  the  three-night  debate 

150 


THACKERAY    AND    AINSWORTH 

over  Mr.  Buller's  motion,  ultimately  rejected,  that 
the  case  of  the  New  Zealand  Company  should  be 
considered. 

Although  the  publication  of  "  The  Snobs  of 
England  "  was  not  begun  for  seven  months  from 
this  date,  Thackeray  was  as  eager  now  as  after- 
wards to  indulge  in  a  tilt  at  snobbery.  Harrison 
Ainsworth  had  assumed  the  editorship  of  Col- 
burn's  "  New  Monthly  Magazine  "  and  announced 
that  he  had  secured  the  aid  of  several  writers 
"eminent  not  only  for  talent,  but  for  high  rank." 
Under  the  heading  of  "  Immense  Opportunity," 
Mr.  Punch,  by  Thackeray's  pen,  falls  upon  the 
novelist — as  he  so  often  delighted  to  do,  in  spite 
of  personal  friendship,  out  of  dislike  for  his  vanity, 
his  snobbishness,  and  cosmetics.  "  Mr.  Ainsworth 
can't  mean,"  he  says,  "  that  the  readers  of  his  Maga- 
zine care  for  an  author  because  he  happens  to  be 
a  lord — a  flunkey  might — but  not  a  gentleman 
who  has  any  more  brains  than  a  fool.  .  .  .  Don't 
let  us  talk  about  high  rank  in  the  republic  of  let- 
ters— let  us  keep  that  place  clear." 

Thackeray's  fearlessness,  even  when  dealing 
with  friends,  is  as  noteworthy  as  his  loyalty, 
straightforwardness,  and  good  nature.  Writing  to 
Ainsworth  on  the  30th  of  June,  Thackeray  refers 
to  this  very  article.  After  saying — "  Of  course  I'll 
come  to  dinner  on  Sunday,  and  we  are  just  as 
good  friends  as  ever.  Wasn't  it  much  better  to 
complain  and  explain  }  I  think  so — and  the  im- 
perial house  of  Titmarsh  is  now  satisfied  " — Thack- 

151 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

eray  goes  on  in  his  most  charming  vein :  ■"  There's 
one  thing  I  regret  very  much  too,  and  must  be 
told  to  you  now  in  making  a  clean  breast  of  it — 
is  a  certain  paragraph  in  the  next  Picnch,  relating 
to  a  certain  advertisement  about  contributors,  'not 
only  of  talent  but  of  rank'  This  moved  my  wrath ; 
and  has  been  hardly  handled — this  was  before  our 
meeting  and  explanation — I  always  must  think  it 
a  very  objectionable  advertisement — but  shouldn't 
have  lifted  my  hand  to  smite  my  friend,  had  ex- 
planation come  earlier,  so  that  now  you  must  be 
called  upon  to  play  the  part  of  forgiver,  in  which 
I'm  sure  you  will  shine.  Ever  yours,  my  dear  fel- 
low." "  Such  a  letter,"  it  was  said  when  his  note 
was  first  printed,  "  deserves  a  place  in  D'Israeli's 
'  Quarrels  of  Authors.'" 

Very  soon  after,  it  may  be  added,  with  this  topic 
still  in  his  mind  the  Editor  of  Punch  published 
the  following  epigram,  the  author  of  which,  even 
in  his  private  note-book,  he  prefers  to  leave  anony- 
mous : — 

Says  Ainsworth  to  Colburn, 
"A  plan  in  my  pate  is, 

To  give  my  romance  as 
A  supplement,  gratis^ 

Says  Colburn  to  Ainsworth, 

"'Twill  do  very  nicely, 
For  that  will  be  charging 

It's  value  precisely." 

The   Repealers'   threats  of  violence  awakened 

Thackeray's  indignation  and  contempt;  but  what 

152 


O'CONNELL    AND    THE    POPE 

perverted  in  some  measure  his  real  sympathy  with 
the  wrongs  of  Ireland,  was  the  angry  suspicion 
aroused  when  the  religious  aspect  of  the  quarrel 
involved  Rome  in  the  dispute.  In  this  Num- 
ber Thackeray  quickly  takes  up  the  words  incau- 
tiously let  fall  by  John  O'Connell — "Appeal  to 
Rome!" — because  Dan's  son  had  foolishly  de- 
clared that  when  Repeal  had  been  obtained  and 
the  Catholic  Hierarchy  re-established,  the  Bishops 
would  be  controlled  only  "  by  the  Sovereign  Pon- 
tiff." "  Look  here,  gentlemen  Repealers,"  cries 
Thackeray,  "  at  the  kind  of  freedom  which  your 
Liberator  has  in  store  for  you.  .  .  .  Here  is  the 
O'Connell  creed  for  the  nineteenth  century : — 
'  Down  with  the  British,  and  on  your  knees  to  the 
Pope.  Away  with  the  Saxon,  and  put  your  trust 
in  the  Roman.'  .  .  .  There  is  Mr.  Davis,  of  the 
Nation,  who  pants  for  freedom,  and  would  not 
mind  a  litde  blood-letting  to  procure  it.  Well, 
Mr.  Davis,  suppose  the  Saxon  done  for,  and  see 
what  comes  next.  .  .  .  Dare  you  preach  against 
this  as  you  preach  against  English  tyranny  .f* 
Dare  you  rebel  against  Dan  and  his  supreme 
Pope,  as  you  would  against  us  oppressors  over 
the  water?" — and  much  more  to  the  like  vigorous 
purpose. 

Upon  the  same  page  appears,  from  Thackeray's 
pen,  a  half-column  upon  the  social  topic,  "  Where 
are  the  Hackney-coaches  gone  to  ?" — being  a  let- 
ter purporting  to  be  addressed  by  "  C.  Y.  M'O.  R." 
to  the  Editor  of  Punch.     The  gist  of  it  is  that  the 

153 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

writer,  Mr.  Charles  &c,  Ralledge,  complains  that 
there  were  then  ''only  three  Hackney  Coaches  in 
all  Londonr  "  Is  this,  I  ask,  tolerable  ?  Are 
we  Britons,  or  are  we  not  ?"  A  few  remaining 
coaches  remained,  on  the  London  streets  some 
sixteen  or  seventeen  years  longer,  for  in  iS6i 
one  such  vehicle  still  plied  for  hire.  It  should 
be  remembered  that  these  public  carriages  — 
(named  "  Hackney,"  by  the  way,  from  haqueuee^ 
"a  sorry  nag")  —  had  first  been  introduced  in 
1625;  ten  years  later  they  were  voted  a  nuisance 
by  law  and  controlled  by  enactment;  in  1771, 
they  had  multiplied  to  a  thousand ;  and  were 
challenged  in  1814  by  "  hackney- chariots,"  and 
in  1820,  by  the  cabriolets,  or  cabs,  from  Paris, 
which  were  destined  in  a  very  few  years  to 
drive  the  heavy  lumbering  coach  altogether  from 
the  road.  The  coach  had  two  horses  and  the 
cab  onlv  one ;  but  I  do  not  remember  that  the 
fact  has  been  anywhere  recorded  by P?^;/^//'^  pencil. 
The  "  Most  Noble  Festivities  "  at  London- 
derry House  and  at  Holderness  House,  and  the 
inflated  language  in  which  they  were  announced 
and  reported  in  certain  daily  papers  that  were 
supposed  to  toady  Society  once  more  pricked 
Thackeray  to  sarcasm  —  although  he  frankly  ad- 
mitted that  a  mere  commoner  could  not  approach 
"  this  most  noble  style  of  writing."  And  as  usual 
he  falls  foul  of  the  blunders  of  French  which  used  so 
often  to  characterise  (and  do  still,  occasionally)  the 
more  pompous  announcements  of  society  journals. 

154 


"A    CHIP    OF    THE    OLD    BLOCK" 

When  the  Government  Bill  for  the  Establish- 
ment of  New  Colleges  for  Ireland  was  up  for 
second  reading,  not  a  little  violence  attended  the 
debate,  and  Mr.  Somers,  the  member  for  Sligo, 
challenged  Mr.  Roebuck  to  a  duel,  by  reason  of 
certain  hurtful  observations  which  that  ijentle- 
man  had  let  drop.  Leech,  at  Mark  Lemon's  sug- 
gestion, had  already  treated  the  matter  in  a  Car- 
toon ("A  Chip  of  the  Old  Block,"  p.  6),  but 
Thackeray  saw  a  new  way  of  handling  the  sub- 
ject. Heading  the  half-column  which  he  devoted 
to  it  "  The  Eureka,"  he  pointed  out  how  this 
notable  new  invention,  otherwise  called  the  "  Latin 
Verse-Grinder,"  had  been  tried  before  a  committee 
of  public  school  boys  and  that  when  they  had  se- 
lected the  little  parliamentary  difference  already 
alluded  to,  for  their  experiments,  they  set  the 
wondrous  instrument  in  motion,  and  the  follow- 
ing lines  were  ground  out: — 

"  Sligonis  membrum,  Bucki  vult  pullere  nasum, 
Transfugit  Arctukus  Rhetoris  in  gremium. 
Hunc  pius  AsHLEius  laudat,  decus  Exeter  Aulce, 
Pontificumque  comes  Bobbius  Inglisius  ",  &c. 

The  material  from  which  the  machine  was  sup- 
posed to  have  manufactured  this  inspiring  example 
of  pure  Latin  is  appended: 

"When  Sligo's  member  aims  at  Roebuck's  nose, 
The  frightened  Buck  to  Speaker's  bosom  goes. 
Him  Ashley  praises,  piousest  of  Lords, 
And  Inglis,  known  at  missionary  boards  :"    Sac. 

155 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

The  "  Eureka,"  it  should  be  explained,  was  real- 
ly put  forth  as  a  device  that  could  arrange  words 
into  their  proper  verse-order. 

In  the  next  number  (209)  Thackeray  gives  his 
own  version  of  "  The  Abdication  of  Don  Carlos," 
in  favour  of  his  son  the  Prince  of  the  Asturias. 
The  relation  of  the  ceremony  is  supplied  by  one 
"  Lancelot  Greaves,  Knt." ;  it  is  two  columns  in 
length  and,  dwelling  chiefly  on  the  bombastic  pov- 
erty of  the  pretender,  is  neither  very  generous  nor 
very  comic.  After  describing  the  miserable  shifts 
of  the  shoddy  Court  to  keep  up  appearances  when 
distributing  illusory  "  rewards  "  to  the  few  faithful 
followers  of  the  exile  at  Bourges,  the  absurdity  of 
the  ceremony  is  brought  into  relief.  One  of  the 
more  effective  passages  is  the  following: 

"  '  My  excellent  Mariquita,  waiting  -  woman  of 
my  august  Queen,  and  chief  intendant  of  my  kitch- 
en, whose  fidelity  to  my  royal  race,  but  especially 
whose  skill  in  cooking  my  favourite  dish  of  Gar- 
banzos  in  oil,  has  touched  my  august  heart,  I  pro- 
pose to  reward  suitably.  When  my  fleets  arrive 
from  the  Indies,  I  shall  present  her  with  a  dia- 
mond stomacher  as  big  as  any  omelette  she  ever 
fried  for  me,  and  a  kitchen  service  of  rubies  and 
gold.  I  hereby  give  her  an  estate  in  Peru,  where- 
of the  title-deeds  shall  be  made  out  in  her  name, 
so  soon  as  the  revolted  province  has  returned  to 
its  allegiance.  Meanwhile,  I  create  her  Duchess 
OF  Olla-Podrida." 

"  The  Duchess   declined,  however,  to  take  the 

156 


THE    SPANISH    PRETENDER 

title,  because  the  Royal  Chancellor  wanted  fifteen- 
pence  as  a  fee  for  entering  it  in  the  Golden  Book 
of  the  Grandees  of  Spain."  This  article  appeared 
on  July  1 2,  but  the  abdication  of "  Henry  the  Fifth  " 
in  favour  of  his  son  had  taken  place  on  the  i8th 
of  May.  It  is  for  this  reason  that  Thackeray 
opens  with  "  We  have  taken  our  time  about  pub- 
lishing the  only  authentic  account  of  that  august 
event,"  &:c. 

In  a  short  article  on  "  British  Honour"  Thack- 
eray protests  against  the  quibble  in  which  the 
English  Government,  he  says,  is  indulging  at  the 
expense  of  Spain.  It  takes  the  form  of  an  extract 
from  "  a  private  and  confidential "  letter  addressed 
to  "Dear  Bob"  (that  is.  Sir  Robert  Peel,  the 
Premier),  alleged  to  have  been  found  in  the  pre- 
cincts of  the  House.  "  The  Spaniard  Sotomayor 
says  England  is  pledged  by  treaties  to  consider 
Spain  as  the  most  favoured  nation.  If  the  most 
favoured  nation,  why  are  her  sugars  taxed  at  a 
higher  rate  than  those  of  the  United  States  and 
Venezuela.'*  Sotomayor  asks  for  fair  play  for  his 
country.  Our  friend  Aberdeen  [Foreign  Secre- 
tary] replies — '  Yes,  England  is  pledged  by  trea- 
ties; but  the  obligation  imposed  upon  us  is,  to  treat 
as  the  most  favoured  nation  the  subjects  of  Spain, 
but  not  to  treat  the  produce  of  Spain.  .  .  .  When 
Lord  Stanley,  at  the  Colonial  Office,  can  thimble- 
rig  the  New  Zealand  Company — when  Lord  Aber- 
deen, as  a  British  Minister  and  gentleman,  can 
sign  his  name  to   an   argument  like  this  —  good 

157 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

Lord!  why  is  the  Cabinet  scrupulous?"  This  lit- 
tle explosion  in  favour  of  fair-dealing  was  the  out- 
come of  the  publication  of  Papers,  for  in  the  sum- 
mer of  this  year  Spain,  as  a  retaliatory  measure, 
removed  Enoland  from  the  "favoured  nation 
clause  "  which  she  had  enjoyed  since  the  signing 
of  the  Treaty  of  Utrecht  in  171 3. 

The  last  contribution  to  this  number  is  a  short 
paragraph  entitled  "  Tremendous  Sufferings  of 
the  Household  Brigade,"  bearing  allusion  to  the 
"heroic  hardships"  involved  in  their  march  from 
Regent's  Park  to  Hyde  Park ;  from  Windsor  to 
Regent's  Park,  and  so  forth.  A  similar  reference 
to  the  privileges  and  "  forced  marches  "  of  "  the 
pampered  Guards,"  with  an  illustration,  by  Thack- 
eray, appeared  in  1849.  ("The  Guards  and  the 
Line."     P.  243,  vol.  xvii.) 

Peculiar  interest  is  attached  to  the  next  article 
(No.  210),  "Reasons  why  I  shall  not  send  my 
SON,  GusTAVUs  Frederic,  to  Trinity  College, 
Cambridge,"  by  Mr.  Ptinch,  for  Trinity  had  been 
Thackeray's  own  college,  and  evidence  is  supplied 
in  the  course  of  the  paper,  as  will  be  seen,  that 
the  author  had  some  cause  to  resent  an  affront 
offered  by  the  Master,  Dr.  Whewell.  But  it  was 
doubtless  his  hatred  of  snobbery,  for  which  he 
had  so  delicate  a  scent,  that  dictated  the  composi- 
tion of  the  protest : 

"The   young    men    of    Trinity    College,    Cam-- 

bridge,  assume  greater  rank    than  the  members 

of    other    colleges   in    that    University.  .  .  .  Old 

158 


SNOBBERY    AT    CAMBRIDGE 

Lickspittle,  from  Baker  Street,  sends  young 
Lickspittle  to  Trinity  that  he  may  form  'con- 
nections' there.  .  .  .  And  yet,  from  accounts 
which  reach  me,  I  won't  send  my  son  Gustavus 
Frederic  Forrester  Chesterfield  D'Orsay 
Punch  to  Trinity;  I  wish  Gustavus  Frederic  to 
see  good  society,  certain]}^  but  not  at  such  a  price 
as  he  must  pay  under  Dr.  Whewell's  Mastership. 
Suppose  Dr.  Wliewell  were  to  take  a  fancy  to 
that  dear  child,  as  I  have  no  doubt  he  would ;  he 
would  invite  him  to  the  lodge  to  tea,  which  is  a 
very  wholesome  drink  for  my  darling  boy.  But 
he  would  not  be  allowed  to  sit  down  and  drink  it. 
No;  THE  Master  of  Trinity  does  not  allow 
undergraduates  to  sit  down  before  him.  If  a 
raw  lad  dares  to  take  a  chair,  there's  a  kind  sub- 
tutor  in  the  w^ay,  who  whispers  to  the  young 
gentleman  the  wish  of  the  master.  .  .  .  Even 
when  I  see  ladies  and  gentlemen  standing  behind 
Prince  Albert  and  Her  Majesty,  I  blush.  ...  I 
pity  the  poor  devils  of  White  Rods  and  Aides- 
de-camp  when  I  see  them  at  the  Opera,  and  the 
Prince  in  his  chair.  I  feel  ashamed  somehow. 
.  .  .  The  Doctor  has  written  a  Brideewater 
treatise,  and  Fm  sure  only  acts  from  humility; 
it  is  for  his  office  sake,  and  not  his  own,  that 
he  degrades  young  gentlemen  so.  .  .  .  But  my 
beloved  boy's  proud  spirit  would  burst  over  the 
lodge  muffins  and  tea,  if  obliged  to  swallow  them 
standing.  He  has  not  been  accustomed  to  take 
his  victuals  in  that  way;  no,  nor  to  stand  before 

159 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

any  person — not  even  his  own  father.  And  sup- 
pose I  were  to  go  down  to  see  him.  His  tutor 
would  ask  me  to  dine  in  the  hall,  no  doubt,  as  Mr. 

S asked   Mr,  Jerdan  and  a  party  the  other 

day.  Doctor  Whewell  sees  a  party  of  dis- 
tingne -\qoV\\\^   fellows   dining   with   Mr.  S , 


and  invites  him  and  his  friends  to  the  lodore. 
But  he  hears  that  in  the  party  is  a  literary  gentle- 
man by  the  name  of  Punch,  on  which  the  Master 

writes  a  letter,  to  say — 'Dear  S ,  I  expect  all 

your  party  except  Air.  Pttncli'  Dr.  Whewell 
did  this  the  other  day  to  the  editor  of  another 
eminent  literary  periodical.  Suppose  such  a  thing 
were  to  happen  to  me,  what  would  Gustavus 
Frederic  do  1  What  would  I  do  .f*  I  might  be 
angry.  I  might  use  strong  language.  I  shudder 
to  think  what  I  might  say  or  do.  Neither  of  us 
can  afford  to  mix  with  good  society  at  that  price." 
"  Military  Intelligence  "  (p.  40)  is  a  playful  com- 
ment on  the  appointment  by  the  Emperor  of  Rus- 
sia of  his  grandson,  a  young  Prince  of  three  months 
old,  to  the  Colonelcy  of  the  Imperial  Guard. 
Thackeray  describes  how  two  Captains,  Mrs.  Bib- 
ski  and  Mrs.  Tuckerwitz  have  been  appointed  to 
dress  and  nurse  him;  how  the  whole  regiment  has 
adopted  the  ColoneFs  uniform  —  long  petticoats 
and  lace  cap,  which  look  splendid  but  impede 
their  manoeuvres  on  field  days ;  how  the  field 
officers  ride  in  go-carts  and  how  silver  pap-boats 
have  been  presented  to  the  regimental  mess — and 

other  pleasant  fooling  of  the  sort,  winding  up  with 

160 


THE    FRANCO-ALGERIAN    HORROR 

a  rather  cutting  allusion  to  "  a  certain  eminent  and 
Royal  warrior." 

When  all  Europe  was  shuddering  with  horror 
at  the  action  of  the  French  Colonel  Pelissier  and 
his  troops,  who  suffocated  and  burned  to  death  in 
their  cave  at  Dahara  eight  hundred  Arabs,  men, 
women,  and  children,  who  would  not  accept  his 
terms ;  when  eloquent  pens  throughout  the  whole 
civilised  world  were  giving  expression  to  indigna- 
tion and  disgust ;  when  even  French  papers  were 
joining  in  the  general  denunciation  and  cried, 
"  What  will  England,  what  will  Germany  say  ? 
How  henceforth  will  our  Government  appear  in 
the  eyes  of  Europe  ?" ;  and  when  in  the  pages  of 
Punch,  others  besides  himself  were  expressing 
their  reprobation,  and  Coventry  Patmore  contrib- 
uted his  famous  "  Vive  la  Guerre  !" — Thackeray's 
generous  anger  was  not  likely  to  go  unspoken. 
But  he  would  have  no  cant.  In  "  Soldiering"  (p. 
49),  he  refers  to  it  scornfully  as  "  the  late  glorious 
victory  of  the  i8th  of  June.  .  .  .  These  poor  ras- 
cals .  .  .  having  retreated  into  their  hole  of  refuge, 
the  brave  Colonel  Pelissier  put  firewood  at  either 
end  of  it,  and  tlien  told  them  to  come  out  and 
submit  to  terms.  These  must  have  been  hard  in- 
deed :  for  the  Arabs — with  death  before  them,  and 
a  knowledge  of  the  imperial  butcheries,  rapine, 
and  cruelty  of  the  French  in  Algeria  for  the  last 
fifteen  years  .  .  — preferred  to  die  rather  than 
come  to  terms.  Then  fire  was  lighted  at  the  two 
ends  of  the  cavern  for  two  days,  and  eight  hun- 

L  161 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

dred  of  God's  men,  women  and  children.,  were  by 
Colonel  Pelissier  stifled  and  murdered  there.  The 
whole  of  the  tribe  is  exterminated;  and  the  F'rench 
flag,  that  rainbow  of  liberty,  as  Beranger  calls  it, 
doubtless  flaunts  over  the  now  quiet  scene.  .  .  . 
The  wholesale  completeness  of  this  murder  has 
somehow  been  too  strong  for  the  French  gorge ; 
and  Marshal  Soult  is  actually  made  to  say  that  he 
'  deplores  and  disapproves  of  it' "  Thackeray — de- 
clininof  to  enter  into  the  sickening  details  which 
were  well  remembered  in  Eng^land  when  the  same 
Pelissier,  who,  instead  of  being  cashiered  and 
prosecuted,  afterwards  commanded  in  the  Crimea 
and  rose  to  be  the  Duke  of  Malakoff,  proposed  to 
pay  a  visit  to  this  country — then  at  once  turned 
his  attention  to  "  a  great  jS';/^//^-// military  achieve- 
ment, which  might  humble  our  pride  a  little." 
This  consisted  in  the  shameful  punishment  of  two 
soldiers  of  the  Foot  Guards  for  refusing  to  submit 
to  an  immodest  order.  "  So,"  says  Thackeray, 
with  more  of  the  intemperate  spirit  of  Douglas 
Jerrold  than  of  his  own  usually  moderate  expres- 
sion of  his  convictions  :  "  for  pleading  the  common 
privilege  of  modesty,  the  savage  military  law,  which 
would  have  exposed  them  like  brutes,  tied  them 
up  and  lashed  them  like  brutes;  and  having  glut- 
ted itself  on  their  mangled  and  bleeding  shoulders, 
sent  them  to  hospital  to  be  cured,  and  to  be  ready 
for  future  service."  His  passion  was  certainly  not 
unjustified,  for   these   two   men,  who    bore   good 

characters,  jiad  received  not  fewer  than  a  hundred 

162 


—AND    AN    ENGLISH    SCANDAL 

lashes  each,  and  the  blood  was  already  trickling 
down  their  backs  when  the  first  score  of  lashes  had 
been  delivered  ;  and  when  the  men  were  cast  loose, 
after  having  received  their  punishment  with  great 
fortitude,  the  whole  regiment  on  being  dismissed 
— say  the  contemporary  reports — "gave  vent /d?  one 
lo2id  simultaneous  Iiissr 

Besides  "A  Lucky  Speculator"  which  is  re- 
printed in  the  volume  of  "  The  Great  Hoggarty 
Diamond,"  Thackeray  had  but  two  short  contri- 
butions, and  those  of  slight  importance,  in  the  next 
number  (212).  The  first,  under  the  heading  of 
"  Scholastic,"  commiserates  the  boys  who  are  en- 
joying their  holidays  on  seeing  the  advertisements 
in  the  papers  that  their  respective  school-masters 
"expect  their  young  friends"  on  such-and-such  a 
date;  a  subject  to  which  he  returned  on  the  18 
January  185  i,  for  Thackeray  never  tired  of  show- 
ing his  sympathy  for  schoolboys.  The  other  is 
a  protest  in  the  name  of  "  Wilhelmina  Amelia 
Skeggs"  (a  pseudonym  which  Thackeray  had  as- 
sumed on  a  former  occasion,  it  will  be  remember- 
ed)— against  the  system  practised  by  auctioneers 
of  advertising  houses  situated  in  common  neioh- 
bourhoods  as  being  in  aristocratic  districts.  On 
this  occasion,  "  a  street  leading  out  of  a  fashion- 
able square  in  the  West  End  —  Rent  ^65  per 
annum,"  turns  out  to  be  Silver  Street,  Golden 
Square.  "A  House  at  the  West  End"  is  the  title 
of  the  contribution. 

"  The  Pimlico  Pavilion"  chiefly  occupied  Thack- 

163 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

Cray's  pen  in  the  following  number  (p.  66) ;  but 
a  long  article  entitled  "  War  between  the  Press 
and  the  Bar:  Mr.  Punch  to  the  Gentlemen  of  the 
Press"  (p.  64)  has  been  ascribed  to  Percival  Leigh 
as  well  as  to  him.  It  is  difficult  to  determine  the 
authorship.  "  The  Professor,"  as  Leigh  was  com- 
monly called  at  PiincJis  Table,  cultivated  a  style 
which  oftentimes,  both  in  prose  and  verse,  resem- 
bled that  of  Thackeray;  indeed,  as  I  have  men- 
tioned, his  poem  of  "  The  Flying  Duke"  is  to  this 
day  included  among  Thackeray's  "  Ballads,"  even 
in  the  latest  edition.  Moreover,  in  the  editor's 
own  book  there  is  confusion  on  this  point,  the 
article  being  entered  to  both  writers.  It  may  be 
stated  that  in  this  trenchant  retort  Punch  makes  a 
spirited  appeal  to  the  "  Gentlemen  of  the  Fourth 
Estate"  to  resent  the  affront  offered  to  it  by  the 
Bar,  as  implied  in  the  rule  that  any  of  its  mem- 
bers degrading  themselves  by  reporting  law  cases 
for  the  papers  should  be  treated  as  unworthy  of 
their  cloth  and  be  banished  from  the  Bar  mess 
accordingly;  and  he  summons  the  Press  to  accept 
the  challenge  and  expose  to  the  public  the  whole 
bag  of  tricks  of  the  advocate.  Basing  his  philippic 
upon  an  obituary  panegyric  on  Sir  W.  W.  Follett, 
the  Attorney-General  then  recently  dead,  he  ex- 
claims :  "  They  do  not  expel  a  man  for  disgusting 
hypocrisy;  for  bearing  false  witness ;  for  the  '  art- 
ful dodge';  for  keeping  'fraud  and  falsehood'  out 
of  view — they  load  him  with  honours  for  it.  .  .  . 

If  Quirk,  Gammon  and  Snap  prescribe  the  '  artful 

164 


THE    HONOUR    OF    THE    BAR 

dodge,'  Serjeant  Buzfus  performs  it  in  Court.  If 
an  honest  man  is  to  be  bullied  in  the  witness-box, 
the  barrister  is  instructed  to  bully  him.  If  a  mur 
derer  is  to  be  rescued  from  the  gallows,  the  bar- 
rister blubbers  over  him,  as  in  Tawell's  case;* 
or  accuses  a  wrong  person,  as  in  Courvoisier's 
case.t  If  a  naughty  woman  is  to  be  screened,  a 
barrister  will  bring  Heaven  itself  into  Court,  and 
call  Providence  to  witness  that  she  is  pure  and 
spotless.  .  .  .  This  is  a  Law  adviser  to  Ministers; 
that  was  a  Minister  of  the  Crown ;  the  other  went 
to  the  grave  with  five  hundred  weeping  reputable 
gentlemen  at  his  back  —  honest  gentlemen  who 
will  have  no  connection  with  the  Press."  It  reads 
exceedingly  like  Thackeray,  to  be  sure ;  and  a 
good  deal  less,  I  think,  like  Percival  Leigh. | 

The  subject  for  the  cartoon  in  this  number  was 
suggested  by  Thackeray  and  drawn  by  Leech. 
Reference  is  made  in  the  Introductory  chapter 
to  this  happy  political  squib,  and  to  its  enthu- 
siastic reception  by  the  public  who  were,  of 
course,  unaware  to  whom  the  credit  of  it  was 
due. 

An  important  ballad  of  not  fewer  than  twelve 
stanzas  and   io8  lines  was  published  in  No.  215 

*  John  Tawell,  murderer  of  Sarah  Hart  (i  Jan.  1845). 

t  Courvoisier,  murderer  of  Lord  William  Russell  (6  May 
1840). 

t  The  Bar  mess  of  the  Oxford  Circuit  rescinded  their  reg- 
ulation against  barristers  reporthig  for  the  Press,  on  the  iSth 


of  March  following. 


165 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

(23   Aug.   1845)  embellished   with  a  drawing  by 
Richard  Doyle.     It  is  called — 

**Puncf)*s  Ecjjencp. 

Introduction. 

The  only  man  of  any  mark 

In  all  the  town  remaining, 
I  sauntered  in  St.  James's  Park, 

And  watched  the  daylight  waning. 
'The  Speaker's  lips,'  I  said,  'are  sealed. 

They've  shut  up  both  the  Houses; 
Sir  Robert's  *  gone  to  Turnabout  field, 

Sir  James  f  to  shoot  the  grouses. 

The  Queen  and  all  the  Court  are  out 

In  Germany  and  Flanders, 
And,  happy  midst  his  native  kraut, 

My  princely  Albert  wanders. 
No  more  the  dumpy  Palace  archj 

The  Royal  Standard  graces; 
Alone,  upon  his  lonely  march 

The  yawning  sentry  paces." 
Beneath  an  elm -tree,  on  a  bank, 

I  mused,  (for  tired  my  hunch  was,) 
And  there  in  slumber  soft  I  sank, 

And  this  the  dream  of  Punch  was. 

THE    DREAM. 

I  dreamed  it  was  a  chair  of  gold. 

The  grassy  bank  I  sat  on  ; 
I  dreamed  Saint  Edward's  sceptre  old 

I  wielded  for  a  baton. 

*  Sir  Robert  Peel.  f  Sir  James  Graham. 

X  The  Marble  Arch,  which  at  that  time  stood  in  front  of  Buckingham 
Palace. 

166 


THE    MRS.  CAUDLE   OF 

"  What  do  you  say  ?  Thmik  heaven  /  You're  going  to  enjoy  the 
upon  it,  when  you  come  back,  you  shall  have  it  again.  No:  I  don'l 
to  give  up  every  little  privilege ;  though  it's  seldom   I  open  my  lips, 


:he  house  of  lords 

cess — and  you'll  be  rid  of  me  for  sotne  months?  Never  mind.  Depend 
ise  the  House,  and  set  everybody  in  it  by  the  ears;  but  I'm  not  going 
)dness  knows  !" — Caudle  Lectures  {improved?) 


Proposed  by   W.  M.   Thackeray.     Drawn  by  fohn  Leech. 
PUiN'CH,  gth  Angus f,   184^.      Volume  IX. 


"PUNCH'S    REGENCY" 

Men  crowded  to  my  throne,  the  ehn, 

In  reverend  allegiance  ; 
And  Punch  was  publish'd  through  the  realm, 

The  joUiest  of  Regents. 

Back  came  the  ministerial  rout 

From  touring  and  carousing; 
Back  came  Sir  Bob  from  Turnabout, 

And  back  Sir  James  from  grousing. 
I  turned  upon  a  scornful  heel, 

When  Graham  asked  a  favour; 
I  sternly  banished  Bobby  Peel 

To  Turnabout  for  ever. 

To  courtly  Aberdeen,  I  sent 

A  mission  influential. 
To  serve  the  Yankee  President 

As  Flunky  Confidential. 
Lord  Brougham  and  Vaux  in  banishment 

I  ordered  to  Old  Reekie, 
And  Stanley*  to  New  Zealand  went 

Ambass&dor  to  Heki.f 
» 

And  Kelly,  t  whom  the  world  assails, 

But  whom  the  bar  takes  fame  from 
I  made  Lord  Viscount  New  South  Wales 

Which  poor  John  Tawell  §  came  fron). 
And  then   I  asked  His  Grace,  the  Duke,ir 

What  ministers  to  go  to, 
On  which  he  generously  took 

The  Cabinet  ///  toto. 

*  Lord  Stanle)',  then  Colonial  Secretary. 

f  Heki — the  New  Zealand  Chief  who  defeated  Colonel  Despard  and  his 
500  men  (i  July   1845),  before  being  driven  finally  from  his  stronghold. 

X  Sir  Fitzroy  Kelly,  Solicitor-General  and  M.P.  for  Cambridge,  whose 
behaviour  at  his  election  was  much  criticised. 

§  John  Tawell,  the  murderer  of  Sarah  Hart. 

11  The  Duke  of  Wellington. 

167 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

0  then  !  all  other  reigns  which  shine 
Upon  our  page  domestic, 

Were  mean  and  dim  compared  to  mine, 

That  Regency  majestic. 
And  ages  hence  the  English  realm 

Shall  tell  the  wondrous  legend 
Of  Fimch,  when  at  the  nation's  helm, 

Her  Majesty's  High  Regent. 

Around  my  empire's  wide  frontier 

No  greedy  bully  swaggered. 
Nor  swindling  Yankee  buccaneer, 

Nor  savage  Gallic  braggart. 
For  threats  and  arms  were  flung  aside, 

And  war-ships  turned  to  traders. 
And  all  our  ports  were  opened  wide, 

To  welcome  the  invaders. 

At  home  the  collier  coursed  his  hare. 

Beside  the  Duke  his  neighbour; 
The  weaver  got  his  living  fair 

For  his  ten  hours  of  labour. 
And  every  man  without  employ 

Got  beef — not  bones — to  feed  on. 
And  every  little  working  boy 

His  page  of  Fiinch  could  read  on. 

And  Irishmen  learned  common  sense. 
And  prudence  brought  them  riches ; 

Repeal  ceased  pilfering  for  pence 
In  Paddy's  mended  breeches. 

Old  Dan  was  grown  too  rich  to  beg. 
And  in  a  Union  jolly 

1  linked  Mac  Hale  *  with  Tresham  Gregg,! 
And  BERESFORDt  with  Crolly.§      _  • 

*  Dr.  MacHale,  Archbishop  of  Tuam. 

+  Rev.  Tresham  Gregg,  Grand  Chaplain  of  the  Orangemen  of  Ireland. 
X  Lord  John  G.  de  la  Peer  Beresford,  D.D.,  Primate  of  Ireland,  1S22 
to  1855.  §  Dr.  Crully,  Primate  of  the  Irish  Roman  Catholic  Church. 

168 


"PUNCH'S    REGENCY" 

Then  gentlemen  might  earn  their  bread, 

And  think  there  was  no  shame  in't; 
And  at  my  court  might  hold  their  head 

Like  any  Duke  or  Dame  in't. 
A  Duchess  and  her  governess 

The  same  quadrille  I  clapt  in  ; 
I  asked  old  Wellington  to  mess, 

And  meet  a  half-pay  Captain. 

The  Bar  and  Press  I  reconciled 

(They  thanked  me  one  and  all  for't), 
Benignantly  the  Thunderer  smiled 

On  Mr.  Serjeant  Talfourd  *  *  * 
I  know  not  where  my  fancy  strayed, 

My  dream  grew  wilder — bolder — 
When  suddenly  a  hand  was  laid 

Full  roughly  on  my  shoulder. 

It  was  the  Guardian  of  the  Park, — 

The  sun  was  sunk  in   Heaven ; 
'  Git  up,'  says  he,  '  it's  after  dark, 

We  shuts  at  half-past  seven.' 
And  so  I  rose  and  shook  myself, 

And,  sat  i at  us  liuii, 
Resigned  the  crown  to  Royal  Guelph, 

And  went  to  tea  with  Judy." 


CHAPTER  VII     ' 
VOLUME    IX.  (continued) 

"The  Stags.  A  Drama  of  To-day,"  is  a  "social" 
cut  which  appears  on  the  last  page  of  No.  216 — 
another  of  Thackeray's  numerous  commentaries 
on  the  company-promoting  of  the  day  and  on  the 
facilities  enjoyed  by  penniless  rogues  and  bogus 
shareholders  and  "  directors  "  for  carrying  on  their 
"  business  "  of  fleecing  the  public.  Two  thread- 
bare rascals  sit  in  a  coffee-house  concoctino;  a 
prospectus :  the  play  itself  is  short  but  expressive. 

On  the  same  page  Thackeray  elaborately  assails 
the  Bar  for  touting,  not  for  briefs,  but  for  certain 
Courts  of  Request  judgeships,  to  which  the 
"  Times,"  a  short  while  before,  had  in  a  jocular 
manner  drawn  attention.  Thackeray  bears  witness 
to  the  activity  of  the  touters,  with  the  more  zest 
that  he  had  so  warmly  resented  the  indignity 
offered  by  the  Bar  to  the  Press,  as  already  set 
forth.  He  gives  examples  of  the  proceedings, 
showing  "  The  Genteel  Canvass,"  "  The  Pathetic 
Canvass,"  "  The  Houndsditch  Canvass,"  together 
with  specimen  testimonials  from  Mr.  Justice  Hum- 
drum and  Mr.  Baron  Mauley. 

170 


THE    STAGS.    A    DRAMA    OF    TO-DAY 


Dramatis  PERsoNiE. 

Tom  Stag,  a  Retired  TJiimbkrigger. 
Jim  Stag,  an  Unfortunate  Costermonger. 


Name  in  Full 

Residence 

Profession 

Reference 


(Tom  dictates  to  Jim.) 

"  Victor  Wcllesky  Delancey. 

"  Stagglands,  B ticks  ^ 

"  Afajor- General,  K.C.B.,  K.  T.S.,  K.S.W. 

"  His  Grace  the  Duke  of  Wellington.'" 

"  Sir  Robert  Feel,  Coutts  6-  Cor 


"That'll  do.     Now,  Mary,  a  vafer:  and,  Jim,  I 

don't  mind  standing  a  pint  of  alf  and  alf !" 

171 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

The  visit  of  the  Queen  and  Prince  Albert  to 
Coburg,  where  on  the  26th  August  the  Prince 
Consort  celebrated  his  birthday  in  the  Castle  of 
Rosenau,  his  natal  and  hereditary  home,*  afford- 
ed Thackeray  another  opportunity  for  merry-mak- 
ing. Under  the  title  of  "  Serenade  "  (No.  217),  he 
contributed  a  burlesque  poem  of  six  verses  of  trip- 
lets, supposed  to  be  written  by  Dr.  Praetorius  and 
sung  by  that  gentleman  under  the  windows  of  the 
Royal  Pair.  As  Thackeray  very  truly  suggests  in 
his  introduction  —  "They  show  considerable  apt- 
ness in  a  German:" — 

"  Sleep,  softly  sleep,  O   royal  pair !    and    be  your  slumbers 

cosy  now ; 
Watch  round  their  pillows,  angels  fair,  and  give  their  eyes 

repose  enow ; 
And  summer  flowers  and  summer  air  breathe  soft  around 

Schloss  Rosenau ! 

No  jealous  gates  are  locked  and  barred  around  the  Dame 

and  Ritter  here, 
No   sentinels    keep   watch    and   ward,  save    wakeful   stars 

which  glitter  here. 
Or  larks  (which  come  relieving  guard  at  morn,)  and  sing 

and  twitter  here. 

Though  England  is  an   Empire  grand,  and   but  a  humble 

Duchy's  this  ; 
And    though   tli£  realm   which  you   command  a  thousand 

times  as  much  as  this; 
You  cannot  take,  in  all  England,  a  pleasant  slumber  such 

as  this, 

*  Two  or  three  years  before,  Turner  had  immortalised  this 
castle  in  his  celebrated  picture,  somewhat  modifying  the  topo- 
graphical facts,  however,  for  the  sake  of  pictorial  beauty. 

172 


SCHLOSS    ROSENAU 

As  calm  as  in   his  infancy  the  royal  Albert  dozes  here; 
Forgetting   cares  of   royalty  the   Stranger  Queen  reposes 

here, 
Though  citizens  and  peasantry  come  walk  amid  the  roses 

here. 

In  Pimlico    there   roses   blow,  if  true  the  papers  write  of 

you, 
But  'tis    not  thus  in    Pimlico  your  people    take    delight  of 

you; 
Were  ever  English    people   so  allowed  to   take  a  sight  of 

you  ? 

Then  softly  sleep,  O  royal  pair,  and  pleasantly  repose  ye 

now, 
In   England  there   is  state   and   care,  and    weariness   and 

woes  enow; 
But   summer  wind  and  summer  air   breathe  gently  round 

Schloss  Rosenau." 

Dr.  Preetorius  was  greatly  esteemed  by  the  Queen 
and  Prince  Albert,  and  his  name  frequently  ap- 
peared in  the  official  Court  Circular  as  being  pres- 
ent at  Her  Majesty's  dinner-parties. 

On  the  next  page  (107)  the  author  declares  that 
much  good  humour  was  created  by  a  small  boy, 
one  of  the  Coburfj  children  whom  the  Doctor  had 
trained  to  sing  the  National  Anthem,  piping  out — 

"  Send  her  victorious, 
Happy  and  glorious, 
Doctor  Pr/etorius." 


And  again  (p.  113),  Thackeray  declares  that   in 

Lnt( 

•73 


the  Schloss  is  shown  an  interesting  relic — the  iden 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

tical  silver  spoon,  with  the  EngHsh  arms  embossed 
on  it,  which  Prince  Albert  had  in  his  mouth  when 
he  was  born.  "The  Correspondent  of  the  Mojni- 
iug  Herald  fainted  when  he  saw  this  admirable 
relic." 

In  the  same  number  there  was  considered  M. 
Carbonnel's  letter  to  the  /\cademie  des  Sciences 
in  which  he  had  announced  the  discovery  of  a 
means  for  producing  oysters  in  fresh-water  ponds 
and  basins.  Thackeray  seized  upon  the  basins, 
and  here  in  Punch  issued  a  Prospectus  of  the 
"  Oyster-Bed-in-your-own-Basin  Company;  {Sec. 
pro.  tern.  George  Dando,  Esq.,  Basinall  Street)." 
This  prospectus  points  out  the  advantages  of  the 
discovery — how,  by  this  mode  of  cultivation  of  the 
oyster,  every  man  who  thus  uses  his  basin  is  re- 
minded of,  and  therefore  encouraged  in,  personal 
cleanliness ;  how  this  invention,  when  oysters  are 
sown  "  in  a  tin  dish  and  fed  with  bran  will,  by  warm- 
ing, instantly  produce  the  most  admirable  scolloped 
oysters,"  and  much  more  to  similar  effect.  This 
half-column  article  is  entitled  "  Oysters  in  your 
own  Basins." 

"  Meditations  on  Solitude.  By  our  Stout  Com- 
missioner" (No.  218)  has  hitherto  been  only  men- 
tioned by  the  bibliographers ;  but  as  it  has  never 
been  reprinted  in  this  country,  and  as,  in  point  of 
length,  it  is  of  some  importance,  some  allusion 
may  be  made  to  it  here.*     This  article  serves  as 

*  Except  a  reference  later  on  to  "  Beulah  Spa,''  and  '•  The 

174 


THACKERAY    ON    THE    FRENCH 

introduction  to  the  Brighton  papers  (reprinted  in 
"Contributions  to  'Punch'")  and  describes  how 
the  writer  fared  in  deserted  London  in  AuQrust 
time,  and  what  he  pondered  on.  It  is  chiefly  in- 
teresting for  his  savage  confession  of  that  curious 
dishke  of  the  French  which  called  forth  from  du 
Maurier,  in  his  "  Social  Pictorial  Satire,"  a  good- 
natured  protest  and  reproach.  This  sentiment 
often  enough  displayed,  is  never  more  bluntly  set 
down  than  here.  He  has  been  resentinor  what  he 
considers  the  impudent  patronage  by  two  French 
gentlemen  of  the  view  from  Richmond  Hill.  '''Cest 
jolV,  says  one ;  '  ccst  pas  mal'  says  the  other.  .  .  . 
And  then  one  of  the  little  dwarfs  curled  his  waxed 
moustache,  and  leered  at  Mrs.  Blobby's  handsome 
nursery-maid,  who  was  passing  with  about  eleven 
of  B.'s  youngest  children."     Then  he  goes  on  : 

"  It  can't  be  helped.  Do  what  you  will,  you 
caiit  respect  Frenchmen.  It's  well  of  us  to  talk 
of  equality  and  amity.  But  we  can't  keep  up  the 
farce  of  equality  with  them  at  all.  And  my  opin- 
ion is,  that  the  reason  why  they  hate  us,  and  will 
hate  us,  and  ought  to  hate  us  for  ever,  is  the  con- 
sciousness of  this  truth  on  one  side  or  the  other. 
It  is  not  only  in  history  and  battles,  but  we  are 
domineering  over  them  in  every  table  cilibte  in 
Europe  at  this  moment.  .  .  .  We  can't  be  brought 
to  believe  that  a  Frenchman  is  equal  of  an  Eng- 

New  Forward  jNIovement,"  1  do  not  propose  to  deal  with  any 
unreprinted  pieces  which  have  been  previously  identified. 

175 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

lishman.  Is  there  any  man  in  England  who 
thinks  so  in  his  heart?  If  so,  let  him  send  his 
name  to  the  publishers."  Du  Maurier  shrugs  his 
shoulders  at  the  prejudice,  and  says  in  his  "  Social 
Pictorial  Satire":  "  He  [Leech]  hates  the  for- 
eigner—  whom  he  does  not  know,  as  heartily  as 
Thackeray  does,  who  seems  to  know  him  so  well 
— with  a  hatred  that  seems  to  me  a  little  unjust, 
perhaps:  all  France  is  not  Leicester  Square;  many 
Frenchmen  can  dress  and  ride,  drive  and  shoot  as 
well  as  anybody ;  and  they  began  to  use  the  tub 
very  soon  after  we  did — a  dozen  years  or  so,  per- 
haps— say  after  the  coup  d'etat  in  185 1."  But  it 
should  not  be  forgotten  that  Thackeray  had  late- 
ly been  moved  to  passion  by  Joinville,  the  French 
king,  Colonel  Pelissier,  and  the  rest.  And  it 
should  further  be  remembered  that  he  elaborated 
the  same  sentiment  in  the  "  Paris  Sketch  Book," 
in  "  The  Second  Funeral  of  Napoleon,"  in  "  The 
Kickleburys  on  the  Rhine,"  in  the  "  Snob  Papers," 
and  elsewhere. 

During  the  Royal  visit  to  Coburg  afore  -  men- 
tioned, the  Prince  Consort  had  indulged  his  na- 
tional love  of  sport  and  enjoyed  a  numerically  suc- 
cessful battue,  forty-eight  fine  stags  being  killed. 
Punch  was  shocked :  Leech  drew  two  cartoons 
comparing  the  Court  of  Elizabeth  and  its  bear- 
baiting  with  that  of  1845 — showing  the  deer,  dead 
and  dying,  piled  up  before  the  Royal  tent,  within 
which    one    lady  turns    away   her    weeping  face ; 

Douglas    Jerrold     wrote     his    stinging    "  Dainty 

176 


"BEULAH    SPA" 

Dish"  and  "Tears  at  Gotha;"  and  Thackeray 
contributed  a  "  Sonnick  "  by  "  Jeams  " — "  Sejested 
by  Prince  Halbert  gratiously  killing  the  Staggs 
at  Sacks- Cobug-Gothy."  (No.  219,  p.  133.)  It 
runs  thus : 

"  Some  forty  Ed  of  sleek  and  hantlered  dear 

In  Cobug  (where  such  haninimles  abound) 
Were  shot,  as  by  the  nusepapers  1  hear, 

By  Halbert  Usband  of  the  Brittish  Crownd. 
Britannia's  Queen  let  fall  the  purly  tear ; 

Seeing  them  butchered  in  their  silvn  prisns ; 
Igspecially,  when  the  keepers,  standing  round. 

Came  up  and  cut  their  pretty  hinnocent  whizns. 

Suppose,  instead  of  this  pore  Germing  sport 
This  Saxn  wenison  which  he  shoots  and  baggs, 

Our  Prins  should  take  a  turn  in  Capel  Court 
And  make  a  massyker  of  English  Staggs. 

Pore  Staggs  of  Hengland  !    were  the  Untsman   at  you, 
What  avoc  he  would  make  and  what  a  trimenjus  battu!" 

The  next  place  of  call  of  "  Punch's  Commission- 
er" was  "  Beulah  Spa"  (No.  220) — a  contribution 
indexed  by  Shepherd  and  his  followers,  but  not 
otherwise  referred  to.  In  this  long  contribution, 
for  which  he  made  two  drawings,  Thackeray  re- 
visited the  spot  which,  five  years  before,  he  had 
made  the  scene  of  his  July  sketch  in  "  Cox's 
Diary,"  for  "  Cruikshank's  Almanac  " — when  Lady 
de  Sudley  organized  the  charity  fete  in  the  Spa 
Gardens  in  aid  of  the  "  British  Washerwom- 
en's Orphans'  Home."  On  the  present  occasion 
Thackeray  visits  the  gardens  in  company  with  his 

M  177 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

young  friend  Lieutenant  Rawbold,  because  the 
Lieutenant  possesses,  "  as  he  says  (in  his  clever 
facetious  way),  '  the  most  hactionest  hoss  and  the 
most  himpidintest  tiger  in  the  village  of  Lun- 
ding.' "  He  describes  the  journey  down  in  the 
"  well  regulated  cab  and  horse  .  .  .  and  Augustus 
Frederic,  Rawbold's  groom,  who  was  clinging  on 
behind  like  a  spread-eagle." 

The  observations  as  to  the  road,  it  must  be  .ad- 
mitted, are  a  little  strange  for  so  pronounced  a 
snobbery-hater:  "  Placid  villages  of  cockneys  adorn 
each  side  of  the  road — stock-brokers,  sugar-bakers 
— that  sort  of  people.  .  .  .  All  the  people  walking 
were  women,  except  puny  stock  -  brokers  in  the 
arms  of  nursery -maids  ...  or  the  blue-clad  butcher- 
ling  arriving  with  the  fillet  of  veal."  The  once 
fashionable  Spa  is  vividly  portrayed  in  the  days  of 
its  decline — the  verdant  trumpeters,  the  wizened 
old  Italian  troubadour,  the  impostor  Sagittarius  in 
Lincoln  Green  on  the  archery-ground,  the  one  pic- 
nicing  party  in  the  almost  deserted  gardens,  so 
soon  to  be  closed,  handed  over  to  the  builders,  and 
added  to  the  residential  quarter  of  Upper  Nor- 
wood.* 

"A  Seasonable  Word  on  Railways"  (No.  221) 
was  one  of  Thackeray's  half-mocking,  wholly  se- 
rious warnings  to  the  country  on  the  railway  craze. 
In  the  character  of  Vice-President  of  the  Middle- 
sex Junction  Railway  (Fitzjames  de  la  Pluche,  Esq. 

* 

*  See  ante,  p.  174. 

178 


THE    RAILWAY    CRAZE 

being  in  the  chair),  he  delivers  a  long  speech  full 
of  good  sense,  supporting  the  proposed  Order  in 
Council  "  to  prohibit  the  further  issue  of  railroad 
prospectuses;"  points  out  that  there  are  already 
more  bills  before  Parliament  than  can  be  dealt 
with  ;  that  there  is  no  time  to  carry  out  the  new 
lines ;  no  chance  of  getting  the  necessary  iron  at 
possible  prices ;  little  likelihood  of  obtaining  la- 
bour at  any  cost ;  and  that,  if  the  country  is  to  be 
saved,  a  check  must  positively  be  put  on  railroad 
speculation.  "  If  I  were  an  enemy  of  my  country," 
he  cries, — "  If  I  were  an  aristocrat  bent  on  the 
maintenance  of  my  Order  ...  I  w^ould  rejoice  to 
see  the  capital  of  the  country  engaging  itself  be- 
yond its  means — plunging  into  speculations  which 
must  end  hopelessly — and  then  the  ruined  land 
would  come  under  my  sway  again."  And  more 
common-sense  of  the  sort.  The  report  concludes  : 
"  After  this  and  other  eloquent  speeches,  Mr. 
Pz/;^^//!  went  home  ;  but,  in  spite  of  his  own  injunc- 
tions to  caution,  and  gloomy  predictions  regarding 
over-speculation,  the  infatuated  gentleman  wrote 
two-and-twenty  fresh  applications  for  shares  before 
he  went  to  bed  that  night." 

Besides  the  reprinted  pieces  "  Brighton  "  and 
"  The  Georges,"  Thackeray  contributed  to  No. 
22  2,  p.  163,  a  paragraph  giving  comic  expression 
to  the  popular  indignation  at  Fleet  Street  being 
"  up,"  and  remaining  up.  It  professes  to  report 
the  discovery  of  a  brandy- bottle  with  an  inscrip- 
tion within  it,  showing  that  the  Celerity  omnibus 

179 


THACKERAY    AND    P  UNCH 

has  been  stranded  off  Temple  Bar;  "every  pas- 
senger lost ;  great  distress."  She  arrives  in  safety, 
however,  being  piloted  through  the  narrow  straits 
in  the  dangerous  channel  of  Fleet  Street  by  Police- 
man C  2  1,  after  the  longest  passage  on  record. 

"  Punch's  Tribute  to  O'Connell"  is  a  scathing 
attack  on  the  Irish  leader  by  reason  of  his  cynical 
conduct  during  the  Irish  potato  famine  that  marked 
the  late  autumn  (No.  227).  While  Ireland  starved, 
the  Liberator"  played  the  buffoon," and  again  sent 
round  the  hat.  Leech  denounced  him  as  "  The 
Irish  Jeremy  Diddler,"  but  Thackeray's  "Tribute" 
was  far  bitterer.  In  the  course  of  this  open  letter 
we  read: 

"  Not  that  I  quarrel  with  a  joke,  my  dear  pro- 
fessional friend,  or  am  jealous  of  yours ;  but  I 
think,  of  these  latter  days,  you  have  been  a  trifle 
too  facetious.  That  excessive  good  humour  the 
which  you  have  flung  into  the  discussion  of  the 
Starvation  Question  —  or  rather  the  airy  gaiety 
with  which  you  have  eluded  it — hopping  facetious- 
ly away  from  it  when  pressed  upon  you,  and  in- 
stead of  talking  about  the  means  of  preventing 
your  countrymen's  ruin,  telling  a  story  about  the 
coolness  of  the  Lord  Lieutenant's  rooms,  or  hav- 
ing a  fling  at  the  Saxon,  or  telling  a  lie  about  the 
Times  Commissioner,  struck  me  as  rather  out  of 
place.  A  joke  is  a  joke,  and  nothing  can  be  more 
pleasing  than  a  lie  (we  will  call  it  a  hoax)  in  its 
proper  place — but  not  always.     You  wouldn't  cut 

capers  over  a  dead  body,  or  be  particularly  boister- 

180 


ATTACK    ON    O  "CON  NELL 

ous  and  facetious  in  a  chapel  or  a  sick-room ;  and 
I  think,  of  late,  dear  Sir,  you  have  been  allowing 
your  humour  to  get  the  better  of  you  on  occa- 
sions almost  as  solemn.  For  isn't  Hunger  sacred? 
Isn't  Starvation  solemn?  And  the  Want  of  a  na- 
tion is  staring  Daniel  O'Connell  in  the  face,  and 
the  Liberator  replies  with  a  grin  and  a  gibe." 
And  so  he  proceeds  with  his  remonstrations  with 
"  my  brazen  old  brother  buffoon  !",  following  them 
up  with  a  paragraph  which  seems  to  have  the  ring 
of  autobiography  in  it :  "  During  the  Consulship 
of  Plancus,  when  I  was  green  and  young,  I  had  a 
dear  friend,  who  for  some  years  made  a  very  com- 
fortable income  out  of  me,  by  cheating  me  at 
cards.  He  was  an  exceedingly  agreeable,  gener- 
ous, social  fellow,  and  professed  and  felt,  no  doubt, 
a  warm  regard  for  me ;  for  he  used  always  to  win 
and  I  to  pay  with  unalterable  confidence  and  good 
humour.  I  furnished  his  house  for  him,  I  paid  his 
tailor's  bills,  I  kept  the  worthy  fellow  in  pocket- 
money.  Win  what  he  would,  I  wouldnt  believe 
he  was  a  cheat.  At  last,  as  I  insisted  on  not  dis- 
covering his  practices,  my  jolly  friend  did  not  give 
himself  the  trouble  to  hide  them  ;  and  one  day, 
when  we  were  playing  a  friendly  game  at  ecarte 
together,  I  saw  him  wath  a  selection  of  eight  or 
more  trumps  and  court  cards  comfortably  spread 
in  his  lap  from  which  he  supplied  his  hand  as  he 
wanted."  And  Thackeray  asks  who  it  is  that  is  so 
blind  across  the  Channel,  "whose  confidence  and 
blindness  are  so  inconceivable,  that  the  old  sharp- 

i8i 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 


er  who  takes  their  money  scorns  even  to  hide  the 
jugglery  by  which  he  robs  them." 

The  hard  case  of  "  Miss  Malony  and  Father 
Luke" — as  represented  in  a  letter  addressed  by 
the  lady  to  Punch,  and  dated  from  "  Patrick  Street, 
Cork,"  enables  Thackeray  to  make  another  strong 
attack  upon  O'Connell.  The  lady  complains  that 
she  went  to  Mass  in  her  new  fur  tippet  and  muff 
and  was,  in  consequence,  singled  out  for  attack  by 
the  Father:    ' 

"'  Women  of  Ireland,'  says  he, '  women  descend- 
ed from  those  three  hundthred  viroins  whom  the 

bloodv  Saxon  Crom- 
well slew  at  Wex- 
ford; women  who  in- 
habit a  land  whose 
vallies  are  the  green- 
est, whose  rivers  are 
the  clearest,  whose 
mountains  are  the 
hio^hest  in  the  worrld. 
What  sacrifices  are 
you  prepared  to 
make  to  that  bleed- 
ing, that  beautiful 
counthree?  The  wicked  Saxon  has  blighted  the 
potato-crop,  and  rejoices  in  the  prospect  of  the  na- 
tional famine.  The  as^onies  of  our  children  feast 
his  heart  with  hellish  joy.  .  .  .  Are  you  not  pre- 
pared  to   do   everything  to  rescue  your  starving 

countrymen.?    Our  Sublime  Liberator  permits  it: 

182 


"MISS    MALONY    AND    FATHER    LUKE" 

enjoins  it.  That  Great  Philanthropist  cannot  sub- 
scribe himself,  for  he  is  poor — but  he  calls  upon 
you,  his  children,  to  make  every  sacrifice.  .  .  . 
Can  you  talk  of  sacrifices,  who  have  spent  fifteen 
guineas  on  a  muff  and  tippet  ?  ,  .  .  You,  who  are 
flaunting  in  gorgeous  apparel  when  Ireland  is 
naked  and  cold  ?  .  .  ."  Was  it  quite  fair.  Miss 
Malony  asks  pathetically,  considering  that  she  has 
paid  her  thirty-shilling  note  to  the  Tribute — puts 
her  shilling  regularly  in  the  plate — and  subscribed, 
too,  to  the  gift  of  a  silver  tea-service  for  Father 
Luke — ^who  made  no  objection  to  that? 

The  quarrel  between  Punch  on  the  one  hand,  and 
Mr.  James  Silk  Buckingham  (of  the  "  British  and 
Foreign  Institute  ")  and  his  adherent  Mr.  George 
Jones,  on  the  other,  had  hitherto  been  conduct- 
ed almost  entirely  by  Douglas  Jerrold.  Into  the 
question  whether  Mr.  Buckingham  was  a  bene- 
factor or  an  impostor,  and  his  "  Institute  "  of  real 
value  or  only  a  little  feathered  retreat  for  his  own 
nesting,  there  is  no  need  to  enter.  But  Thack- 
eray,  with  his  unfailing  good  sense  and  just  appre- 
ciation of  proportion,  now  entered  the  discussion, 
which  had  become  bitter  and  heated  beyond  a 
joke,  in  order  to  calm  it,  and  in  a  letter  entitled 
"John  Jones's  Remonstrance  about  the  Bucking- 
ham Business  "  (p.  261)  he  seeks  to  bring  back  the 
matter  from  angry  recrimination  to  good  humour: 
"  Buckingham  is  so  angered.  .  .  .  He  bawls  out 
rogue,  forger,  impostor  .  .  .  and  at  this  you  be- 

183 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

come  virtuously  indignant!  At  page  241,  you 
are  absolutely  serious.  That  page  of  Punch  is  a 
take  in.  PiLuch  ought  never  to  be  virtuously  in- 
dignant or  absolutely  serious.  His  two  great, 
blundering,  roaring,  stupid  enemies,  in  the  show, 
the  Policeman  and  the  Beadle,  are  always  calling 
him  thief,  rascal,  and  knave.  PuncJis  good  hu- 
mour is  never  interrupted.  .  .  .  Ought  this  clumsy 
rage  and  stupid  obloquy  to  disturb  my  hunch- 
backed martyr  .f*  Ought  you  to  be  angry  because 
Dulness  can't  take  a  joke.?"  Mr,  Buckingham 
had  in  self-defence  published  a  solemn  and  im- 
posing list  of  his  efforts  for  the  public  weal,  of 
which  these  are  some: 

"7.  Free    Trade    for    Englishmen     in    China. 
Accomplished. 

8.  Opening  of  the  Overland  Route  to  India. 

Accomplished. 

9.  Immediate  Emancipation  of  British  Slaves. 

Accomplished. 
16.  Abolition   of    Impressment   for    the    Navy. 

Accomplished. 
20.  Voyage  of  Civilization  and  Discover3\    Not 

begun." 

Thereupon  Thackeray  says :  "  With  the  latter 

scheme  alone  I  was  acquainted.     I  did  not  know 

that  the  former  projects  were  owing  to  this  great 

man.     I  should  as  soon  have  expected  to  behold 

written — 

184 


A    HINT    TO    THE      DUKE 

21.  Magna    Charta  and    the   Fire  of   London. 
Accomplished. 

23.  Inoculation  for  the  Small-Pox  and  Passage 

of  the  Pons  Asinorum.     Accomplished. 

24.  The  Art  of   Printing  by  Moveable   Types 

and    the    Conflagration    of    the     River 
Thames.     Accomplished. 

25.  The  Battle  of  Waterloo  and  the  Invention 

of  Steam -Carriages  on  Iron-roads.     Ac- 
complished. 

26.  The  new  Process  of  Oval  Suction  (with  the 

aid    of    the    spirited    conductors   of    the 
Morning  Herald).     Accomplished." 

The  last  contribution  to  this  volume — (I  take 
no  heed  here  of  the  series  of  "  Jeames's  Diary," 
which  beo^an  in  No.  226  and  ran  into  the  next 
volume,  No.  239,  Feb.  7,  1846)  —  is  that  entitled 
"  The  Old  Duke  "  (p.  263),  Thackeray  had  become 
impatient  of  the  Duke's  retention  of  the  post  of 
Commander-in-Chief  and  especially  of  the  weight 
he  exercised  in  public  affairs — for  which  he  con- 
sidered the  veteran  was  no  longer  fitted : 

"  But  let  it  be  conceded  that  he  is  getting  old.  .  .  . 
It  is  nonsense  to  say  that  because  he  won  the  great 
Waterloo  Stakes  in  18 15,  he  is  able  to  run  with 
other  horses  now — it  is  not  fair  that  others  should 
slacken  their  pace  out  of  regard  to  him.  We  want 
to  move  on.  ...  It  may  be  perceived  that  we  are 
writing  with  the  utmost  gevitleness.     Great   and 

strong   ourselves,    we    reverence    the    brave    who 

1S5 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

lived  before  us.  We  are  not  going  to  bully  the 
old  Duke,  but  we  assert  that  his  time  for  going  to 
grass  has  arrived.  .  .  .  Suppose  that  statue  of  his 
which  is  turned  with  its  horse's  tail  to  the  Ex- 
change, should  be  removed  by  his  adorers  in  the 
City,  and  placed,  for  greater  honour,  let  us  say  in 
the  middle  arch  of  Temple  Bar.  It  might  look 
very  well  there  .  .  .  but  the  street  would  be  in- 
commoded .  .  .  the  moral  is  obvious.  Punch 
means  that  the  old  Duke  should  no  lonorer  block 
up  the  great  thoroughfare  of  Civilisation — that 
he  should  be  quietly  and  respectfully  eliminated." 
Nevertheless,  the  Duke  held  his  appointment  until 
his  death  seven  years  later ;  and  then,  after  an  in- 
terval of  four  years,  during  which  Lord  Hardinge 
filled  the  post,  the  Duke  of  Cambridge  succeeded 
him — only  to  hear,  some  forty  years  afterwards, 
the  same  demands  for  resignation,  to  which  he,  at 
least,  was  forced  to  submit. 


CHAPTER   VIII 
VOLUME    X.  FIRST    HALF-YEARLY   VOLUME,    1846 

In  Volume  X,  for  the  first  half-year  of  1S46,  there 
appear  but  three  contributions  from  Thackeray 
which  have  not  been  reprinted,  and  of  these  two 
are  of  no  importance  whatever.  The  satirist  was 
occupied  with  some  five  chapters  of  "  Jeames  s 
Diary"  and  eighteen  of  "The  Snobs  of  England," 
the  first  of  which  was  published  in  No.  242,  the 
28th  February. 

The  first  article  to  be  noticed  here  is  "  Extract 
of  a  Letter  on  the  Late  Crisis  "  (p.  23).  Sir  Robert 
Peel  while  still  at  the  head  of  what  was  generally 
thought  to  be  a  strong  and  united  Government, 
suddenly  resigned.  Lord  John  Russell  (to  Thack- 
eray's delight)  attempted  to  form  a  Cabinet;  in- 
deed, as  I  have  mentioned,  Thackeray  it  was  who 
gave  Doyle  the  idea  for  his  Cartoon  (in  No.  233, 
27th  December  1845),  "Never  mind  losing  the 
first  hdat:  go  in  and  win" — words  supposed  to 
be  spoken  by  Cobden  to  Lord  John,  the  jockey, 
who  is  mounted  on  "Abolition"  [of  the  Corn 
Laws].     It  was,  therefore,  with  much  chagrin  that 

he  heard  of  Lord  John's  failure,  owing  to  the  fact 

187 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

that  Lord  Grey  refused  to  serve  with  Lord  Pahn- 
erston  as  Foreign  Minister,  so  bringing  about 
Peel's  resumption  of  office — although  for  only  a 
couple  of  months.  In  a  long  letter,  signed  "  T.  B. 
MacPunch,"  he  directs  his  sarcasm  against  the 
haughty  exclusiveness  and  egotism  of  the  hand- 
ful of  dictatorial  political  leaders.  Addressing  "  P. 
MacFarlane,  Esq.,  Edinbitrghl'  he  says  : 

"You  do  not  seem  to  understand  that  the  Whigs 
are  our  natural  leaders — appointed  by  Heaven 
and  the  Red  Book  to  rule  and  govern  us.  There 
are  about  a  dozen  of  this  privileged  class  of  noble- 
men— set  apart  from  the  rest  of  the  world — hav- 
ing government  vested  in  them,  as  priesthood  is 
in  the  Brahmins,  or  was  the  tribe  of  Levi.  Read 
the  Court  Circular  about  these  Whigs  —  these 
great  irrevocable  rulers  of  ours.  .  .  .  They  see 
only  one  another,  these  great  Signors.  They  de- 
cide in  their  conclaves  what  is  good  for  us,  no 
doubt.  The  working  people,  headed  by  your 
CoBDENS  and  Villiers's,  work  and  toil  and  strive 
— organise  the  forces  of  the  country  against  the 
Corn  Laws — beat  it  down ;  and  then  Lord  John 
comes  nobly  in,  and  says,  '  Well  done,  my  heroes; 
you  have  conquered  in  this  battle,  and  I  place  my- 
self at  your  head.  ...  I  condescend  to  lead  you. 
I  am  your  natural  aristocracy,  I  and  Palmerston, 
and  Grey.  .  .  .  We  intend  to  come  into  the  Minis- 
try upon  your  shoulders.'  It  was  in  this  way  that 
Louis  Philippe  walked  into  Paris  after  the  three 
days' fighting  and  revolution  in.  1830;  and  blessed 

1 88 


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"YOUNG    YANKEE-NOODLE" 

the  people ;  and  took  the  profits,  and  has  ruled 
ever  since  as  Managing  Director  of  the  French 
Nation.  .  .  .  Lord  John  .  .  .  conceives  the  Coun- 
try can't  be  governed  without  Lord  Palmerston 
and  Lord  Grey.  .  .  .  Oflfice  he  resigns ;  it  is  im- 
possible without  Lord  Palmerston — the  country 
may  go  to  the  deuce;  he  can't  preserve  it  without 
Lord  Grey."  A  few  months  later,  however,  the 
two  noble  lords  did  consent  to  serve  together 
under  Lord  John. 

A  two -line  paragraph  in  No.  238  (p.  61)  an- 
nounces, under  the  heading  of  "  Promotion  for 
Brougham,"  that  on  the  night  of  the  Address,  the 
old  statesman  made  "  so  entirely  foolish  and  un- 
reasonable "  a  speech  in  the  Lords  "that  it  is  said 
he  is  to  be  made  a  Duke."  Punch  was  very  hard 
on  Dukes  and  their  follies  just  then — especially 
on  the  Dukes  of  Richmond  and  Buckingham.  In 
No.  249  (p.  174)  appears  a  four -line  paragraph, 
"  The  Irish  Curfew  Bell,"  in  which  Thackeray 
asks  Lord  Lincoln  (the  First  Commissioner  of 
Land  Revenue)  how  those  Irishmen  who  have  no 
houses  are  to  conform  to  the  proposed  new  law — 
(Lord  St.  Germans'  Coercion  Bill,  which  was  soon 
to  wreck  the  Ministry) — that  "  no  person  in  Ireland 
is  to  be  allowed  to  leave  his  house  after  a  certain 
hour." 

The  Cartoon  by  Leech  in  No.  245,  "Young 
Yankee-Noodle  teaching  Grandmother  Britannia 
to  Suck  Eggs,"  was  proposed  by  Thackeray  (see 
Introductory  Chapter).     Young    America  stands 

189 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

on  a  stool  before  his  helmeted  grandmother,  and 
lectures  the  aged  lady  on  the  deglutition  of  the 
eee  "  Oreeron,"  which  he  holds  in  his  hand :  a  ref- 
erence  to  the  Oregon  frontier  difficulty  which  had 
just  been  solved  and  settled  by  mutual  compro- 
mise. 

VOLUME   XI.   SECOND    HALF-YEARLY    VOLUME,  1846 

The  volume  opens  with  a  breezy,  bustling  bur- 
lesque in  three  acts,  based  upon  a  strongly  re- 
sented Order  against  tobacco  -  smoking  in  the 
Navy  anywhere  but  in  the  galley.  It  is  headed 
thus : 

"A    NEW    NAVAL    DRAMA. 
THEATRE  ROYAL,  WHITECHAPEL  ROTUNDA. 


"SMOKING  HAS  BEEN  FORBIDDEN   IN  BRITAIN'S  NAVY. 

TARS  AND   ENGLISHMEN  !     UP   AND   RALLY   ROUND 

FITZ-BRICK'S   NEW  DRAMA, 

THE    SEAMAN'S    PIPE! 

OR,  THE   BATTLE   AND   THE   BREEZE." 

ACT  I.  proves  "  A  Seaman's  Loyalty."  Tom 
Clewline,  an  heroic  tar,  on  emerging  with  his 
newly-married  wife  from  the  village  church,  is  de- 

190 


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A    NAVAL    BURLESQUE 

nounced  by  the  jealous  Screw  to  the  Press-gang, 
who  summon  him  for  further  service  on  board  the 
Blazes — Ca}Dtain  Chainshot,  whose  life  he  had 
saved  by  "  cutting  him  out  of  a  shark  at  Jamaiky." 


Susan  gives  him  a  pipe  and  a  bacco-bag  as  he  de- 
parts to  "  do  his  duty  to  his  King." 

"  ACT  iL  '  The  Breeze'  Scene  i.  The  cptar- 
ter-deck  of  the  'Blazes'  off  Tobago.  The  American 
ship  '  Ganger  lies  N.N.E.  by  S.  W.  in  the  offing^ 
American  officers  are  on  board  and  insidiously 
drop  tempting  words  into  the  ear  of  Clewline,  who 
is  at  the  wheel.  He  treats  the  officers  and  their 
offers  with  polite  contempt.  After  an  affectionate 
scene  between  the  Admiral  and  his  saviour  Tom, 
finished  off  with  a  hornpipe  pas  de  denx,  the  Ad- 
miral announces  the  new  regulation  and  calls  on 

191 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

the  crew,  for  whom  his  heart  is  bleeding,  to  fling 
their  pipes  upon  the  deck.  "  They  dash  them  down 
to  a  man. — National  Anthem. —  Grand  Tableazi.'' : 
all  but  Clewline,  who,  a  little  later  on,  explains — 
"  I  wouldn't,  I  couldn't  break  Syousan's  pipe  .  .  . 
my  pretty  Syousan's  last  gift! — No,  not  if  I  were 
to  die  for  it."     {He  puts  it  in  his  mouth.) 

"  Captain  {coming  unperceived  out  of  the   bin- 


nacle)! '  Ha!  smoking! — you  shall  have  five  hun- 
dred lashes.  .  .  .  Ho,  bos'n!  pipe  all  hands  for 
punishment.'" 

But  Tom  will  not  be  flogged :  "  Farewell,  Ad- 
miral!     Farewell,  my   country!     Syousan,   Syou- 

192 


A    NAVAL    BURLESQUE 

san!"  \_Ju77ips  overboard.  Cries  of '' A  man  over- 
board! He's  swimming  to  the  American  Frigate  f 
&c^  The  act  concludes  with  the  stage  direc- 
tions: ''This  is  a  beautifiil  scene.  The  ' Gotiger' 
with  all  her  canvass  set,  her  bowlines  gaffed,  and  her 
maintop-halyards  reefed  N.S.  by  S.N.,  stands  out 
of  the  harbo7cr,  and  passes  under  the  bows  of  the 
' Blazes' .  .  .  Tom  is  seen  corning  up  the  side  of  the 
shipr 

In  ACT  III.  we  are  on  the  main-deck  of  the  U.S. 

line-of-battle  ship  Virginia,  Commodore .    ''In 

the  offing,  the  '  Blazes'  is  seen  in  fill  chase,  with  her 
dead-eyes  reefed,  her  caboose  set,  and  her  trysail  scup- 
pers clewed  fore  and  aft."  Susan  asks  the  Com- 
modore if  he  will  fight  against  his  country.  For 
answer  he  orders  her  below,  and  hearing  from  the 
Master  that  the  wind  is  North-South  by  East,  tells 
Mr.  Brace  to  "  ease  her  head  a  little,"  and  decides 
to  do  his  duty  to  the  Stars  and  Stripes,  and  to 
show  Britons  how  Britons  can  fight.  They  dance 
the  national  hornpipe  to  bring  up  their  spirits,  for 
they  must  meet  i\\Q  Blazes  stern  to  stern  and  poop 
to  poop.  The  Blazes  luffs,  and  her  crew  board 
the  Yankee.  But  Captain  Chainshot  is  struck 
down  by  the  Commodore,  and  the  British  yield, 
while  the  Commodore,  throwing  open  his  cloak, 
reveals  Tom  Clewline  with  stars  and  epaulettes. 
He  spares  the  Admiral  —  declines  to  take  his 
sword — and  as  a  "  tag  "  rubs  in  the  moral  well : 
"  Drive  not  loyal  souls  to  desperation.  Give  the 
Seaman  back  his  Backy,  or,  if  you  refuse,  you  will 

N  193 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

have  thousands  deserting  from  your  navy,  like  Tom 
Clewline." 

In  the  same  number  Thackeray  records,  under 
the  expressive  title  of  "  Black  Monday  "  (p.  1 2),  Sir 
Robert  Peel's  superb  leave-taking  of  office  (29  June 
1846),  four  days  after  having  been  beaten  on  the 
Coercion  Bill.  Thackeray's  heart  went  out  to  the 
fallen  Minister  whose  farewell  was  so  dignified, 
frank,  and  good-humoured,  and  whose  generosity 
so  unselfishly  accorded  to  Richard  Cobden  the 
whole  credit  of  the  Repeal  of  the  Corn  Laws,  al- 
though it  was  his  Government  that  had  carried  it 
at  the  cost  of  self-immolation. 

"  He  is  gone,  dear  friends,"  says  Thackeray. 
"  We  saw  him  drive  down  to  the  House,  and  roll- 
ing in  his  gold  coach  like  King  Pippin,  but  his 
heart  must  have  been  cheered  by  the  roar  of  thou- 
sands of  voices,  which  said  '  God  bless  -him  !'  Did 
he  catch  sight  of  Punch  up  in  a  lamp-post,  yelling, 
'  Bravo,  Peel  !  Peel  for  ever !'  fit  to  crack  his 
lungs  ?  Dear  old  Peel  !  We  have  had  many  a 
tiff — but  he  is  gone,  and  the  Whigs  are  in.  .  .  . 
My  dear  friends,  I  think  of  Peel,  and  what  he  has 
done,  and  what  he  has  undone.  Let  b3^-gones  be 
by-gones.  I  should  like  to  shake  the  hand  that 
floored  the  Corn  -  law,  and  gave  Haydon  fifty 
pounds "  —  Haydon,  the  poor,  harassed  painter, 
who  had  committed  suicide  a  few  days  before,  and 
a  week  earlier  had  written  in  his  Diary  :  "  Sat  from 
two  to  five  o'clock  staring  at  my  picture  like  an 

idiot,  my  brain  pressed  down  by  anxiety  and  the 

194 


SOCIAL    SATIRES 

anxious  looks  of  my  family,  whom  I  have  been 
compelled  to  inform  of  my  condition.  I  have 
written  to  Sir  Robert  Peel,  to — Sec,  &c.  Who  an- 
swered first  ?  Tormented  by  Disraeli,  harassed  by 
public  business,  up  came  a  letter  from  Sir  Robert 
Peel."  It  was  this  letter  which  enclosed  ^50 — 
"from  a  limited  sum  I  have  at  my  disposal,  I  send, 
as  a  contribution  for  your  relief  from  these  embar- 
rassments." 

In  another  paragraph,  "  Signs  of  the  Times," 
the  somewhat  cryptic  statement  is  made  that,  what- 
ever the  clubs  may  say,  "the  omnibuses  go  with 
Sir  Robert  Peel." 

A  "social"  cut  appears  in  No.  264  (p.  52,  i  Au- 
gust 1846) — "  May  difference  of  opinion  never  alter 
Friendship."  It  is  one  of  those  mild  domestic  sat- 
ires which  the  author-artist  was  fond  of  drawinsf. 
A  tall,  simply-dressed  young  lady  and  her  dumpy, 
fussy  young  friend  are  trying  on  clothes  in  their 
room.  The  latter,  ridiculous  both  as  to  attire  and 
attitude,  as  she  stands  on  tip-toe  before  the  glass, 
says:  "Well,  for  my  part,  Matilda,  I  like  long  waists 
and  flounces."  It  is  often  difficult,  when  a  fashion 
has  passed  away,  accurately  to  appreciate  the  fla- 
vour of  contemporary  jokes  made  at  its  expense. 

The  visit  of  Mehemet  Ali,  the  heroic  Pasha  of 
Egypt,  to  the  Sultan  whom  he  had  so  often  and 
so  thorougly  defeated  on  sea  and  land,  engaged 
Thackeray's  pen  and  pencil  in  Number  266  (p.  '/2). 
This  description  is  a  piece  of  capital  fooling,  pro- 
fessing to  come  "  From  our  own  Correspondent." 

195 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 


"  His  Highness  the 
Viceroy  of  Egypt  was 
dressed  in  a  simple 
bulbul,with  little  orna- 
ment, save  his  vener- 
able white  beard,  and 
a  few  tulips  and  poly- 
anthuses (sent  from  the 
Gardens  of  the  Sweet- 
waters,  and  a  present 
from  the  Sultana  Va- 
lide),  arranged  taste- 
fully in  his  cocked  hat.  A  papoosh  (or  pink  dia- 
mond) of  tremendous  brilliancy,  glittered  in  the 
hilt  of  his  yatabal.  Hoky  Bey  and  Bosh  Pasha 
attended  the  Egyptian  Sovereign.  The  eight-and- 
forty  rowers  lay  to  their  oars;  and  the  narghile 
cut  rapidly  through  the  waters  of  the  blue  Bos- 
phorus  amidst  the  shouting  of  the  people  from  the 
twenty  thousand  caciques  that  followed  in  the  wake 
of  the  gilded  barge  of  state. 

"  The  ladies  of  the  Harem  lined  the  walls  of  the 
Seraskier's  tower,  and  waved  their  shulwars  in  the 
air  to  welcome  the  illustrious  vassal  of  the  Porte. 
One  of  them,  lifting  her  veil  incautiously  to  look 
at  the  cortege,  was  seen  by  the  Chief  of  the  Eu- 
nuchs and  instantly  sewn  into  a  sack  and  flung 
into  the  Bosphorus.  Her  struggles  and  ludicrous 
contortions  caused  a  great  deal  of  laughter,  and 
served  to  egayer  the  crowd.  .  .  . 

"  At  the  stairs  at  Seraglio  Point  the  Dromedary 

196 


MEHEMET    ALI    AND    THE    SULTAN 

Asra  was  in  waitinsf  ...  to  receive  the  renowned 
Mehemet  All  As  soon  as  he  mounted,  a  cath- 
erine-wheel  fixed  at  the  crupper  of  the  animal  was 
lighted,  and  thus  he  rode  into  the  great  gate  of 
the  Seraglio  in  a  perfect  blaze  of  glory.  .  .  •  The 
Diplomatic  Body  appeared  in  full  uniform,  the 
Chief  Secretary  of  each  Legation  bearing  a  superb 
banner,  with  the  national  arms,  such  as  the  British 
Lion,  the  Cock  of  France,  that  interesting  and 
extremely  rare  bird,  the  double-headed  Eagle  of 
Austria,  the  Ducks  of  Russia,  &c.  The  Ameri- 
can Minister  flunor  about  a  shower  of  Illinois  and 
Pennsylvanian  Bonds ;  which,  however,  were  re- 
ceived with  utter  disregard  by  the  Turks — for  the 
most  part  unable  to  read,  and  ignorant  of  their 
value."  This  allusion  to  the  worthless  stock  of 
the  insolvent  States  is  in  true  Titmarshian 
vein. 

Mehemet  is  then  received.  "  Bring  Coffee — 
black  coffee','  said  His  Highness  the  Sultan  to  the 
Cafidsre  Bashi.  '  Black  Coffee!'  cried  Mehemet, 
looking  wildly  round;  '  it — it  don't  agree  with  me.' 
A  ghastly  smile  played  upon  the  lips  of  the  Sul- 
tan, as  with  a  demoniac  look  he  *  *  *," — and  here 
the  fragment  closes.  Thackeray  doubtless  rightly 
interpreted  the  Sultan's  feelings  towards  his  so- 
called  vassal;  but  the  expected  tragedy  was  not 
enacted,  and  Mehemet  returned  to  Egypt,  to  re- 
sume his  rule — to  madness,  and  death. 

On  the  same  page  we  have  another  of  Thack- 
eray's "social  "  cuts.     It  is  called  "  The  Heavies," 

197 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

in  which  two  ill -drawn  swells,  in  horribly  otitre 
clothes,  are  represented  talking. 

"  The  Speaking  Machine  "  is  Thackeray's  next 
contribution  (p.  83).  Tliis  machine,  at  that  time 
the  talk  of  the  town,  was  being  exhibited  at  the 


THE  HEAVIES 


CAPTAIN  RAGG  AND  CORNET  FAMISH,     i^c^^^— The  Park) 

R.  "See  that  dem  Mulligan  dwive  by,  with  that  dem  high- 
stepping    HAWS?      IWISHMAN    MULLIGAN — HATE    IWISHMEN." 

F.  "  /  HATE  THEM  BECAUSE  THEY  DRESS  SO  LIKE  TIGERS.  HATE  A 
MAN   THAT    DON't    DRESS    QUIETLY." 

R.   "Dem  'em,  so  do  Ay." 

198 


"THE    SPEAKING    iM  A  C  H  I  N  E  " 

Egyptian  Hall  by  its  inventor,  Professor  Faber,  of 
Vienna.  It  was  played  upon  like  a  pianoforte  and 
Q:ave  forth  several  words ;  and  it  was  said  that  the 
sound  of  the  letter  E  had  taken  the  Professor  not 
less  than  five  years  to  produce.  This  machine,  it 
may  be  remembered,  made  its  reappearance  in 
London  in  1870.  It  could  say  a  few  words  in 
English,  French,  and  German,  in  a  shrill  unnat- 
ural key,  and  laughter  could  be  produced  by  puU- 
ino:  down  a  lever.  The  instru- 
ment  naturally  gave  occasion  for 
numerous  jocular  suggestions 
such  as  were  made,  nearly  forty 
years  later,  at  the  expense  of  the 
phonograph.  Thackeray  proposed 
that  it  should  be  combined  with 
the  Euphonia,  or  verse -making 
machine  (alluded  to  on  a  previous  (Seep.  201.) 
page)  and  with  Babbage's  Calcu- 
lating Machine,  and  pointed  out  the  startling  uses 
for  such  a  combination.  Among  others  :  "A  clear 
saving  of  ten  thousand  a  year  might  be  effected 
by  setting  up  a  machine  en  permanence  in  the 
Speaker  s  chair  of  the  House  of  Commons.  Place 
the  mace  before  it.  Have  ...  a  simple  appa- 
ratus for  crying  out  '  Order,  order,'  at  inter- 
vals of  ten  minutes,  and  you've  a  Speaker  at  the 
most  trifling  cost,  whom  Sir  William  Gossett  might 
keep  going  all  night.  The  elocution  of  the  Eupho- 
nia is  not  at  present  very  distinct.  ...  In  our  pres- 
ence the  Euphonia  gave  vent  to  a  sentence  which 

199 


THACKERAY    AND   PUNCH 

nobody  understood  but  ourselves,  and  our  hearts 
perhaps  divined  the  cry.     It  was  '  Hourrah  for 


The  Household  Brigade.     (See  p.  201.) 

FiGDORiA.'     So  the    machine   (a   German    instru- 
ment) pronounced  the  venerated   name   of   Her 


The  Household  Brigade.     (See  p.  201.) 
200 


WHAT'S    COME    TO    THE    CLUBS?" 


Majesty.  .  .  .  The  machine  laughs — but  we  are 
bound  to  say  not  in  a  hearty  and  jovial  manner. 
It  is  a  hard,  dry,  artificial  laugh;  such  as  that  .  .  . 
of  Sir  Robert  Peel,  when  he  is  amused  by  some  of 
Mr.  Disraeli's  good-natured  jokes  against  himself." 

"What's  Come  to  the  Clubs?"  — Thackeray's 
next  unidentified  contribution  (No.  271,  19  Sept. 
1846)  —  deals  with  his  annual  grievance  of  the 
summer  blocking  of  the  streets,  and  the  closing,  or 
desertion,  of  the  Clubs.  It  consists  of  a  letter  of 
complaint  (illustrated  with  three  drawings)  ad- 
dressed to  Punch  by  "Alured  Mogyns  de  Mog- 
yns,"  requesting  that  journal  to  remedy  the  state 
of  things  —  "and  if 
you  will  call  any  day 
at  the  hotel  for  Cap- 
tain DE  MOGYNS'S 
servant,  my  man  will 
give  you  something 
handsome  for  your 
trouble." 

"The  Household 
Briorade  "  sets  forth 
and  illustrates  a  let- 
ter addressed  by 
Miss  "Amanda  Gor- 


of 


Knights- 


gon, 

bridge,  to  Pztnch,  to 
complain  that  she 
has  detected  her 
neifrhbours'  servants 


"What's  come  to  the  CUibs?'^ 


201 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

kissing  their  hands  unblushingly  to  "  two  horrid 
whiskei'ed  guardsmen  making  signals  with  their 
odious  fingers"  from  the  barrack  windows  opposite. 
It  is  curious  and  characteristic  that  Thackeray, 
who  illustrates  his  own  text,  has  drawn  the  war- 
riors with  moustaches  only  (No.  276.) 

"  Kitchen  Melodies — Curry,"  with  an  illustration 
of  a  fat  cook  struggling  with  a  monster  gridiron, 
is  the  text  of  a  very  domestic  little  poem ;  but 
althouorh  the  title  suoorests  a  series,  no  others  of 
the  sort  were  subsequently  published.  Is  there  not 
an  Horatian  flavour  in  the  lines  'I — 


''  Uitcljcn  lUiiobics.— (Currn 


Three  pounds  of  veal  my  darling  girl  prepares, 

And  chops  it  nicely  into  little  squares  ; 

Five  onions  next  procures  the  little  minx 

(The  biggest  are  the  best  her  Samiwel  thinks), 

And  Epping  butter  nearly  half  a  pound, 

And  stews  them  in  a  pan  until  they're  brown\l. 


202 


GASTRONOMICS 

What's  next  my  dexterous  little  girl  will  do  ? 
She  pops  the  meat  into  the  savory  stew, 
With  curry-powder  table  spoonfuls  three, 
And  milk  a  pint  (the  richest  that  may  be) 
And,  when  the  dish  has  stewed  for  half  an  hour, 
A  lemon's  ready  juice  she'll  o'er  it  pour: 
Then,  bless  her !  then  she  gives  the  luscious  pot 
A  very  gentle  boil — and  serves  quite  hot. 

P.S. — Beef,  mutton,  rabbit,  if  you  wish; 
Lobsters,  or  prawns,  or  any  kind  of  fish 
Are  fit  to  make  A  CURRY.     'Tis,  when  done, 
A  dish  for  Emperors  to  feed  upon." 

The  verses  read  as  if  they  were  addressed  to  the 
author's  daughter,  Mrs.  Richmond  Ritchie. 


CHAPTER   IX 

VOLUME    XII.  FIRST    HALF-YEARLY    VOLUME,  1847 

The  "Snob  Papers"  and  the  "  Prize  Novelists" 
occupied  Thackeray's  pen  for  the  most  part  in 
Punclis  Twelfth  Volume,  but  not  exclusively. 
Here  we  have  "  The  Mahogany  Tree,"  with  its 
exquisite  tenderness  (No.  287),  the  second  verse 
of  which  is  suppressed  in  its  reprinted  form  and 
need  not  here  be  restored ;  and  here,  too  (p.  59), 
the  "social "  cut,  representing  a  "  Horrid  Tragedy 
in  Private  Life"  —  an  enigmatical  picture,  the 
meaning  of  which  remained  absolutely  unintelli- 
gible to  the  beholder  for  more  than  fifty  years 
until,  in  1898,  in  the  Biographical  Edition  of  her 
father's  works,  Mrs.  Ritchie  gave  the  solution. 
On  returning  home  one  day  Thackeray  found 
his  little  daughters  dressed  up  and  "  playing  at 
Queens."  The  elder  was  ordering  her  rival  to 
instant  execution — and  Thackeray  sketched  them 
as  they  stood.  But  neither  in  drawing  nor  text  is 
there  any  clue  to  the  situation ;  nor,  if  there  were, 
could  the  joke  be  considered  a  very  funny  one. 
We  have,  besides,  the  "  Love  Songs  Made  Easy  " 

(p.  loi),  'and  "  Love  Songs  of  the  Fat  Contribu- 

204 


A    CRYPTIC    TRAGEDY 

tor"  (pp.  125  and  227),  with  humorous  explana- 
tory introduction  and  epilogue  which  are  unac- 
countably omitted  from  the  reprinted  versions,  for 
they  undoubtedly  heighten  the  effect  of  the  poems. 
We  next  come  to    an    important  set  of  satiri- 


HORRin   TRAGEDY  IN   PRIVATE  LIFE 
{Thackeray  s  Daughters  playing  in  their  Father  s  Study!) 

cal  verses,  entitled  "The  Cambridge  Address  to 
Prince  Albert "  (No.  296).  The  Prince  Consort 
had  lately  been  elected  to  the  Chancellorship 
of  the  University  on  the  death  of  the  Duke 
of   Northumberland,  beating    his  opponent.   Earl 

Powis,  by  953  votes  to  837.     /^2^;^^/2  laughed  over 

205 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

the  election  in  cartoon,  article,  and  verse,  taking 
mainly  as  his  text  the  encyclopaedic  knowledge 
which  the  election  presupposed  the  Prince  to  pos- 
sess; for  his  Royal  Highness,  still  a  young  man, 
had  recently  also  been  created  a  Field-Marshal  and 
a  Bencher  of  Lincoln's  Inn.  Thackeray  not  only 
wrote  his  paper  on  "  Mr.  Jeames's  Sentiments  on 
the  Cambridge  Election,"  already  republished,  but 
he  contributed  the  seven  ten -line  stanzas  here 
given.  The  verses  purport  to  come  from  one 
"  Gyp  "  of  Trinity  College,  Cambridge,  and  seem 
to  aim  less  at  the  Prince  than  at  the  Public  Ora- 
tor, the  Reverend  Mr.  Crick.  "  The  enthusiasm 
of  the  gownsmen,"  it  was  said  at  the  time,  "  knew 
no  bounds,  and  was  only  tamed  within  the  bounds 
of  sanity  by  the  dulness  of  the  Latin  oration  of  the 
Public  Orator."* 


"THE  CAMBRIDGE  ADDRESS  TO  PRINCE  ALBERT. 

Stern  fate  hath  clipped,  with  cruel  shear, 

In   spite  of  all  physick, 
A  worthy  duke,  a  noble  peer, 
To  virtue  and  to  Cambridge    dear, 

(Says  Reverend  Mr.  Crick.) 
He  ruled  us  but  for  seven  short  year, 

His  death  was  all  too  quick; 
We  howl,  and  drop  the  briny  tear 
Upon  his  lamentable  bier, 

(Says  Reverend  Mr.  Crick.) 

*  See  Annual  Register  for  1847. 
206 


PRINCE    ALBERT    AS    VICE-CHANCELLOR 

About  his  venerated  dust 

Our  tear-drops  tumble  thick  : 
He  was  our  champion  kind  and  just, 
In  him  was  all  our  hope  and  trust, 

(Says  Reverend  iNIr.  Crick.) 
But  weep  and  blubber  though  we  must. 

For  this  of  dukes  the  pick. 
We  must  not  cr}'  until  we  bust — 
Such  conduct  would  inspire  disgust, 

(Says  Reverend  Mr.  Crick.) 

My  Granta  !  wipe  your  weeping  face, 

And  be  philosophick  ; 
Look  round  and  see  can  we  replace 
In  any  way  his  poor  dear  Grace, 

(Says  Reverend  Mr.  Crick.) 
Who  is  the  man  to  meet  our  case  ? 

Who  enters  in  the  nick, 
To  take  Northumbrians  vacant  mace  .-• 
There  is  a  gent  of  royal  race, 

(Says  Reverend  Mr.  Crick.) 

There  is  a  gent  of  royal  breed, 

There  is  a  princely  brick. 
Who  doth  on  every  virtue  feed. 
As  wise  in  thought  as  great  in  deed ; 

To  him  we'll  tiy,  (says  Crick.) 
O  Prince  !  come  succour  at  our  need, 

This  body  politic ; 
Heal  up  our  wounds,  which  gape  and  bleed : 
Prevent  us  running  quite  to  seed, 

(Cries  Reverend  ^NIr.  Crick.) 

On  thee  our  hopes  and  faith  we  pin  ; 

Without  thee,  ruined  slick; 
To  thee  we  kneel  with  humble  shin  ; 
Stand  by  us,  guide  us,  hem  us  in, 

Great  Prince  !  (cries  Dr.  Crick.) 
207 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 


Thou  bright  exemplar  of  all  Prin- 
ces, here  your  shoes  we  lick  ; 
Kings  first  endowed  us  with  their  tin, 
Why  mayn't  we  hope  for  Kings  agin? 
(Says  independent  Crick.) 


OOMIM     PLI/AlKyi    AUL/E     R£Q;/€ 


BOOPH  AGl 


B  E  D  E  L  L  1/  s 

Crick  Y=  Public  Orator  spowts  before  \^-  Prince's  Highnesse. 


PRINCEP^         C£LSIi51MVS 


Our  tree  is  of  an  ancient  root, 

And  straightway  perpendic- 
ular to  heaven  its  boughs  will  shoot, 
If  you  but  listen  to  our  suit, 
(Says  Reverend  Mr.  Crick.) 
208 


A  TRIBUTE  TO  THE  DUKE  OF  VICTORY 

We  grovel  at  your  royal  boot ; 

Ah  !  don't  in   anger  kick, 
Great  Prince  !  the  suppliants  at  your  foot, 
See  how  our  lips  cling  fondly  to  't, 

(Cries  that  true  Briton,  Crick.) 

From  faction's  sacrilegious  claws 

Keep  Church  and  Bishopric  , 
Support  our  academic  cause ; 
Uphold  our  rights,  defend  our  laws, 

(Ejaculated  Crick.) 
The  speech  was  done.     He  made  a  pause 

For  Albert  and  for  Vic  ; 
Three  most  vociferous  huzzaws 
Then  broke  from  mighty  Whewell's  jaws, 
Who,  as  a  proof  of  his  applause. 
Straight  to  the  buttery  goes  and  draws 

A  pint  of  ale  for  Crick." 

A  pompous,  absurdly-worded  wedding  announce- 
ment of  a  singularly  inflated  character — badly 
phrased  so  as  to  be  open  to  several  equally  gro- 
tesque interpretations — afforded  a  quotation  to 
Thackeray  by  which  (in  No.  305,  p.  204)  he  was 
enabled  to  elaborate  what  was  almost,  in  effect  a 
supplementary  '^  Snob  Paper."  It  is  called  "A 
Disputed  Genealogy  "  and  is  in  the  form  of  a  letter, 
dated  from  Tugglesham  Rectory,  and  addressed 
"  To  the  Editor  of  the  Patrician,  London,"  by 
"  Brian  Tuggles  Tuggles." 

volume  xiii.  second  half-yearly  volume,  1847 

In  "  Punch  to  the  Queen  of  Spain,"  Thackeray 

addresses  in  PuncJis  name  a  letter,  "  favoured  by 
o  209 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

Boldomero  Espartero,  Esq.,"  of  more  than  a  column 
in  length,  dealing  with  French  and  Spanish  politics. 
He  recommends  her  Majesty  to  become  reconciled 
to  Louis  Philippe,  and  in  particular  dwells  on  the 
impending  return  to  Spain  of  "  General  the  Duke 
of  Victory,"  of  whose  dignified  bearing  when  im- 
pecunious and  an  exile  in  England  he  expresses 
warm  admiration.  "  Madam,  a  bawling  martyr  .  .  . 
is  worse  than  a  criminal  in  the  eyes  of  English 
Society — he  is  a  bore :  whereas  a  gentleman  who 
bears  his  wrongs  honourably,  merits  our  respectful 
sympathy,  and  a  cordial  hand-shake  when  he  goes." 
The  former  portion  of  the  sentence  is  probably 
the  original  of  du  Maurier's  much-quoted  answer 
of  a  lady  to  her  little  boy,  who  wants  to  know  if  it 
isn't  wicked  to  swear — "  it's  worse  than  wicked — 
it's  vulgar."  The  opening  of  the  article  is  note- 
worthy, as  it  shows  that  the  ban  which  Thackeray's 
attack  on  the  French  King  had  invited  had  not 
yet  been  removed,  in  spite  of  his  proffered  "  recon- 
ciliation" when  Louis  Philippe  visited  this  country. 
"  Excuse,  Madam,  the  liberty  I've  taken  in  ad- 
dressing your  Majesty:  but  I  believe  I  am  not 
dismissed  from  Spain  as  yet,  although  I  am  not 
allowed  to  cross  the  French  frontier  any  more 
than  the  Napoleons  or  the  Bourbons."  Espartero, 
the  Regent,  who  had  been  driven  from  Spain  by 
Narvaez  in  1837,  and  had  taken  refuge  in  England, 
had  now  been  pardoned;  and  his  recall  undoubted- 
ly afforded  not  less  satisfaction  to  the  general  public 

than  to  Punch  himself. 

210 


LITERARY    FRAUD 

The  eccentricities  of  Mr.  Chisholm  Anstey,  the 
extraordinarily  prolix  Member  for  Youghal,  are 
hinted  at  in  the  paragraph  entitled  "  Signs  of  a 
Move"  in  No.  327  (p.  143).  It  is  suggested 
that  that  gentleman  is  about  to  take  over  the 
offices  of  Prime  Minister  and  Foreio;n  Secre- 
tary  from  Lord  John  Russell  and  Lord  Palmer- 
ston,  and  will  provide  his  constituents  with  the 
places  for  which  they  may  invoke  his  patron- 
age. 

The  same  Number  (p.  147)  contains  a  long  and 

effective  attack  on  a  literary  gentleman  who  had 

for  some  time  been  advertising  in  the  Times  that 

"  he  could  secure  literary  fame  to  any  party  who 

would  apply  to  him   under  the  seal  of  inviolable 

secrecy — "  over  a  bootmaker's  in  the  Haymarket. 

Thackeray  explains  how  not  he  but  "  Mrs.  Punch  " 

wrote  in  reply,  setting  forth  her  desire  to  extract 

appreciation  from  an  unw'illing  public  for  her  new 

"volume  of  poesy,  '  Moans  of  the  Nightwind,'  for 

which  she  has  in  vain  attempted  to  find  a  Maecenas." 

The  advertiser,  who  had  employed  the  letters  "  X. 

Y.  Z. — "  here  used  as  the  heading  of  the  article — 

took  the  bait,  and  revealed  himself  as  one  Smithers 

— whose  "  Rumbuski  "  had   been   pronounced  by 

certain  obscure  journals  as  distinguished  by  merits 

variously  comparable  with  those  of  Shakespeare, 

Milton,    Schiller,    Goethe,    and    the    Elizabethan 

poets.     He  offered  to  produce  "  sterling  poetry  " 

for  his  clients  at  ^5   5s.  per  hundred   lines  and 

"  first-rate  prose  "  for  ^8  8s.  per  octavo  sheet  of  16 

211 


THACKERAY     AND    PUNCH 

closely   printed    pages ;    and    so    on.     Thackeray 
protests  against  the  principle : 

"  But,"  he  asks,  "  has  he  any  right  to  do  so? — 
that  is  the  point.  No  young  author  has  the  right 
to  go  and  purchase  a  hundred  lines  of  sterling 
verse,  written  by  a  Riunbnski,  and  buy  a  claim  to 
immortality  for  five  pounds  five.  The  tickets  to 
that  shop  are  not  transferable,  so  to  speak.  It  may 
be  very  well  for  a  Smithers  to  throw  off  a  few 
thousand  sterling  lines  or  reams  of  first-rate  prose, 
and  secure  his  own  seat;  but  he  can't  keep  places 
for  ever  so  many  friends  besides.  It  is  not  fair 
upon  us  who  are  struggling  at  the  door.  .  .  . 
There  must  be  no  making  first-rate  verses  for 
other  parties  at  £^  5s.  per  hundred  lines ;  at 
which  rate,  any  man  with  a  ^50  note  (for  Smith- 
ers would,  no  doubt,  take  off  the  discount)  might 
be  a  first-rate  poet,  and  get  a  claim  on  the  Gov- 
ernment for  a  pension.  No,  no.  You  may  touch 
up  a  man's  drawing,  Smithers;  but  you  must  not 
do  every  line  of  it.  You  may  put  a  few  feathers 
into  a  jackdaw's  tail,  but  do  not  send  him  out  into 
the  world  as  an  accomplished  peacock.  It  is  not 
fair  upon  the  other  jackdaws.  .  .  .  What.'*  the  poet 
of  other  ages — the  author  of  the  great  Rnmbiiski^ 
a  literary  smasher,  and  vendor  of  illicit  coin.'*  O 
fie!"* 

*  This  matter  touches  an  interesting  point  concerning 
Thackeray  himself.  More  than  once  the  question  has  been 
debated  in  the  United  States  and  even  in  England, — did  John 
P.  Kennedy  write  Chapter  IV.  Vol.  II.  of  "  The  Virginians  "  ? 

^12 


"CAUTION    TO    TRADESMEN" 

Finally,  we  have  a  chuckle  from  Thackeray, 
entitled  "Caution  to  Tradesmen"  (p.  150),  over 
the  victimising  of  certain  Liverpool  shop-keepers 
by  "  a  fellow  calling  himself  the  Honourable  Mr. 
FiTZCLARENCE,  and  representing  himself  as  son  of 
the  Right  Honourable  The  Earl  of  Auckland, 
residing  at  41  Carlton  Gardens  ;"  for  had  these 
snobbish  tradesmen,  who  were  said  to  have  trust- 
ed an  "  Honourable"  merely  because  he  said  he 
was  one,  consulted  "  Snooks  s  Peerage  and  Cotirl 
Guide''  they  would  have  found  that  the  Earl's 
family  name  is  Eden  and  that  there  is  no  41  in 
Carlton  Gardens. 

After  his  sharp  criticism  of  the  Public  Orator 
of  Cambridge   already   referred    to,  Thackeray — 

General  James  Grant  Wilson,  the  editor  of  "  Appleton's 
Cyclopaedia  of  American  Biography,"  relying  on  the  high 
character  of  Mr.  Kennedy,  as  well  as  of  Mr.  John  H.  B,  La- 
trobe  who  reported  him,  admitted  the  claim  to  the  Cyclo- 
pedia in  an  article  written  by  the  latter  gentleman.  It  has 
been  modified  in  a  later  edition,  and  it  now  stands  that  Ken- 
nedy is  the  author  of  a  portion  of  the  chapter;  but  those  who 
read  the  article  "  X.  Y.  Z.,"  and  realise  what  was  Thack- 
eray's opinion  of  men  who  admitted  cuckoos  to  their  literary 
nests,  will  probably  doubt  the  soundness  of  the  claim,  and 
will  be  inclined  to  agree  with  Mrs.  Richmond  Ritchie's  pa- 
thetically simple  reply:  "No  doubt  Mr.  Kennedy  gave  him 
some  facts  about  the  scenery,  but  I  am  sure  my  father  wrote 
his  own  books."  Furthermore,  the  whole  of  the  manuscript 
is  in  Thackeray's  handwriting;  is  it  likely  that  he  who  is  sup- 
posed on  plea  of  laziness  to  have  deputed  another  to  write 
his  chapter  would  have  taken  the  trouble  to  copy  it  out — even 
for  unintelligible  purposes  of  imposition  1 

213 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

writing  in  the    name   of  "Adolphus    Littlego" — 

turned  his  attention  to  the  Oxford  official  (No.  329, 

p.   170).     That  divine   had  given   utterance  to   a 

ponderous,  vague,  ill-constructed,   and  extremel}- 

involved  sentence  in  the  course  of  a  speech  on  the 

subject  of  the   extension  of  Empire.     Thackeray 

swoops   upon  it,  tears   it  to   tatters,  and  exposes 

its  four  "remarkable  propositions."    He  also  wants 

to  know  why  the  extension  of  Empire  is  called,  by 

the  Oxford  Public  Orator,  "a  mixed  boon."    What 

is  a  "mixed  boon?"  he  asks,  and  then  proceeds 

gaily: 

"  Suppose  a  kind  friend   were   to  offer  you  a 

glass  of  brandy-and-water,  that  would  be  a  mixed 

boon,  and   the   liquor   might   be  so  compounded 

that    you    should   not    know  which    prevailed   in 

quantity,  the  brandy  or  the  water.     So  with  the 

extension  of  empire:  the  P.  O.  is  awfully  puzzled 

to   know   whether   it   is   a  good   or  an   evil.  .  .  . 

Again,  I  want  to  know  what  the  P.  O.  means  by 

'  We  may  almost  say  that  the  extension  of  Empire 

has  been  forced  on  this  Country.'     How  do  you 

almost  say  a  thing  .f*     Suppose   I  say  a  man  is  a 

donk  —  or  a  goo — ,  or   that   such   and   such  an 

opinion  is  a  humb  — ,    I   almost   say   a  thing,  to 

which  the  laws  of  politeness  forbid   me  to  give 

full  utterance.     But   I   can't  say  a  sentence,  and 

say  at  the  same  time  that  I  only  almost  say  it, 

any  more  than  I  could  say  of  a  mixed  boon,  if  I 

turned  the  glass  containing  it  to  the  ground,  (an 

absurd   proposition),  that   I   had  almost  spilt   the 

214 


"THE    NEW    PEERS    SPIRITUAL" 

liquor.  Once  out  of  the  goblet's  mouth,  down 
goes  the  boon  somewhere;  and  it  is  with  words 
as  with  spirit-and-water."  And  he  continues  play- 
fully to  the  end,  finally  declaring  that  if  such  is 
the  language  put  forward  by  the  Old  University, 
he  will  send  his  son  Augustus  Frederic  to  the 
New. 

In  the  following  number  (p.  172)  the  question 
of  "The  New  Peers  Spiritual"  is  dealt  with  on  the 
occasion  of  a  projected  visit  to  London  of  the  Irish 
Roman  Catholic  Bishops — who  had  been  "recog- 
nised" three  years  before.  A  burlesque  pro- 
gramme for  the  occasion  is  drawn  up  by  Thack- 
eray after  a  dig  at  Lord  Clarendon,  the  new  Lord 
Lieutenant.  The  article  concludes:  "Some  dif- 
ficulty is  made  about  His  Grace  the  Lord  Chief 
Rabbi,  who  claims  to  take  precedence  of  every 
one  of  the  new  nobles  [the  Roman  Catholic 
Hierarchy]  and  from  the  fact  that  both  His 
Grace  and  the  Lords  Quakers  persist  in  keeping 
their  hats  on  in  the  presence  of  Royalty." 

This  contribution  is  followed  (p.  179)  with  a 
comic  despatch  from  the  seat  of  the  American- 
Mexican  War  which  was  then  proceeding.  The 
consistency  with  which  both  sides  claimed  the 
victory  and  the  heroism  of  Santa  Anna,  the 
Mexican  President,  in  spite  of  his  oft -reported 
wounds,  gave  Thackeray  ample  material  for  fun. 

"  General   Growdy's   division  yesterday   came 

up  with    the    main    body   of   the    Mexican    force 

under  General  Cabanas,  at  Rionogo,  where  the 

215 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

New  Orleans  Picayntne  informs  us  that  a  severe 
engagement  took  place.  Both  parties  won  the 
victory,  and  were  repulsed  with  severe  slaughter. 
Santa  Anna  was  present  in  the  action,  in  the 
course  of  which  his  head  was  shot  of¥.  He  sub- 
sequently addressed  a  heart -stirring  proclamation 
to  the  Mexican  nation,  in  which  he  described  the 
action  of  the  27th,  which  ended  in  the  utter  defeat 
of  the  Americans,  whose  victory,  however,  cost 
them  dear. 

"  Immediately  after  their  success,  they  proceed- 
ed to  eVacuate  the  town,  wdiich  they  bombarded 
next  day.  The  Mexican  troops  were  annihilated 
after  a  trifling  skirmish,  in  which  Santa  Anna 
lost  his  leg,  which  was  amputated  on  the  spot, 
before  the  retreat  of  the  Americans  upon  Caca- 
pulco.  ...  A  deserter  from  the  enemy  came  in 
yesterday.  He  says  that  President  Santa  Anna 
received  a  twenty-eight-pounder  through  his  body, 
after  which  he  renewed  the  action.  The  bombard- 
ment of  Los  Leperos  is  not  confirmed.  Santa 
Anna  received  a  congreve -rocket  in  the  left  knee 
there,  and  has  ordained  the  formation  of  a  similar 
corps.  .  . 

"  The  Legion  of  Saint  Nicholas,  under 
O'ScRAGGs,  performed  prodigies  of  valour  on  both 
sides.  Plunorino:  into  the  thickest  of  the  melee  at 
Pickapockatickl,  O'Scraggs  engaged  personally 
with  General  Ragg,  wdiose  pocket-handkerchief, 
after  a  severe  struggle,  he  succeeded  in  carrying 
off.  ...  In  the  enoaaement  at  Santos  Ladrones, 

216 


MEXICAN    HEROISM 

SO  creditable  to  both  sides,  O'Scragg,  whose 
Legion  was  then  acting  with  the  American  army, 
had  almost  taken  prisoner  Santa  Anna,  who  had 
both  legs  shot  off  by  our  brave  bombardiers ;  his 
silver  snuff-box,  however,  was  captured  out  of  the 
General's  coat  pocket,  as  he  fled  from  a  field 
where  he  had  covered  himself  with  so  much  glory. 
Captain  Scraggs  used  the  snuff-box  on  the  last 
day  of  his  brilliant  existence,  when  he  died  the 
death  of  a  hero,  being  hanged  before  the  Ameri- 
can lines,  to  the  delight  of  both  armies." 

Arista  subsequently  became  President,  but  on 
his  resignation  in  1853,  the  sadly- mauled  Santa 
Anna  resumed  power  with  the  title  of  Dictator. 


CHAPTER   X 
VOLUME    XIV.  FIRST    HALF-YEARLY    VOLUME,    1843 

During  the  six  opening  weeks  of  1848  Thack- 
eray's contributions  consisted  exclusively  of  his 
"Travels  in  London,"  and  not  till  the  26th  of  Feb- 
ruary (No.  346,  p.  81)  did  he  send  an  "occasional  " 
article.  This  was  a  whole  page,  with  two  illustra- 
tions (one  of  which  is  entirely  unconnected  with  the 
subject),  entitled  "Mr.  Punch  for  Repeal."  Here- 
in Mr.  Punch  makes  the  mock  confession  of  his 
conversion  to  Repeal,  basing  it  upon  John  O'Con- 
nells  letter  to  "My  dear  Ray" — to  whom  "Punch" 
also  addresses  this  article* — on  the  subject  of  the 
generous  collection  made  in  Notre  Dame,  in  Paris, 
on  the  occasion  of  a  service  held  there  in  memory 
of  his  father.  Daniel  O'Connell  had  died  in  the 
previous  year,  and  the  Abbe  Lacordaire  (who  soon 
after  emulated  the  Vicar  of  Bray)  had  pronounced 
an  eloquent  funeral  sermon  in  honour  of  the  de- 

*  Thomas  Matthew  Ray — Secretary  of  the  Loyal  National 
Repeal  Association,  and  organiser  for  O'Connell,  with  whom 
he  was  charged  with  exciting  disaffection  in  Ireland,  and  con- 
demned. The  verdict  was  afterwards  reversed.  He  died  in 
1881. 

218 


THACKERAY    AS    A    REPEALER 


ceased.  John  O'Connell,  relatively  to  his  parent 
was  a  poor  foolish  creature,  wholly  without  tact. 
He  took  occasion,  while  giving  utterance  to  his 
gratitude  to  the  French  subscribers,  to  express  his 
scorn  of  "  the  heartlessness  of  the  statesmen,  and 


legislators,  and  press-writers  of  wealthy  England, 
who,  after  plundering  us  for  centuries,  refuse  us 
the  smallest  assistance  in  the  extremity  of  that 
misery  which  has  been  brought  upon  us  by  Eng- 
lish misrule." 

Himself  a  subscriber  to  the   Irish   relief  fund, 

219 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

Thackeray  was  very  wroth  at  the  abuse  and  in- 
dignant at  the  ingratitude  of  the  charge.  He  con- 
fesses himself  converted  to  Repeal,  because — "  I 
am  for  a  quiet  life,  and  a  Parliament  where  you 
may  compliment  one  another.  What  is  the  use 
of  meddling?     It  is   expensive   and   not  useful." 


%TImiS}(I 


Archdeacon  Laffan's  appeal  had  met  with  gener- 
ous response  by  heartless  England,  and  here  was 
the  result !     He  then  draws  a  comparison  : 

"  The  infernal  artifice  and  shrewdness  of  Eng- 
lish gentlemen  in  distressed  circumstances  induces 
them  to  keep  their  tongues  quiet  when  they  are 
actually   in  the   begging   business,  and   never  to 


:20 


JOHN    OCONNELLS    INGRATITUDE 

curse  those  from  whom  they  hope  to  beg  again, 
until  they  are  out  of  hearing.  The  EngHsh  are 
naturally  niggardly  and  timid  villains.  We  are 
obliged  to  coax  and  wheedle  them  into  charity: 
they  are  too  glad  of  a  pretext  of  buttoning  up ; 
and  the  natural  cowardice  of  our  almsgivers  will 
no  more  face  a  little  abuse  and  foul  language, 
than  an  Italian  sailor  will  put  out  to  sea  in  rough 
weather. 

"  We  cannot  help  it.  We  are — as  you  kindly 
and  constantly  show  us  —  naturally  cowardly  and 
deceitful.  You  are  open  and  courageous  in  Ire- 
land. I  admire  the  frankness  of  a  man  who  holds 
out  his  hand  and  says,  '  For  the  love  of  Heaven, 
you  infernal  scoundrel,  give  me  your  money,  and 
I  should  like  to  dash  your  brains  out.'  I  admire 
him;  and  that,  I  say,  is  why  I  am  and  declare  my- 
self a  Repealer.  I  am  for  not  being  abused,  for 
not  having  to  pay  money  any  more,  and  for  not 
having  my  brains  dashed  out.  ...  It  is  clear  that 
the  English  press -writers  and  others  have  been 
plundering  Mr.  J.  O'Connell  and  friends  for  cen- 
turies; that  we  have  brought  a  potato-disease  upon 
you  and  denied  you  the  smallest  relief;  that  four 
or  five  hundred  thousand  pounds  paid  over  hon- 
estly, squeezed  out  of  all  sorts  of  pockets  ...  is  not 
the  smallest  relief  at  all,  and,  indeed,  is  a  much  less 
sum  than  five  or  six  thousand  francs  collected  in 
the  plates  of  Notre  Dame.  .  .  .  P.S.  The  ruffian 
Saxon  Ministry,  in  bringing  forward  its  measures 
of,  finance,  has  again  spared  you  the  Income  Tax 

221 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

— another  dastardly  slight  of  Old  Ireland."  Where- 
fore Thackeray,  ignoring  the  fact  that  O'Connell 
was  repudiated  by  "Young  Ireland"  and  by  the 
United  Irishman,  and  denounced  for  sending  round 
a  dead  man's  hat — a  posthumous  begging-box — 
"declares  himself  a  Repealer  and — his  purse  strings 
close  up.  Tipperary  shall  have  no  more  of  it.  We 
can  lay  it  out  at  better  interest  in  this  country." 

Four  unimportant  two- or  three-  line  paragraphs 
appear  in  No.  348.  The  first,  "  Heroic  Sacrifice  " 
(p.  96),  chaffs  Alexandre  Dumas,  whose  "bounce" 
and  strange  productiveness  were  to  Pinich  a  con- 
stant source  of  sarcastic  comment ;  the  second,  a 
riddle  under  the  title  of  "  What  has  Happened  to 
the  Morning  Chronicle  T  (p.  100);  the  third  (same 
page),  "  The  Worst  Cut  of  All,"  a  double  stroke  at 
Disraeli  and  the  ex- King  Louis  Philippe,  then  in 
full  flight  to  England  under  the  assumed  name 
of  "John  Smith;"  and  "Old  England  for  Ever!" 
(p.  105)  a  comparison  between  the  physical  power 
of  endurance  in  debate  of  M.  Lamartine  and  Mr. 
Chisholm  Anstey. 

In  "A  Dream  of  the  Future"  (No.  349,  p.  107) 
Mr.  Punch  falls  asleep  and,  his  mind  full  of  the 
newly-proclaimed  Republic  in  France,  dreams  of  a 
burlesque  topsy-turvy  English  Government  with 
its  ministries  filled  by  the  most  unsuitable  "  Citi- 
zens "  enjoying  renown,  popularity,  or  mere  noto- 
riety. Citizens  and  "Citizenesses  "  receive  all  the 
appointments,  and  "  a  large  amount  of  specie  ar- 
rived yesterday  at   Liverpool,  on  board  the   Irish 


CITOYEN    CORNICHON 

Imperial  Steamer  Tareanouns,  in  payment  of  the 
debt  of  ten  millions  contracted  durins;  the  time  of 
the  famine.  The  Council  of  the  Kinors  of  that 
country  assembled  at  Dublin  last  week,  and  were 
magnificently  entertained  by  the  Emperor  at  his 
palace  of  Stoneybatter.  Her  Imperial  Majest}^  is 
progressing  very  favourably,  and  rumour  says,  that 
a  marriage  is  in  contemplation  between  their  Maj- 
esties' nineteenth  daughter  Gavanina,  and  a  prince 
of  the  Royal  house  of  Mulligan," 

"  The  ex-King  at  Madame  Tussaud's  "  (No.  350, 
p.  128)  reveals  Louis  Philippe  visiting  the  wax- 
works under  the  name  of  the  Comte  de  Neuilly, 
and  expressing  satisfaction,  as  he  regards  the  efifigy 
of  himself,  with  the  words  —  ''Ici  je  suis  cncor 
Cirey 

The  Chartist  effervescence,  coinciding  with  the 
revolution  in  Paris,  put  it  in  the  heads  of  certain 
French  "  patriots  "  to  send  agitators  over  to  Eng- 
land, if  not  exactly  hoping  to  disaffect  the  popu- 
lace and  show  them  how  to  throw  up  barricades, 
at  least  to  cnibeter  les  ans'lais.  One  "  Citizen  Cor- 
nichon  "  played  an  amusing  part :  counting  on  the 
general  discontent  which  he  imagined  to  exist  in 
London,  as  in  Paris,  and  depending  further  on  the 
active  assistance  of  the  Irish  in  the  metropolis,  he 
harangued  the  multitude  in  Trafalgar  Square, 
told  them  they  were  "  cowards  "  not  to  rise — and 
promptly  got  his  head  thoroughly  well  punched 
by  a  butcher-boy  for  his  pains.     Mr.  Punch  was 

delighted  at  the  exploit  and  expressed  the  since 

223 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 


oft-quoted  hope  that  "  no  one  would  ever  think  of 
such  a  thing  as  putting  the  French  Agitator  into 
the  Fountains." 

T"  HACKERAY    had    his 

^.^  say  in  a  long  two-column 
article  entitled  "  French 
Sympathisers  "  (No.  354, 
p.  171).  When  the  revo- 
lutionary in  question  was 
knocked  down  by  the 
young  butcher,  said  he, 
certain  documents  fell 
from  his  pocket  and  could 
now  be  had  by  the  owner 
on  personal  application  at  the  office.  Meanwhile 
Punch  took  it  upon  himself  to  translate  and  pub- 
lish them.  They  are  addressed  :  "  The  representa- 
tive of  France^  Cornichon,  to  the  President  of  the 
Tyrannicide  Club,  Liberty!  Equality!  Frater- 
nity !  Death  to  Despotism  !"  The  first  purports 
to  be  a  report  submitted  to  his  chiefs  by  this 
envoy,  and  is  dated  the  8th  April — the  loth  be- 
ing the  day  appointed  in  London  for  the  general 
rising,  when  indeed  certain  riots  did  take  place. 
The  tenour  of  this  contribution  may  be  realised 
from  the  following  excerpts  : 

"  I  have  the  honour  to  announce  my  arrival  in 
the  modern  Carthage,  and  to  report  as  to  the 
measures  taken  by  us  in  conferring  liberty  upon 

an  island  whose  treachery  has  passed  into  a  prov- 

224 


CHARTISM    AND    REVOLUTION 

erb,  and  who  groans  under  a  hideous  aristocratic 
despotism. 

"  The  traject  from  Boulogne  was  made  in  two 
hours ;  a  strong  wind  agitated  the  waters  of  the 
Sleeve  {la  Manchc) ;  unaccustomed  to  maritime 
motion,  I  suffered  frightful  anguishes.  .  .  .  My 
sack-of-night  was  passed  without  difficulty  at  the 
Douane.  My  commissary-scarf  was  not  remarked 
by  the  supervisors,  or  if  so,  treated  with  insular 
scorn.  Glorious  emblem !  In  three  days,  in  the 
midst  of  bayonets  and  battles,  it  shall  gird  the 
heart  of  the  patriot.  Wellington  shall  see  that 
signal,  and  Palmerston  kiss  the  foot  of  the 
wearer.  .  .  . 

"The  principles  of  our  glorious  Revolution  I  saw 
everywhere  progressing:  in  almost  all  the  shops 
in  the  neighbourhood  of  the  ["  Lester "]  Squarr 
pancarts  announced  that  French  was  spoken  by 
these  commercials.  They  are  evidently  prepared 
to  declare  themselves  after  the  great  day;  when 
the  nation  shall  be  ours,  and  the  stain  of  Water- 
loo wiped  away.  .  .  .  This,  the  fashionable  quar- 
ter, is  entii^ely  in  the  possession  of  the  French- 
men. .  .  . 

"  I  have  consulted  with  the  Citizens  who  are  to 
blow  up  the  Bridge  of  Waterloo.  A  select  band  is 
appointed  who  is  to  take  possession  of  the  Lor 
Maire.  With  him  in  our  hands,  the  Town  is 
ours.  The  Queen  has  fled.  The  Chartist  Citi- 
zens are  to  be  invited  to  join  the  demonstration. 
We  shall  lead  them  against  the  troops.  They  are 
p  225 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

clamorous  for  the  day  when  this  island. shall  be- 
come a  French  department." 

The  writer  is  then  shown  the  famous  "  Monster 
Petition "  which,  through  its  fraudulent  charac- 
ter, covered  the  Chartists  with  ridicule  and  led  to 
the  collapse  of  their  movement.  He  takes  it  all 
seriously  and  continues  his  report : 

"  '  Who  are  these,  Snooks's,'  asked  the  Citizen 
Commissary,  'whose  names  I  read  so  many  times? 
It  must  be  a  numbrous  family  of  patriots  that  of 
Snooks:  and  merits  well  of  the  countr3^  I  should 
think  there  must  be  five  hundred  Snooks's  at  least 
on  the  parchment.'* 

"  My  informant,  smiling  archly,  said,  'he  thought 
there  were.' 

"  '  And  will  they  all  be  in  the  field  of  honour  to- 
morrow T  I  asked. 

"  '  Behind  the  barricades,  my  brother  Citizen,' 
responded  Brown,  giving  me  a  grasp  of  a  hand, 
dirty,  but  friendly.  And  putting  his  other  hand 
to  his  nose,  he  playfully  extended  its  fingers." 

A  more  noteworthy  contribution,  also  occupy- 
ing a  whole  page,  appears  in  No.  355  (p.  182). 
Entitled  "  An  After-Dinner  Conversation,"  it  also 
deals  with  the  Chartist  principles,  and  is  chiefly 
remarkable  for  its  clever  imitation  of  Disraeli's 
manner.  "Colonel  Sibby"  (Colonel  Sibthorp)  is 
supposed  to  be  entertaining  at  dinner  "  Mr.  Ben- 

*  An  extraordinary  proportion  of  the  3,600,000  signatures 
were  proved  to  be  fraudulent. 

226 


PARODY    OF    DISRAELI 

jamin  Dizzy,"  "  Mr.  Y.  Doodle,  a  gentleman  from 
Philadelphia,"  and  "  Mr.  Cuffee,  a  Delegate."  The 
latter  was  Cuffey,  the  journeyman-tailor,  one  of  the 
noisiest  though  most  honest  of  the  Chartists,  who 
afterwards  succeeded  in  getting  into  prison,  whence 
he  was  subsequently  released  on  a  pardon.  His 
wife,  to  whom  allusion  is  made,  worked  hard  as 
a  charwoman  ;  but  she  lost  her  place  when  her 
employer  ascertained  that  her  husband  was  the 
notorious  Chartist — a  circumstance  of  which  the 
Chartists  very  properly  made  great  capital,  and 
which  brought  them  no  little  sympathy.  The 
parody  is  so  good  that  the  whole  of  it  is  reprinted 
here  : 

"AN    AFTER-DINNER    CONVERSATION. 


Colonel  Sibby,  an  E?iglish  Gentleman  and  Me^nber  of  Farlia- 

ment. 
Mr.  Benjamin  Dizzy,  Ditto.  Ditto. 

Mr.  Y.  Doodle,  a  Gentleman  from  Philadelphia. 
Mr.  Cuffee,  a  Delegate. 


"  Gentleman  from  Philadelphia.  That  cider  we 

had  at  dinner  was  tarnation  good,  but  d your 

pickles,  Colonel.  Why  the  stones  on  'em's  fit  to 
choke  a  body. 

"  Colonel.  Cider !  Pickles  !  The  cider  was 
champagne,  and  the  pickles  are  olives,  Mr.  Yan- 
kee. \Aside7[  What  an  ignorant  son  of  a  gun 
it  is! 

227 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

'■'•Mr.  Benjamin.  I  never  could  understand,  Mr. 
CuFFEE,why  an  olive  tree  should  have  been  selected 
as  an  emblem  of  peace.  It  has  an  ungainly  trunk, 
a  scanty  foliage,  and  a  bitter  fruit.  It  grows  where 
no  other  trees  will  grow;  I  have  seen  it,  Sibby, 
lining  the  bleak  hill  sides  of  my  native  Syrian  hills, 
and  speckling  the  mangy  mounds  w^hich  they  call 
hills  in  Attica.  Brougham  cultivates  oil  yards  at 
his  place  in  Provence — a  comfortable  box  enough, 
where  he  and  I  have  speared  a  boar  many  a 
time.  But  the  Greeks  were  fools  in  their  choice 
of  imagery.  They  call  an  olive  tree  peaceful, 
which  neither  gives  shade  nor  fruit  fit  to  speak 
of;  as  they  call  an  owl  wise,  which  only  knows 
how  to  whoop  in  the  dark,  and  is  a  beast  unfit  for 
daylight.  Peace  is  a  palm  tree,  Wisdom  is  the 
sun. 

"  Colonel.  What  the  deuce  are  you  a  driving 
at,  about  suns,  palm  trees,  owls,  and  emblems  of 
peace }  Pass  round  the  claret,  Dizzy,  and  give 
Mr.  Cuffee  a  glass. 

"  Cjiffee.  Thank  ye,  Colonel ;  I  stick  to  Port. 
And  yours  is  uncommon  rich  and  strong,  to  be 
sure.  My  service  to  you,  gents.  I  suppose  now 
you  ave  a  reglar  fish  and  soup  dinner,  as  we  ad, 
and  wine  every  day .? 

"  Colonel.  Ha,  ha !  Here's  Mrs.  Cuffee's 
health. 

"  Cnffee.  Thank  ye,  gents.  She's  gone  out  en- 
gaged professionally,  w^ith  Miss  Martin,  or  I'm 
sure  she  would  like  to  ave  ad  er  lc2:s  under  this 


MONARCHICAL  IDIOSYNCRASIES 

maogany.     What's  the  use  of  keeping  the  cloth 
on  it?     You  ain't  ashamed  on  it,  Colonel,  are  3^ou  ? 

"  Colonel.  Good  for  washing,  you  know.  Ha, 
ha !  had  him  there.  How  are  you  off  for  soap } — 
Has  your  mother  sold  her  mangle.  Good  for 
trade,  don't  you  see  t 

''Mr.  Dizzy.  We  wrap  up  everything  in  this 
country,  my  worthy  Cuffee.  We  put  a  wig  on 
my  Lord  Chancellor's  head  as  we  do  powder  on 
the  pate  of  that  servant  at  whom  I  saw  you  wink- 
ing at  dinner.  We  call  a  man  in  the  House  an 
honourable  gentleman ;  we  dish  up  a  bishop  in  an 
apron.  We  go  to  Court  dressed  in  absurd  old- 
fashioned  bags  and  buckles.  We  are  as  lavish  of 
symbols  as  the  Papists,  whom  we  are  always  abus- 
ing for  idol  worship.  And  we  grovel  in  old-world 
ceremonies  and  superstitions  of  which  we  are  too 
stupid  to  see  the  meaning,  the  folly,  or  the  beauty. 
Do  you  apprehend  me,  Cuffee  .'* 

"  Cuffee.  I'll  take  a  back-hand  at  the  Port — hey, 
neighbour  ? 

''American  Gentleman  {shrinking  back).  I  wish 
that  man  of  colour  would  know  his  place. 

"Mr.  Benjamin.  You  complain  that  the  cloth  is 
left  for  dessert ;  why  was  it  on  at  dinner.f*  The 
Colonel's  soup  would  have  been  just  as  good  on  a 
deal-table. 

"  Sibby.  But  w4iere  would  Mrs.  Cuffee  and  her 
mangle  have  been  }  No  table  -  cloth,  no  washer- 
woman. 

"  Cuffee.  Washin  and  luxuries  be  blowed,  I  say. 

229 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

What  I  want  is  that  every  man  should  have  a 
bellyful,  and  (here's  my  health  to  you,  Colonel) 
that  there  should  be  no  superfluities.  I  say  we 
ave  ad  victuals  and  drink  enough  to  support  twen- 
ty men.  Look  at  this  table  and  all  this  your  plate. 
This  year  gilt  fork  (don't  be  afraid,  I  ain't  a  going 
to  prig  it,  Colonel)  would  keep  a  family  for  a  week. 
You've  got  a  dozen  of 'em.  Why  should  you. f*  I 
once  ad  two  teaspoons  marked  with  a  C ;  but  that 
was  in  appier  times,  and  they  are  separated  now. 
Why  are  you  to  ave  dozens  ?  What  ave  you  done 
for 'em?  You  toil  not,  neither  do  you  spin.  You 
ain't  a  Solomon  in  all  your  glory,  certainly.  You 
are  no  better  than  me;  why  should  you  be  better 
ho£f  .f*  And  not  you  only,  but  those  that  is  higher 
than  you.  The  time  has  come  for  doing  away 
with  these  superfluities,  and  that's  the  great  Prin- 
ciples of  Freedom.     Your  health.  Citizen. 

''Mr.  Dizzy.  If  our  friend  the  Colonel  had  no 
security  for  his  spoons,  those  articles,  which  are 
indeed  very  elegant,  would  lose  half  their  worth. 
My  horse  may  be  worth  twenty  pounds  in  London 
now;  but  if  I  am  certain  that  the  Government  will 
take  possession  of  him  to  mount  the  cavalry,  my 
tenure  in  the  brute  becomes  hazardous,  and  his 
value  instantly  drops.  And  suppose  you  were  to 
make  a  general  distribution  of  all  the  spoons  in 
the  kingdom  —  what  would  happen  next.^*  He 
would  exchange  his  silver  for  bread ;  that  is,  the 
man  who  had  the  most  bread  would  come  into  pos- 
session of  the  most  spoons,  as  now.     Would  you 

230 


AIMS    OF    THE    CHARTISTS 

commence  the  process  over  again  ?  You  propose 
an  absurdity,  Mr.  Cuffee.  No:  our  friend  and 
host  has  as  good  a  right  to  his  forks  as  to  his  teeth ; 
and  may  he  long  use  both  in  the  discussion  of  his 
meals. 

''Mr.  Cuffce.  The  law  of  man  and  nature  is — 
that  a  man  should  live,  and  that  he  is  as  good  as 
his  neighbour.  No  honest  Chartist  wants  your 
rights,  he  only  wants  his  own.  The  Aristocracy 
have  managed  matters  for  us  so  badly:  have  made 
themselves  so  rich  and  us  so  poor,  by  managing 
for  us,  that  now  we're  determined  to  manao^e  for 
ourselves.     We  can't  be  worse — 

''Mr.  Dizzy.  Yes,  I  say  you  can. 

"Mr.  Cliff ee.  I  say,  again,  we  can't  be  worse:  and 
that  we  are  the  strongest,  and  mean  to  have  it. 
We'll  come  down  in  the  might  of  our  millions,  and 
say  we  will  be  heard— we  will  be  represented — we 
will  be  fed — or  if  not — 

"Mr.  Dizzy.  That's  your  Convention  talk,  Cuf- 
FEE — don't  talk  to  ns  in  that  way, 

"  Sibby.  No,  no,  you  may  wish  it,  and  you  may 
wish  you  may  get  it;  but  since  the  loth,  I  think 
that  cock  won't  fight — Ay,  my  boy  ?  I  say,  wasn't 
that  a  glorious  sight,  Mr.  Doodle,  to  see  a  people 
rally  round  their  Queen  in  the  way  that  the  citi- 
zens did  .?* 

*  Allusion  to  the  self-enrolment  of  150.000  of  the  citizens 
of  London  as  "  special  constables  " — with  Prince  Louis  Na- 
poleon amongst  the  number  —  in  order  to  cope  with  the 
Chartist  demonstration  and  expected  riots,  loth  April,  1848. 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

'■'' Gentleman  from  P.  Rally  round  the  Queen! 
You  would  have  had  to  go  to  Osborne  to  do  that. 

"  Cnffee  {with  a  satirical  air).  Where  His  Royal 
Hisfhness,  the  Prince,  was  a  takino-  care  of  Her 
Majesty. 

"•Dizzy.  Pish!  The  flag-staff  was  here,  on  Buck- 
ingham Palace  arch,*  with  the  crown  on  the  top 
— What  matter  that  the  flag  was  down  ?  INIy  dear 
Sir,  Monarchy  is  but  a  symbol,  by  which  we  rep- 
resent Union,  Order,  and  Property. 

''  Sibby.  Our  Glorious  Constitution,  dammy! 

''Dizzy.  And  we  can  rally  round  a  stick  just  as 
well  as  a  living  sovereign.  The  times  are  gone  by 
when  kings  turned  out  with  white  panaches,  and 
tilted  against  their  enemies  like  so  many  dragoons. 
Would  you  have  had  Her  IMajesty,  on  a  side-sad- 
dle, haranguing  the  police,  and  His  Royal  High- 
ness the  Prince  carrying  a  baton  ? 

"  Ciiffee.  He  is  a  Field-Marshal,  ain't  he } 

"  Sibby.  Ha,  ha  !     Had  him  there,  Cuffee  ! 

"■Dizzy.  His  Royal  Highness  is,  so  to  speak, 
only  an  august  ceremony.  He  is  an  attendant 
upon  the  Ark  of  the  Monarchy ;  we  put  that  out 
of  danger  when  commotions  menace  us. 

"  Ciiffee.  If  a  stick  would  do  as  well  as  a  sover- 
eign, why  not  have  one.-^  It  don't  cost  as  much — it 
never  dies.  It  might  be  kep  in  a  box  lined  with 
erming,  and  have  a  stamp  at  the  end  to  sign  the 

*  The  Marble  Arch,  removed  to  its  present  site  at  Cumber- 
land Gate,  29th  March,  185 1, 


THE    VALUE    OF    A    CROWN 

warrants.  And  it  mioht  be  done  for  less  than 
four  hundred  thousand  a  year. 

"  Gentleman  from  P.  We  can  do  it  for  less  in 
our  country — our  President,  Mr.  Polk,  for  in- 
stance.* 

"  Dizzy.  Your  President,  Mr.  Polk,  cost  you 
a  Mexican  war:  how  many  millions  of  dollars 
is  that?  If  in  this  country  we  were  to  have  an 
election  every  year,  a  struggle  for  the  President's 
chair  every  three  years,  men  taking  advantage  of 
the  excitement  of  the  day,  and  out-bidding  each 
other  on  the  popular  cry,  we  should  lose  in  mere 
money,  ten  times  as  much  as  the  Sovereign  "costs 
us.  Look  over  the  water  at  your  beloved  France, 
Mr.  Cuffee. 

"  Cuffee.   Veeve  la  liberty  {drinks). 

''Dizzy.  They  have  already  spent  two  hundred 
millions  of  our  money  in  getting  rid  of  old  Ulys- 
ses. What  is  the  value  of  the  daily  produce 
of  a  nation  ?  When  Mr.  Cuffee  is  profession- 
ally occupied,  he  earns  —  how  much  shall  we 
say  .f* 

"  Cnffec.  Say  five  bob  a  day,  you  won't  be  far 
wrong;  and  here's  your  health. 

''Dizzy.  He  loses  thirty  shillings  every  week, 
then,  that  he  does  not  work  ;  and  either  of  free 
will  or  necessity  spends  it.  If  he  does  not  work 
himself,  if    he   prevents   others  from  working,  if 

*  What  was  considered  as  the  inadequacy  of  the  emolu- 
ments paid  to  the  highest  officials  of  the  United  States  had 
lately  been  criticised  in  the  English  press. 

233 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

he  frightens  customers,  our  worthy  friend  ties 
the  hands  of  labour,  and  stops  the  growth  of 
bread. 

"  C^iffec.  You  mean  by  all  these  grand  phrases 
that  there  will  be  a  convulsion,  during  which  the 
labour  of  the  country  will  stop  temporary  ?  —  of 
course  there  will.  But  then  see  how  much  bet- 
ter we  shall  be  after,  and  how  much  freer  to 
work!  Why,  give  us  our  six  pints  (and  have  'em 
we  will)  and  this  country  becomes  a  regular 
Eutropia. 

"  The  Colonel.  Explain — Mr.  Cuffee — explain! 

"  Mr.  Cuffee.  I  will,  Gents,  I  will :  but  the  bot- 
tle's empty,  and,  if  you  please,  John  shall  bring 
another,  so  as  not  to  interrupt  me. 

[  The  Colonel  rings  for  more  wine^ 

A  fortnight  later  (No.  357)  Thackeray  com- 
mented in  a  long  communication  on  the  extraor- 
dinary character  of  Lord  Palmerston's  despatch 
interfering  with  the  internal  affairs  of  Spain, 
which  only  resulted  in  the  indignant  protest  of 
the  D.uc  de  Sotomayor  and  in  the  breaking  off  of 
diplomatic  relations  between  the  two  countries 
for  two  years,  when,  through  the  good  offices  of 
Belgium,  Lord  Howden  was  accepted  as  British 
Ambassador  in  substitution  for  Sir  Henry  Lyt- 
ton  -  Bulwer  whom,  as  that  Minister  who  had 
presented  the  offending  despatch,  Spain  had  in- 
continently expelled.  Lord  Palmerston  had  in- 
structed Sir  Henry  to  "  recommend  earnestly  to 

234 


PALMERSTON'S    INDISCRETION 

the  Queen  of  Spain,  that  she  "would  act  wisely 
...  if  she  w^ere  to  strengthen  her  Execution  Gov- 
ernment  by,"  <S:c.  &c.  This  amazing  interference 
was  not  only  presented,  but  issued  by  the  Am- 
bassador to  Opposition  journals.  The  Spanish 
Cabinet  replied  that  they  could  "  not  see  without 
the  most  extreme  surprise  the  extraordinary  pre- 
tensions of  Lord  Palmerston  to  interfere  with 
the  internal  affairs  of  Spain"  —  with  much  plain 
speaking  of  an  equally  unequivocal  character, 
ending  with  the  return  of  the  despatch  and  the 
threat  that  if  the  Minister  again  went  "  beyond 
the  bounds  of  his  mission"  the  Duke  would  be 
"under  the  painful  necessity  of  returning  your  de- 
spatches without  further  remark."  In  the  result 
Sir  Henry  Bulwer  was  expelled  two  months  later, 
after  Lord  Palmerston  had  expressed  himself 
"  satisfied  "  with  the  whole  affair  and  not  "  in  any 
way  offended  at  the  return  of  his  notes."  Great 
dissatisfaction  was  felt  in  England  with  the  action 
of  the  Foreign  Secretary,  and  Thackeray  took 
delight  in  paraphrasing  a  despatch  the  impudence 
of  which  could  hardly  be  caricatured.  Under  the 
title  of  "  The  Portfolio"  he  wrote  four  "despatch- 
es:" the  first  ''From  Viscount  Pumicestone  to 
H.E.  the  English  Ambassador  at  Constantinople^' 
with  the  reply  from  the  Grand  Vizier ;  and  the 
third  "i^r^'w  Viscount  Pumicestone  to  H.E. Lord 
Tapciuo7'm,  at  St. Petersburg',''  with  the  reply  from 
the  Russian  Minister. 

In    the    first  "  Lord    Pumicestone  "  makes   de- 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

mand  for  the  suppression  of  polygamy  in  the  Im- 
perial Harem,  the  substitution  of  the  Thirty-Nine 
Articles  and  Catechism  for  the  religion  of  Islam — 
which  "  you  will  have  the  goodness  to  inform  the 
Grand  Imaum  is  an  exploded  superstition.  .  .  . 
The  Mollah  of  Exeter,  an  English  Bishop,  will  go 


l-. 


out  to  conciliate  the  Turkish  clergy,  and  will  be 
Patriarch  of  Constantinople."  He  also  requires 
tliat  the  Ambassador  should  "  mention  our  desire 
that  the  Turkish  Government  should  establish  Gas- 
lamps,  Trial  by  Jury,  Weekly  and  Sunday  News- 
papers, Harvey  Sauce,  two  legislative  Chambers, 
and  the  Ten  Pound  qualification  for  voting."  The 
Grand  Vizier's  reply  is  a  good  specimen  of  Thack- 
eray's pretty  taste  in  burlesque  Oriental  poetic  ex- 
pression.    It  begins: 

"  In  the  name  of  Allah  !     The  Grand  Vizier  has 

236 


THE    SULTAN'S    GRATITUDE 

received  the  chaplet  of  roses  from  the  Paradise  of 
Downing  Street,  The  eloquence  of  Pumicestone 
sings  out  Hke  a  niglitingale  from  amongst  the  flow- 
ers.    It  is  sweet  to  hsten  to  his  music. 

"  But  the  nightingale,  though  sweet,  is  melan- 
choly; and  who  does  not  know  that  there  are 
thorns  in  roses? — they  have  been  pricked  the  fin- 
gers of  the  Grand  Vizier.  The  notes  of  the 
British  bulbul  have  made  the  Padishah  sad  in 
spirit. 

"Why  should  he  part  with  any  of  his  wives.? 
Let  him  who  has  too  many  sew  them  in  a  sack. 
The  children  of  the  Father  of  the  Faithful  will  not 
be  so  costly  to  his  country  as  are  the  many  rose- 
buds of  the  Joy-Gardens  of  Pimlico. 

"  The  Exeter  Mufti  shall  be  welcome  to  the 
holy  men  of  Constantinople.  If  Pumicestone 
Pasha  will  chanije  his  relifrion,  the  Grand  Vizier 
will  be  baptized.  If  the  English  MoUah  is  con- 
stant why  should  the  Turkish  Imaum  be  a  rene- 
gade. Let  them  come  and  each  have  his  say.  If 
they  brawl  and  quarrel  too  much,  let  either  be  ac- 
commodated with  a  bastinado.  .  .  . 

"  Do  we  not  also  know  how  to  suck  eggs,  O, 
Ambassador?  So  write  to  Pumicestone  Pasha, 
and  bid  him  to  operate  on  his  own  henroosts, — 
Kabob  Pasha." 

In  the  course  of  his  despatch  to  Lord  Tape- 
worm, Lord  Pumicestone  savs : 

"You  will  have  the  ooodness  to  communicate 
to  H.  E.  Count  Grogenoef  the  opinions  of  this 

237 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

Government  upon  some  late  acts  of  Russian  policy. 
They  by  no  means  meet  with  the  approval  of  Her 
B.  Majesty's  advisers. 

"The  treatment  of  Poland  can  never  be  looked 
upon  by  this  country  but  with  feelings  of  in- 
dignation and  pity.  You  will  urge  upon  the 
Councils  of  His  Imperial  Majesty,  the  instant 
necessity  of  changing  his  method  of  administer- 
ing the  affairs  of  that  unhappy  portion  of  his 
empire.  .  .  . 

"  The  cut  of  the  Emperor's  whiskers  has  been 
viewed  in  this  country  with  the  deepest  grief,  .  .  . 

"The  usao^e  of  the  knout  is  not  viewed  in  this 
country  with  pleasure ;  nor  the  practice  of  eating 
tallow-candles,  in  which  some  of  the  subjects  of 
H.  I.  M.  fatally  indulge.  .  .  . 

"The  dinner-hour  of  the  Court  of  St.  Petersburg 
might  be  advantageously  changed  ;  the  censorship 
of  the  Press  ought  to  be  abolished ;  the  serfs 
ought  to  be  represented  in  Parliament;  the  fares 
of  droskies  in  St.  Petersburg  diminished.  Gas 
should  be  laid  down  in  Siberia;  the  Empress's 
maids-of-honour  reduced  in  number;  London 
Porter,  Missionary  Meetings,  New  Policemen,  and 
Daily  Papers,  should  be  established  in  all  the 
principal  towns  of  the  Empire,  and  it  is  very  de- 
sirable that  the  middle-classes  of  St.  Petersburg 
and  Moscow  should  eat  shoulders  of  mutton  and 
baked  potatoes  on  Sunday,  instead  of  their 
present  unwholesome  meal  of  fish-oil  and  hemp- 
brandy." 

238 


AND    THE    TSAR'S    APPRECIATION 


XCEEDING  in  courtesy 
the  genuine  reply  of  the 
S  p  a  n  i  s  li  Cabinet,  yet 
hardly  more  emphatic  in 
its  nature,  the  Russian 
answer  runs  as  follows: 

"  I  have  the  honour  to  ac- 
cuse the  reception  of  Your 
Excellency's     letter,    con- 
taining the  proposals 
of     His    Excellency, 

MiLOR    PUMICESTONE, 

for  the  better  reo^u- 
lation  of  this  Empire. 

"  H.  I,  M.  is  profoundly  touched  by  the  interest 
which  H.  E.  designs  to  take  in  the  affairs  of 
Russia,  .  .  . 

"  H.  I.  M.  hopes  that  the  state  of  the  country 
will  soon  permit  him  to  abolish  the  use  of  the 
knout,  and  at  the  same  time  desires  to  know  when 
flogging  will  cease  in  the  English  Army?  .  .  . 

"  H.  M.  will  not  enter  into  the  other  questions 
which  are  touched  upon  in  H.  E.  s  agreeable  let- 
ter;  but  H.  M.  cannot  enter  into  reforms  of  his 
own  states  at  this  moment,  so  deeply  is  he  inter- 
ested in  the  affairs  of  Ireland — which,  before  all 
things,  he  wishes  to  see  tranquil.  As  soon  as  that 
country  is  quiet  and  industrious,  His  Majesty 
pledges  himself  that  he  will  withdraw  his  garri- 
sons from  Warsaw  ;  that  he  will  grant  a  free  press, 
to  preach  rebellion  and  inculcate  the  murder  of 

239 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

the  Government  authorities.  But,  in  the  mean- 
while, H.  I.  M.  submits  to  Lord  Pumicestone 
that  .  .  .  even  against  English  laws  there  are 
some  people  who  complain,  and  would  rebel ;  and 
that  H.  I.  M.  feels  himself  strong  enough  for  the 
present  to  manage  his  own  affairs,  without  the 
oblicjinQ-  interference  of  H.  E.  Viscount  Pumice- 

STONE." 

One  of  the  most  personally  interesting  and  val- 
uable of  all  Thackeray's  contributions  to  Punch  is 
that  entitled  "On  the  New  Forward  Movement" 
(No.  358,  p.  207)  in  which,  in  the  course  of  its  two 
columns,  the  novelist  sets  forth  what  are  obviously 
his  own  views  on  the  subject  of  the  Crown.  It  is 
true  that  R.  H.  Shepherd  identified  this  piece  as 
the  work  of  Thackeray;  but  in  view  of  its  peculiar 
importance  I  quote  from  it  here,  in  spite  of  my 
self-imposed  rule  to  deal  with  no  such  identified 
contributions  even  though  they  be  not  reprinted. 
The  article,  similar  to  one  or  two  others  of  kindred 
import,  purports  to  be  ''A  Letter  from  our  old  friend, 
Mr.  Snob,  to  Mr.  Joseph  Hume."  The  latter  Mem- 
ber had  been  busy  moving  for  Returns — an  occu- 
pation in  which  he  persisted  from  Februar}^  1848 
until  the  same  month  of  the  following  year.  The 
expense  to  the  public  incurred  in  satisfying  these 
Motions,  it  maybe  mentioned  parenthetically,  was 
very  great — so  much  so  that  the  subject  formed 
the  topic  of  a  Motion  made,  but  ultimately  with- 
drawn, by  Lord  Drumlanrig  in  March,  1849. 

Declaring  his  adhesion  to  the  principles  of  Mr. 

240 


THACKERAY    A    LOYAL    CRITIC 

Hume,  and  promising  him  his  support  in  "  any 
peaceful  and  constitutional  line  of  agitation," 
Thackeray  says : 

"  I  can  even  go  some  length  with  Mr.  Cobden  in 
his  dangerous  speech  about  the  barbarous  splen- 
dour surrounding  the  Crown.  It  is  not  the  money, 
as  some  people  object,  so  much  as  the  sentiment. 
It  will  make  very  little  difference  to  any  man  in 
England  whether  there  is  a  silver  stick  or  groom 
of  the  dust-pan  more  or  less  in  the  service  of  the 
Court,  of  which  we  all  admire  the  modest  English 
merits.  But  there  are  barbarous  splendours  about 
the  precincts  of  Pimlico,"  [/>.  Buckingham  Palace] 
"  that  are  ridiculous  and  immoral,  rather  than  cost- 
ly, against  which  Mr.  Cobden  has  a  right  to  cry 
out.     Who  could  not  name  a  score  such  ? 

"  It  is  very  well  for  Lord  John  to  cry  out  and 
say  that  the  British  people  love  their  Queen,  that 
they  will  not  grudge  her  any  of  the  state  which 
belongs  to  her  dignit)',  that  she  is  a  model  of  pri- 
vate virtue,  and  that  to  meddle  with  her  privileges 
is  to  meddle  with  the  Constitution.  What  is  the 
Constitution,  my  dear  Sir,  d'abord?  If  the  Con- 
stitution of  to-day  is  the  Constitution  of  the  Prince 
Regent's  time,  every  gentleman  connected  with 
this  periodical  would  have  passed  twenty  years  in 
gaol,  as  Mr.  Leigh  Hunt  did.  Good  Laws!  how 
have  we  ridiculed  a  certain  august  hat,  for  instance  ; 
not  because  we  are  disloyal,  but  because  the  object 
was  laugh  worthy.  In  Queen  Anne's  reign,  we 
should  have  had  our  ears  cut  off ;  by  Queen  Eliza- 

Q  241 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

BETH,  we  should  have  been  hanged  without  any 
mercy,  and  all  under  the  exercise  of  the  same  Con- 
stitution. The  Constitution  roasted  us  indiffer- 
ently for  being  Catholics  or  Protestants.  If  the 
Constitution  is  at  the  head  of  the  nation,  it  is  not 
Britannia's  helmet,  as  it  were,  but  her  hair:  it  re- 
news itself  perpetually:  it  is  cut  off  and  grows 
again,  and  is  curled  in  a  thousand  fashions — fash- 
ions is  the  word — the  Constitution  is  the  political 
fashion.  The  country  may  wear  what  she  likes — 
ringlets,  or  powder  and  a  tail,  or  a  Madonna  ban- 
deau, or  a  Brutus  crop. 

"  And  as  for  insinuating  that  a  man  is  disre- 
spectful to  his  Queen  because  he  wishes  to  alter 
some  of  the  appurtenances  of  Royalty,  I  take  the 
liberty  to  deny  that  charge  with  indignation.  For 
instance,  I  love  and  respect  my  grandmother;  but 
suppose  she  took  it  into  her  head  to  walk  in  the 
Park  with  a  hoop  and  falbalas,  and  the  second 
head-dress  above  described,  should  we  not  have  a 
right  to  remonstrate  with  the  venerable  lady  t 
CoBDEN  has  a  right  to  look  at  the  Court  and  say 
that  many  parts  of  it  are  barbarous  and  foolish. 
Beef-eaters  are  barbarous.     Court  Circulars*  are 

*  Thackeraj'',  as  has  been  seen,  was  never  tired  of  ridiculing 
the  "Court  Circular"  of  his  day.  His  almost  morbid  hatred 
of  snobbery  led  him  to  consider  and  re-affirm  it  "  barbarous 
and  absurd."  In  the  light  of  this  circumstance  it  is  interest- 
ing to  recall  the  fact  that  one  Thackeray — perhaps  the  author 
of  "  L'Abbaye  de  Penmarch"  (which  some  incompletely- in- 
formed bibliographers  have  attributed  to  the  novelist)  —  was 

242 


THACKERAY    AND    COURT    CIRCULARS 

barbarous.  Gentlemen-Pensioners  are  barbarous. 
Jones  with  a  black-satin  baor  croino:  to  Court  with 
his  sword  between  his  legs,  is  barbarous.  My  old 
friend  Jeames,  with  his  stick  and  bouquet,  is  an 
eminent  and  absurd  barbarian.  I  hope  to  see  them 
all  sacrificed.  .  .  . 

"  It  was  exactly  the  argument  pursued  in  France 

twice  prosecuted  for  libel  in  1840,  along  with  his  partner  Law- 
son.  The  confusion  is  pardonable,  for  W.  M.  Thackeray  is 
known,  according  to  Mr.  Leslie  Stephen,  to  have  been  editing 
a  paper  in  Paris  in  opposition  to  Galigiiani's  Messenger  in  1836, 
and,  about  three  years  afterwards,  to  be  writing  for  the  latter 
journal.  Moreover,  Lady  Bulwer,  who  on  the  17th  and  22nd 
]\Iarch,  1840,  recovered  ^50  against  the  aforesaid  publishers 
of  the  "Court  Circular"  for  having  stated  that  she  had  con- 
ducted herself  offensively  towards  Sir  Henry  Bulwer  at  a  ball 
in  Paris,  sought  also  to  bring  an  action  against  the  same  de- 
fendants on  the  23rd  and  30th  of  the  same  month,  before  the 
Tribunal  of  Correctional  Police  of  Paris,  when  the  defendants' 
plea  that  the  plaintiff's  husband  was  not  a  consenting  party 
to  the  proceedings  secured  them  a  verdict  on  the  technicality. 
In  the  "  Gazette  des  Tribunaux  "  there  is  nothing:  to  be  found  : 
from  Monsieur  Bulot,  the  Procureur  de  la  Re'publique,  I  learn 
that  the  archives  were  all  burnt  in  the  troubles  of  187 1  ;  while 
the  ofificial  journal  does  not  give  the  initials  of  the  defendants. 
The  matter  is  further  complicated  by  the  fact  that  Thackeray, 
though  always  a  sharp  critic  of  Edward  Bulwer  Lytton  (see 
"The  Author  of  Pelham,"  &c.),  might  well  have  sided  — 
or  by  Lady  Bulwer  have  been  thought  to  side  — -  with  him, 
as  a  man  of  letters,  against  the  lady.  More  difficult  still  does 
it  become  to  ascertain  the  identity  of  Thackeray's  double, 
and,  indeed,  his  triple,  if  we  remember  that  when  in  1849  his 
death  was  falsely  reported  in  Galignani  he  wrote  to  remind 
Mrs.  Brookfield  that  "two  W.  Thackeray's  have  died  within 
the  past  month." 

243 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

by  other  little  statesmen  and  ministers  of  a  moral 
monarch.  '  Louis  -  Philippe  is  a  model  husband 
and  father;  therefore  don't  let  us  have  any  more 
reforms.  Who  dares  say  that  this  monarch  does 
not  sympathise  with  the  country,  when  it  is  known 
that  he  takes  tea  and  plays  his  rubber  in  the  bosom 
of  his  family  like  the  simpliest  bourgeois?  What 
can  the  people  want  with  public  meetings,  when 
the  king  sleeps  on  a  straw  mattress,  and  is  a  pat- 
tern of  domestic  propriety  ?  Reforms,  forsooth  ! 
Haven't  we  a  Chamber,  and  an  immense  majority  ?' 
This  was  the  argument  up  to  the  twenty-third  day 
of  last  February ;  but  it  had  ceased  to  be  very  co- 
gent on  the  twenty-fifth,  when  majority,  monarch, 
and  ministers  had  all  disappeared  from  the  scene. 

"  And  this  point  being,  rather  brutally,  disposed 
of,  there  comes  another  argument,  which  people 
are  very  fond  of  putting,  and  is  used  by  your  Con- 
servatives and  Whigs  with  a  triumphant  air.  'Yes; 
they  have  got  rid  of  their  monarch  and  ministers,' 
says  Lord  Johnny  or  Lord  Tommy;  '  but  what  have 
they  taken  in  exchange?  ...  A  howling  democ- 
racy; and  furious  tyranny  of  500,000  bayonets;  a 
ruined  Exchequer;  a  national  bankruptcy;  a  gen- 
eral cessation  of  labour,  and  conspiracy  to  organ- 
ise famine  .  .  .'  The  meanino;  of  which  is,  that  it  is 
better  that  a  man  should  forego  his  undoubted 
rights  for  the  sake  of  peace  and  quiet,  than  that  he 
should  bestir  and  endans^er  himself  to  sfain  them. 

"But  in  this  case   Mr.  Bancroft  would   never 

have    been  here  as    American    Minister,  that   is 

244 


EVOLUTION    OF    THE    CONSTITUTION" 

clear;  and  the  American  Colonies  would  be  still 
paying  their  tax  upon  tea.  We  might  still  have 
had  Stewarts  on  the  throne,  chopping  off  heads 
of  Lord  Russells  for  treason.  The  cause  for 
which  Hampden  and  Sidney  still  occasionally  per- 
ish after  dinner,  in  those  weak  assemblies  where 
the  Whigs  muster,  was  a  rank  rebellion ;  and  Mr. 
Barry  should  design  a  Star  Chamber  in  the  new 
Houses  of  Parliament,  where  the  dandy  dealers  in 
middle-age  gimcracks  were  afraid  to  set  up  Crom- 
well.* ...  Of  course,  no  revolution  is  good  for 
trade.  .  .  . 

"  In  a  country  where  there  is  a  Press,  Railroads, 
and  Free  Discussion,  there  is  no  need  to  fight  at 
all.  There  must  be  two  parties  to  fight ;  and  the 
weaker  one,  which  would  lose  most  by  the  bat- 
tle too,  never  will.  And  they  may  talk  of  a  good 
cause  as  inspiriting  a  man  to  battle;  but  what  can 
be  more  inspiriting  than  to  know  not  only  that 
your  cause  is  good,  but  that  your  enemy  is  sure  to 
run  away  without  fighting,'* 

"  It  is  to  this  I  look,  this  which  brings  me  with 
ardour  to  your  ranks,  and  this  prophecy,  which  I 
beseech  you  to  remember  in  the  hour  of  victory." 

Thackeray's  declaration  of  loyalty  and  his  anxi- 
ety for  it  to  be  known  that  the  attacks  which  he 
made  on  the  Prince  Consort  (whom  he  greatly  ad- 

*  Referring  to  the  burning  question,  which  had  recently 
been  decided  in  the  negative,  "Should  Cromwell  have  a 
statue?"  Just  fifty  years  the  Protector  had  to  wait  for  that 
decision  to  be  revoked. 

245 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

mired)  imported  neither  disrespect  nor  blindness 
to  his  noble  qualities,  were  perhaps  hastened  by 
Shirley  Brooks's  biting  satire — "Our  Flight  with 
Picnck''  published  in  T/ie  Maji  in  the  Moon  in 
November  1847.  These  verses,  which  afford  per- 
haps the  chief  claim  to  remembrance  of  that  comic 
miscellany,  were  a  parody  of  a  set  of  PitncJis  own. 
Brooks  entertained  at  that  time  a  reverence  for 
Thackeray  as  deep  as  his  hatred  of  Douglas  Jer- 
rold ;  but  not  always  identifying  the  writings  of 
the  former  sometimes  attributed  them  to  the  latter. 
It  was  to  Jerrold  that  he  ascribed  Punclis  chaff  of 
the  Royal  Family  when  he  wrote: 

"We'll    clear   thy   brain.      Look   westerly.      See  where   yon 

Palace  stands; 
Stains  of  the   mud   flung  there  by  thee    are  on   thy  dirty 

hands. 
We  will  not  brand  thee  Atheist  —  we  know  dread'st  that 

sting — 
Yet,  vaunting  loud  thy  'fear  of  God,'  how  honourest  thou 

the  King? 

*ji.  i(,  ji,  ji,  J/, 

Tf"  ^  ^  TV-  "S" 

Give  us  the  truthful,  social  sketch,  drawn  with  Titmarshian 

skill, 
With  colour  bright  as  Dickens's,  and  pencil  keener  still." 

To  the  Spanish  indiscretion  Thackeray  returns 
in  Number  363  (p.  257,  June  24th)  in  the  para- 
graphs entitled  "A  Dilemma."  Referring  to  what 
he  calls,  curiously  enough,  "  the  ill-treatment  which 
Sir   H.   Bulwer   experienced   from   the   Spanish 

Government,"   he    pertinently    asks    whether   the 

246 


BRITISH    AND    SPANISH    DIPLOMACY 

rupture  of  diplomatic  intercourse  by  a  resident 
English  Minister  is  not  likely  to  harm  England 
more  than  Spain;  and  if  not,  why  "second-class 
men" — by  which  he  means  Charges  d'affaires — 
may  not  always  be  employed,  and  money  saved  ? 
"An  answer,  post  paid,  will  oblige."  But  none 
was  forthcoming  for  many  months — not  for  two 
years,  in  this  Spanish  business,  as  has  already 
been  set  forth. 


CHAPTER  XI 
VOLUME    XV.    SECOND    HALF-YEARLY    VOLUME,    1S48 

"The  Hampstead  Road:  A  Comedy  in  Four 
Tableaux,"  is  Thackeray's  first  unnoticed  contri- 
bution to  Volume  xv.  It  is  signed  "Spec,"  and 
comprises  four  "social"  cuts,  more  carefully  drawn, 
perhaps,  than  were  the  majority  of  the  author's 
sketches. 

Here  is  another  pretty  example  among  many 
of  how  little  scenes  in  humble  life  would  touch 
the  heart  and  arouse  the  sympathy  of  the  ob- 
servant man  wdiom,  even  at  the  present  day, 
some  persist  in  considering  a  Cynic. 

The  changes  that  were  made  in  military  uniforms 
in  the  summer  of  1848  were  extremely  unpopular, 
not  in  the  army  only,  but  in  the  Press.  The  intro- 
duction of  a  particular  form  of  garment — the  "shell 
jacket" — gave  particular  offence  to  officers  who, 
either  from  stoutness  or  the  reverse,  vehemently 
objected  to  the  sacrifice  of  their  tails  and  skirts. 
In  No.  369  Leech  drew  a  cartoon  of  "The  Tailor's 
Goose — The  Terror  of  the  Army"  bearing  a  flag 
inscribed  "Nothing  but  the  Bill;"  and  Thackeray 
contributed  four  drawings  and  text  (p.  62),  covering 

248 


A    SUBURBAN    SKETCH 

nearly  two  pages,  under  the  heading  of  "Military 
Correspondence."  The  letters  addressed  to  Punch 
by  "Captain   Heavysides,"   "Lieutenant   Twenty- 

"THE     HAMPSTEAD     ROAD 

A  Comedy  in  Four  Tableaux. 
TABLEAU  I. 


"  The  Magnolias,"  Mr.  Smith's  neat  Cottage  in 

THE    HAMPSTEAD    ROAD. 

Nttrse  {behind  the  shrubbery)  O  you  darling  tootsy  pootsy. 

Baby  Gllgrllwgllgrlluggle. 

Nurse  Baby  see  pooty  fiowers  ? 

Clock  {from  cottage')  Ting,  ting,  ting,  ting,  ting,  ting. 

249 


THACKERAY    AND   PUNCH 


TABLEAU  II. 


■# 


^w/i";- Policeman  X  21. 


Clock  goes  on  Ting,  ting,  ting,  ting,  ting,  ting. 

X  2\  (Whistles)  Whew-e-00-0-00  ! 

Nurse.  Come  and  see  pooty  osses  in  the  zoad,  baby. 

250 


"THE    HAMPSTEAD    ROAD" 


TABLEAU  III. 


X  21.  Well,  I  declare  !  it's  Miss  Mary. 

Nurse.  Law  !  Mr.  I'leaceman  ;  who  ever  expected  to  see 

you  here  ! 
X  21.  You  do  look  so  ...  . 
Baby.   Googleglooggrr. 
Mrs.  Smith  {from   window).   Well,  if   it  isn't  that  good 

for  nothing  hussy  of  a  nurse  speaking  to  the  policeman. 
Nurse.   Lor,  it's  Missis  !       \ 
Baby.   Gloogloogrl.  >  Ex 

X  21.   Blow  her  old  hi's  !    ) 

251 


etint  omnes. 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

stone,"  and  "  Lieutenant  Campbell  Leppard,"  deal 
with  the  matter  with  humour  and  vivacity.     "  Our 

TABLEAU  IV. 


The  Hall  of  Mr.  Smith's  Cottage. 

Mrs.  Smith.  Get  out,  your  imperence.  Give  me  the 
child;  you  polkite  it,  you  vicious  wretch,  you  do. 
Take  your  wages  and  go. 

Baby.   Boo-ooo-ooo-wah-wah-wah. 

Page  {Snivels). 

Mary{ivilk  a  last  look  at  the  child,  exit).  {^Exciint  omnes. 

Mary  becomes  Mrs.  X  21  ;  at  first  she  often  walks  up 
the  Hampstead  Road  to  look  at  the  baby  she  has  left. 
Then  she  has  domestic  cares  of  her  own,  or  will  have  ; 
for  the  truth  is,  I  only  saw  the  first  three  Tableaux  of 
this  comedy  last  Saturday  as  ever  was.     Spec. 

Skirts,"  says  the  Captain,  "  are  to  be  cut  off,  by  an 
insidious  movement  of  a  certain  distinguished  per- 


THE    SHELL    JACKET 


sonage  upon  our  rear.  The  decent  undress  blue 
frock,  which  lent  a  grace  to  portliness,  and  a  con- 
cealment to  obesity,  is  to 
be  discontinued,  and  we 
are  henceforth,  when  not 
in  full  fig,  to  appear  in 
shell-jackets  !  Do  your 
readers  know  what  a 
shell- jacket  is  ?  It  is  a 
scanty  garment,  barely 
reaching  the  waist!  The 
humiliation  it  is  calcu- 
lated to  produce  among 
officers  like  myself  is  in- 
describable." "  If  it  is 
scarcely  decent  for  the  fat 
fellows,"  deposes  Camp- 
bell Leppard,  'T  know  it 
is  very  ridiculous  for  us 
thin  ones."  But  the  bit- 
ter cry  was  unavailing. 
People  became  accustomed  to  the  shell-jacket  and 
forgot  to  laugh  at  it ;  but  it  is  safe  to  say  that  no 
foreigner  ever  beheld  it  for  the  first  time  without 
wonder,  without  a  joke,  or  a  smile  at  its  expense. 
"Latest  from  the  Continent "  {No.  372,  p.  87) 
is  a  long  letter  from  "Samuel  Guttler  Swilby"  to 
his  father  the  Alderman,  who  has  sent  him  travel- 
ling with  his  tutor.  It  is  an  illiterate  epistle,  in 
which  a  full  and  careful  report  is  made  of  the  food 
and   drink  that  young  hopeful   has   indulged  in; 

253 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 


neither  he  nor  his  mentor  having  eyes  or  thought 

for  aught  else. 

"This  town  ["Ostend"]  is  very  ugly  to  look  at, 

but  strongly  fortafied,  and  has  oysters  all  the  year 

round.  Avinor  to  wait 
for  the  train,  I  thought 
our  best  amusement 
would  be  to  try  a  few 
dozen  of  their  famous 
natives,  which  we  did  so. 
But  law  bless  you  Pa, 
there  no  such  orreat 
things  after  all.  ...  The 
county  all  the  way  to 
Brussells  is  as  flat  and 
green  as  our  billiard- 
table  at  Camberwell  — 
the  towns  quite  old  and 
ugly.  They  sell  fruit 
along  the  road  ;  we  ad 
some  —  plumbs  sower, 
cherries  ditto,  aypricots 
so  so,  cost  one  frank. 
At  all  the  Stations  they 

were  drinking  beer  which  I  had  some,  but  o  lor! 

Pa!  such  sower  stuff!     Why  they  wouldn't  drink 

it  in  our  servant's  hall!  .  .  .  We  were  at  a  most 

comfortable  Inn,  the   Hotel  de  Paybaw*  as  it  is 

*  Thackeray  stayed  here— the  Hotel  des  Pays  Bas,  Spa- 
in the  earlier  part  of  this  same  month  of  August,  and  wrote 
thence  one  of  his   most  charming  letters  to  Mrs.  Brookfield 

254 


A   CUTTING    EPIGRAM 


pronounced.  I  remarked  the  ladies  at  the  table 
d'hote  used  their  knives  to  their  vegetables  and 
things,  and  I  like  the  practice  very  vmck.  .  .  . 
When  we  got  on  board  took 
coffy,  and  went  and  had  a  good 
snooze  in  the  cabbin  again. 
Didn't  wake  till  ten,  when,  as 
I  heard,  we  had  passed  all  the 
pretty  part  of  the  Rhine,  and  it 
couldn't  be  helped,  (and  as  for 
me,  give  me  a  good  sleep  before 
all  your  lands/dps).  We  had 
a  meat  and  egg  breakfast  and 
got  to  Mayence  at  one  o'clock." 
A  fine  epigram  on  Ledru- 
RoUin — ^one  of  the  members  of 
the  Provisional  Republican 
Government  on  the  abdication 
and  flight  of  Louis  Philippe — 
appears  in  the  same  number. 
The  announcement  which  af- 
forded a  text  is  this  :  "  Ledru-  , 


(pubd.  Smith,  Elder  &  Co.,  1887),  in  the  course  of  which  he 
says  :  "  I  went  to  the  table  d' hbtc  with  perfect  affability,  just 
like  an  ordinary  person ;  an  ordinary  person  at  the  table  d' Iibte, 
mark  the  pleasantry."  He  speaks  of  the  "good  things,  fif- 
teen or  sixteen  too  many,"  which  were  served,  and  of  himself 
giving  in  "  at  about  the  twenty-fifth  dish,"  although  a  Flemish 
lady,  who  used  her  knife  for  lobster  salad,  far  out-stayed  him. 
It  is  obvious  that  "Latest  from  the  Continent,"  was  inspired 
by  this  interesting  invalid,  as  she  proclaimed  herself,  "so  weak 
and  delicate  that  she  could  not  walk."     No  wonder. 

255 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

Rollin,  defending  his  conduct  in  the  Chamber  of 
Representatives,  said, — ' Je  monte  sur  le  Calvaire, 
pour  saicver  la Republique' "  Thackeray,  disgusted 
at  the  sentiment,  drew  the  following  "Simile,"  as 
the  verse  is  entitled,  which  if  not  entirely  original  in 
idea  is  as  felicitous  in  expression  as  in  application: 

We  read,  Ledru,  that  there  were  three 
Who  perished  upon   Calvary. 
The  one — but  stay,  that  Name  Divine, 
Thou  woulds't  not  couple,  sure,  with  thine ; 
And  convict  knaves  the  other  two — 
Blasphemer,  which  of  these  are  you  ? 


256 


Two  "  Letters  to  a 
Nobleman  visiting  Ire- 
land" (in  Nos.  373  and 
374)  have  been  noted  by 
Shepherd.  It  may  be 
mentioned,  however,  for 
it  is  important  in  con- 
nection with  Thackeray's 
attitude  towards  Irish- 
men— that  in  the  first  of 
these  papers  the  author 
comes  back  once  more 
to  John  O'Connell's  in- 
gratitude, which,  since 
the  sturdy  denunciation 
of  it  to  which  atten- 
tion has  already  been 
drawn,    had     manifestly 


IRISH     AMENITIES 

been  rankling  in  his  breast.  "  I  wish,"  he 
sa3^s — 

"  I  wish  the  Irishman  every  possible  freedom 
and  prosperity.  .  .  .  Last  year  I  gave  him  money 
out  of  my  pocket,  and  was  cursed  for  my  pains.  I 
will  do  so  no  more :  never  more.  I  prefer  a  quiet 
life,  and  have  my  own  kindred  to  help  out  of  my 
superfluity.  .  .  .  Why  am  I  to  keep  an  Irishman  ? 
He  threatens  me  as  he  clutches  my  bread  ;  he  hates 
and  insults  me  as  I  try  to  do  him  good.  .  .  .  There 
is  your  Irishman  as  you  have  made  him  under 
English  laws,  English  landlords,  English  juries, 
English  press,  English  Parliaments.  .  .  .  Fancy 
our  persisting  in  governing  Celts  by  Saxon  laws, 
and  that  horrible  figure  of  Irish  beggary  and  ruin 
follows  the  march  of  our  history  into  the  future, 
hangs  on  in  piteous  chains  and  rags,  preventing 
her  progress — it  is  frightful  to  look  at." 

The  second  Letter  to  a  Nobleman  visiting  Ire- 
land is  particularly  interesting,  as  it  shows  Thack- 
eray in  the  light  not  so  much  of  a  Repealer  as 
Home  Ruler — not  a  Home  Ruler  from  love  of 
justice,  however,  but  from  disgust;  "The  great 
point  now  is,"  he  says,  "to  begin  granting  money 
as  quickly  as  possible,  so  as  to  enable  our  friends 
to  carry  on  the  year  comfortably.  . .  .  There's  Tim 
has  not  been  able  to  earn  anything  in  England 
this  harvest,  being  engaged  in  honour  to  stop  at 
home  and  liberate  his  country  in  the  '  War.'  There's 
Pat  has  sunk  all  his  capital  in  the  purchase  of  a 
'  dainty  rifle.'  .  .  .  And  while    you  are  arranging 

R  257 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

your  plans  for  the  relief  of  this  fine  peasantry, 
which  is  now  pretty  quiet,  being  about  to  ask  you 
for  money,  you  will  remember  that  their  beautiful 
pikes,  scythes,  and  dainty  rifles.  .  ,  are  all  comfort- 
ably hidden  away.  I  say  it  behoves  an  English 
statesman  to  remember  that  Paddy  has  a  weapon 
somewhere  at  hand,  with  which  he  proposes  to 
'  rise  in  the  might  of  his  freedom  '  some  day,  or  in 
other  words  to  cut  your  throat.  .  .  . 

"  I  don't  say  this  is  particularly  blameworthy  on 
the  part  of  our  Irish  brethren.  I  don't  say  that 
they  can  do  otherwise — miserable  as  they  are,  and 
instructed  as  they  have  been — but  that  you  are 
bound  to  take  account  of  it.  .  .  . 

"  Why,  sir,  I  say,  are  we  to  turn  out  and  work 
the  pump  for  the  Irish  conflagration,  and  not  allow 
them  [the  orderly  and  sensible  portion  of  the  Irish] 
to  put  out  their  own  flames  with  their  own  buck- 
ets.f*  Why  shouldn't  the  Irish  have  a  Council 
House  or  an  Administrative  Assembly  of  their 
own  ?  You  never  condescend  to  give  reasons  or 
entertain  the  question.  And  yet  there  are  only 
phrases  against  it.  Mr.  Canning  says,  '  Restore 
the  Heptarchy!'  Mr.  Macaulay  says,  'Let  the 
whole  Empire  go  down  together,  rather  than  a 
separation  ensue;'  Mr.  Carlyle  says,  'The  British 
Lion  will  squelch  the  Irish  Rat,  but  separation 
must  not  be.'  I  hope  to  see  a  great  party  in  Eng- 
land before  long,  which  shall  sa)^  'Why  not.'*'  At 
any  rate,  that  it  shall  be  a  question  open  to  fair 

debate ;  and  that,  when  our  Irish  friends  bawl  out 

258 


SPYING    UPON    ROYALTY 

'Repeal,'  some  people  will  answer,  'With  all  our 
hearts!'  from  this  country  too.  .  .  .  We  are  tired  of 
your  brawling,  your  bawding,  your  bullying,  your 
bragging,  your  begging.  You  stop  our  kindness 
with  your  curses,  our  pit}-  wnth  your  hideous  men- 
acing and  boasting;  you  render  our  confidence 
impossible  W'ith  your  double  dealing.  ...  I  think 
we  should  begin  to  show  that  we  are  in  earnest, 
and  to  prepare  our  Irish  friends  for  the  change 
they  look  for,  by  stopping  the  subsidies  which  they 
have  been  in  the  habit  of  drawing  from  this  coun- 
try. 

Thackeray's  further  views  upon  this  subject  will 
be  referred  to  wdien  the  remaining  letters  over  the 
same  signature,  "  Hibernis  Hibernior,"  are  reached. 

Ptuich  had  for  years  before  enveighed  against 
the  impertinent  intrusion  upon  the  Queen  in  her 
family  life  by  inquisitive  journalists  —  men  who 
sought  to  collect  "Court  new's  "  by  backstairs  and 
still  less  reputable  means.  Against  such  spy- 
journalism  Gillray  and  Cruikshank  had  protested 
in  earlier  days.  On  the  occasion  of  the  Queen's 
first  visit  to  Balmoral  the  nuisance  became  almost 
a  scandal,  and  Leech,  among  others,  drew  ironical 
attention  to  it.  In  Number  376  (Sept.  23,  1848) 
appears  his  Cartoon  representing  a  Paul  Pry  re- 
porter-artist at  the  key-hole — under  the  heading  of 
"Gross  Outrage:  or,  Paul  Pry  in  the  Highlands, 
making  a  sketch,  &c.,"  while  the  accompanying 
text,  "  by  our  own   Halfpenny-a-liner  "  purports  to 

be  cut    short  by  the    scandalized  and    indignant 

259 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

Editor,  who  declares  himself  "  so  disgusted  by  the 
vulgar  and  inquisitive  intrusion  upon  the  pleasure 
and  amusement  of  Royalty,  that  we  omit  the  re- 
mainder of  his  account."  It  must  be  admitted, 
however,  that  the  report,  read  in  the  light  of  mod- 
ern journalism,  appears  neither  vulgar  nor  imper- 
tinent. 

Now,  Thackeray  had  gone  through  this  phase 
of  indignation  before,  and  had,  as  we  have  seen, 
denounced  the  "  Court  Circular "  itself,  official 
though  it  was,  as  a  barbarity. 


HEN,  however,  the  Globe 
expressed  its  horror  at 
the  announcement  of  the 
imminent  publication  of 
a  paper  to  be  called  the 
-  ''Balmoral  Gazette'''' 
(adopted  as  the  title  of 
this  article) — a  journal 
to  be  devoted  to  follow- 
ing the  movements  of 
Her  Majesty,  with  de- 
scriptions of  the  places  she  would  visit — Thack- 
eray took  another  view  and  denounced  a  protest 
which  appeared  to  him  to  savour  of  cant  (i6  Sept. 
1848,  p.  119).  If  the  Court  Circular  may  be  pub- 
lished with  all  its  minor  details  when  the  Court  is 
in  London,  why  is  the  same  thing  gross  and  out- 
rageous when  the  venue  is  changed  to  Scotland  .f* 

"  In  fact,"  he  says,  "  we  have  been  for  all  our  lives 

260 


THE    COURT    CIRCULAR    DEFENDED 

SO  accustomed  to  read  a  Court  Circular  every 
morning  for  breakfast,  that  we  can't  do  without  it 
now:  and  it  is  absolutely  as  necessary  to  us  to 
know  what  Prince  Alfred  did  yesterday,  and 
whether  the  Princess  Alice  rode  out  in  a  pony 
chaise,  as  it  is  to  know  the  price  of  the  Funds,  or 
who  spoke  in  Parliament,  and  what  was  the  divi- 
sion. .  .  . 

"  Loyal  subjects  rally  in  spirit.  If  the  Court 
were  up  a  tree,  as  in  Charles  ITs  time,  everybody 
would  like  to  be  informed  of  its  sylvan  retreat,  and 
a  Court  newsman  should  be  perched  on  the  bough 
somewhere,  to  scribble  down  the  occupation  of  the 
Sovereign  and  the  other  branches  of  the  Royal 
Family. 

"  Now  the  Globe  newspaper  is  an  excellent  print, 
and  always  remarkable  for  its  loyalty :  whereas  a 
very  contrary  charge  has  been  whispered  (by 
calumniators)  against  this  present  journal,  which 
they  have  accused  of  turning  august  things  into 
ridicule,  and  speaking  disrespectfully  of  regal  in- 
stitutions, beef-eaters,  gold-sticks,  and  what  not." 

The  Globe  had,  in  a  sudden  fit  of  levity,  re- 
marked upon  the  im-  or  Balmorality  of  the  paper 
announced  by  one  who  called  himself  "a  Highland 
Litterateurr  "  To  hold  him  up  to  ridicule,"  pro- 
ceeds Thackeray,  "  because  he  intrudes  upon 
'  illustrious  privacy '  at  Balmoral  is  a  monstrous 
instance  of  envious  persecution.  Why  are  we 
not    to    know  what    Her    Majesty    and    Prince 

Albert  do  at  Balmoral  as  well  as  at  Windsor.? 

261 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

.  .  .  We  want  to  know,  for  our  parts,  what  our 

Princes  and  our  Sovereigns  do.     We  are  not  like 

other  people   in   Europe   (who,   very   likely  from 

having  no  Court  Circular,  have  been  taking  sad 

liberties  with  their  monarchs) ;  we  are  accustomed 

to  know  the  Royal  where  and  whatabouts.     Why, 

we  spend  eighteen  thousand  a-year  in  mere  salutes 

and  gunpowder  for  the  Royal  Family;  and  what  is 

a  salvo  of  twenty-one  guns  from  all  round  a  fleet 

but  an  immense  roaring  Court  Ctrctilar  ?  ...   If 

it  was  not  good  for  us,  it  would  not  be  told  to  us. 

If  the  Sovereign  did  not  think  fit  to  graciously 

authorise   the  publication   of  the  account  of  the 

royal  venerated  movements,  we  should  never  know 

them  at  all.    Jones  has  lived  next  to  us  for  twenty 

years,  for  instance,  and  we  have  not  the  slightest 

notion  when  he  goes  out  or  comes  in.  .  .  .   But 

about  Royalty  it  is  different.     It  is  beneficial  for 

us  to  know,  therefore  we  know. 

"  We  say  to  the  Highland  Litterateur,  '  Go  on 

and  prosper,  my  boy.     Never  mind  the  Globe  .  .  . 

You  are  doing  your  duty  to  us  and  the  Sovereign, 

and  a  little  abuse  need  not  deter  you.'     What  ? 

Squeamish  about  disturbing  illustrious  privacy  at 

Balmoral!     Highty-tighty!  Afr.  Globe — are  you  to 

have  it  all  your  own  way  in  the  Strand  ?     You 

take  your  fill  of  it.     You  are  loyal  enough.     So 

are  we   all  —  all    loyal   hearts  —  gallant,  freeborn 

souls,   o  .  .    For  shame,   Globy !  for  shame !"     It 

apparently  did   not   occur  to   the   writer  at   this 

moment  how  much  the  life  of  George  IV  might 

262 


AN    ECCENTRIC    CHARITY 

have  been  modified  had  all  his  goings  and  com- 
ings been  fully  and  truthfully  recorded  by  the 
journalists,  as  well  as  picturesquely  by  the  cari- 
caturists, of  that  day. 

Nearly  a  page  is  devoted  in  Number  376  to  a 
paper  entitled  "  Sanitarianism  and  Insanitarian- 
ism."  The  campaign  which  had  been  vigorously 
carried  on  at  the  time  with  no  little  success 
aeainst  the  abominable  condition  of  Smithfield, 
the  Serpentine,  and  the  Thames  itself,  had  borne 
the  usual  fruit.  Sanitation  was  in  the  air — it 
had  taken  hold  of  society,  and  poison,  adultera- 
tion, and  death  were  imagined  in  every  quarter 
and  in  every  article  of  consumption.  In  a  letter 
headed  "  Poison !  Poison  !  Poison  !"  Thackeray 
professes  to  give  an  example  of  what  the  out- 
come might  be  of  so  widely  discussed  and  dis- 
turbing a  craze.  This,  as  the  punning  title  sug- 
gests, is  supposed  to  be  written  by  a  person 
whose  mind  has  been  turned  and  who  meditates 
suicide,  under  the  intolerable  croaking  of  the 
alarmists.  It  is  not  lively  reading ;  it  is,  in  fact, 
strained  and  painful,  and  hardly  humorous,  but  it 
is  useful  in  reminding  us  of  the  mischievous  char- 
acter of  these  intermittent  scares. 

In  the  following  number  {2,71^  PP-  HS  ^^^ 
145),  Thackeray  warmly  attacked  a  movement  to 
which  in  a  moment  of  misguided  philanthropy 
Lord  Ashley,  afterwards  Lord  Shaftesbury,  had 
given    countenance.      This    plan,  although   more 

or  less  embryonic,  or  at   least,  unorganised,  was 

263 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

unhesitatingly  denounced  by  most  practical  peo- 
ple ;  for,  devised  by  charitable  persons  who  felt 
pity  for  out -o'- works,  it  helped  them  to  emi- 
grate without  sufficient  inquiry  having  been 
made  into  their  character,  their  antecedents,  and 
especially  their  state,  whether  married  or  single. 
The  discovery  of  the  abuse  to  which  such  a  move- 
ment was  liable,  and,  indeed,  to  which  it  had  al- 
ready given  rise,  awakened  Thackeray's  anger. 
"  Hemigration  made  Heasy:  To  Lord  Hashley"  is 
the  heading  of  a  letter  supposed  to  have  been  in- 
dited by  a  Cabman  signing  himself  "  Ninethow- 
sndninunderdanninetynine,"  and  dated  from  "  The 
Cabbys  Hinstatute,  Blue  Postes."  This  worthy 
has  been  looking  over  the  Times,  he  says,  and 
finds  "  that  2  wimming  have  come  up  Before  Mr. 
Harnold,  the  Wushup  Street  Beak  (whomb  I  ope 
he  is  quite  well  and  know  very  hintimit)  quarrelen 
quite  outragus  (as  there  is  no  satisfyink  some  of 
em)  about  their  usbands  hemmygrating  without 
them.  Has  I  thought  it  mite  interest  I  prigd  the 
hextrack  out  of  the  paper,  and  send  you  the  sam." 
Then  follows  the  gist  of  the  evidence  as  related 
in  the  Times  report,  from  which  it  appears  that  a 
subscription  was  started  at  a  meeting  by  Lord 
Ashley  and  others — "  to  send  out  a  number  of  re- 
formed and  repentant  thieves  and  criminals,  and 
that  both  of  the  brothers  Lofinck  had  represented 
themselves  as  convicted  felons,  and,  therefore, 
qualified  as    the   objects   intended  at  the   meeti?ig. 

Numbers   of   such   characters    had    waited    upon 

264 


AN    ECCENTRIC    CHARITY 

him."  This  was  the  evidence  of  Mr.  Jackson,  the 
"Manager,"  whose  explanation  failed  to  satisfy  his 
hearers  that  the  scheme  provided  adequate  protec- 
tion to  the  wives  and  children  of  the  assisted 
criminals  who,  in  fact,  simply  deserted  their  fami- 
lies. Indeed,  it  was  stated  in  court  that  the  said 
manager  had  assured  the  woman,  whose  applica- 
tion to  the  magistrate  had  brought  the  whole 
matter  before  the  public,  "that  rather  than  thwart 
her  husbands  prospects  it  would  be  much  better 
for  her  and  the  child  to  enter  the  workhouse."  In- 
deed, "her  husband  had  now  gone  off  to  America 
in  an  emigrant  ship  called  the  Victoria,  leaving 
his  family  entirely  destitute;"  while,  in  the  words 
of  the  Cabman — "the  other  woman's  husband 
went  off  without  so  much  as  with  your  leaf,  or 
by  your  leaf."  Mr.  Jackson's  inquiries  into  these 
men's  past  was  proved  to  have  been  extremely 
summary ;  in  fact,  he  judged  by  what  the  men  told 
him,  and  instead  of  their  being  "  thieves  and  felons 
of  seven,  eight,  or  ten  years'  standing,  and  re- 
peatedly convicted,"  and  so  qualified  claimants 
upon  the  sympathy,  charity,  and  patronage  of  him- 
self and  his  employers,  one  of  them,  at  least,  was 
merely  an  honest  shoemaker  with  a  desire  for  a 
change.  Mr.  Jackson  explained  that  his  judgment 
in  these  matters  seemed  to  him  "satisfactory." 

"Satisfactory — werry  as  far  as  it  goes,"  says 
Thackeray's  Cabby.  "  But  please  let  it  be  hall  ex- 
plained— for  I  think  I'd  like  to  take  advantidge  of 

this   hadmarable  charaty.     I   ham   myself  in  the 

265 


THACKERAY   AND    PUNCH 

cab  line,  No.  9999  by  name,  my  life  is  ard,  my 
work  arder  still,  my  wife  scolds  like  a  wixen,  and 
my  children  heats  like  hoguers.  Will  it  be  neces- 
sary for  me  to  commit  a  bugglary  before  I  awail 
myself  of  the  charaty,  or  will  larsny  du,  or  3  weeks 
which  I  ad  for  hovercharging  a  passinger  and  itt- 
ing  him  hafterwoods  about  the  Ed?  Robbery  I 
never  yet  dun — to  ouse  breaking  I'm  awuss ;  but 
hif  by  a  little  on  it  I  can  git  rid  of  my  Missus 
and  famly,  and  make  myself  comftable  for  life, 
present  best  compts  to  your  Lordship,  and  saye 
Hime  your  Mann,  and  your  Lordship's  grateful 
Servant." 

This  comment  was  thrust  home  by  the  other 
reference : — 

"EMIGRATION   TO   AMERICA. 

"  Under  the  patronage  of  Lord  Ashley,  and  many  other 
influential  persons. — See  Times  Report. 

"  Parties  having  wives  and  families  to  desert, 
are  provided  with  a  free  passage  to  America,  and 
every  comfort,  on  application  to  Mr.  Stigson, 
Scotch  Ragged  Schools,  Minories. 

"  Honest  men  cannot  be  received,  as  this  enter- 
prise is  only  for  the  benefit  of  thieves  and  felons. 
Every  attention  paid  to  Burglars,  and  gentlemen 
already  returned  from  the  hulks.  A  fine  opening 
for  a  few  experienced  cracksmen."  It  need  hard- 
ly be  pointed  out  that  the  name  of  "  Stigson"  is  a 

compound  of  Jackson  and  "Stiggins" — the  latter 

266 


A    DISMAL    PAPER 

a  character  whom  Punch  has  ever  held  in  abhor- 
rence and  disgust. 

The  disturbed  state  of  public  affairs  in  Europe 
was  fruitful  of  despondency  and  pessimism  in  most 
thoughtful  minds,  and  depressed  Thackeray  not 
a  little.  There  is  a  note  of  intense  seriousness,  of 
unusual  gravity,  about  his  comment  on  the  gen- 
eral discontent,  everywhere  apparent,  which  he 
published  in  the  same  number  (p.  144),  under  the 
title  of — "  Is  there  anything  in  the  Paper?"  The 
particular  Paper  was  the  Times,  and  the  particular 
issue  that  of  the  23rd  September  184S;  and  the 
gloomy  forebodings  it  awakened  occupied,  along 
with  a  cut  (see  next  page),  a  whole  page  of  Punch. 

"Whither  are  we  marching .r*"  he  asks.  "Where- 
abouts are  we  now,  and  when  are  we  ofoins:  to 
stop?  What  is  France,  Germany,  our  dear  little 
England,  and  all  Europe  about?  And  what  is  the 
Future  preparing?  What  is  to  come  of  the  insti- 
tutions, faiths,  ranks,  honours,  truths  of  the  Old 
World;  and  are  we  coming  to  general  smash?  Is 
the  system  by  which  the  Past  went  on,  found  so 
incompetent  to  govern  the  Present,  that  we  are 
going  to  repeal  and  abolish  it  utterly?  If  yester- 
day is  all  a  doubt  and  an  error,  what  a  bewilder- 
ment to  -  day  is,  and  what  an  awful  perplexity 
to-morrow!  Is  it  not  time  to  think  of  emigrating 
to  the  United  States,  where  some  order  is  still 
left,  or  of  retiring  to  the  North  Pole  or  the  Desert, 
for  quiet?" 

The  writer  is  supposed  to  be  making  these  re- 

267 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

flections  in  a  railway  carriage,  dismayed  by  the 
sheet  in  his  hands,  when  the  lady  sitting  opposite, 
with  whom  he  "  had  some  trifling  acquaintance," 
aghast  at  his  haggard  countenance  and  the  wild- 
ness  of  his  eyes,  anxiously  inquires — "Is  there 
anything  in  the  paper.  Sir?" 

"Anything  in  the  paper!"  echoes  the  writer. 
"All  the  world  is  in  the  paper.  This  express  train 
travels  fast,  but  the  world  travels  faster.  Why, 
Madam,  if  you  will  but  read  what  is  written  in 
the  Times  of  this  very  day,  it  is  enough  for  a  year's 
history,  and  ten  times  as  much  meditation.  If  we 
have  such  a  Times  every  day,  life  wouldn't  bear  it. 
How  can  we  follow  and  remember  such  changes } 
The  whole  of  Europe  sends  news,  and  every  state 
is  in  revolution.  States — we  can't  call  them  states 
any  more:  nothing  is  stable;  it  is  overthrow  after 
overthrow,  a  succession  of  convulsions.  It  is 
struggle,  battle,  barricade,  murder,  conspiracy, 
abortive  or  active  everywhere." 

Then  he  proceeds  to  give  a  picture  of  the 
seething  discontent  that  was  finding  outlet  in  ef- 
fervescence in  nearly  every  country  of  Europe  — 
how  complete  the  disturbance-map  of  that  period 
which  was  published  not  long  since  well  illus- 
trated. In  Frankfort,  in  Spain,  in  Paris,  in  Peters- 
burg, in  Sicily,  in  England,  in  Ireland,  in  London, 
there  is  violence,  and  Thackeray  sketches  all  the 
upheavals  or  attempted  upheavals,  with  masterly 
brevity.  On  the  London  "conspiracy,"  the  activ- 
ity of  a  violently  frothy  band,  he  dwells  at  great- 

268 


FROTHY    DISCONTENT 


CITIZENS! 


er  length;  for  the  murderous  programme,  inept 
though  it  was,  shocked  him  the  more  by  the  cold- 
blooded proposals  adopted  in  it  by  its  Irish  ad- 
herents and  allies.  Luckily,  the  seizure  of  Rose's 
papers  by  the  police  (who 
were  to  be  the  chief,  or 
at  least  the  first,  victims 
of  the  uprising)  disclosed 
the  intentions  of  the  con- 
spirators. "  Yes,  it  was 
all  up  with  them;  but  it 
might  have  been  all  up 
with  us,  but  for  the  Gov- 
ernment and  its  myrmi- 
dons. These  gallant 
Clubs,  those  true-hearted 
patriots,  those  dear,  good, 
kind  Irishmen,  whom,  as 
we  know  them  better,  we 
should  learn  to  love  and 
bless  more  and  more, 
would  have  peppered  us 
with  fire-balls,  burnt  our 
shops  and  houses  about 
our  ears,  butchered  our 
police,  and  set  up  a  re- 
publican form  of  government.  All  this  is  in 
the  paper,  Ma'am,"  I  said. 

'"And  anything  morcf*'  asked  the  opposite. 

'"Yes,    indeed, — one    thing   more:'"    continues 

Thackeray  with  a  strain  of  infinite  pity  and  regret 

269 


THACKERAY     AND    PUNCH 

for  the  loss  of  Lord  George  Bentinck  who,  two 
days  before,  had  been  found  dead  from  a  spasmod- 
ical attack  in  one  of  the  Welbeck  Parks,  when  on 
his  way  to  visit  Lord  Manvers.  "  '  There  is  the 
history  of  a  nobleman  cut  off  in  the  vigour  of  his 
life,  powers,  and  fame — of  one  who  had  a  great 
name  yesterday,  and  was  the  chivalrous  leader  of  a 
great  English  party.  All  the  broils  and  battles  of 
the  Session  were  over;  the  triumphs,  the  turmoil, 
the  excitement  of  attack,  the  cheers  of  friends,  the 
discomfiture  of  enemies;  a  truce  was  sounded,  and 
he  was  taking  his  rest  after  his  labour.  We  were 
caricaturing  him  but  yesterday,  and  his  manly 
nature  was  the  first  to  join  in  the  good-natured 
laugh :  to-day,  and  all  is  over,  and  he  is  to  laugh, 
and  cheer,  and  battle  no  more.  No  more  jovial 
sounds  of  hound  and  horn  for  him;  no  more 
shouting  on  the  course  as  the  race  passes  by  like 
a  storm;  no  more  cheering  of  companions  in  the 
House  of  Commons:  in  the  midst  of  life,  strength, 
and  triumph  almost,  lo,  the  end  comes,  and  the 
Loyal  George  goes  down. 

'"The  next  day  there  appears  that  fatal  notice 
in  the  Times — that  column  of  inevitable  history. 
Is  it  not  awful  to  think  of  that  necographer  who 
sits  in  some  crypt  in  the  Times  office,  and  who,  as 
sure  as  you  die,  will  have  your  history  in  print! 
What  will  the  sunrise  be  to  you  then,  or  the  fame 
of  a  newspaper,  or  all  the  fights,  revolutions,  and 
conspiracies  of  all  this  struggling  world. 

" '  1  think   here   is  quite  enough,  then,  in  the 

270 


"HIBERNIS    HIBERNIOR" 

Tijnes  paper  of  the  23rcl.     Besides,  there  are  the 
advertisements  and  the  Court  Circular.' " 

At  this  point  (No.  377)  my  documentary  author- 
ity as  to  Thackeray's  authorship  of  the  articles, 
poems,  and  illustrations,  here  dealt  with,  comes  to 
an  end.  But  there  follow  other  pieces  as  to  which 
one  may  express  absolute  certainty,  moral,  if  not 
documentary.  Such  a  piece  is  that  entitled 
"  Traitors  to  the  British  Government  "  (No.  384, 
p.  218,  18  Nov.  1848)  which,  continuing  the  sub- 
ject of  the  "  Letters  to  a  Nobleman  visiting  Ire- 
land," in  the  same  vein  and  the  same  manner,  is 
signed  like  them,  "  Hibernis  Hibernior."  This 
article,  together  with  a  later  one,  has,  curiously 
enough,  escaped  the  attention  of  all  previous  com- 
mentators. 

"  Before  quitting  his  beloved  Ireland,"  writes 
Thackeray,  "  Mr.  Magee*  did  his  best  to  plunge 
her  in  anarchy,  ruin,  and  murder.  It  was  not  his 
fault  if  a  bloody  Government  thwarted  his  designs 
and  those  of  the  great  men  with  whom  he  acted. 
.  .  .  Gentlemen  interested  in  murder  and  rebellion, 
may  inspect,  at  Mr.  Magee's  offices,  the  beautiful- 
ly bloody  and  authentic  plans  ordained  for  the  late 
revolution.  ...  As  the  people  are  starving,  as  usual, 
and  the  begging  season  is  to  be  uncommonly  well 
attended,  Mr.  Magee  begs  to  warn  the  people  of 

*  An  Irishman  resident  in  America.     Thackeray  takes  as 
his  text  a  letter  addressed  by  Mr.  Magee  to  a  New  York  paper. 

271 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

England,  that  the  two  strongest  feelings  of 
THE  Irish,  are  hatred  to  England,  and  a  san- 
guine HOPE  OF  Ireland. 

"  This  will  be  sure  to  make  the  English  people 
more  willing  to  help  their  Irish  brethren.  The 
dignity  of  the  latter  is  preserved,  while  their  desti- 
tution is  made  known.  '  D — n  you,  I  hate  you !' 
says  poor,  prostrate,  bleeding,  but  honest  Ireland  ; 
'  but  give  me  some  money  for  all  that.'  " 

Then  follows  Thackeray's  remedy :  "  If  there 
ever  was  a  moral  pointed  to  a  story,  there  is  one 
to  the  amiable  tale  of  Mr.  Magee,  and  that  is — 
PAY  THE  CLERGY.  What  force  of  police- 
men in  green  coats  have  you  in  Ireland  ?  What 
horse  and  foot  artillery,  and  what  do  they  cost } 
Will  it  be  worth  your  while  to  have  3000  black 
policemen — the  best  soothers,  detectives,  preven- 
tives in  the  world  .?  From  the  very  indignation  of 
the  Roman  bishops  against  the  scheme  of  pay- 
ment, why,  the  Empire  should  seethe  goodness  of 
the  scheme.  Give  these  3000  clergymen  a  stake, 
not  in  Ireland  merely,  but  in  the  Empire,  and  will 
they  be  less  averse  to  rebellion  and  its  conse- 
quences, than  now?  Protestant  landlords  of  Ire- 
land, combine  together,  and  pay  your  best  friends, 
the  Catholic  Clergy  ;  I  say  that  Lord  Cardigan, 
and  all  his  hussars,  will  not  keep  the  country  so 
well  as  those  3000  scattered  black  horsemen  who 
would  garrison  every  village  in  Ireland  for  the 
Queen  ;  and  to  well-meaning  persons  in  this  coun- 
try, who  cry  out  against  the  wickedness  of  endow- 

272 


"A    SIDE-BOX    TALK" 


ROGUY  AND  POGUY, 

Roguy.  "See  that  Girl  looking  at  me,  Poguy?" 
Pogtiy.   "  Don't  I  ?     I  declare  she  can't  keep  her 

EYES   OFF   YOU." 

Roguy.  "What  Women  care  for,  Poguy,  my  boy, 
IS  NOT  Features,  but  Expression."  [He pokes  Poguy 
in  the  waistcoat. 

s  273 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

ing  Popery,  I  humbly  point  Mr.  PnncJis  attention, 
begging  him  to  ask  them  whether  they  prefer  an 
immense  costly  army  in  Ireland,  and  hatred  there- 
with, to  the  maintenance  of  a  small  ecclesiastical 
force,  which  would  do  ten  times  the  service  at  a 
tithe  of  the  present  charge  ?" 

On  the  same  page  appears  "  A  Side-Box  Talk," 
here  reproduced.  The  villainous,  ogre-like  face  of 
"  Roguy"  was  one  of  Thackeray's  favourite  types. 
He  used  it — as  is  mentioned  in  the  Preface — in 
the  drawing  which  Mrs.  Richmond  Ritchie  has 
given  in  the  Bibliographical  Edition  of  "  Contri- 
butions to  Punch "  under  the  title  of  "  Bucks " 
(p.  XXX.) ;  and  in  other  places,  notably  in  the  illus- 
tration to  "Theatrical  Astronomy.  Sudden  Ap- 
pearance of  a  Star,"  by  Gilbert  a  Beckett  —  in 
which  the  figure  also  appears  in  an  opera-box. 

VOLUME    XIX.    SECOND    HALF-YEARLY    VOLUME,   1850 

Towards  the  close  of  1850,  when  the  nation  was 
convulsed  by  the  terms  of  the  Papal  Brief,  consti- 
tuting a  Roman  Catholic  hierarchy  in  England 
and  Wales,  Lord  John  Russell  led  the  cry  against 
the  "  Papal  Aggression,"  until  his  sudden  with- 
drawal of  the  Bill  he  had  introduced  gave  John 
Leech  the  opportunity  for  his  famous  "No  Po- 
pery" cartoon.  Thackeray  took  his  share  in  a 
controversy  in  which  Ptinch  played  no  inconsider- 
able part. 

He  first  sought  to   remind  his  readers  of  the 

274 


"THE    HISTORY    OF    CASHMERE" 

struggle  whereby  the  Reformation  was  brought 
about  and  the  Church  of  England  was  estab- 
lished; but  as  direct  appeal  and  entirely  serious 
discussion  were  foreign  to  PuncJis  role,  he  adopt- 
ed a  favourite  device  of  settinor  forth  his  arsfument 
in  mock- Oriental  garb.  It  was  thus  that  Thack- 
eray came  to  write  the  following  historical  chapter 
of  our  land  of  "Cashmere,"  with  its  comparison  of 
the  strife  of  Henry  the  Eighth's  reign  with  that  of 
"the  magnificent  Empress  Kohinur": — 

"FRAGMENTS    FROM    THE    HISTORY   OF    CASHMERE. 

BY  THE  ARABIAN  HISTORIAN  KARAGOOZ. 
Chap.  222. 

"  The  beautiful  kingdom  of  Cashmere  was,  it 
is  very  well  known,  governed  by  the  magnificent 
Empress  Kohinur,  a  sovereign  so  renowned  for 
beauty,  virtue,  and  an  heroic  disposition,  that  all 
the  kings  of  the  earth  paid  court  to  her,  and  her 
banner  was  respected  wherever  it  was  beheld. 
She  gave  her  empire  in  charge  to  Viziers  of  great 
fame.  Russool  Jehaun,  a  statesman,  matchless 
for  wisdom,  was  the  President  of  her  Divan,  and 
administered  the  interior  affairs  of  the  Empire ; 
while  the  foreign  relations  of  Cashmere  were  up- 
held, and  her  enemies  made  to  tremble  by  the  wis- 
dom and  valour  of  the  undaunted  Pulmerstoon. 
By  the  Cashmerian  laws,  the  husband  of  the  Em- 
press is  forbidden  to  take  a  part  in  political  mat- 

275 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

ters:  that  Prince,  therefore,  passed  his  time  in  the 
chase,  or  in  the  pursuits  of  literature,  and  exer- 
cised his  genius  in  beautifying  the  city  of  Lun- 
doon.  It  is  to  him  that  the  Lundoonees  owed  the 
beautiful  turban  which  they  wore  for  many  ages; 
and  it  was  he  who,  with  the  aid  of  two  genii, 
Packistuan  and  Foox,  raised  up  in  a  single  night 
that  extraordinary  palace  of  crystal,  which  brought 
all  the  people  of  the  earth  to  visit  Lundoon, — and 
made  it  the  eighth  wonder  of  the  world. 

"  The  kingdom  of  Cashmere  was  peaceful  and 
happy:  the  ports  were  full  of  ships;  the  bazaars 
were  thronged  with  merchants  and  goods;  the 
roads  were  covered  from  one  end  of  the  empire  to 
the  other,  with  people  travelling  in  security;  the 
Cadis  did  their  duty ; — in  a  word,  Lundoon  was 
the  greatest  city,  Cashmere  the  noblest  empire, 
and  KoHiNUR  the  happiest  sovereign  in  the  world 
but  for  one  drawback — the  constant  rows  of  the 
Mollahs,  who  were  perpetually  quarrelling  among 
themselves. 

"It  is  known  that  for  a  long  time  the  Cashmer- 
ians  were  followers  of  Omar,  the  successor  of 
the  Prophet;  and  that  the  Chief  Imaum  of  Mecca 
had  the  appointment  of  the  Chief  Mollahs  of 
Cashmere  during  many  ages.  The  Cashmerian 
Sovereigns,  jealous  of  their  independence,  had 
always  done  their  utmost  against  that  arrange- 
ment which  made  their  country  a  sort  of  spiritual 
dependency  upon  the   Holy  City  of  Arabia;  and 

the   pretensions    and   quarrels   consequent    upon 

276 


THE    KINGS    OF    CASHMERE 

this  assumption,  kept  the  Cashmerians  in  con- 
stant trouble  and  hot  water.  The  country  swarm- 
ed with  Dervishes  from  Mecca ;  Arabian  zealots 
came  and  took  possession  of  the  Cashmerian 
Mosques,  and  preached  to  the  people  in  a  lan- 
guage they  could  not  understand  ;  the  boldest  of 
them  called  upon  the  Sovereigns  of  Cashmere 
themselves  to  pay  homage  to  the  Chief  Imaum  of 
Mecca  for  their  thrones :  for  they  said  that  the 
Hiorh  Priest  of  Mecca  was  the  Viceo^erent  of  the 
Prophet,  that  the  Prophet  had  given  him  power 
over  all  thrones  and  kingdoms,  and  woe  betide 
those  monarchs  who  disobeyed  him.  When  one 
of  their  Mollahs,  by  name  Thamaz  ul  Bukeet,  was 
murdered  by  one  of  the  Kings  of  Cashmere,  they 
made  him  go  on  his  bare  knees  to  the  slaughtered 
saint's  tomb ;  they  declared  that  miracles  were 
worked  there :  that  the  sick  were  cured,  the  wick- 
ed made  sure  of  Paradise,  that  the  statues  round 
the  tomb  wagged  their  heads  and  talked,  that  the 
pictures  winked — who  shall  say  what  other  won- 
ders were  performed  ? — I  have  read  them  in  the 
Ancient  Historians — round  the  tomb  of  Thamaz! 
Who  shall  believe  the  stories }  Let  him  do  so 
who  will. 

"  After  some  thousands  of  years,  and  when  not 
only  the  people  of  Cashmeria,  but  those  of  many 
other  countries,  began  to  doubt  about  the  sover- 
eignty which  the  High  Priest  of  Mecca  claimed, 
and  to  declare  that  not  only  Omar,  but  that  Ali, 

but  that   Hassan  and   Hoossein,  but  that  other 

277 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

good  men  could  interpret  the  Koran  for  them- 
selves; and  that  the  claims  of  the  Imaum  of 
Mecca  were,  in  a  word,  all  bosh,  and  that  he  was 
a  priest  and  a  man,  like  another:  it  chanced  that 
there  ruled  a  king  in  Cashmere,  who  was  called 
King  Sulymaun  the  Eighth.  And  he  wished  to 
put  away  an  old  wife  of  whom  he  was  tired,  (her 
name  was  Aragoon),  and  to  marry  a  beautiful 
young  houri  who  was  called  the  Peri  Anabulane. 

"  The  Imaum  of  Mecca  would  not  dissolve  the 
marriage  between  King  Sulymaun  the  Eighth 
and  poor  old  Aragoon,  and  threatened  him  with 
curses  if  he  divorced  her.  But  the  viziers  and 
nobles  of  Cashmere,  who  trembled  before  King 
Sulymaun,  a  magnificent  prince,  who  made  noth- 
ing of  cutting  their  heads  off,  said  the  king  might 
marry  his  new  wife ;  accordingly  he  did  so,  snap- 
ping his  fingers  at  the  beard  of  the  Imaum  of 
Mecca,  who  had  complimented  him  upon  his  re- 
ligious principles  a  short  time  before,  and  sent  him 
a  robe  of  honour,  with  the  title  of  Defender  of  the 
Faithful. 

"  The  king  was  in  such  a  rage  at  the  Imaum's 
curses,  that  he  caused  a  proclamation  to  be  made 
all  through  his  empire  that  he,  Sulymaun  the 
Eighth,  was  supreme  in  his  own  dominions,  Vice- 
gerent of  the  Prophet,  and  Defender  and  Com- 
mander of  the  Faithful ;  that  the  name  of  the 
Imaum  of  Mecca  should  never  more  be  heard  in 
any  house  or  mosque  in  Cashmere ;  that  any  man 

who  denied  that  he,  Sulymaun,  was  the  Chief  of 

278 


KING    SULYMAUN    AND    THE     IMAUM 

the  Faith,  should  have  his  head  cut  off,  his  tongue 
cut  out,  his  body  chopped  in  quarters,  and  his 
goods  confiscated.  And  he  seized  upon  all  the 
mosques,  caravanserais,  hospitals,  houses,  belong- 
ing to  the  old  ]\Ieccaites  (who  were  grasping  and 
greedy,  but  withal  good  to  the  poor),  and  partition- 
ed them  amongst  his  lords  and  viziers,  who  made 
no  bones  about  accepting  the  plunder. 

"  As  for  the  Cashmerians,  it  mattered  little  to 
most  of  them :  they  were  as  glad  that  the  King 
at  Lundoon  should  be  styled  Vicegerent  of  the 
Prophet,  as  that  the  Imaum  of  Mecca  should  hold 
that  title:  they  did  not  like  that  their  king  (for 
they  are  the  vainest  people  in  the  world)  should 
be  doing  homage  to  any  other  potentate  in  Mecca, 
Medina,  Constantinople,  Abyssinia,  Jericho,  or  any 
other  country.  And  they  fell  into  the  new  order 
of  things  without  difficulty,  excepting  some  few 
rebels  and  obstinate,  who  were  hanged,  drawn,  and 
quartered  accordingly.  For  in  these  good  old 
times,  when  Faith  was  stronger  among  us  than  it 
is  now,  everybody  cut  everybody  else's  head  off : 
thinking  rightly  that  it  was  better  to  stop  an  un- 
believer's tongue,  than  let  it  wag  to  the  detriment 
of  religion,  and  the  perversion  of  simple  persons 
from  the  truth. 

"  Before  he  died,  Sulymaun  the  Eighth  cut  off 
Anabulane's  head  too,  and  married  somebody 
else.  And  his  son,  and  then  his  daughter,  reigned 
after  him  in  Cashmere. 

"  The  king's  son  was  but  very  young,  and  did 

279 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

not  reign  very  long  over  Cashmere.  And  all  the 
time  of  his  reign,  his  sister  Mariam,  who  was  daugh- 
ter of  poor  old  Queen  Aragoon,  kept  her  mother's 
faith  very  stoutly,  and  gave  up  her  whole  heart  to 
the  Imaum  of  Mecca.  So  that  when  the  voune 
Prince,  whose  subjects  loved  him  very  much,  died, 
and  the  Queen  Mariam  succeeded,  everybody 
knew  that  Mecca  was  to  be  in  the  ascendant  once 
more ;  and  the  Meccaite  priests,  dervishes,  mol- 
lahs,  and  imaums  came  swarming  back  into  Cash- 
mere again,  and  the  mosques  were  handed  over  to 
them ;  and  the  late  king's  mollahs  and  ulemas 
began  to  see  that  the  time  for  eating  dirt  had  ar- 
rived." 

But  Thackeray  was  as  ever  on  the  side  of  com- 
mon-sense and  of  the  true  Liberalism  of  the  day, 
and  in  "  Domestic  Scenes — Served  with  a  Writ " 
(which  I  believe  to  be  by  him — p.  243,  Vol.  xix., 
14  December  1850)  he  spoke  with  clearness  and, 
considering  the  passionate  excitement  of  the  time, 
with  remarkable  moderation.  "Cardinal  Wise- 
boy  "  is  supposed  to  have  called  upon  Mr.  Punch 
to  present  him  with  a  writ  and  is  thereupon 
threatened  by  Toby.  Pitnch  first  remonstrates 
with  the  dog,  and  then  continues: 

"  Now,  listen  to  me,  Toby,  my  dog.  You  were 
going  just  now  to  bite  the  calves  of  that  gentle- 
man in  the  red  legs,  and  very  good  calves  they 
are. — But  you  must  not  bite,  Toby,  though  I  give 
you   hearty  leave   to  growl   a   little.    You  see  he 

comes  here  neither  with  my  leave  nor  by  my  leave  : 

280 


THACKERAY    ON    RELIGIOUS    LIBERTY 

announces  himself  as  spiritual  pastor  and  master 
of  my  country,  and  produces  his  commission  to 
govern  over  us,  signed  by  the  Pope  of  Rome. 
Now,  my  dear  Toby,  I  care  just  as  much  about  the 
Pope  of  Rome  as  I  do  about  the  Mufti  of  Ispahan  ; 
and  my  desire  for  a  quiet  life  is  such,  that  if  the 
latter  were  to  come  to  this  country  and  build  him- 
self a  mosque  and  minaret,  and  bawl  out  thence 
that  there  was  no  Prophet  but  Mahomet,  and  that 
he  the  Mufti  was  the  Mufti  of  all  England,  and 
his  mosque  the  only  place  where  a  man  could  say 
his  prayers  with  any  advantage,  I  would  let  the 
Mufti  speak ;  making,  when  need  was,  a  strong 
protest  against  his  bawling,  and  stating  now  and 
then,  with  all  my  heart  and  conscience,  that  I 
didn't  believe  a  word  of  it. 

"  But  I'll  have  no  persecution ;  Toby.  I  say, 
keep  your  teeth  out  of  the  Cardinal's  legs.  .  .  . 
He  has  as  o^ood  a  ris^ht  to  his  crimson  as  a  Quaker 
has  to  drab,  and  must  have  free  leave  to  set  up 
his  pulpit,  as  you  and  I  have  to  act  in  our  booth. 
Do  him  no  harm.  When  those  Irishmen  battered, 
and  half  or  quite  killed  the  poor  policeman  the 
other  day,  do  you  think  they  advanced  their  re- 
ligion by  the  assault  ?  No,  nor  can  we  by  expug- 
nation  or  persecution  hope  to  make  converts  to 
ours.  The  railroad,  the  newspaper,  free  thought, 
and  free  discussion,  all  of  which  privileges  we  have 
won  in  spite  of  my  Lord  Cardinal's  petticoats,  we 
intend   to   keep ;   and  when   he   brags  about  the 

progress  of  his  Church,  we'll  say  to  him, '  See,  Sir, 

281 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

how  freedom  grows !  That  flourishes  and  in- 
creases for  all  you  can  do :  that  will  have  books 
for  all  your  Index  Expurgatorios.  Why,  you 
cursed  and  excommunicated  England  once — but 
the  sun  shone  on  it  the  next  day  all  t\ie  same :  and 
the  Armada  went  down :  and  the  island  grew,  and 
continues  to  grow,  in  Strength,  and  Truth,  and 
Freedom.     God  Save  the  Oueen  !" 

Sentiment  and  manner  are  entirely  character- 
istic, and  the  matter  is  so  clearly  marked  with 
Thackeray's  individuality  of  thought  and  expres- 
sion that  it  is  included  here. 


CHAPTER  XII 
VOLUME    XX.   FIRST    HALF-YEARLY    VOLUME,   1851 

The  "  Papal  Aggression"  excitement  lasted  well 
through  the  year,  and  Thackeray  set  himself  to  show 
that  all  of  it  was  not  disinterested,  nor  everywhere 
popular — at  least  in  the  lower  strata  of  society. 
He  drew  two  "socials"  satirising  "The  Excite- 
ment in  Belgravia,"  both  of  which  are  here  repro- 
duced. The  first  appeared  on  the  4th  of  Janu- 
ary 185 1,  and  the  second  three  weeks  later.  (See 
Frontispiece,  and  page  285.) 

Among  Thackeray's  special  delights,  as  has  al- 
ready been  seen,  was  the  grotesque  presentation  of 
a  Frenchman's  comic  misapprehension  of  English 
life  and  of  London  sights,  ways,  and  customs.  He 
would  accentuate,  perhaps  exaggerate,  the  hatred 
of  the  French  for  England,  but  he  certainly  ex- 
tracted a  CTood  deal  of  fun  out  of  the  venomous 
Count  Smorltorks  he  invented,  especially  when 
their  observations  were  of  a  political  character.  So 
he  created,  or  adapted,  a  ridiculous  personage, 
"Gobemouche" — the  French  equivalent  of  the 
Endish  "  Muff."*     This  name  is  not  new  to  read- 

o 

*  The   signature  of   "  Muff,"   it  will  be   remembered,   was 

283 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

ers  of  Thackeray  inasmuch  as  "  Monsieur  Gobe- 
mouche's  Authentic  Account  of  the  Grand  Exhi- 
bition "  (contributed  two  months  later  than  the  ar- 
ticle now  under  consideration)  has  been  duly  re- 
printed in  the  Collected  Works.  But  both  the 
first  and  the  second  appearances  of  Gobemouche 
have  hitherto  been  overlooked. 

M.  Gobemouche  is  delightful.  Sent  to  England 
by  his  paper,  he  puts  up  at  a  "  hotel  in  the  neigh- 
bourhood of  L — st — r  Squar,  the  centre  of  the 
fogs,  the  fashion,  the  commerce  of  this  city."  He 
calls  for  the  newspapers,  which  he  understands  so 
well,  and  sends  his  first  despatch  to  Paris  after 
reading  certain  items  of  news — such  as  a  carriao;e 
accident  of  Mr.  Disraeli,  or  the  burning  in  eflfigy, 
by  the  Irish,  of  Lord  John  Russell.  Priding  him- 
self upon  his  knowledge  of  the  English,  he  adorns 
his  comments  with  reflections  not  less  valuable 
than  profound. 

"  Intimately  acquainted,"  he  explains,  "  with  the 
English  language  and  history,  the  contents  of  these 
journals  is  not  a  mystery  to  me — I  give  my  views 
and  shall  transmit  you  other  letters  of  time  in 
time. 

"  A  singular  process,  illustrative  of  English  man- 
ners and  life,  appears  before  me  in  the  journal 
which  is  laid  upon  my  table.     You  may  not,  per- 


adopted  by  Thackeray  in  two  instances — "The  Lights  of  Lon- 
don "  (Vol.  XVIIL,  p.  132)  and  "  A  Delicate  Case  "  (p.  89, 
Volume  XX.)  and  elsewhere. 

284 


THE  EXCITEMENT  IN  BELGRAVIA. 

Mr.  Butcher  and  Master  Butcher-Boy. 

"  Now,  Bill,  have  you  took  the  leg  of  mutton  to  29,  and  the 

sweetbread  to  24?" 
"  Yes,  Master." 
"  Well,  now  your  work  is  done— you'll  take  this  bit  of  chalk 

AND  chalk  up  '  No  POPRY.'   DO  YOU  EAR?" 

"  Why,  Master?" 

"Why?     Because  'Popes  is  enemies  to  butcher's  meat  on  Fri- 
days,' and  Britons  will  have  none  of  'em."  9 

{Exit  Bill. 

See  Frontispiece.^ 

285 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

haps,  have  heard  of  an  English  writer  of  merit,  M. 
Disraeli.  In  his  first  novel,  called  the  Curiosities 
of  Literature,  he  made  proofs  of  esprit:  his  Letters 
of  Junius,  published  subsequently,  were  sul^cient- 
ly  picquantes,  and  caused  their  publisher.  Wood- 
fall,  more  than  one  prosecution  :  his  Life  of  Viv- 
ian Grey  was  a  bleeding  satire  upon  the  cele- 
brated Whig  Earl,  head  of  the  powerful  family  the 
members  of  which  have,  for  20  years,  governed 
this  country. 

"  The  Whigs,  since  that  satire,  have  vowed  to 
him  an  undying  detestation.  Lay  your  heel  upon 
one  member  of  the  English  aristocracy,  and  the 
whole  body  writhes  and  turns,  encircles  you  in  its 
enormous  folds,  and  crushes  its  poisoned  victims. 

"  Having  quarrelled  with  the  Whigs  and  Peel, 
that  transfuge  to  their  camp,  Disraeli,  the  literra- 
tor,  suddenly  appears  as  the  man  politic.  He  en- 
ters the  Chamber  of  Commons.  He  attaches  him- 
self to  the  party  opposed  to  the  Whigs.  He  defies 
the  huge  aristocratic  dragon,  lancing  at  the  swel- 
tering and  venomous  monster  the  shafts  of  his 
sarcasm,  and  piercing  its  scales  with  the  brilliant 
glaive  of  his  wit.  Peel,  the  champion  of  the 
oligarchy,  falls  under  his  blows  —  Disraeli,  like 
Peel  a  man  of  the  people,  like  Peel  rises  to  the 
command  of  a  great  aristocratical  party  in  the 
state ;  he  is  unanimously  elected  as  member  for 
the  Bucks,  and  leads  them  in  their  battle  against 
their  Whig  enemy. 

"  What  arrives }     The  aristocracy  of  England 

286 


A    TREMENDOUS    CONSPIRACY 

never  pardons — it  resorts  to  assassination  rather 
than  forgets.  The  death  of  Disraeli  was  resolved 
upon,  and  very  nearly  put  into  execution  but  a  few 
days  past. 

"  Would  you  know  how?  By  a  stratagem  brutal 
yet  deadly.  An  infernal  machine  was  invented  by 
English  treachery  to  destroy  the  first  Consul :  an 
omnibus  is  employed  to  crush  Disraeli. 

"  Being  in  his  brougham  traversing  the  streets 
of  London,  an  omnibus,  waiting  its  opportunity, 
dashed  into  the  vehicle  of  the  illustrious  author, 
burst  the  armoriated  panels  of  his  light  carriage, 
and  cast  him  to  the  ground. 

"  The  name  of  the  proprietor  of  this  omnibus 
was  Nelson.  Does  not  this  explain  the  attack 
and  the  mystery  ? 

"  A  Nelson  does  not  retreat  before  armed  force, 
brutal  violence,  and  murderous  stratagem. 

"  It  was  a  Nelson  who  bombarded  the  peaceful 
city  of  Copenhagen. 

"  It  was  a  Nelson  who  struck,  like  an  assassin 
and  an  incendiary,  amidst  the  midnight  flotilla  of 
Boulogne ;  whence  he  was  flung  back  by  the 
strong  arm  of  our  braves.  It  was  a  Nelson  who 
would  have  destroyed  the  member  for  the  Bucks. 

"  Sir  Disraeli,  escaping  by  a  miracle,  carried 

his  plaint  before  the  tribunals  of  the  first  instance. 

And  in  this  country  of  England,  where  everything 

judges  itself  by  money,  where  the  chastity  of  the 

spouse,  the  purity  of  the  daughter,  pays  itself  at  so 

much ;  what  do  you  think,  what  does  France  think, 

287 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

was  the  fine  imposed  upon  the  agent  of  Nelson, 
the  bravo  of  the  box,  who,  in  fault  of  a  dagger, 
would  have  driven  the  pole  of  an  omnibus  and  two 
horses  into  the  dauntless  bosom  of  the  Member 
for  the  Bucks. 

"  Sir  Bingham,  the  magistrate  at  the  Court  of 
Marlborough,  (remark,  Marlborough!  —  another 
name  full  of  fatal  recollections  to  France,  another 
name  suggesting  blood,  retribution,  vengeance !) 
sate  under  the  Statue  of  outraged  Themis,  and 
delivered  the  astonishing  verdict. 

"  Sir  Bingham  fined  Sir  Stanton,  the  driver  of 
the  omnibus.  Sixpence. 

" — For  the  attempted  murder  of  a  poet,  Six- 
pence ! 

" — For  the  assault  on  a  statesman.  Sixpence  ! 

" — For  the  assassination  of  genius.  Sixpence! 

"  Do  you  know  what  it  is,  sixpence  in  this  City 
of  London  1  The  drive  in  an  omnibus  (without 
correspondences)  is  sixpence.  The  waiter  at  the 
tavern  where  you  eat  the  bleeding  beef,  grum- 
bles at  the  gratuity  of  sixpence.  The  maid  at  the 
hotel,  who  makes  your  chamber,  scornfully  flings 
you  back  sixpence — it  is  not  enough  for  her  ser- 
vice; it  is  not  enough  for  the  smoothing  of  a  bed, 
for  the  passing  of  a  bassi  noire  for  the  jug  of  hot 
water.  The  very  pint  of  /laf an af  cosis  sixpence; 
the  beggar  in  the  street  expects  sixpence ;  and 
the  life  of  the  greatest  man  in  England  is  rated 
at  the  value  of  a  chopine   of  ale,  of  a  drive  in 

an  omnibus,  of  a  waiter's  fee,  or  a  beggar's  gra- 

288 


THE    IMMOLATION    OF    LORD    RUSSELL 

tuity  !  Note,  that  this  is  true;  that  this  is  patent; 
that  I  read  this  in  the  pubHc  journals  in  the  nine- 
teenth century,  in  superb  England,  that  builds 
palaces  of  crystal,  and  pretends  to  dominate  the 
civilisation  of  the  world! 

"  Sir  Disraeli's  menaced  life  is  valued  at  six- 
pence then:  but  his  broken  coach  panel  is  rated 
at — how  much  think  you — £8  los. — at  212  francs 
50  centimes! 

"A  life,  65  centimes! — a  coach  panel,  212  francs 
50  centimes! — Oh,  Albion! 

"Yes:  but  the  coach  panel  is  armoriated:  the 
coach  panel  has  a  blazon.  It  is  an  insult  to  at- 
tack a  blazon  in  England :  it  costs  65  centimes 
to  attempt  a  murder. 

"To  attempt  to  assassinate  an  unpopular  states- 
man is  the  same  cost  to  you  as  a  cigar." 

M.  Gobemouche  is  equally  acute  in  his  under- 
standing of  the  other  incident.  He  reads  the  report 
in  a  Limerick  paper  of  the  harmless  insult  offered 
to  Lord  John  Russell  and  of  course  makes  up  his 
mind  at  once  that  it  is  the  statesman  himself  who 
is  assaulted — who  "  has  met  with  a  still  more  mel- 
ancholy fate,  and  has  succumbed."     He  repeats — ■ 

"  The  Ex-Premier  seems  to  have  escaped,  how- 
ever, from  the  roasting  at  Ennis :  and  probably 
fled  in  disguise  from  that  beautiful  city:  for  we  find, 
by  the  Tipperary  Free  Press,  that  he  was  at  Clon- 
mel  the  next  day  '  most  ludicrously  attired,  carried 
on  the  back  of  a  brawny  fellow,  a  number  of  men 
following  and  belabouring  him  with  huge  wattles. 

T  289 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

They  conveyed  him  through  several  streets,  and,  at 
length,  having  suspended  him  from  a  lamp-post,  it 
was  set  on  fire,  amidst  the  groans  of  those  assembled.' 

"  Is  not  this  an  awful  picture — a  haughty  noble- 
man ludicrously  attired — -carried  before  the  courts 
where  the  judges  of  the  land  are  sitting,  belabour- 
ed with  wattles  and  hanged,  and  burned  a  la  lan- 
terne?  O  Ledru  Rollin  !  you  said  well  that  this 
country  was  hastening  to  dissolution,  and  was  to 
pay  a  speedy  penalty  for  historic  crimes !  The 
indignant  people  rise  in  their  wrath  upon  the 
minister  who  has  designated  their  beloved  rites 
as  superstitions,*  carry  him  to  the  doors  of  the 
Protestant  temple  which  they  respect,  dress  him  in 
ludicrous  disguises,  and  slay  him  in  the  public  place ! 

"  Were  these  facts  not  narrated  in  a  newspaper 
I  should  hesitate  to  believe  them.  But  they  are 
in  print,  and  cause  neither  denial,  nor  surprise, 
nor  indignation  !  The  shops  are  not  closed;  the 
tocsin  is  not  sounding;  the  phlegmatic  people  are 
not  in  arms,  but  move  with  restless  egoism  on  the 
affairs  of  commerce.  I  feel  that  I  am  about  to 
gaze  on  awful  convulsions  in  the  midst  of  a  great, 
a  doomed,  a  terrible  people !" 

In  recognising  the  satire  the  reader  will  rec- 
ollect that  France  has  sent  us  other,  and  real, 
Gobemouches  as  Correspondents  since  Thack- 
eray's time. 

A  contribution  of  the  greatest  interest  appears 

*  See  Lord  John  Russell's  Letter  to  the  Bishop  of  Durham 
on  "The  late  Aggression  of  the  Pope." 

290 


PUNCH'S   ANTI-CATHOLIC    CAMPAIGN 


on  page  1 15  of  the  volume  (22  March) — of  so  much 
interest,  indeed,  that  it  is  here  quoted  in  full.  Its 
importance  lies  in  the  fact  that  in  the  course  of  it 
Thackeray  announces  and  explains  the  withdrawal 
of  Richard  Doyle  from  the  paper  on  account  of 
the  vigour  and,  as  he  thought,  the  unjustifiable 
brutality  of  PiuicJis  anti-Roman  Catholic  cam- 
paign. How  it  comes  that  this  article  has  never 
been  reprinted  is  a  mystery,  for  the  subject  makes 
a  strong  appeal,  and  as  to  the  authorship  there  is 
no  shadow  of  doubt. 

"JOHN  BULL  BEATEN. 

///  a  Letter  from  a  Contributor  to  Air.  Punch. 

UNCH,  MY  DEAR 
AND     ESTEEMED 

CHIEF, — At  the 

meeting  of  your 

Privy  Council, 

which  you 

^m'-',,     assembled 

\r    upon    the 


391 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

appearance  of  Cardinal  Wiseman's  first  letter, 
dated  from  the  Flaminian  Gate,  the  course  which 
Mr.  Punch  was  to  pursue,  under  the  circumstances 
of  the  Papal  aggression,  was  debated  eagerly  at 
your  Board.*  What  was  to  be  done  ?  Would 
we  stand  it?  Would  we  allow  a  foreio'neerino; 
Prince  to  appoint  officers,  and  confer  titles,  in 
England  ?  It  was  too  bad — too  insolent — we 
would  not  have  it  at  any  price,  and  so  forth.  The 
Council  was  very  stormy.  I  see  our  friend  the 
Professor  of  Theology!  battling  with  clenched 
fists,  and  thumping  and  defying  the  Pope  and  all 
his  crew. 

"Our  friend,  the  Professor  of  Belles  Lettres^ 
sate  by ;  sneered  at  the  agitation ;  said  it  was  ab- 
surd, and  that  we  could  do  nothing,  and  was  the 
only  one  of  the  conclave  who  seemed  to  be  undis- 
turbed by  the  general  commotion.  And  our  dear 
friend,  the  Professor  of  Mediaeval  Design,  §  whose 
faith  and  whose  affections  were  with  the  party 
which  we  were  met  to  oppose,  quitted  us  to  join 
the  banner  displayed  now  for  the  first  time  these 
300  years,  and  under  which  the  Cardinal  was 
marching  upon  our  country.  For  this  is  amongst 
the  consequences  of  religious  debate :  it  separates 
brethren ;  estranges  parent  and  child ;  parts  dear 
friends;  angers  and  embitters  honest  hearts.  By 
Jupiter  Ammon,  Sir,   rather  than   have  lost  our 

*  That  is  to  say,  at  Pwicli's  weekly  dinner, 
t  Douglas  Jerrold.   X  Percival  Leigh.  §  Richard  Doyle. 

292 


THE    VIEWS    OF    PUNCH'S    STAFF 

friend  the  Professor  of  Medieval  Design,  I  would 
have  foregone  a  bench  of  Bishops  and  a  whole 
conclave  of  Cardinals — the  Pope  can  make  those 
any  day. 

"  To  continue :  amidst  parties  assembled  at  your 
table  there  was  one  Right  Honourable  Gentleman, 
the  learned  Professor  of  Gastronomy — your  humble 
servant,  indeed  *  —  whose  opinion  with  respect 
to  the  present  crisis  was,  he  believes,  as  follows: — 
'The insult,' said  that  gentleman, 'that  we  English- 
men, we  lords  of  the  world,  have  received  from  an 
Italian  bishop,  reviving  pretensions  as  absurd  and 
antiquated  as  those  of  the  priests  of  Jupiter,  or  the 
Druids,  is  clear.  How  can  we  be  otherwise  than 
indignant.?  The  indifference  of  the  Right  Hon- 
ourable Gentleman,  Professor  of  Belles  Lettres, 
shocks  me.  With  all  our  might,  and  with  all  our 
hearts,  we  must  show  that  we  are  English  citizens; 
and,  since  these  Roman  priests  will  have  a  pro- 
cession among  us,  we  must  greet  them  with  a  jeer 
and  a  growl.  For  toleration  has  its  limits :  if  gen- 
tlemen choose  to  wear  pigtails,  or  beards,  or  hats 
as  broad  as  washing  tubs,  against  the  custom  of 
my  country,  Til  laugh  at  them — and  have  a  right 
to  laugh;  if  they  bring  a  winking  statue  into  the 
Strand,  I'll  sneer,  and  say, 'Stuff! — away  with  your 
rubbish  of  winking  pictures  and  miraculous  dolls!' 
If  Lord  Smollett  (let  us  call  him)  were  to  walk 
down  Pall  Mall,  with  a  jack  chain  round  his  neck, 

*  W.  M.  Thackerayj  himself. 
293 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

his  footman  after  him,  I  would  join  the  mob  that 
hooted  him.  Carry  on  these  rites,  friends,  at  home. 
Dress,  undress,  kneel,  chant,  shave,  or  not,  as  you 
like ;  but  don't  bring  your  vagaries  into  our  streets 
— we  don't  believe  in  them — we  flout  them  utterly 
to  scorn.  My  poor  winking  statue!  —  you  may 
wink  for  a  week,  and  what  do  I  care }  Narrate 
that  legend  to  the  marines — go  and  wink  at  Ri- 
mini, not  here,  sub  Jove,  in  Fleet  Street,  in  the 
year  185 1.  And,  as  in  Rome,  when  a  procession 
passes,  or  the  Pope  blessed  the  city  and  the  world, 
every  man  of  good  feeling  would  take  off  his  hat 
and  bow  his  head  with  the  crowd,  so  do  you,  of 
your  part,  respect  our  manners  and  religion — take 
off  your  hat  to  it  decently,  and  don't  keep  on  that 
absurd  Cardinal's  broad-brim  in  public. 

'"What  then  was  our  duty,'  asked  the  Professor 
of  Gastronomy,  'when  His  Eminence  marched  on 
us  from  the  Flaminian  Gate.-^  To  flinof  stones  at 
his  procession }  No.  To  subject  any  single  per- 
son who  was  carrying  a  banner,  or  tossing  an  in- 
cense pot,  or  twanging  a  chant,  to  imprisonment 
or  violence.'*  No.  To  lauo-h  at  the  whole  busi- 
ness,  to  meet  it  with  denial,  with  scorn,  with  every 
imaginable  Protest.  Yes.  To  that  public  asser- 
tion of  the  Catholic  party  it  was  assuredly  the  duty 
of  the  Protestant  party  to  shout  a  denial — and,  if 
Punch,  and  Lord  John,  and  all  England  did  not 
bellow,  Heaven  help  our  lungs.' 

" '  But  why  protest  when  you  can  do  nothing 

more.'*'  says  the  Professor  of  Belles  Lettres. — I 

294 


THACKERAY'S    ADVICE 

say,  if  we  do  nothing  more  than  protest,  that  pro- 
test is  good  and  wholesome.  You  do  not  knock 
a  man  down  who  insults  you  in  the  street,  but  you 
have  a  right  to  feel  angry  —  or,  suppose  a  lady 
boxes  your  ears,  you  do  not,  in  reply,  hit  her  on 
the  nose,  but  it  is  quite  consistent  with  good  mo- 
rality that  you  should  feel  indignant  at  the  outrage, 
and  say,  '  Madam,  I  protest  that  your  behaviour  is 
monstrous,  and  your  aggression  an  impertinence.' 
And  so  we  have  protested,  and  done  right  to  pro- 
test. It  is  a  sentimental  satisfaction — a  record  en- 
tered— a  medal  struck,  as  it  were — as  when  Pope 
What-do-you-c ALL-EM  struck  a  medal  in  commem- 
oration of  the  murder  of  the  Huguenots,  he  did 
not  cause  thereby  the  slaughter  of  any  single  Cal- 
vinist  more,  but  simply  recorded  his  ghostly  satis- 
faction at  that  victorious  assertion  of  his  principles, 
and  at  that  event  so  triumphant  for  his  faith. 

"  My  counsel  then,  to  you,  Sir,  was  to  protest 
once  or  twice  as  loudly  as  possible,  and  there's  an 
end  on't — to  chalk  up  '  No  Popery  '  in  as  large 
letters  as  you  could,  and  so  to  leave  the  business. 
We  can't  persecute.  We  can  deny.  We  can  say 
pooh  !  phsa !  bosh  !  stuff  and  nonsense  !  protest- 
ing, by  various  ways  and  arguments,  but  no  more. 
And  to  some  Right  Honourable  Professors  at  your 
table,  who  inclined  to  repressive  measures,  I  had 
to  offer  a  respectful  opposition. 

"  We  can't  use  repressive  measures  —  has  not 
the   agitation   of   the   last   three   months   proved 

it.f*    Lord  Punch,  Lord  John,  Lord  Ashley,  the 

295 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

Times,  the  whole  country  are  in  wrath  ;  and  we 
find  we  can  do  nothing  but  protest !  We  can't 
go  back  to  rehgious,  any  more  than  to  any  other 
kind  of  Protection :  and  having  once  announced 
free  religion,  and  taken  the  duties  off  faith,  we 
have  not  the  means  of  setting  them  on  again. 
We  can't  fight  Roman  Catholicism  by  enact- 
ments—  Oh,  me!  and  our  enormous  Establish- 
ment of  Custom  House  ofiicers  is  still  on  foot ! 

"  But  that  is  a  question,  (painfully  interesting  to 
the  Bench  of  Bishops  perhaps,  and  the  rest  of  the 
ecclesiastical  dotiane)  but  not  at  present  in  de- 
bate.    The  case  at  present  seems  to  stand — so. 

"  We  are  insulted ;  we  are  angry ;  we  are  beat. 
That  is  to  say,  if  we  want  to  retaliate  for  an  insult 
committed  upon  us,  we  can't  —  and  Lord  John, 
menaced  by  foe  ecclesiastic,  has  stepped  back,  has 
lifted  his  mighty  arm  to  defend  himself,  (or  rather 
to  hit  out)  and  has  dropped  that  muscular  weapon 
— not  of  defence,  but  offence. — We  can't  strike. 
And  thank  heaven,  we  can't.  Thank  heaven,  I 
say,  that  a  great  nation,  stung,  outraged  as  it  has 
been,  by  a  monstrous  insult,  and  perfidy  of  priest- 
ly aggression,  has  in  its  imperial  armoury  no  weap- 
on of  offence  upon  which  it  can  lay  a  hasty  hand 
to  punish  the  outrage;  and  can't  persecute  though 
ever  so  angry.,  A  few  scores  of  years  hence,  when 
hcec  certamina  come  to  be  described ;  when  that 
struggle  is  over,  whereof  we  are  but  now  at  the 
beginning;  when  that  battle  is  fought,  for  which 

we  are  taking  our  sides,  and  the  ground  seems  to 

296 


A    PROPHECY 

be  getting  cleared  every  day — when  it  shall  be  de- 
cided whether  free  thought,  free  speech,  and  free 
commerce  among  men  are  to  exist — and  we  are  to 
have  railroads  and  Ross's  Telescopes,  and  books 
for  all — or  a  regime  of  Russian  Grenadiers,  Index 
Expurgatorius,  and  Lord  Wiseman's  hat, — I  say 
on  that,  when  this  present  one  comes  to  be  chron- 
icled, I  wonder  how  history  will  go  ? 

"  It  will  say  perhaps  : — 

"'At  the  commencement  of  the  second  half  of 
the  nineteenth  century,  the  ancient  faith  was  sud- 
denly revived  in  England  by  the  pious  energy  of 
Saint  Nicholas,  of  Seville.  Landing  in  the  coun- 
try amidst  the  almost  frantic  hostility  of  the  island- 
ers, the  most  powerful  in  arts,  arms,  and  commerce, 
although  the  most  benighted  of  the  inhabitants  of 
Europe,  Saint  Nicholas  was  assailed  on  his  first 
arrival  by  the  Sovereign  (styled  Head  of  the  Sect 
calling  itself  a  Church,  and  dominant  in  that  part 
of  Britain);  by  the  Prime  Minister  a  deplorable 
fanatic  of  Calvinistic  opinions ;  by  the  Legislat- 
ure, and  a  vast  majority  of  the  nation.  The 
country  rose  against  him ;  persecutions  were 
threatened  ;  tortures  were  in  preparation  ;  chains, 
fines,  and  imprisonment  were  devised  for  Saint 
Nicholas  and  his  clergy.  But  aid  was  at  hand, 
and  the  arm  which  the  powerful  Minister  raised  to 
smite  the  meek  cheek  of  the  Cardinal,  was  staid 
by  an  influence  which  we  must,  &c.  &c.  The 
clergy  of  the  neighbouring  Island  of  Ireland  (since 

removed  by  the  application  of  scientific  means  a 

297 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

thousand  miles  into  the  Atlantic,)  headed  by  the 
profound  Cullen  and  the  gentle  Mac  Hale,  the 
Hibernian  members  of  the  Britannic  Legislature, 
men  remarkable  for  the  polish  of  their  manners, 
and  the  fervid  piety  of  their  lives — above  all,  the 
dissensions  among  the  English  themselves,  caused 
the  uplifted  arm  to  fall  powerless,  which  was  about 
to  descend  upon  Saint  Nicholas,  and  averted  the 
glaive  which  would  have  found  a  willing  and  joy- 
ful martyr.  Saint  Nicholas  and  his  clergy  were 
suffered  to  live  unmolested,  and  continued,  in  and 
about  London,  to  make  many  converts,  until  the 
invasion  of  the  great  Austro-French  Force,  under 
the  two  Emperors,  accompanied  by  the  Pope  in 
person,  when  religion  was  established,  finally,  in 
this  country,  to  be  disturbed  no  more.  The  un- 
married Bishops  of  the  late  establishment  were 
generously  admitted  ad  eundem,  &c.  &:c.  &c.' 

"  Will  this  be  the  tale,  or  will  it  be  one  of  a 
different  tendency  and  moral,  which  the  reader  of 
future  times  will  peruse — Mr.  Macaulay's  New 
Zealand  Traveller,  let  us  say, — looking  at  the  re- 
mains of  Westminster  and  surveying  the  ruins  of 
St.  Paul's.?" 


CHAPTER  XIII 
VOLUME    XX.  {cofitinued) 

"  No  Business  of  Ours  "  (29  March  ;  p.  125)  deals 
aeain  with  the  Roman  Catholic  Church  and  dis- 
closes  a  policy  which  in  1851  was  regarded  as  ex- 
tremist in  point  of  tolerance  and  moderation.  It 
should  be  explained  that,  in  the  words  of  PimcJis 
commentator,  "  Miss  Talbot,  a  ward  in  Chancery 
and  niece  of  the  Earl  of  Shrewsbury  was  placed 
as  a  postulant  in  a  Roman  Catholic  Convent  at 
Taunton,  and  but  for  the  interference  of  her  step- 
father, the  Hon.  Grantley  Berkeley,  would  have 
taken  the  veil,  when  her  fortune  of  ^80,000  would 
have  passed  to  the  use  of  the  Convent.  A  con- 
troversy of  a  very  unhappy  nature  arose  upon  the 
case,  and  the  young  lady  was  subsequently  mar- 
ried to  Lord  Edward  Howard,  brother  to  the 
Duke  of  Norfolk.*  "  The  violence  of  the  passions 
aroused  by  this  historic  case  in  the  public  mind 
and  Press,  already  inflamed  by  the  "  Aggression," 
even  surpassed  that  excited  by  the  will  and  be- 
quest of  Monsieur  Carre,  which  were  made  known 

*  Augusta,  Lady  Howard,  who  died  in  1862. 

299 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

at  about  the  same  time.  Before  reminding  the 
reader  of  the  result  achieved  by  the  trial  of  the 
action  "  Metairie  v.  Wiseman  and  Others,"  I  set 
before  them  Thackeray's  further  contention,  in 
which  he  very  fairly  stated  his  case  to  the  pub- 
lic : — 

"  Dear  Mr.  Punch,  I  hope  that  the  little  anec- 
dotes connected  with  the  Roman  Catholic  Church, 
which  have  been  occupying  a  good  deal  of  public 
attention,  and  which  have  had  the  effect  of  mak- 
ing some  folks  angry,  will  not  tend  to  disturb  your 
own  serene  judgment  and  temper. 

"What  has  happened.'^  A  young  lady,  twenty 
years  of  age,  a  ward  of  Chancery,  with  eighty 
thousand  pounds  for  her  fortune,  has  been  for 
education  to  a  convent  at  Taunton,  and,  in  the 
course  of  her  residence  there,  has  been  so  charmed 
and  edified  by  the  conventual  life,  that  it  is  said 
she  feels  incline  dto  adopt  it  altogether;  and,  tak- 
ing the  Church  for  her  bridegroom,  will  possibly 
endow  her  mystic  spouse  with  her  eighty  thousand 
pounds. 

"Has  she  not  a  perfect  right  to  do  as  she  likes 
with  her  own?  If  she  were  poor,  would  there  be 
any  great  outcry  made?  Has  she  not  a  right  to 
her  opinions  and  convictions  ?  Suppose  that  she 
likes  better  to  get  up  at  3  o'clock  in  the  morning, 
than  to  dance  polkas  at  that  hour  in  Belgrave 
Square?  Suppose  she  is  of  opinion  that  that  re- 
treat at  Taunton  is  far  nearer  heaven  than  any 

residence    in   London    could    be ;    and    prefers   a 

300 


THE    CASE    OF    MISS    TALBOT 

spiritual  to  a  step-father — how  are  you  to  prevent 
her  from  having  her  way? 

"You  have  no  more  rioht  to  force  her  to  eat 
beef  on  a  Friday,  than  to  compel  me  to  dine  on  a 
slice  of  bread  and  a  carrot.  It  is  a  question  of  tastes 
which  ought  surely  to  be  left  open  in  a  free  country. 

"And  where  there  is  liberty  of  opinion  there 
must  of  course  be  expression  of  it.  Everybody 
who  speaks,  proselytises  more  or  less.  You  en- 
gage to  make  converts  just  as  much  as  His  Emi- 
nence or  dear  Father  Holdstock.  ...  I  have 
been  in  a  convent  myself — perhaps  in  that  very 
one  of  Taunton.  I  believe  on  my  word  and  con- 
science that  if  that  system  is  virtuous,  Sutteeism  in 
India  is  virtuous:  I  believe  that  if  those  twenty- 
four  ladies  were  married  to  twenty- four  railway 
navvies,  they  would  be  better  employed  than  they 
are  in  their  present  business.  I  believe  that  many 
of  the  duties  which  occupy  them  and  in  which  the 
poor  souls  are  taught  to  take  a  pride,  are  meaner 
and  more  frivolous  than  waltzing  with  the  dullest 
dandies  in  May  Fair — that  the  scheme  of  life  held 
out  to  them  as  the  highest  and  most  virtuous  of 
which  human  creatures  are  capable,  is  neither 
more  nor  less  than  despicable  and  shameful,  and 
scorn  the  doctrine  and  the  doctors  inasmuch  as 
they  preach  it.  We  laugh  at  the  doctors  then: 
and  they  pity  us,  and  send  us — you  know  where. 
They  can't  do  otherwise,  and  we  are  perfectly  con- 
tent.   Sir,  they  are  all  alike.   Disagree  with  Father 

Athanasius  or  Jack  the  Cobbler,  who  is  bawl- 

301 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

ing  on  the  common,  and  he  can  do  nothing  but 
consign  you  to  the  deuce.  As  far  as  he  stands 
there,  and  to  the  best  of  his  beHef,  he  is  the  ad- 
ministrator of  your  ultimate  happiness  or  per- 
dition. Bawl  on,  Jack  the  Cobbler;  curse  away, 
Father  Athanasius  !  Curse  us  and  each  other. 
You  believe  yourselves  right ;  and  if  you  are  right, 
we  are  done  for.  Show  us  that  you  are  right,  one 
or  the  other  of  you,  and  the  rest  follows  as  a  mat- 
ter of  course.  But,  holding  your  premises  to  be 
as  absurd  and  monstrous,  as  their  consequences 
would  be,  I,  for  my  part,  take  leave  utterly  to 
deny  one  and  the  other. 

"But,  give  clerical  gentlemen  fair- play.  If  I 
don't  believe  that  Father  Athanasius  can  ab- 
solve me,  or  the  contrary ;  or  decline  to  adopt  the 
views  of  Jack  the  Cobbler,  who  has  pretty  much 
the  same  pretensions,  at  least  those  divines  have 
as  good  a  rio^ht  to  be  heard  as  we:  and  conclu- 
sions  and  consequences  must  come  out  of  their 
opinions  as  out  of  all  others. 

"  If,  for  instance,  a  young  lady  is  of  opinion 
that  Father  Athanasius  is  invested  with  powers 
to  curse  and  bless  her  into  eternity;  is  the  holder 
of  an  absolute  truth  of  which  he  is  the  authorised 
and  heaven-transmitted  expounder ;  and  if  the  Fa- 
ther says, '  My  dear,  for  the  good  of  your  soul  and  the 
benefit  of  the  Church,  you  had  much  better  take 
the  habit  of  a  nun,  and  pay  over  that  matter  of 
eighty  thousand  pounds,  which  can  be  of  no  use  to 

you;'  of  course  she  has  a  right  to  follow  the  dic- 

302 


—  AND    OF    MONSIEUR    CARRE 

tates  of  her  conscience,  and  the  keeper  of  her  con- 
science; and  you  and  I  have  no  right  to  object  to 
the  disposal  of  her  money. 

"  Take  the  other  case  again,  about  which  there 
has  been  such  a  brawl  and  talk  in  the  Vice-Chan- 
cellor's Court.  An  old  French  refugee  and  miser, 
who  has  scraped  together  ten  thousand  pounds,  is 
on  his  death-bed  in  Somers  Town.  Shivering  and 
starving:  on  the  brink  of  the  q;rave  and  without  the 
heart  to  spend  a  shilling  for  a  pint  of  wine  to  warm 
his  wretched  carcase — his  landlord  finds  the  Ro- 
man Catholic  Clergyman  of  the  district,  and,  of 
course,  brings  him  to  administer  consolation  to  the 
dying  old  wretch. 

"Enemies  may  say  that  the  old  man,  drivelling 
and  trembling  in  the  grasp  of  death,  might  fall  an 
easy  victim  to  an  interested  person  disposed  to  ex- 
aggerate the  terrors  which  already  were  agitating 
him ;  and  take  advantage  of  the  weakness  which 
had  stretched  him  on  his  miserable  couch.  What 
does  the  Reverend  Mr.  Holdstock  do  on  the  con- 
trary? He  exhorts  Carre  to  good  works — for 
what  better  work  than  charity.?  What  cause  more 
sacred  than  that  of  education  ?  Those  dear  little 
girls  of  Saint  Aloys'  School  want  spelling-books 
and  samplers,  and  if  the  old  miser,  by  screwing,  by 
French  lessons,  by  whatever  means,  has  amassed 
a  sum  of  money  which  he  can't  take  away  with 
him  to  the  place  whither  he  is  going,  let  him  give 
seven  thousand  to  the  school,  and  he  will  be  no 
worse  for  the  donation. 


j^j 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

"  The  Catholics  like  pictures  and  admit  them  as 
incitements  of  devotion.  Here's  a  nice  subject  for 
a  pious  artist!  Let  it  hang  up  in  the  school 
among  the  little  children — the  miser  dying  on  his 
miserable  pallet — his  wretched  life  flickering  out 
— prostrate  by  ghostly  terrors,  by  accumulated  re- 
morse, by  mental  and  bodily  weakness  and  imbe- 
cility— and  the  priest  and  the  priest's  friend,  the 
barrister,  hanging  over  him  and  getting  the  dona- 
tion from  the  almost  corpse — look  up  at  that,  little 
girls!  Count  your  little  beads;  sing  your  little  song 
in  chorus  for  the  repose  of  the  soul  of  the  late 
Monsieur  Carre  ! 

"  It  is  true  that  Carre,  for  this  pious  purpose, 
gives  his  money  away  from  his  family ;  but  what 
does  this  prove  ?  Does  this  not  prove  how  good 
an  Englishman  Father  Holdstock  is,  in  reply 
to  those  wicked  assertions  that  the  Roman  Catho- 
lic Ecclesiastics  are  subjects  of  a  foreign  power? 
Carre's  relations  are  Frenchmen.  He  made  his 
money  in  this  country.  Why  should  it  go  out  of 
this  country.?  He  lived  in  Somers  Town;  let  his 
piety  enrich  the  suburb  in  which  he  practised  the 
virtues  of  economy.  If  he  had  not  lived  so  avari- 
ciously as  he  did,  he  could  not  have  saved  at  his 
trade  more  than  three  thousand  pounds.  Let  his 
family  have  that.  A  soul  is  saved ;  a  school  is 
built  and  improved,  by  which  thousands  of  souls 
more  are  probably  succoured.  And  I,  for  my  part, 
say  that  Father  Holdstock  performed  a  good 
morning's  work. 

304 


—SUMMED    UP 

"  And  this  testimony  which  I  give,  is  at  least 
impartial.  I  no  more  believe  that  the  Pope  of 
Rome  or  any  officer  of  his  has  power  to  save  (or 
the  contrary)  my  soul,  than  that  the  beadle  of  St, 
James's  can  do  so  ;  I  have  a  right  to  my  opinion 
and  to  publish  it  too ;  and  so  repeat  that  the 
Reverend  Mr.  Holdstock  did  a  good  morning  s 
business.  A  coup  of  seven  thousand  pounds  in 
the  course  of  a  forenoon's  conversation  is  very  sel- 
dom made ;  and  many  a  clergyman  has  passed  six 
hours  in  taking  a  confession  not  worth  twopence- 
halfpenny.  Mr.  Holdstock  would,  no  doubt,  and 
has  done ;  and  would  give  his  ear  to  the  fetid 
breath  of  a  beggar  dying  of  typhus,  as  readily  as 
listen  to  the  last  quivering  directions  of  a  perish- 
ing miser. 

"  And  if  clergymen  of  his  persuasion  have  a  per- 
suasion of  their  own  so  marvellous,  that  they  can 
alienate  young  girls  from  the  world,  sisters  from 
sisters,  dying  old  men  yearning  for  their  relatives 
from  their  natural  affections,  and  the  ordinary 
proofs  of  them — if  they  can  get  Miss  Talbot's 
money  to  build  a  cathedral,  or  Carre's  to  found  a 
school — if  they  can  enter  families,  close  doors  and 
hold  secret  councils,  remit,  confirm,  soothe,  terrify, 
divide,  govern — what  call  have  we  to  complain  1 
If  Catholic  families  choose  to  submit  to  this,  how 
can  we  help  it,  or  how  interfere  1 

"  There  is  a  pile  of  buildings  at  Taunton,  say — 
there  is  a  door.  Who  is  to  forbid  you  to  enter 
and  mount  the  steps  '^.  And  as  a  young  English 
u  305 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

lady  all  but  a  minor,  imaginative,  beautiful,  tender 
in  years  and  intellect,  attended  by  the  devout  and 
influential  friends  of  her  family,  by  pious  rela- 
tives, by  a  crowd  of  priests,  with  shaven  polls,  sing- 
ing round  about  her,  and  pointing  out  the  joys  of 
heaven  to  her,  has  a  perfect  right  to  mount  those 
steps,  and  disappear  from  the  world — why  is  a  lady 
in  Bengal  to  be  prevented  from  joining  her  spouse, 
whom  her  relations,  the  practise  of  the  country, 
and  the  advice  of  the  most  eminent  fakeers  and 
Brahmins  of  her  church,  concur  to  press  upon 
her?" 

"  An  Oppressed  Hindoo." 

As  to  this  case,  it  may  be  added  that  the  ac- 
tion at  law  was  brought  by  the  family  to  contest 
the  testamentary  paper  given  by  Monsieur  Math- 
urin  Carre  (by  which  £']000  was  bequeathed  to 
the  Church  and  Schools  of  St.  Aloysius,  Somers 
Town)  chiefly  on  the  ground  that  the  testator, 
although  of  Roman  Catholic  parentage,  had  all  his 
life  shown  a  great  dislike  to  women  and  clergy. 
The  will  was  disputed  under  the  English  Law  of 
Mortmain,  and  a  compromise  was  effected,  the 
Church  and  Schools  agreeing  to  accept  the  sum 
of  ^4000. 

The  last  of  the  Irish  letters,  over  the  signature 
"  Hibernis  Hibernior,"  appeared  on  the  5th  April 
(p.  135)  under  the  title  of  "  If  Not:  Why  Not.?" 
It  deals  less  with  the  familiar  spectacle  of  armed 

resistance  to  distraint,  than  with  the  quaint  semi- 

306 


AN    UNNATURAL    LANDLORD 


justification  of  that  resistance  and  quainter  inver- 
sion of  responsibility — as  it  seems  to  the  ordinary 
mind — implied  by  a  question  asked  by  an  Irish 
member  in  the  House  of  Commons  in  respect  to 
the  Banbridge  disturbance.  After  quoting  an  elo- 
quent guide-book  extract  celebrating  the  natural 
beauties  of  the  neighbourhood  and  the  industry  of 
the  population,  "what,"  asks  Hibernis  Hibernior — 

"WHAT  more  . 

peaceful  and 
beautiful  sight 
can  be  con- 
ceived :  and  isn't 
it  cruel  to  think 
that  the  comfort- 
able inhabitants 
of  such  a  sweet 
district  should  be 
driven,  by  the 
ferocity  of  our 
law,  into  armed 
rebellion?"  After 
a  passionate  so- 
liloquy on  the 
iniquity  of  the 
"  cursed    Saxon 

law"  and  the  outrage  of  demanding  rent,  the 
writer  proceeds  to  discuss,  from  what  Thackeray 
judges  to  be  the  view  of  the  typical  Irish  jour- 
nalist and  Member  of  Parliament,  the  villainy  of  a 

307 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

gentleman  who,  it  was  reported,  "  having  a  tenant 
at  Banbridge,  who  owed,  and  refused  to  pay,  four 
years'  rent,  took  with  him  the  sub-sheriff  and  a 
baihff,  and  proceeded  to  distrain." 

"  The  bloodhounds  of  the  law,  the  sub-sheriff 
and  his  attendant,  armed  with  a  writ ;  the  land- 
lord with  the  rascal-rapacity  of  his  race,  and  urged 
with  a  fiendish  lust  to  get  his  four  years'  tribute; 
were  met,  close  to  Banbridge,  by  two  hundred  gal- 
lant men  armed  with  guns;  and,  so  just  and  uni- 
versal was  the  indignation  of  the  people  against 
them,  that  the  whole  of  the  two  hundred  opened 
a  fire  upon  the  landlord  and  the  myrmidons  of 
the  bloody  law.  Nothing  can  be  more  simple  or 
fair  than  this: — A  dastardly  attack,  upon  the  part 
of  the  law,  is  met  by  an  honourable  and  manly  re- 
sistance on  the  part  of  the  finest  peasantry  in  the 
world.  One  of  the  law  bloodhounds,  at  whom  a 
gallant  peasant  fired,  taking  a  coward  advantage 
of  the  honest  fellow,  when  his  gun  was  gone  off, 
sprang  at  him  and  tried  to  collar  him ;  but  the 
brave  Paddy  slipt  out  of  the  rufiian  clutches  of 
the  bailiff,  and  escaped  with  agility;  and,  finally, 
bailiff,  and  sub-sheriff,  and  landlord  were  obliged 
to  retire  before  an  indignant  population, 

"  Let  English  landlords,  who  are  grumbling 
about  their  rents,  just  look  at  this  example,  and 
take  warning.  Here  is  a  tyrant  in  Ireland,  who 
does  not  get  a  shilling  of  rent  for  four  years,  and 
when  he  asks  for  it,  the  whole  country  turns  out 

to  shoot  at  him.     How  would  the  Duke  of  Rich- 

308 


COLLECTING  RENT  IN  IRELAND 

MOND  like  to  let  his  land  upon  such  leases — and 
get  (from  behind  one  of  his  own  hedges)  such  a 
pepper -corn  rent?  It  is  manifest  that  land  held 
upon  this  tenure  ought  to  fetch  a  good  price,  for 
tenants  must  be  so  eager  to  have  it. 

"  The  Irish  legislators  are  worthy  of  the  legis- 
lation. One  of  them  gets  up  in  the  House  of 
Commons  and  puts  a  series  of  questions  to  the 
Irish  Secretary.  He  wants  to  know  —  First, 
Whether  the  report  is  true  ?  Secondly,  Whether 
there  is  an  official  report  ?  Thirdly,  Whether  the 
Secretary  will  lay  that  official  report  before  the 
House  ? 

"'Fourthly,  Whether  he  considered  it  fair  towards  the  mis- 
guided people  of  that  country,  on  the  one  hand,  or  the  Lord- 
Lieutenant  on  the  other,  that  process  of  the  kind  in  question 
should  be  issued  by  the  sub-sheriff,  without  apparently  tak- 
ing the  slightest  trouble  to  ascertain  whether  the  process  would 
be  opposed  by  the  people  ;  and,  if  so,  whether  he  had  taken 
a  sufficient  force  to  overawe  the  misguided  people  ?' 

"  What  would  poor  old  Ireland  do  if  she  hadn't 
her  real  friends  and  representatives  to  stand  by 
her?  Here's  the  real  state  of  the  case.  The  Gov- 
ernment is  in  fault,  of  course,  and  acting  unfairly 
towards  the  people  of  Down.  If  a  man  wants  his 
rent,  after  four  years,  he  ought  to  ascertain  wheth- 
er the  process  of  obtaining  it  '  will  be  opposed  by 
the  people.'  If  it  will  be  opposed  by  the  people, 
as  of  course  it  will,  the  landlord  ought  to  get  a 
sufficient  force  to  overawe  the  people.  A  bailiff 
should  march  with  a  couple  of  companies  at  his 

309 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

back,  and,  if  convenient,  say  a  field-piece.  The 
sharpshooters  of  the  peasantry  line  the  outlying 
hedges,  of  course,  in  advance  of  the  main  body, 
and  open  a  fire  at  the  Regulars.  Regular  skir- 
mishers dislodge  (with  a  considerable  loss  amongst 
the  Red-Coats  and  Peelers)  Peasantry's  advanced 
men,  who  fall  back  on  the  principal  column:  the 
action  becomes  general.  Having  the  advantage 
of  artillery,  the  Peelers  and  Red-Coats  finally  get 
the  uppermost,  the  gallant  Peasantry  retires  in 
good  order,  after  severely  punishing  the  invading 
force.  The  firing  from  the  stables  and  out-houses 
ceases:  the  garrison  is  withdrawn;  the  hall-door  is 
burst  open;  the  wounded  officers  are  brought  in 
and  laid  on  the  drawing-room  sofas,  and  the  men 
are  amputated  on  the  billiard-table ;  and  the  sheriff 
(if  not  picked  off)  enters  and  puts  in  his  execu- 
tion. This  would  clearly  be  the  '  fair '  way  of  do- 
ing things.  It  is  savage,  cruel,  and  unmanly  for  a 
sheriff  and  his  officer  to  advance  unarmed  upon 
two  hundred  brave  men  and  ask  for  rent;  it  is  a 
sheer  premium  to  murder.  What  honest  and 
ardent  Patriot,  knowing  the  wrongs  of  his  coun- 
try, and  maddened  by  centuries  of  oppression, 
could  resist  the  opportunity  of  shooting  a  bailiff.'* 
A  fellow  who  comes  out  on  such  an  errand  is  no 
better  than  an  amateur  buirs-e3^e :  and  a  Govern- 
ment that  employs  him  is  merely  provoking  an 
honest  man  to  revolt. 

"  In  England  I  own  the  case  would  be  different. 

In  England,  a  landlord  would  most  probably  want 

310 


—AND    IN    ENGLAND 

his  rent  at  the  half-year,  and  if  he  waited  for  four 
years,  and  then  distrained  for  it,  it  is  probable  that 
his  officer  would  not  be  fired  upon  by  two  hun- 
dred of  the  tenant's  friends,  assembled  on  a  rising 
ground,  with  their  picquets  in  advance.  Nor  would 
an  English  member  for  a  Devonshire  borough,  let 
us  say,  hearing  that  such  a  disturbance  had  taken 
place  in  Yorkshire,  rise  up  and  ask  the  Home  Sec- 
retary whether  the  conduct  of  the  Sheriff's  officer 
was  '  fair  '  towards  those  misguided  Yorkshire  folks 
— as  a  Munster  gentleman  spoke  about  the  Ulster 
men  the  other  day.  Here,  as  yet,  rent  is  consid- 
ered to  be  fair,  and  it  is  not  thought  to  be  alto- 
gether unfair  that  a  man  should  have  to  pay  it. 
If  my  landlord  were  not  to  get  his  quarter  and  to 
put  a  distress  into  my  house  (both  of  which  may 
Fate  forbid!)  the  rest  of  the  inhabitants  of  the 
street  would  not  turn  out  with  double-barrelled 
euns  to  shoot  Mr.  Levi  or  Mr.  Sloman.  If  Levi 
and  Sloman  came  unarmed,  save  with  their  writ, 
and  were  fired  upon  by  two  hundred  men,  no 
English  Member  would  inquire  in  Parliament, 
why  a  regiment  was  not  sent  with  Messrs.  L.  &  S., 
and  ask  if  the  sending  them  unaccompanied  was 
'fair'  upon  my  two  hundred  friends,  armed  with 
pike  and  gun.  If  Levi  and  Sloman  were  shot  by 
my  two  hundred  friends,  people  would  use  a  strong- 
er term  than  '  misguided  '  to  describe  the  ten  score 
champions.  If  even  one  score  of  armed  ruffians 
were  to  attack  a  lawyer's  clerk  in  his  lawful  and 
peaceful  calling,  fire  at  him  from  behind  hedges, 

SI  I 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

and  deliberately  attempt  his  murder,  the  sympathy 
of  the  public  would,  to  say  the  least,  be  with  the 
single  and  unprotected  man :  but  this  is  not  Ire- 
land, this  is  the  sister  country — our  sister's  morals, 
her  religion,  her  virtues,  her  vices,  her  views  of 
right  and  wrong,  of  black  and  white,  are  quite  dif- 
ferent from  ours. 

"  Oh,  Mr.  Piinch  !  when  our  own  sister's  chil- 
dren wanted  a  Parliament  of  their  own,  why,  why 
did  we  baulk  our  eloquent  cousins?  Why  shouldn't 
they  have  their  own  Commons,  their  own  Lords, 
their  own  Bench  of  Bishops,  and  settle  their  own 
disputes  their  own  way?  Will  you  please  to  agi- 
tate for  a  Repeal  party  here  ?  If  you  do,  I  suspect 
you  will  find  many  an  Englishman  ready  to  join 
it;  and,  in  the  matter  of  Repeal  at  least,  like  your 
very  humble  servant, 

"  HiBERNIS   HiBERNIOR." 

Here  then,  we  have  yet  another  declaration  by 
Thackeray  that  he  is  a  Home  Ruler — not  per- 
suaded, it  is  true,  by  the  "  Union  of  Hearts,"  but 
simply  by  expediency. 

Monsieur  Gobemouche  made  his  last  unre- 
printed  appearance  in  "  The  French  Conspira- 
tion. From  Gobemouche,  Man  of  Letters,  to  Sir 
WoRTLEY,  Member  of  Parliamentr 

The  conspiracy  which   Gobemouche  so  loudly 

proclaims  consists,  this  time,  not  in  armed  invasion 

but  in  that  peaceable  and  friendly  incursion  which 

was  so  rapidly  Gallicising  English  manners  and 

312 


ALEXIS    SOYER    AT    GORE    HOUSE 

tastes.  The  visit  of  French  soldiers,  amorous 
warriors  of  Gaul,  each  of  whom,  armed  with  the 
bow  of  Cupid,  would  lead  away  some  Britannic 
Briseis,  affords  a  text  to  the  complacent  Gobe- 
mouche,  who  is  careful  to  explain  once  more  that 
he  is  well  equipped  for  criticising  by  reason  of  his 
s:enius  for  observation. 

"  Alread3^"  he  says,  "a  letter  from  the  important 
journal  of  which  I  was  correspondent,  has  appear- 
ed in  these  columns.  Although  the  Monitettr  de 
Boiclevardcs  \_sic]  has  ceased  to  exist,  I  am  a  man 
of  letters  still,  and  not  idle.  I  study.  I  observe. 
I  reflect.  Educated  with  care,  I  write  English 
with  native  purity.  ...  I  have  formed  profound 
conclusions;  I  interview  enormous  changements 
for  this  country.  .  .  .  Where  our  arms  have  not 
conquered,  our  arts  have  vanquished.  The  old 
England  Frenchifies  itself  all  the  days." 

All  this  leads  up  to  the  announcement  that  the 
notorious  Alexis  Soyer  —  the  lately  resigned  chef 
of  the  Reform  Club,  to  whom  Piuich  had  devoted 
pen  and  pencil  on  more  than  one  occasion  before 
— was  going  to  open  a  restaurant  of  the  highest 
possible  excellence,  more  recherche  than  anything 
that  had  ever  before  been  known  or  attempted  in 
London.  The  reader  need  hardly  be  reminded  with 
how  much  good-humoured  interest  Thackeray — 
self-styled  the  Professors  of  Gastronomy — would 
regard  such  a  delightful  enterprise. 

"An  exploding  proof  of  this  worthy  appreciation 
has  lately  been  conferred  upon  Alexis  Soyer.   The 


j'j 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

magistrates  of  the  county  of  Middlesex  have  sum- 
moned before  them  Alexis.  He  appeared  with 
the  courage  of  his  nation,  of  his  genius,  before  the 
orave  administrators  of  the  Britannic  Themis.  But 
it  was  not  tortures,  it  was  not  imposts,  it  was  not 
Botanibay,  which  they  offered  to  him  ;  it  was  to 
confer  upon  him  the  rights  of  citizenship,  and  to 
present  him,  in  the  name  of  Queen  Victoria,  of 
the  Lord  Mayor,  of  England  entire,  with  a  splen- 
did testimony  of  the  national  gratitude. 

"In  the  neighbourhood  of  London — by  the 
gigantesque  Palace  of  Crystal,*  the  fresh  mead- 
ows of  Hyde  Park,  and  the  sombre  avenues  of 
Kinsington's  Gardens  —  little  removed  from  the 
Octroi  (turnspikes)  —  there  stands,  amidst  parks 
and  prairies  of  its  own,  a  chateau  called  the  Cha- 
teau of  Gor.t  The  Chateau  of  Gor  has  been  pur- 
chased with  the  money  of  the  municipality  by  this 
grateful  nation,  by  these  grave  magistrates,  and  has 
been  conferred,  with  the  patent  of  baron  net,  upon 
Alexis  Soyer,  Frenchman.  Sir  Soyer,  in  a  warm 
allocution,  responded  to  the  Lord  Mayor,  when 
this  title,  this  domain,  were  conferred  upon  him 
— and  asked  all  the  magistrates  to  dine  in  the 
palace  of  which  he  has  become  master. 

"A  palace  of  fairies  he  is  making  of  it — truly  a 
Symposium  of  all  nations,  as  Sir  Soyer  (faithful  to 

*  The   Crystal   Palace  was  just  then   being   completed  in 
Hyde  Park  for  the  Universal  Exhibition  of  1851. 

t  Gore  House,  which  had  till  then  been  the  home  of  the 
beautiful  Lady  Blessington,  and  the  scene  of  her  receptions. 

314 


THE    SPLENDOURS    OF    GORE    HOUSE 

his  Bacchanalian  tradition,  and  proud  of  his  relig- 
ion of  the  apron)  has  styled  it.  .  .  .  The  Saloon  of 
Italy,  the  Saloon  of  Turkey,  the  Saloon  of  Spain, 
the  Hall  of  France,  the  Hall  of  Old  England. 
You  may  consume  here  the  cockaliquet  of  the 
mountains  of  Scotland,  the  garbanzos  of  Castille, 
the  shamrocks  of  Ireland,  the  maccaroni  of  Vesu- 
vius, the  kari  of  the  Ganges,  and  the  cabob  of  the 
Bosphorus;  you  may  call  here  for  the  golden 
juice  of  the  Rhine,  and  the  purple  draught  of  the 
Garonne,  as  for  the  whiski  of  the  Liffi,  and  the 
Afandaf  (liquor  which  I  adore)  of  the  Thames. 
Sir  Soyer  will  soon  be  prepared  to  furnish  you 
with  all  these.  Already  his  pavilions  glow  with 
the  rich  colours  of  the  lavish  pencil.*  Already 
banquet  halls  and  feudal  towers  rise  among  his 
parterres :  already  quiet  alcoves  and  particular 
cabinets  twinkle  from  among  the  bosquets,  where 
they  will  be  covered  by  discreet  and  beautiful  foli- 
age of  Spring  and  Summer ; — yet  a  few  weeks  and 
the  palace  of  Soyer  will  be  opened.  This,  Mi- 
lord, is  the  Conspiracy  by  which  France  hopes  to 
conquer  you — this  is  the  representative  whom  the 
Republic  sends  to  Albion ! 

"Agree  the  hommages  of  profound  considera- 
tion with  which 

"  I  have  the  honor  to  be,  Milord, 

"  GOBEMOUCHE. 

'■'Leicester  Squar,  lo  April.     ''Man  of  letters,  viaii  of  progress  T 

*  George  Augustus  Sala  was  employed  on  these  mural  dec- 
orations. 

3'5 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 


UCH  are  Thack- 
eray's  chief  contri- 
butions during  the 
period  with  which 
I  am  now  dealing. 
On  p.  212  of  Vol- 
ume XXI.  (5  Nov. 
185 1 )  appeared  an 
article  to  which  the 
accompanying  illus- 
tration served  as  in- 
itial— but  why  the 
keen  wit  of  Steele  should  be  represented  in  mortal 
menace  of  Ptincli  cannot  well  be  explained.  The 
article  is  entitled  "  Mr.  Molony  on  the  Position  of 
the  Bar  and  Attorneys,"  and  is  signed  "Thaddeus 
Molony,"  belonging,  apparently,  to  the  series  of 
Molony  papers.  But,  in  spite  of  "^^0)0^  prima  facie 
evidence,  I  have  refrained  from  including  it  here,  as 
it  is  difficult  to  believe  that  a  sketch  so  deficient  in 
interest  and  humour  can  really  be  from  Thackeray's 
pen — or,  if  it  be,  that  it  is  to  Thackeray's  advantage, 
or  the  reader's,  that  it  should  be  resuscitated. 

The  articles  and  verses  reprinted  in  tliis  vol- 
ume, and  here  brought  to  an  end,  comprise  the 
cream  of  the  novelist's  unacknowledged  work  in 
Punch;  for,  to  the  making  of  the  selection  has 
been  brought  such  discretion  as  a  profound  ad- 
mirer is  capable  of — an  admirer,  moreover,  keenly 
sensitive  to  the  odium  properly  reserved  for  the 
tactless  and  injudicious  enthusiast. 

316 


BIBLIOGRAPHY 

OF   THACKERAY'S   CONTRIBUTIONS   TO   PUNCH 

The  Editor's  "Day-Book,"  upon  which  is  based  the  essential 
portion  of  this  Bibliography  (Nos.  130  to  377  inclusive),  covers 
the  period  from  11  Feb.  1S43  to  30  Sept.  184S. 

Those  items  which  have  never  before  been  identified,  and 
which  are  fully  dealt  with  in  the  body  of  this  book,  are  printed 
in  italics. 

Those  items  for  which  I  have  no  official  authority,  but  which 
may  confidently  be  ascribed  to  Thackeray  are  placed  within  square 
brackets — [         ]. 

The  numbers,  and  page  and  date  figures  refer,  of  course,  to 
Pu7ich. 


BIBLIOGRAPHY 
I. 

1842 

Volume  II. 
No.  Page.      Date. 

49     [The  Legend  of  Jawbra/ntn-Heraudee.  254     18  June] 

Volume  III. 

51  Miss  Tickletoby's  Lectures  on  English  His- 

tory.    A  Character.  8       2  July 

52  Miss  Tickletoby's  Lecture.  12      9  July 

53  Miss  Tickletoby's  Lectures  on  English  His- 

tory, 28     16  July 

56  Miss  Tickletoby's  Lectures  on  English  His- 

tory. 58      6  Aug. 

57  Miss  Tickletoby's  Lectures  on  English  His- 

tory. 70     13  Aug. 

58  Miss  Tickletoby's  Lectures  on  English  His- 

tory. 84    20  Aug. 

59  Miss  Tickletoby's  Lectures  on  English  His- 

tory. 91     27  Aug. 

61  Miss  Tickletoby's  Lectures  on  English  His- 

tory. 116     10  Sept. 

62  Miss  Tickletoby's  Lectures  on  English  His- 

tory. 121     17  Sept. 

63  Miss  Tickletoby's  Lectures  on  English  His- 

tory. 131     24  Sept. 

64  Miss  Tickletoby's  Lectures  on  English  His- 

tory. 143       I  Oct. 

319 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

II— 1843-1848  (Sept.  20) 

1843 

Volume  IV. 

Iflo.  Pcg^-  Date. 

79  ["  The  Sick  Childr  3°  H  Jan.] 

83  Mr.  Spec's  Remonstrance.  69  11  Feb. 

96  A  Turkish  Letter  concerning  the  Divertisse- 

ment "  Les  Houris."  i99  '3  May 

97  Assumption  of  Aristocracy.   {Drawing  only)  204  20  May 
Second  Turkish  Letter  concerning  the  Di- 
vertissement "  Les  Houris."  209  20  May 

Volume  V. 
127     Singular  Letter  from  the  Regent  of  Spain.        267     16  Dec. 

1844 
Volume  VL 

130  Important  Promotions !     Merit  rewarded !  15       6  Jan. 

1 3 1  Ducal  Hat  for  fenkins. 

132  Notice.     Leaves  from  the  Lives  of  the  Lords 

of  Literature. 

133  Lady  L.'s  fournal  of  a   Visit    to   Foreign 

Courts. 

137  History    of   the   Next  French  Revolution. 

Chap.  \. 

138  History    of   the  Next   French   Revolution. 

Chap.  H. 

139  History   of   the    Next  French   Revolution. 

Chap.  HI. 

140  History    of   the    Next   French   Revolution. 

Chap.  IV. 

141  History    of   the   Next   French   Revolution. 

Chap.  V. 
Biographical  and  Literary  Riddles. 
The  Author  of  Pel  ham. 

320 


32 

13  Jan. 

42 

20  Jan. 

52 

27  Jan. 

90 

24  Feb. 

98 

2  Mar. 

113 

9  Mar, 

117 

16  Mar, 

127 

23  Mar, 

129 

23  Mar, 

130 

23  Mar. 

Page. 

Date. 

137 

30  Mar. 

147 

6  April 

153 

6  April 

BIBLIOGRAPHY 

AFo. 

143     Histor}^   of   the   Next   French   Revolution. 
Chap.  VI. 

143  History   of   the   Next   French   Revolution. 

Chap.  VII. 

Gems  fi'oiii  Jetiki'ns. 
What  shoicld  tlie  Irish  Members  do  in  regard 
to  the  Ten  Hours'  Bill?  155       6  April 

144  History   of   the  Next  French  Revolution. 

Chap.  VIII.  157     13  April 

An  Eligible  Investment.  164     13  April 

145  History   of  ^the  Next  French   Revolution. 

Chap.  IX.  167     20  April 

146  Les  Premieres  Artnes  de  Montpctisier;   or, 

Mu7tchausen  out-done.  184     27  April 

147  Great  News !    Wotiderful  Neivs !  189      4  May 

148  A  Rare  New  Ballad  of  Malbrook,  to  a  tiew 

Ttine.  207  II  May 

Academy  Exhibitiott.  209  1 1  May 

[50     The  Clocks  Agaitt.  227  25  May 

Latest  from  America.  228  25  May 

151  The  Prince  de  Joinville's  Atnateiir-Invasion 

of  England.  ■  2^4       i  June 

1 52  Rules  /£>  be  observed  by  the  English  People  on 

the  occasion  of  the  Visit  of  His  Imperial 
Majesty,  NICHOLAS,  Emperor  of  All  the 
Russias.  243       8  June 

Strange  Insult  to  the  King  of  Saxony.  243       8  June 

To  Daniel  O'Conncll,  Esq.,  Circular  Road, 
Dublin.  248       8  June 

153  The  Dream  of  Joinville.  252     15  June 

1844 
Volume  VII, 

155  Punch  to  the  Public.     Private  and  Con fidcn- 

li'i^-  4     29  June 

156  A  Hint  for  Moses.  19      6  July 
A  Nut  for  the  Paris  Charivari.  19       6  July 

X  321 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 


No. 

Interesting  Meeting. 

157  Running  Rein  Morality. 
Punch's  Fine  Art  Exhibition. 
A  Case  of  Real  Distress. 
Moorish  Designs. 

1 58  Punch  to  Daniel  in  Prison. 
Literary  Intelligence. 
Irish  Razors. 

160  Wanderings  of  Our  Fat  Contributor. 

161  Travelling  Notes  by  Our  Fat  Contributor. 

The  Sea. 

162  Travelling  Notes  by  Our  Fat  Contributor. 
A  Chance  Lost. 

163  To  the  Napoleon  of  Peace. 
Fashionable  Removals. 

163     Revolution  in  France. 

Last  Insult  to  Poor  Old  Ireland. 

fenny  Wren's  Remonstrance. 
165     The  Wooden  Shoe  and  the  Buffalo-Indians. 

Shameful  Case  of  Letter  Opening. 

177  Travelling  Notes  by  Our  Fat  Contributor. 

178  Travelling  Notes  by  Our  Fat  Contributor. 

179  Travelling  Notes  by  Our  Fat  Contributor. 


^age. 

Date. 

11 

6  July 

23 

13  July 

26 

13  July 

32 

13  July 

32 

13  July 

38 

20  July 

42 

20  July 

44 

20  July 

61 

3  Aug 

66 

10  Aug 

83 

17  Aug 

85 

17  Aug 

90 

24  Aug 

94 

24  Aug 

95 

24  Aug 

95 

24  Aug 

96 

24  Aug 

no 

7  Sept 

117 

7  Sept 

237 

30  Nov 

256 

7  Dec. 

265 

14  Dec. 

1845 


Volume  VIII. 


183  Punch  in  the  East 

184  Punch  in  the  East 

185  Punch  in  the  East 

186  Punch  in  the  East 

187  Punch  in  the  East 
1 93  The  Honour  of  th 


Bar. 


194    Disgusting  Violation  of  the  Rights  of  Prop- 
erty. 
Historic  Parallel. 

322 


31 

35 

45 
61 

75 
129 

142 

149 


II  Jan. 
18  Jan. 
25  Jan. 

I  Feb. 

8  Feb. 
22  Mar. 

29  Mar. 
29  Mar, 


BIBLIOGRAPHY 

195  Liberal  Reward. 
Mr.  Smith's  Reasons  for  not  senditig  /lis  Pict- 
ures to  the  Exhibition. 

Genteel  Christianity. 
A  Painter  s  Wish. 
Dog  Annexation. 
The  '82  Club  Uniform. 

1 96  For  the  Court  Circular. 
Royal  Patronage  of  Art. 
The  Irish  Martyrs. 
Erratum. 
Gross  Insult  to  the  Court. 

1 97  The  Commission  of  Fine  Arts. 

198  Literary  Netvs. 
Ode  to  Sibthorp,  by  the  Poet  Laureate. 
Humours  of  the  House  of  Commons. 
You're  Another. 

199  The  Excellent  lYeiu  Ballad  of  Mr.  Peel  at 

Toledo. 
100     Delightful  Novelty. 

New  Portrait  of  H.  R.  H  Prince  Albert. 

201  The  Queen's  Bal  Costume,  or.  Powder  and 

Ball. 
Peel  at  Toledo. 

202  Mr.  Punch  on  the  Fine  Arts. 
Father  Mathew's  Debts. 

203  Split  in  Conciliation  Hall. 
Preparations  for  War. 
The  Allegory  of  the  Fountains. 
Railroad  Speculators. 

204  Her  Majesty's  Bal  Poudre. 

205  Young  Ireland. 

1845 
VoLu:\iE  IX. 

207      The  Ascot  Cup  Day.     {Drawing.)  3     28  June 

Stiggins  in  New  Zealand.  3     28  June 


^age. 

Date. 

151 

5  Apri 

153 

5  Apri 

153 

5  Apri 

154 

5  Apri 

159 

5  Apri 

159 

5  Apri 

167 

12  Apri 

167 

12  Apri 

168 

12  Apri 

170 

12  Apri 

170 

12  Apri 

172 

19  Apri 

184 

26  Apri 

188 

26  Apri 

190 

26  Apri 

190 

26  Apri 

195 

3  May 

205 

10  May 

21  I 

10  May 

219 

17  May 

220 

17  May 

224 

24  May 

232 

24  May 

243 

31  May 

243 

31  May 

243 

31  May 

244 

31  May 

251 

7  June 

262 

14  June 

Page. 

Date. 

•14 

5  July 

15 

5  July 

15 

5  July 

16 

5  July 

20 

5  July 

24 

12  July 

26 

12  July 

THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

No. 

208  Immense  Opportunity. 
"■  Appeal  to  Rome!" 

Where  are  the  Hackney  Coaches  gone  to? 
Most  Noble  Festivities. 

The  Eureka. 

209  The  Abdication  of  Don  Carlos. 
British  Honour. 
Tremendous    Sufferings    of    the   Hojisehold 

Brigade.  32     12  July 

2 1  o     Reasons  why  I  shall  not  send  my  Son,  Giistavus 
Adolphus,  to  Trinity  College,  Cambridge. 
Military  Intelligence. 

2 1 1  Soldiering . 

2 1 2  Scholastic. 
A  House  at  the  West  End. 
A  Lucky  Speculator. 

213  The  Pimlico  Pavilion. 
War  between  the  Press  and  the  Bar. 

214  Letter  from  Jeames  of  Buckley  Square, 

215  Punch's  Regency. 

216  The  Stags.     A  Drama  of  To-day. 
Bar  Touting. 

2 1 7  Serenade. 
New  Version  of  God  Save  the  Queen, 
lilt  cresting  Relic  at  Rosenau. 
Oysters  in  Your  Own  Basins. 

218  Meditations  on   Solitude.      (By   our  Stout 

Commissioner.) 

2 1 9  S(;nn IC K  sejested by  Prince  Halbert gratious- 

ly  killing  the  Staggs  at  Sacks-Cobug-Gothy. 

220  Beulah  Spa. 

221  A  Seasonable  Word  on  Railways. 

222  The  Georges. 
Brighton. 
Dangerous  Passage. 

223  A  Brighton  Night  Entertainment. 

224  Meditations  over  Brighton. 

324 


35 

19  July 

40 

19  July 

49 

26  July 

53 

2  Aug. 

55 

2  Aug. 

59 

2  Aug. 

66 

9  Aug. 

64 

9  Aug. 

76 

16  Aug. 

94 

23  Aug. 

104 

30  Aug. 

104 

30  Aug. 

106 

6  Sept. 

107 

6  Sept. 

113 

6  Sept. 

114 

6  Sept. 

123 

13  Sept. 

133 

20  Sept. 

137 

27  Sept. 

149 

4  Oct. 

159 

II  Oct. 

158 

II  Oct. 

163 

II  Oct. 

168 

18  Oct. 

187 

25  Oct. 

Page. 

Date. 

191 

I  Nov. 

195 

I  Nov. 

207 

8  Nov, 

210 

15  Nov. 

215 

15  Nov. 

227 

22  Nov. 

233 

29  Nov, 

^37 

29  Nov. 

242 

6  Dec. 

251 

13  Dec. 

261 

20  Dec. 

263 

20  Dec. 

BIBLIOGRAPHY 

No. 

225  A  Doe  in  the  City. 
Jeames  on  Time  Bargings. 

226  Jeames's  Diary. 

227  Jeames's  Diary. 
Pwich's  Tribute  to  O'Comiell. 

228  Jeames's  Diary. 

229  Jeames's  Diary. 
Miss  Malony  and  Father  Luke. 

230  Jeames's  Diary. 

231  Jeames's  Diary. 

232  John  Jones's  Remonstrance  about  the  Buck- 

ing ha  jn  Business. 
The  Old  Duke. 

1846 
Volume  X. 

233  Jeames's  Diary.  (1845)     10     27  Dec. 

234  Jeames's  Diary. 

235  Extract  of  a  Letter  on  the  Late  Crisis. 
Jeames's  Diary. 

236  Jeames's  Diary. 

238  Jeames's  Diary. 
Promotion  for  Brougham. 

239  Jeames's  Diary. 

242  *  The  Snobs  of  England.      Prefatory   Re- 

marks. 

243  The  Snobs  of  England.     I. — The  Snob  so- 

cially considered. 

244  The   Snobs   of    England.      II. — The   Snob 

Royal. 
Titmarsh  v.  Tait. 
,245     The   Snobs  of   England.     III.— The   Influ- 
ence of  the  Aristocracy  on  Snobs.  125     21  Mar. 

*  The  chapter-numbers,  like  the  titles,  do  not  in  all  cases  correspond 
with  those  in  the  reprinted  volume,  owing  to  some  of  the  essays  having 
been  suppressed  by  the  author. 

325 


13 

3  Jan. 

23 

10  Jan. 

30 

10  Jan. 

35 

17  Jan. 

54 

31  Jan. 

61 

31  Jan. 

72 

7  Feb. 

01 

28  Feb. 

;ii 

7  Mar. 

fi5 

14  Mar. 

24 

14  Mar. 

THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

No. 

246  The  Snobs  of  England.     IV.— "The  Court 

Circular,"  and  its  Influence  on  Snobs. 

247  The   Snobs  of  England.     V. — What  Snobs 

Admire. 

248  The  Snobs  of  England.     VI. — On  Some  Re- 

spectable Snobs. 

249  The  Snobs  of   England.      VII. — On  Some 

Respectable  Snobs. 
TJie  Irish  Curfew  Bell. 

250  The  Snobs  of  England.     VIII. — Great  City 

Snobs. 

251  The    Snobs   of    England.     IX. — On    Some 

Military  Snobs. 

252  The  Snobs  of  England.    X.— Military  Snobs. 
The  Royal  Academy. 

253  The  Snobs  of  England.     XI. — On  Clerical 

Snobs. 
Jeames  on  the  Gauge  Question. 

254  The  Snobs  of  England.     XII. — On  Clerical 

Snobs  and  Snobbishness. 

255  The  Snobs  of  England.     XIII. — On  Clerical 

Snobs. 

256  The  Snobs  of  England.     XIV. — On  Univer- 

sity Snobs. 

257  The  Snobsof  England.  XV. — On  University 

Snobs. 
Mr.  Jeames  Again. 

258  The  Snobsof  England.     XVI. — On  Literary 

Snobs. 

259  Tiie  Snobs  of  England.     XVII. — On  Liter- 

ary Snobs. 

1846 

Volume  XL 

260  A  New  Naval  Drama.  1       4  July 
The  Snobsof  England.     XVI 1 1. — On  Some 

Political  Snobs.  4  4  July 

Black  Monday.  12  4  July 

Signs  of  the  Times.  12  4  July 

326 


Page. 

Date. 

137 

28  Mar. 

147 

4  April 

157 

II  April 

167 

18  April 

174 

18  April 

177 

25  April 

197 

2  May 

207 

9  May 

214 

9  May 

217 

16  May 

223 

16  May 

227 

23  May 

238 

30  May 

250 

6  June 

261 

13  June 

267 

13  June 

271 

20  June 

281 

27  June 

BIBLIOGRAPHY 

No. 

261  The  Snobs  of   England.      XIX.— On  Whig 

Snobs. 

262  The  Snobs  of  England.  XX. — On  Conserva- 

tive or  Country  Party  Snobs. 

263  The  Snobs  of  England.     XXI. — Are  there 

any  Whig  Snobs.'' 

264  The    Snobs  of    England.     XXII. — On   the 

Snob  Civilian. 

One  "Who  can  Minister  to  a  Mind  Dis- 
eased."    (Drawing.) 

May  Difference   of    Opinion  Never    Alter 
Friends/lip !    {Draii'ing.) 

265  The  Snobs  of  England.     XXIII.— On  Radi- 

cal Snobs. 

266  A  Tea-Table  Tragedy.     {Drawing.) 
The  Snobs  of  England.     XXIV.— A  Little 

More  about  Irish  Snobs. 

The  Meeting  between  the  Sultan  and Meheniet 
Ali. 

The  Heavies.     (Drawing.) 

The  Snobs  of  England.  XXV.— Party-giv- 
ing Snobs. 

The  Speaking  Machine. 

268  The  Snobs  of  England.     XXVI.— Dining- 

Out  Snobs. 
Half  an  Hour  before  Dinner.     {Drawing.) 

269  The  Snobs  of  England.     XXVII.— Dinner- 

Giving  Snobs  Further  Considered. 
The  Heavies.     {Dra7uing.) 

270  The  Snobs  of  England.     XXVIII. — Some 

Continental  Snobs.  105     12  Sept. 

271  The   Snobs   of   England.      XXIX.— Conti- 

nental Snobbery  Continued. 
What's  Come  to  the  Clubs  ? 

272  The   Snobs  of    England.      XXX.- 

Snobs  on  the  Continent. 

273  The  Snobs  of  England.     XXXI. — 

Country  Snobs. 

327 


Page. 

Date. 

19 

II  July 

23 

18  July 

39 

25  July 

43 

I  Aug. 

50 

I  Aug. 

52 

I  Aug. 

59 

8  Aug. 

63 

15  Aug. 

63 

1 5  Aug. 

72 

1 5  Aug. 

72 

I  5  Aug. 

81 

22  Aug. 

83 

22  Aug. 

91 

29  Aug. 

92 

29  Aug, 

95 

5  Sept, 

103 

5  Sept, 

115 

19  Sept, 

123 

19  Sept, 

—English 

125 

26  Sept. 

On  Some 

141 

3  Oct. 

THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

No.  Page.       Dale. 

274  The  Snobs  of  England.     XXXII.— A  Visit      ■ 

to  Some  Country  Snobs.  148     10  Oct. 

275  The    Snobs    of    England.      XXXIII.— On 

Some  Country  Snobs.  157     17  Oct. 

276  The  Snobs  of  England.     XXXIV.— A  Visit 

to  Some  Country  Snobs.  167     24  Oct. 

T/ie  Household  Brigade.  174     24  Oct. 

277  The  Snobs  of  England.    XXXV. — On  Some 

Country  Snobs.  177     31  Oct. 

A  Scene  in  St.  James's  Park.     {Drawing.)       180     31  Oct. 

278  The  Snobs  of  England.     XXXVI.— A  Visit 

to  Some  Country  Snobs.  187       7  Nov. 

279  The    Snobs    of    England.      XXXVII.— On 

Some  Country  Snobs.  197     14  Nov. 

280  The    Snobs    of    England.      XXXVI 1 1.— A 

Visit  to  Some  Country  Snobs.  215     21  Nov. 

281  Kitchen  Melodies.  221     28  Nov. 
The  Snobs  of   England.     XXXIX.— Snob- 

bium  Gatherum.  225     28  Nov. 

282  The  Snobs  of  England.     XL. — Snobs  and 

Marriage.  229       5  Dec. 

283  The  Snobs  of  England.     XLI. — Snobs  and 

Marriage.  247     12  Dec. 

284  The  Snobs  of  England.     XLII. — Snobs  and 

Marriage.  251      19  Dec. 

285  The  Snobs  of  England.    XLIII.— Snobsand 
Marriage.  261     26  Dec. 


^&^ 


1847 
Volume    XII. 

2S6     The    Snobs    of    England.       XLIV.  —  Club 

Snobs.  7       2  Jan. 

287  The  Snobs  of  England.  XLV.— Club  Snobs.       11       9  Jan, 
The  Mahogany  Tree.  13       9  Jan. 

288  The    Snobs    of    England.      XLVI.  — Club 

Snobs.  23     16  Jan. 

289  The  "Snobs   of   England.      XLVII.  — Club 

Snobs.  34     23  Jan. 

328 


Page. 

Date. 

43 

30  Jan. 

53 

6  Feb. 

59 

6  Feb. 

72 

13  Feb. 

8i 

20  Feb. 

85 

27  Feb. 

BIBLIOGRAPHY 

No. 

290  The  Snobs  of   England.      XLVIII.  — Club 

Snobs. 

291  The  Snobs  of  England.   XLIX.— Club  Snobs. 
Horrid  Traged}'  in  Private  Life.    {Drawing.) 

292  The  Snobs  of  England.     L. — Club  Snobs. 

293  The  Snobs  of  England.     LI.— Club  Snobs. 

294  The  Snobs  of  England.     Chapter  Last. 

295  Love  Songs  made  FJasy — "  What  makes  my 

heart  to  thrill  and  glow.^"     (With  Intro- 
duction?! loi       6  Mar. 
Mr.  Jeames's  Sentiments  on  the  Cambridge 
Election. 

296  The  Cambridge  Address  to  Prince  Albert. 
Literature  at  a  Stand.     {Draiuing.) 

298  Love  Songs  by  the  Fat  Contributor. 
The   Domestic   Love   Song.      ("The  Cane- 

bottom'd  Chair'" — with  Introduction.) 

299  Punch's  Prize  Novelists.     George  de  Barn- 

well. 

300  Punch's  Prize  Novelists.     George  de  Barn- 

well. 

301  Punch's  Prize  Novelists.     George  de  Barn- 

well. 

302  Punch's  Prize  Novelists.     Codlingsby. 

305  Punch's  Prize  Novelists.     Codlingsby. 
A  Disputed  Genealogy . 

306  Punch's  Prize  Nov^elists.     Codlingsby. 

307  Punch's  Prize'Novelists.     Codlingsby. 

308  Love  Songs  of  the  Fat  Contributor. 

The  Ghazul,  or  Oriental  Love-Song. 

("  The  Rocks  " ;  "  The  Merry  Bard  "  ;  and 

"  The  Caique.") 

309  Punch's  Prize  Novelists. 

eries. 

310  Punch's  Prize  Novelists. 

eries. 

311  Punch's  Prize  Novelists. 

eries. 

329 


102 

6  Mar. 

106 

13  Mar. 

113 

13  Mar. 

125 

27  Mar. 

136 

3  April 

146 

10  April 

155 

17  April 

166 

24  April 

198 

15  May 

204 

15  May 

213 

22  May 

223 

29  May 

227 

5  jLine 

Lords 

and 

Liv- 

237 

12  June 

Lords 

and 

Liv- 

247 

19  June 

Lords 

and 

Liv- 

257 

26  June 

A^o. 


314 
315 
3'7 
318 

319 
320 

321 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

1847 
Volume  XIII. 

Punch's  Prize  Novelists.     Brabazure. 
Professor   Byles's    Opinion    of    the   West- 
minster Hall  Competition. 
Punch's  Prize  Novelists.     Brabazure. 
Punch's  Prize  Novelists. 
Punch's  Prize  Novelists. 
Punch's  Prize  Novelists. 
Punch's  Prize  Novelists. 
Punch's  Prize  Novelists. 
Punch's  Prize  Novelists. 
Punch's  Prize  Novelists. 


Brabazure. 
Phil  Fogartv. 
Phil  Foyartv. 
Phil  Fogarty. 
Crinoline. 
Crinoline. 
Crinoline. 


The  Stars  and 


323  Punch  to  the  Queen  of  Spain. 

324  Punch's  Prize   Novelists.     The    Stars  and 

Stripes. 

326  Punch's   Prize   Novelists. 

Stripes. 

327  Signs  of  a  Move. 
X.  V.  Z. 
Caution  to  Tradesmen. 

328  Brighton  in  1847., 

329  Brighton  in  1847. 
Oxford  Public  Oratory. 

330  The  Nexv  Peers  Spiritual. 
Latest  from  Mexico. 

332  Travels  in  London.  • 

333  Travels  in  London.     Tlie  Curate's  Walk. 

334  Travels  in  London.  A  Walk  with  the  Curate. 

335  Travels  in  London.     A  Dinner  in  the  City. 

336  Punch  and  the  Influenza. 

337  Travels  in  London.     A  Dinner  in  the  Cit)^. 

338  Travels  in  London.     A  Dinner  in  the  Citv. 

(1848) 


'^age. 

,     Date. 

2 

10  July 

8 

10  July 

12 

17  July 

21 

24  July 

49 

7  Aug. 

56 

14  Aug. 

67 

21  Aug. 

72 

28  Aug. 

82 

4  Sept. 

97 

II  Sept. 

101 

18  Sept, 

117     25  Sept. 


(163) 
(170) 
(172) 
(179) 


137 
143 
147 
150 

157 

153 
160 

162 

169 

193 
201 

21 1 

323 
238 

247 


9  Oct. 
16  Oct. 
16  Oct. 
16  Oct. 
23  Oct.* 
30  Oct.* 
30  Oct.* 

6  Nov.* 

6  Nov.* 
20  Nov. 
27  Nov. 

4  Dec. 
1 1  Dec. 
18  Dec. 
25  Dec. 


251       I  Jan. 


*  The    pagination    of    Punch    is    hereabouts  confused  in  the  original 
edition.     From  page  170  it  recovers  itself  by  skipping  to  181. 


J)> 


BIBLIOGRAPHY 

1848 
Volume   XIV. 

No. 

339  Travels  in  London.  A  Night's  Pleasure. 

340  Travels  in  London.  A  Night's  Pleasure. 

341  Travels  in  London.  A  Night's  Pleasure. 

342  Travels  in  London.  A  Night's  Pleasure. 

344  Travels  in  London.     A  Night's  Pleasure. 

345  Travels  in  London.     A  Night's  Pleasure. 

346  Mr.  Punch  for  Repeal. 

348  Travels  in  London.    A  Club  in  an  Uproar. 
Heroic  Sacrifice. 

What  has  happened  to  the  MoRNiNG  Chron- 
icle.? 
The  Worst  Cut  of  All. 
Old  England  for  Ever  I 

349  A  Dream  of  the  Future. 

350  Travels  in  London.     A  Roundabout  Ride. 
Mr.  Smith  and  Moses. 

The  Ex- King  at  Madame  Tussaud's. 

351  Persecution  of  British    Footmen.     By  Mr. 

Jeames. 

352  Persecution   of   British   Footmen.     By  Mr. 

jeames. 

353  Irish  Gems. 

354  French  Sympathisers. 

355  An  After-Dinner  Conversation. 

357  The  Battle  of  Limerick. 
The  Portfolio. 

358  On  the  New  Forward  Movement. 

359  Mr.  Snob's  Remonstrance  with  Mr.  Smith. 
A  Little  Dinner  at  Timmins's. 

361  Yesterday  ;  a  Tale  of  the  Polish  Ball. 

362  A  Little  Dinner  at  Timmins's. 

363  A  Dilemma. 

A  Little  Dinner  at  Timmins's. 


Page. 

,     Date. 

II 

8  Jan. 

19 

15  Jan. 

29 

22  Jan. 

35 

29  Jan. 

61 

12  Feb. 

65 

19  Feb. 

81 

26  Feb. 

95 

1 1  Mar. 

96 

II  Mar. 

100 

II  Mar. 

100 

1 1  Mar. 

105 

1 1  Mar. 

107 

18  Mar. 

119 

25  Mar. 

127 

25  Mar. 

128 

25  Mar. 

131 

I  April 

143 

8  April 

153 

15  April 

171 

22  April 

182 

29  April 

195 

13  May 

205 

13  May 

207 

20  May 

217 

27  May 

219 

27  May 

237 

10  June 

247 

17  June 

257 

24  June 

258 

24  June 

THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

1848 

Volume  XV. 

No. 

364  A  Little  Dinner  at  Timmins's. 

365  A  Little  Dinner  at  Timmins's. 

366  The  Hampstead  Road.     A  Comedy  m  Four 

Tableaux.     {Drawings.) 

367  A  Little  Dinner  at  Timmins's. 

368  A  Little  Dinner  at  Timmins's. 

369  Military  Correspondence. 

372  Latest  from  the  Cotttinent. 
A  Simile. 

373  Letters  to  a  Nobleman  Visiting  Ireland. 
Authors'  Miseries.     No.  L  {Drawing.) 

374  Letters  to  a  Nobleman  Visiting  Ireland. 
Authors'  Miseries.     No.  II.  {Drawing.) 

375  The  Balmoral  Gazette. 

376  Authors'  Miseries.     No.  III.  {Drawing?) 
Sanitarianism  and  Insanitarianism. 

377  Hemigration  made  Heasy. 
Authors'  Miseries.     No.  IV.  {Drawing) 
Is  There  Anything  in  the  Paper? 
Emigration  to  America. 

[Official  Record  ends  here.] 


III. 

[Independently  of  Official  Record.] 

1848  (7  Oct.)— 1854  (23  Sept.) 

378     Authors'  Miseries.     No.  V.  {Drawing) 

382  Authors'  Miseries.     No.  VI.  {Drawi?tg.) 

383  Science  at  Cambridge. 

384  [A  Side-Box  Talk.     {Drawing.) 
[  Traitors  to  the  British  Goverfiment. 

332 


Page. 

Bate. 

5 

I  July 

13 

8  July 

30 

15  July 

33 

22  July 

43 

29  July 

62 

5  Aug. 

87 

26  Aug, 

93 

26  Aug, 

95 

2  Sept. 

105 

2  Sept, 

107 

9  Sept, 

115 

9  Sept, 

119 

16  Sept, 

127 

23  Sept 

127 

23  Sept, 

143 

30  Sept, 

144 

30  Sept, 

144 

30  Sept. 

145 

30  Sept. 

154 

7  Oct. 

198 

4  Nov. 

201 

1 1  Nov. 

218 

18  Nov.] 

218 

18  Nov.] 

BIBLIOGRAPHY 


N'o. 
385 

386 

387 

388 
389 


A  Bow  -  Street  Ballad  ;  by  a  Gentleman  of 
the  Force.    ("  The  Knight  and  the  Lady.") 

Death  of  the  Earl  of  Robinson. 

Authors'  Miseries.     No.  VII.  {Drawing.) 

Bow-Street  Ballads. — No.  II.  ("Jacob  Om- 
nium's Hoss.") 

The  Great  Squattleborough  Soiree. 

The  Three  Christmas  Waits. 


Page.      Date. 


229 

25  Nov. 

231 

2  Dec. 

240 

2  Dec. 

251 

9  Dec. 

253 

16  Dec. 

265 

23  Dec. 

392 

394 

396 

397 
398 

399 
401 
402 

403 

404 

405 

407 
408 


1849 
Volume  XVI. 

Child's  Parties :  and  a  Remonstrance  Con- 
cerning Them. 

Child's  Parties:  and  a  Remonstrance  Con- 
cerning Them. 

Paris  Revisited. 

The  Froddylent  Butler. 

The  Ballad  of  Bouillabaisse. 

Two  or  Three  Theatres  at  Paris. 

On  Some  Dinners  at  Paris. 

The  Story  of  Koompanee  Jehan. 

Mr.  Brown's  Letters  to  a  Young  Man  About 
Town. 

Mr.  Brown's  Letters  to  a  Young  Man  About 
Town.  On  Tailoring  —  and  Toilettes  in 
General. 

Mr.  Brown's  Letters  to  a  Young  Man  About 
Town.  The  Influence  of  Lovely  Woman 
upon  Society. 

Mr.  Brown's  Letters  to  a  Young  Man  About 
Town.  Some  more  Words  About  the 
Ladies. 

Mr.  Brown's  Letters  to  a  Young  Man  About 
Town.     On  Friendship. 

Mr.  Brown's  Letters  to  a  Young  Man  About 
Town.     On  Friendship. 

1  ^  ■^ 


13  13  Jan. 

35  27  Jan. 

55  10  Feb. 

62  10  Feb. 

67  17  Feb. 

75  24  Feb. 

92  3  Mar. 

105  17  Mar. 

115  24  Mar. 


125  31  Mar. 

135  7  April 

145  14  April 

165  28  April 

184  5  May 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

No.  P'W-       Date. 

409  Mr.  Brown's  Letters  to  a  Young  Man  About 

Town.     Mr.  Brown  the   Elder  takes  Mr. 

Brown  the  Younger  to  a  Club.  187      12  May 

410  Mr.  Brown's  Letters  to  a  Young  Man  About 

Town.     Mr.  Brown  the  Elder  takes  Mr. 

Brown  the  Younger  to  a  Club.  197      19  May 

41 1  Mr.  Brown's  Letters  to  a  Young  Man  About 

Town.     Mr.  Brown  the  Elder  takes  Mr. 

Brown  the  Younger  to  a  Club.  207      26  May 

413  Mr.  Brown's  Letters  to  a  Young  Man  About 

Town.     A  Word  about  Balls.  229       9  June 

414  Mr.  Brown's  Letters  to  a  Young  Man  About 

Town.     A  Word  about  Dinners.  239      16  June 

415  Mr.  Brown's  Letters  to  a  Young  Man  About 

Town.     On  Some   Old  Customs   of  the 
Dinner-Table.  249     23  June 

1849 

Volume  XVIL 

417  Mr.  Brown's  Letters  to  a  Young  Man  About 

Town.     Great  and  Little  Dinners.  i        7  July 

418  Mr.  Brown's  Letters  to  a  Young  Man  About 

Town.     On    Love,    Marriage.    Men,   and 

Women.  13      H  July 

419  Mr.  Brown's  Letters  to  a  Young  Man  About 

Town.     On    Love,    Marriage,    Men,    and 

Women.  23      21  July 

421  Mr.  Brown's  Letters  to  a  Young  Man  About 

Town.     On    Love,    Marriage,    Men,    and 

Women.  43      4  Aug. 

422  Mr.  Brown's  Letters  to  a  Young  Man  About 

Town.     Out  of  Town.  53     nAug. 

423  Mr.  Brown's  Letters  to  a  Young  Man  About 

Town.     Out  of  Town.  66     18  Aug. 

1850 

Volume  XVIIL 

444    Hobson's  Choice,  or  the  Tribulations  of  a 

Gentleman  in  Search  of  a  Man  Servant.  11      12  Jan. 

334 


"ac^e. 

Date. 

21 

19  Jan. 

32 

26  Jan. 

49 

2  Feb. 

53 

9  Feb. 

BIBLIOGRAPHY 

Mo. 

445  Hobson's  Choice,  or  the  Tribulations  of  a 

Gentleman  in  Search  of  a  Man  Servant. 

446  Hobson's  Choice,  or  the  Tribulations  of  a 

Gentleman  in  Search  of  a  Man  Servant. 

447  Thoughts  on  a  New  Comedy. 

448  The  Ballad  of  Eliza  Davis. 
450     The  Lamentable  Ballad'of  the  Foundling  of 

Shoreditch.  ']-^     23  Feb. 

454     Mr.  Finigan's  Lament.    [Afterwards  repub- 
lished as  "  Molony's  Lament."]  113     23  Mar. 
456     The  Sights  of  London.  132       6  April 
458     The  Proser.      L  On  a  Lady  in   an   Opera 

Box.  151     20  April 

460  The  Proser.     IL  On  the  Pleasures  of  being 

a  Fogy.  173       4  May 

461  Lines  on  a  Late  Hospicious  Ewent.  189     11  May 

462  The  Proser.     HL  On  the  Benefits  of  being 

a  Fogy.  197     18  May 

463  The  Wofle  New  Ballad  of  Jane  Roney  and 

Mary  Brown.  209     25  May 

465  The  Proser.    IV.  On  a  Good-looking  Young 

Lady.  223       8  June 

466  The  Proser.     V.  On  an  Interesting  French 

Exile.  234     15  June 

1850 

Volume  XIX. 

468     The  Proser.   VI.  On  an  American  Traveller.         7    29  June 
473     Mr.  Molony's  Account  of  the  Ball  given  to 
the  Nepaulese  Ambassador  by  the  Penin- 
sular and  Oriental  Company. 
The   Proser.     VII.   On  the   Press  and   the 
Public. 

476  Damages,  Two  Hundred  Pounds. 
The  Lion  Huntress  of  Belgravia. 

477  The  Lion  Huntress  of  Belgravia. 
480    The  Lion  Huntress  of  Belgravia. 

->  o  r 

jj3 


5J 

5  ^Liy- 

59 

3  Aug. 

88 

24  Aug. 

89 

24  Aug. 

91 

31  Aug. 

^3 

21  Sept. 

THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 

^g_  Page.       Date. 

486    A  Dream  of  Whitefriars.  184      2  Nov. 

489    [Fragments  from  the  History  of  Cashmere. 

By   the    Arabian     Historian     Karagooz. 

Chap.  222.  221     23  Nov.] 

492     {Domestic  Scenes — Served  with  a  Writ.  243     14  Dec] 

494     Mr.  Punch's  Address  to  the  Great  City  of 

Castlebar.  263    26  Dec. 

1851 
Volume   XX. 

496    The  Yankee  Volunteers. 

[The  Excitement  in  Belgravia.     {Drawing.) 

498  Why  Can't  they  leave  us  alone  in  the  Holy- 

days  .'* 

499  [The  Excitement  in  Belgravia.     {Drawing.) 

500  No  News  from  Paris. 

502  A  Plan  for  a  Prize  Novel. 

503  *  A  Delicate  Case. 

504  t  [From  The  Own  Correspondent  of  the  Moni- 

teur  des  Boulevards.  93       8  Mar.] 

505  A  Woeful  New  Ballad   of  the   Protestant 

Conspiracy  to  take  the  Pope's  Life. 

506  [fohn  Bull  Beaten. 

507  [No  Business  of  Ours. 

508  X  [If  Not :    Why  Not  ? 

509  §  [The  French  Conspiration. 

510  A  Strange   Man   just   Discovered   in   Ger- 

many. 

511  Mr.  Molony 's  Account  of  the  Crystal  Palace. 
513     What  I  remarked  at  the  Exhibition. 

§  Monsieur  Gobemouche's    Authentic    Ac- 
count of  the  Grand  Exhibition. 
515     The  Charles  the  Second  Ball. 

*  Signed  "  Robert  Muff."     Cf.  Signature  to  "  The  Sights  of  London,' 
No.  456. 

f  Signed  "  Gobemouclie."     See  Nos.  509  and  513. 

\  Signed  "  Ilibernis  Ilibernior."  §  Signed  "  C^jbemouche." 

336 


2 

4  Jan. 

8 

4  Jan.] 

23 

18  Jan. 

38 

25  Jan.] 

53 

8  Feb. 

75 

22  Feb. 

89 

I  Mar. 

113 

15  Mar. 

115 

22  Mar.] 

125 

29  Mar.] 

135 

5  April] 

146 

12  April] 

155 

19  April 

171 

26  April 

189 

10  May 

198 

10  May 

221 

24  May 

BIBLIOGRAPHY 


1851 


Volume  XXI. 


No. 

Page. 

Date. 

533 

Panorama  of  the  Inglese — An  Inglese  Fam- 

ily. 

138 

27  Sept 

534 

An  Ingleez  Family. 

147 

4  Oct. 

536 

Poor  Puggy. 

167 

18  Oct. 

538 

Portraits  from  the  Late  Exhibition. 

190 

I  Nov. 

541 

*The  Last  Irish  Griev'ance. 

223 

22  Nov. 

1853 

Volume  XXV. 
638     The  Organ  Boy's  Appeal.  141       i  Oct. 

1854 
Volume  XXVI. 

676  Important  from  the  Seat  of  War !     Letters 

from  the  East  by  Our  Own  Bashi-Bozouk.     257     24  June 

677  Important  from  the  Seat  of  War!     Letters 

from  the  East  by  Our  Own  Bashi-Bozouk.     267       i  July 


1854 
Volume  XXVIII. 

678  Important  from  the  Seat  of  War  I     Letters 

from  the  East  by  Our  Own  Bashi-Bozouk. 

679  Important  from  the  Seat  of  War!     Letters 

from  the  East  by  Our  Own  Bashi-Bozouk. 

680  Important  from  the  Seat  of  War!    Journal 

of  the  Siege  of  Silistria.     By  Our  Own 
Bashi-Bozouk. 

681  Important  from  the  Seat  of  War!     Journal 

of  the  Siege  of  Silistria.     By  Our  Own 
Bashi-Bozouk. 


1 1 


21 


8  July 

15  July 

22  July 


31     29  July 


*  One  of  the  Molony  papers. 


THACKERAY    AND    PUNCH 


No. 
682 


688 
689 


Paee.       Date. 


Important  from  the  Seat  of  War!  Journal 
of  the  Siege  of  Silistria.  By  Our  Own 
Bashi-Bozouk. 

Mr.  Punch  to  an  Eminent  Personage. 

A  Second  Letter  to  an  Eminent  Personage. 


41 

5  Aug. 

no 

16  Sept. 

113 

23  Sept. 

No. 
196 

213 

233 


245 


IV. 


CARTOONS  SUGGESTED  BY  THACKERAY. 


Who's  Afraid  ?  or,  the 
Oregon  Question. 

The  Mrs.  Caudle  of 
THE  House  of  Lords. 

"  Never  mind  Losing 
THE  First  Heat;  Go 
In  and  Win." 

Young  Yankee-Noodle 
Teaching  Grand- 
mother Britannia  to 
Suck  Eggs. 


By. 
John  Leech. 
John  Leech. 


Date. 

12  April       1845 
9  August  1845 


Richard  Doyle.    27  Dec.       1845 


John  Leech.         21  March    1846 


INDEX 


A  Beckett,  Gilbert,  lo. 

A  Beckett,  Gilbert  Abbott,  9,  34. 

"Abdication  of  Don  Carlos," 
156. 

Aberdeen,  Lord,  and  the  owner- 
ship of  Texas,  118  sqq.;  and 
treaties  with  Spain,  157;  167. 

"Academy  Exhibition,"  55,  56. 

"After- Dinner  Conversation, 
An,"  226-234. 

Ainsworth,  Harrison,  attack  on, 

151.  152. 
Alderson,  Baron,  90. 
"  Allegory    of    the    Fountains, 

The,"  142-144. 
America,  Oregon  dispute  with, 

II,  14,  15,  189.  190;  allusion  to 

insolvency  of,   197;  war  with 

Mexico,  215-217. 
"  Animated    Discussion   of   the 

Pork  and  Molasses  Bill,"  63, 

64. 
Anstey,    Mr.   Chisholm,  eccen- 
tricities of,  21 1  ;  222. 
Anti-Roman  Catholic  campaign, 

Punch's,  274,  sqq.,  291  sqq. 
"Appeal  to  Rome,"  153. 
Arabs,  massacre  by  Pelissier  of, 

161,  172. 
Army,  the  uniforms  of,  248,  252, 

253- 
"  Aristocracy,  Assumption  of," 

34-36. 


Ascot,  "  Emperor's  Cup"  at,  72. 

"Ascot  Cup  Day,  The,"  149, 
150. 

Ashley,  Lord,  (afterwards  Lord 
Shaftesbury),  and  the  emigra- 
tion movement,  2(i\sqq.;  295, 
296. 

"  Assumption  of  Aristocracy," 
34-36- 

Asturias,  Prince  of  the,  156. 

Auctioneers,  tricks  of,  163. 

Aumale,  Due  d',  50. 

"Author  of  Pelham,  The,"  48. 

"  Balmoral     Gazette,     The," 

260-263. 
Bar,  the,  honour  of,  164,  165. 
"  Bar  Touting,"  170. 
Bayley,    F.   W.    N.,  allusion    in 

"  Jawbrahim  -  Heraudee  "   to, 

34- 

Bentinck,  Lord  George,  death 
of,  270. 

Bentley,  Mr.,  (publisher)  and 
the  Countess  of  Blessington, 
41. 

Beranger,  his  designation  of  the 
French  flag,  162. 

Beresford,  Lord  John  G.  de  la 
Poer,  allusion  in  Punch's  "  Re- 
gency," to,  168  and  note. 

"  Beulah  Spa,"  177,  178. 

Bibliography,  319-338. 


339 


INDEX 


"  Biographical  and  Literary  Rid- 
dles," 48. 

"Black  Monday,"  194,  195. 

Blessington,  Countess,  40,  41, 
314  7wte. 

British  and  Foreign  Institute, 
loi;  attack  on,  106  sqq.,  183- 
185. 

"  British  Honour,"  157. 

Brookfield,  Mrs.,  allusions  to 
letters  from  Thackeray  to, 
145  note,  244  7tote,  254  note. 

Brooks,  Shirley,  his  "Flight 
with  Punch,"  246. 

Brougham,  Lord,  caricature  of, 
13;  in  "Leaves  from  the 
Lives  of  the  Lords  of  Litera- 
ture," 39-46;  portrait  in  West- 
minster Hall  of,  89,  91,  96, 
113,  167;  "Promotion"  for, 
189;  228. 

Buckingham,  Duke  of,  189. 

Buckingham,  Mr.  John  Silk, 
loi;  attack  on,  106,  107,  183- 
185. 

Buller,  Mr.  Charles,  and  the 
Colonial  land-grabbing  ques- 
tion, 150,  151. 

Bulwer,  Lady,  her  action  against 
the  "  Court  Circular,"  243  note. 

Bulwer,  Sir  Henry,  alluded  to 
as  "  Lord  "  in  "  Leaves  from 
the  Lives  of  the  Lords  of 
Literature,"  44,  45;  in  the 
Toledo  "ballad,"  129  sqq.\ 
244  note  ;  his  "  ill-treatment  " 
by  the  Spanish  Government, 
246,  247. 

Cabriolets,  154. 

Cambridge,  snobbery  at,  1 58-160. 

"  Cambridge  Address  to  Prince 

Albert,  The,"  205-208. 
Canning  and  the  government  of 

Ireland,  227,  228. 
Cantillon,  attempt  to  assassinate 

the   Duke  of  Wellington  by, 

65. 


Cardigan,  Lord,  272. 

Cards,  cheating  at,  181. 

Card  well,  Mr.,  Thackeray's  op- 
ponent in  his  candidature  for 
Oxford,  4-7. 

Carlos,  Don,  abdication  of,  156. 

Carlyle,  and  the  question  of 
Repeal,  258,  259. 

Carre,  M.,  case  of,  299  sqq. 

Cartoons  suggested  by  Thack- 
eray, 10-15,  165,  189,  (Bibliog- 
raphy) 338. 

"Case  of  Real  Distress,  A,"  91, 
92. 

Catholics,  campaign  against, 
274  sqq.,  291  seq. 

"  Caudle,  Mrs.,"  Lord  Brougham 
caricatured  as,  12,  13. 

"  Caution  to  Tradesmen,"  213. 

"  Chance  Lost,  A,"  95. 

Chartism,  223  sqq. 

Cheating  at  cards,  181,  182. 

"  Christianity,  Genteel,"  116. 

Churchill,  Lord  John,  candida- 
ture for  Woodstock  of,  57. 

Clarendon,  Lord,  as  Lord  Lieu- 
tenant of  Ireland,  215. 

"Clocks  Again,  The,"  61,  62. 

"  Club  Uniform,  The  '82,"  121. 

"Clubs?  What's  come  to  the," 
201,  202. 

Cobden,  Richard,  in  the  race- 
course cartoon,  14,  187;  on  a 
Conservative  Government, 
142;  188,  194,  241. 

Coburg,  royal  visit  to,  172,  173, 
176,177. 

Coercion  Bill,  189,  194. 

"Commission  of  Fine  Arts, 
The,"  122. 

Company-promoting,  170. 

Consort,  Prince,  7  ;  in  the  page- 
boy cartoon,  1 3  ;  in  the  "  Ducal 
Hat  for  Jenkins."  37,  38;  69, 
95;  frescoes  ordered  by,  113- 
115,123;  a  "  New  Portrait "  of, 
135,  136,  137,  144,  159;  his  visit 
to  Coburg,  172,  173,  176,  177; 


340 


INDEX 


his  "silver  spoon,"  174;  the 
"Cambridge  Address"  to, 
206-209. 

"Conspiracy"  in  London,  268. 

Corn  Laws,  12,  187,  194. 

"Court  Circular,"  the,  ridicule 
of,  243  and  note,  260  sqq. 

Courv^oisier,  165  and  note. 

Crick,  Rev.  Mr.,  and  the  Cam- 
bridge Address  to  Prince  Al- 
bert, 206-209. 

CroUy,  Dr.,  168  and  note. 

Cromwell,  statue  to,  245  and 
note. 

Crowe,  A.R.A.,  Mr.  Eyre,  quota- 
tion from  his  "With  Thack- 
eray in  America,"  144  note. 

Crown,  the,  Thackeray's  views 
on  the  subject  of,  240-246. 

Cullen,  Archbishop,  allusion  in 
"John  Bull  Beaten  "  to,  298. 

"  Dangerous  Passage,"  180. 
Davis,  Thomas,  (of  the  A'at/on) 

lASsgq.,  153- 

De  Grey,  Lord,  allusion  in  letter 
"To  Daniel  O'Connell,  Esq.," 
to,  79,  80. 

"Delightful  Novelty,"  134. 

"  Dilemma,  A,"  246,  247. 

"  Disgusting  Violation  of  the 
Rights  of  Property,"  112. 

"  Disputed  Genealogy,  A,"  209. 

Disraeli,  Peel's  Attack  on,  113; 
twitted  for  not  retaliating  on 
Peel,  122,  195  ;  in  the  "  Worst 
Cut  of  All,"  222  ;  imitation  of 
his  manner  in  "  An  After- 
Dinner  Conversation,"  226; 
"  ^L  Gobemouche's"  account 
of  an  accident  that  happened 
to,  284,  286  sgq. 

"  Dog  Annexation,"  11 8-1 21. 

"  Domestic  Scenes — Served  with 
a  Writ,"  280-282. 

Doyle,  Richard,  2,  14,  166,  186; 
his  withdrawal  from  Punch, 
291,  292. 


"  Dream  of  the  Future,  A,"  222. 

"  Dream  of  Joinville,  The,"  81- 
84. 

Drumlanrig,  Lord,  his  motion 
on  the  question  of  Parlia- 
mentary Returns,  241. 

Du  Maurier,  "Social  Pictorial 
Satire"  by,  175.  176;  210. 

"  Ducal  Hat  for  Jenkins,  The," 
36-38. 

Duffy,  Sir  Charles  Gavan,  144- 
147. 

Dumas,    Alexandre,     satirised. 


'7'->0       '>'>> 


Dyce,  fresco  for  Prince  Albert 
by,  1 15,  116. 

Eastlake,  fresco    for    Prince 

Albert  by,  115. 
Egyptian   Hall,  the  "  Speaking 

Machine"  at,  199-201. 
"  Eligible  Investment,  An,"  49. 
Ellenborough,    Lord,    presenta- 
tion   of    his    sword    to     Sir 

Charles  Napier,  113. 
"  Emigration  to  America,"  266. 
Emigration  movement,  263  sqq. 
"  Erratum,"  (Bibliography)  323. 
Espartero,  Regent  of  Spain,  210. 
Etty,  frescoes  for  Prince  Albert 

by,  1 15,  1 16,  117,  122. 
"Euphonia,"  the,  199-201. 
"  Eureka,  The,"  155,  156. 
"Ex- King    at     Madame     Tus- 

saud's.  The,"  223. 
"  Excellent  New  Ballad  of  Mr. 

Peel   at  Toledo,  The,"    129- 

134- 
"  Excitement  in  Belgravia,  The  " 

{(ircnuings),  283,  285,  286. 
Exhibition  of  1851,  284,  289,  307. 
"  Extract   of    a   Letter    on    the 

Late  Crisis,"  13,  176,  177. 

Faber,  Professor,  and  the 
"Speaking  Machine,"  198, 
199. 

"  Fashionable  Removals,"  96. 


341 


INDEX 


"Fashions,  ladies',"  195. 

"Father  Mathew's  Debts,"  141. 

Fielding,  allusion  in  "  Her  Maj- 
esty's Bal  Poudre,"  to,  137. 

Fleet  Street  "up,"  179. 

Follett,  Sir  W.  W.,  panegyric 
on,  164. 

"  For  the  Court  Circular,"  121, 
122. 

Fountains  in  Trafalgar  Square, 
142,  143. 

"Fragments  from  the  History 
of  Cashmere,"  275-280. 

France,  "appointments"  made 
by  the  Republic  of,  222,  223. 

Franco- Algerian  Horror,  the, 
161,  162. 

"  French  Conspiration,  The," 
312,  315. 

"  French  Sympathisers,"  223- 
226. 

Frenchmen,  Richmond  Hill 
viewed  by,  175;  the  question 
of  their  equality  with  Eng- 
lishmen, 176;  as  "  our  own 
Correspondents "  in  Eng- 
land, 283-290. 

Frescoes  ordered  by  Prince  Al- 
bert, 115,  116. 

"  From  The  Own  Correspond- 
ent of  the  Moniteur  des 
Boulevards,"  283-290. 

"  Gems  from  Jenkins,"  48. 
"  Genealogy,  A  Disputed,"  209. 
"  Genteel  Christianity,"  116. 
Globe,  the,  and  the  "  Balmoral 

Gazette,"  260  sqq. 
"Gobemouche,  M.,"  iZ^ysqq.,  312. 
"  God    Save   the    Queen,   New 

Version  of,"  173. 
Gore  House,  314  and  note. 
Gossett,    Sir    William,    and     a 

"Speaking  Machine,"  199. 
Graham,  Sir  James,  opening  of 

Mazzini's  letters  by,  85;  106, 

166  and  7iote,  167. 
Grant,    Mr.    James,   (editor    of 


AIor7mig  Ad7iertiser)  parodies 
of  books  by,  38,  39. 

"Great  News!  Wonderful 
News !  Shakespeare  com- 
pressed," 50-54. 

Gregg,  Rev.  Tresham,  allusion 
in  "  Punch's  Regency,"  to,  168 
and  note. 

"Grey,  Lord,  his  Refusal  to 
Serve  in  Lord  John  Russell's 
Government,"  188,  189. 

"  Gross  Insult  to  the  Court,"  1 22. 

Hackney-coaches,  153,  154. 

"  Hampstead  Road.  A  Com- 
edy in  Four  Tableaux,  The," 
{dra7v/f!gs)  248-252. 

Hardinge,  Lord,  and  the  post  of 
Commander-in-Chief,  186. 

Haydon,  (the  artist)  Peel's  grant 
of  ^50  to,  194,  195. 

"Heavies,  The,"  {drawmg)  igj, 
198. 

Heki  (New  Zealand  chief),  167 
and  note. 

"  Hemigration  Made  Heasy," 
264  sqq. 

"  Her  Majesty's  Bal  Poudre, 
137,  144. 

"  Heroic  Sacrifice,"  222. 

"  Hint  for  Moses,  A,"  86-89. 

"Historical  Parallel,"  112,  113. 

Hogarth,  allusion  in  "  Her  Maj- 
esty's Bal  Poudre"  to,  137, 
138. 

"  Honour  of  the  Bar,  The,"  1 12. 

"  Horrid  Tragedy  in  Private 
Life,"  {dratuiug)  204,  205. 

"  House  at  the  'West  End,  A," 
34.  163. 

"  Household  Brigade,  The,"  201. 

"  Household  Brigade,  Tremen- 
dous Sufiferings  of  the,"  158. 

Howard,  Lord  Edward,  his  mar- 
riage to  Miss  Talbot,  299. 

Howden,  Lord,  succeeds  Sir 
Henry  Bulwer  as  Ambassador 
at  Madrid,  234. 


342 


INDEX 


Hugo,  Victor,  "  made  a  Peer  of 
France,"  123. 

Hume,  Joseph,  "  Letter  from 
Mr.  Snob  "  to,  240,  241. 

"  Humours  of  the  House  of 
Commons,"  128. 

Hunt,  Leigh,  allusion  in  "  On 
the  New  Forward  Move- 
ment "  to,  241. 

"If  Not :  Why  Not?"  306  sqq. 

"Immense  Opportunity,"  151. 

"Immolation"  of  Lord  John 
Russell,  289,  290. 

"  Important  Promotions!  Merit 
Rewarded !"  36. 

"  Interesting  Meeting,"  88. 

"  Interesting  Relic  at  Rosenau," 
174. 

Ireland:  Thackeray's  sympathy, 
7.  765  95  ;  potato  famine,  13, 
180^^^.  /  Ten  Hours'  Bill,  49; 
" AChance  Lost,"95;  "Young 
Ireland,"  144  sqq.;  Repeal 
and  Home  Rule,  153,  218  sqq., 
2S7.  258;  New  Colleges,  155  ; 
Relief  Fund,  219,  220;  "Let- 
ters to  a  Nobleman,"  256-259, 
271,  306;  Magee's  attempt  to 
incite  rebellion,  271-274;  col- 
lecting rents,  308  sqq. ;  the 
Banbridge  disturbance,  307 
sqq.  {Sec  also  O'Connell,  and 
Coercion  Bill,  &c.) 

"Irish  Curfew  Bell,  The,"  189. 

"  Irish  Martyrs,  The,"  121. 

"  Irish  Razors,"  95. 

"  Is  there  Anything  in  the 
Paper.''"  267  sqq. 

"Jenkins,"  {Afoming  Post)  36, 

48.  75- 
"  Jenny  Wren's  Remonstrance," 

97,  99,  100. 
Jerrold,  Douglas,  2;  amount  of 

his  work  for  Punch,  9,  10,  11; 

author  of  most  of  the  Jenkins 

papers,  49;  on  an  election  at 


Woodstock,  57;  72,85,  115; 
his  "Dainty  Dish,"  &c.,  176, 
177;  292  7iote. 

"John  Bull  Beaten,"  291-298. 

"  John  Jones's  Remonstrance 
about  the  Buckingham  Busi- 
ness," 183-185. 

"Joinville,"  64-71,  81-84,  176. 

"  Joinville,  The  Dream  of,"  81- 

84. 
"  joinville's   Amateur- Invasion 

of  England,  The  Prince  de." 

64-71. 
Jones,  Mr.   George,  attack  on, 

101,  183. 

Kelly,  Sir  Fitzroy,  mentioned 

in   "  Punch's    Regency,"    167 

and  twte. 
Kemble,   Charles,   lampoon    in 

"Great     News!     Wonderful 

News !"  on,  50-54. 
"  Kitchen  Melodies,"  202,  203. 

Lacordaire,  Abbe,  funeral  ser- 
mon on  O'Connell  by,  218. 

"  Lady  L.'s  Journal  of  a  Visit  to 
Foreign  Courts,"  45-48. 

Laflfan,  Archdeacon,  220. 

Lamartine,  M.,  his  power  of  en- 
durance in  debate,  222. 

Land-grabbing  in  the  Colonies, 
149-151. 

Landseer,  satirised  in  the  Acad- 
emy review,  56;  fresco  for 
Prince  Albert  by,  1 1 5,  1 1 7. 

"  Last  Insult  to  Poor  Old  Ire- 
land, The,"  96. 

"  Latest  from  America,"  see 
"Animated  Discussion,"  &c. 

"Latest   from   the   Continent," 

253-255- 
"  Latest  from  Mexico,    215-217. 

Law,  Mr.,  the  Recorder,  128. 

Ledru-Rollin,  epigram  on,  255. 

Leech,  John,  11,  12,  13,  14;  re- 
view of  his  drawings  by 
Thackeray,  90;  149,  155,417; 


343 


INDEX 


his  cartoons  relating  to  the 
royal  visit  to  Coburg,  176; 
189;  his  cartoon  "  The  Tailor's 
Goose,"  248 ;  his  cartoon  on 
journalistic  intrusions  upon 
royalty,  259;  his  "No  Popery  " 
cartoon,  274,  295. 

"  Legend  of  Jawbrahim-Herau- 
dee,  The,"  17-33. 

Leigh,  Percival,  amount  of  his 
work  in  Punch,  9,  10;  resem- 
blance of  his  style  to  Thack- 
eray's, 164,  165  ;  "  Professor  of 
Belles  Lettres,"  292  and  Jiote. 

Lemon,  Mark,  number  of  car- 
toons proposed  by,  10. 

"  Les  Premieres  Armes  de  Mont- 
pensier;  or,  Munchausen  out- 
done," 50. 

Leslie,  fresco  from  Prince 
Albert  by,  115. 

"  Letters  to  a  Nobleman  visiting 
Ireland,"  256-259,  271,  306. 

"Liberal  Reward,"  113. 

Liberty,  religious,  280-282. 

Lincoln,  Lord,  in  "The  Irish 
Curfew  Bell,"  189. 

"Literary  Intelligence,"  94. 

"  Literary  News,"  123,  124. 

Liverpool,  victimising  a  trades- 
man of,  213. 

London,  in  August,  175;  "con- 
spiracy" in,  268. 

Londonderry  House,  festivities 
at,  154. 

Louis  Napoleon,  special  consta- 
ble in  London,  231  note. 

Louis  Philippe,  King,  second  in 
Peel's  duel  with  Polk,  11; 
caricature  of,  15;  and  Lord 
Brougham,  44;  as  a  "  pauvre 
malheureux,"  91,  92;  at  the 
revolution  of  1830,  188;  re- 
lations with  Spain,  210;  his 
flight  to  England,  223,  255  ;  at 
Madame  Tussaud's,  223;  as  a 
model  husband  and  father, 
244. 


"  Love  Songs  of  the  Fat  Con- 
tributor," 204,  205. 

"  Love  Songs  Made  Easy,"  204. 

Lyndhurst,  Lord,  12,  85. 

Lytton,  Bulwer,  allusion  in 
"Jawbrahim  -  Heraudee"  to, 
34;  described  in  "  Leaves 
from  the  Lives  of  the  Lords 
of  Literature,"  44,  45;  a  joke 
on   his   change  of  names,  48. 

Lytton- Bulwer,  Sir  Henry,  ^^^ 
Bulwer,  Sir  Henry. 

Macaulay,  and    the   question 

of  Repeal,  258. 
MacHale,    Dr.   (Archbishop   of 

Tuam),  168  and  nofc,  298. 
"Machine,  The  Speaking,"  198- 

201. 
Maclise,  satirised   in   Academy 

review,  56. 
Maidstone,  Lord,  verses  in  the 

Morning  Post  by,  97,  98. 
"  Malony,'    Miss,     and     Father 

Luke,"  182. 
Marble  Arch,  the,  166  and  note, 

lyz  note. 
Marlborough,    Duke    of,    satire 

in   "  A   Rare   New    Ballad  of 

Malbrook"  on,  58-61. 
Mathew,  Father,  debts  of,  141. 
"  May    Difiference    of    Opinion 

Never     Alter     Friendship  !" 

(Drawing)  195. 
Mayhew,    Henry,    suggests   the 

"  new  page-boy  "  cartoon,  13. 
Mayhew,  Horace,  average    per 

volume  of  his  contributions 

to  Punch,  9,  10. 
Mazzini,  opening  of  his  letters 

by  Sir  James  Graham,  85. 
Meagher,   T.    F.,    his    meeting 

with  Thackeray  in  America, 

145  note. 
"  Meditations  on  Solitude,"  174- 

176. 
"  Meeting  between   the   Sultan 

and  MehemetAli.'xi.,  195-197. 


344 


INDEX 


Mehemet  Ali,  the  Sultan's 
meeting  with,  xi.,  195-197. 

"  Mexico,  Latest  from,"  215-127. 

"MiHtary  IntelHgence,"  160. 

"  Military  Correspondence,"  249, 
252,  253. 

"Miss  Malony  and  Father 
Luke,"  182. 

"Mixed  boon,"  a,  definition  of, 
214. 

Montgomery,  Rev.  Robert,  al- 
lusion in  "  Jawbrahim-Herau- 
dee  "  to,  34. 

Montpensier,  Due  de,  and  his 
tutor,  50. 

Moore,  Tom,  allusion  in  "  Jaw- 
brahim-Heraudee"  to,  34. 

"  Moorish  Designs,"  90. 

"Moral  Young  Man,  The,"  39. 

MortiiHg  Chronicle,  the,  222. 

Morning  Herald,  1 74. 

Morning  Post,  34,  36,  48,  75; 
verses  by  Lord  Maidstone  in, 
97,  98;  and  the  Duke  of  Well- 
ington, 123. 

"Moses,  A  Hint  for,"  86-89. 

"Most  Noble  Festivities,"  154. 

Museums  on  Sunday,  opening 
of,  138-140. 

Napier,  Sir  Charles,  presenta- 
tion of  Lord  EUenborough's 
sword  to,  1 13. 

"  Napoleon  of   Peace,  To  the," 

95.  96- 
Nathan,  "Baron,"  36. 

Xation,  the,  drawings  and  verses 
contributed  by  Thackeray  to, 
147,  148. 

Navy,  the,  smoking  in,  190-194. 

Neate,  Mr.,  unseated  for  Oxford, 

4- 
Nelson,  statue  to,  88. 
"  Never  mind    losing  the    first 

heat,"  &c.,  cartoon  suggested 

by  Thackeray,  14,  187. 
"  New  Forward  Movement,  On 

the,"  240-245. 


"  New  Naval  Drama,  A,"  19a- 
194. 

'•  New  Peers  Spiritual,  The," 
215. 

"  New  Portrait  of  H.R.H.  Prince 
Albert,"  134-136. 

"  New  Version  of  God  Save  the 
Queen,"  173. 

"  New  Zealand,  Stiggins  in,"  149, 
150. 

Nicholas,  Emperor,  visit  to 
England  of,  71-75,  78;  sub- 
scription to  the  Wellington 
and  Nelson  statues,  88. 

"No  Business  of  Ours,"  299- 
306. 

"  Notice.  Leaves  from  the  Lives 
of  the    Lords  of   Literature," 

39- 
"Nut   for  the   Paris  Charivari, 
A,"  88. 

O'CONNELL,  Daniel,  Thacke- 
ray's sympathy  with,  76-80; 
lines  to,  92-94;  debts  of,  141; 
allusions  in  "  Young  Ireland  " 
to,  145-147;  the  "creed"  of, 
153;  eulogised  by  Father 
Luke,  182,  183;  attacked  in 
"Punch's  Tribute  "  to,  180, 
181  ;  Abbe  Lacordaire's  fu- 
neral sermon  on,  218. 

"O'Connell,  Daniel,  Esq.,  Cir- 
cular Road,  Dublin,  To,"  76- 
80.  {See  also  "  Punch  to  Dan- 
iel O'Connell  in  Prison.") 

O'Connell,  John,  153,  219,  221, 
256. 

"  Ode  to  Sibthorp,  by  the  Poet 
Laureate,"  124-128. 

"Old  Duke,  The,"  185.  186. 

"Old  England  for  Ever!"  222. 

"  On  the  New  Forward  Move- 
ment," 240-245. 

Opening  of  museums  on  Sun- 
days, 138-140. 

Oregon  question,  the,  11,  12,  14, 
190. 


345 


INDEX 


Ostend,  a  visit  to,  254,  255. 
Oxford,    Thackeray's    candida- 
ture for  the  representation  of, 

3-7- 
"Oxford  Public  Oratory,"  213, 

214. 
"  Oysters  in  Your  Own  Basins," 

174. 

"  Painter's  Wish,  A,"  116,  117. 

Palmerston,  Lord,  188,  189;  his 
interference  with  the  internal 
afifairsof  Spain.  234.  235;  cari- 
catured in  "The  Portfolio," 
235-240. 

"  Papal  aggression,"  274  sqq., 
283,  290  and  note. 

Peel,  Sir  Robert,  (i)  in  the  Ore- 
gon cartoon,  1 1  ;  as  the  sulky 
ex -page  boy,  13;  112,  122; 
"dishing  the  Whigs,"  142; 
allusion  in  "Allegory  of  the 
Fountains"  to,  143,  157,  166, 
and  note  167;  resignation  and 
resumption  of  office,  187,  188; 
his  leave-taking  of  office,  194; 
assistance  to  Haydon,  194, 
195;  201,  286. 

Peel,  Sir  Robert,  (2)  verses  on 
an  adventure  of,  129-134;  "at 
Toledo,"  134. 

Pelissier,  Colonel,  massacre  of 
Arabs  by,  161,  162,  176. 

Picture-galleries,  opening  on 
Sundays  of,  1 38-141. 

Poetry,  sale  of,  211,  212. 

Poland,  fund  for,  72,  74. 

Politics  reflected  in  Thacke- 
ray's anonymous  work,  3-7. 

Polk,    President,    11,    117    sqq., 

233- 

Popery,  .f(Y'  Anti-Roman  Catho- 
lic Campaign,  Papal  Aggres- 
sion, "  No  Business  of  Ours," 
&c. 

"Pork  and  Molasses  Bill,  Ani- 
mated Discussion  of  the,"  63, 
64. 


"  Portfolio,  The."  235-240. 
Powis,  Earl,  candidate  for  the 

Chancellorship  of  Cambridge 

University,  205. 
Praetorius,  Dr.,  172,  173. 
Press  and  the  Bar,  the,  164,  165. 
Pretender,  Spanish,  pretensions 

of,  156,  157. 
Pritchard,  Mr.,    British   consul 

at  Tahiti,  96. 
"Promotion    for     Brougham," 

189. 
Pseudonyms   of   Thackera}\    i, 

34,  76,  163,  271.  283. 
"  Punch  to  Daniel  in  Prison," 

92-94. 
"  Punch  in  the  East,  Mr.,"  10. 
"  Punch  on  the  Fine  Arts,  Mr.," 

137-139- 
"  Punch  to  the  Public,"  85. 
"  Punch  to  the  Oueen  of  Spain," 

209,  210. 
"Punch  for  Repeal,  Mr.,"  218- 

222. 
"  Punch's  Fine  Art  Exhibition," 

90. 
"  Punch's  Regency,"  166-169. 
"  Punch's    Tribute    to    O'Con- 

nell,"  I  80-182. 

"Queen's  Bal  Costume,  or, 
Powder  and  Ball,  The,"  136, 
137. 

Railway  mania,  178,  179. 

"  Railways,  A  Seasonable  Word 
on,"  178,  179. 

"  Rare  New  Ballad  of  Malbrook, 
A,"  58-61. 

"  Reasons  why  I  shall  not  send 
my  Son,  Gustavus  Frederic, 
to  Trinity  College,  Cam- 
bridge," 1 58-161. 

"  Regency,  Punch's,"  166-169. 

Religious  libertv,  280-282. 

"  Repeal,  Mr.  Punch  for,"  218- 


"  Revolution  in  France,"  96. 


346 


INDEX 


"Reward,  Liberal,"  113. 
Richmond,  Duke  of,  189,  308. 
Richmond     Hill,    Frenchmen's 

opinion  of,  175. 
Ritchie,    Mrs.    Richmond,   vii.. 


'2      ^01      T 


Roebuck,    Mr.,    challenged    by 

Mr.  Somers  to  a  duel,  155. 
Rogers,  Samuel,  42. 
"  Rosenau,  Interesting  Relic  at," 

173.  174- 

Rosenau,  Prince  Albert's  visit 
to,  172. 

Ross,  fresco  by,  1 1 5. 

"  Royal  Academy,  Mr.  Smith's 
Reasons  for  not  sending  his 
Pictures  to  the,"  1 13. 

"  Royal  Patronage  of  Art,"  122, 
123. 

"  Rules  to  be  observed  by  the 
English  People  on  the  occa- 
sion of  the  visit  of  his  Im- 
perial Majesty,  Nicholas,  Em- 
peror of  all  the  Russias,"  71-75. 

"  Running  Rein  Morality,"  90. 

Russell,  Lord  John,  in  the  Ore- 
gon cartoon,  11  ;  as  the  new 
page-boy,  13;  allusion  in  "Al- 
legory of  the  Fountains  "  to, 
143  ;  his  failure  to  form  a  Cab- 
inet, 187,  241  ;  and  Papal  Ag- 
gression, 274,  295,  296,  285 ; 
his  "immolation,"  289,  290. 

Russia:  appointment  of  a  young 
prince  as  colonel,  160;  "Lord 
Pumicestone's  Despatch"  to, 
237-240.  {See  also  Nicholas, 
Emperor.) 

Sala,  George  Augustus,  315 
7iote. 

Salutes,  royal,  cost  of,  262. 

"  Sauitarianism  and  Insanita- 
rianism,"  263. 

Saxony,  King  of,  34,  76. 

"  Scholastic,"  163. 

Schoolboys,  Thackeray's  sym- 
pathy for,  163. 


"  Seasonable    Word    on     Rail- 
ways, A,"  178,  179. 
"  Serenade,"  172,  173. 
Shakespeare, "compressed,"  50- 

54- 

"  Shameful  Case  of  Letter 
Opening,"   106  sqq. 

Sibthorp,  Colonel,  "Ode"  to, 
124-128. 

"Sick  Child,  The,"  34. 

"  Side-Box  Talk,  A,"  xiii.,  274. 

"  Signs  of  a  Move,"  211. 

"  Signs  of  the  Times,"  195. 

"  Simile,  A,"  256. 

"  Smith's  Reasons  for  not  send- 
ing his  Pictures  to  the  Royal 
Academy,  Mr.,"  113. 

Smoking  in  the  Navy,  190-194. 

Snobbery  at  Cambridge,  1 58-161. 

"  Social  Pictorial  Satire,"  Du 
Maurier's,  175,  176. 

"Soldiering,"  161,  162. 

Somers,  Mr.,  challenges  Mr. 
Roebuck  to  a  duel,  155. 

"  Sonnick    sejested    by    Prince 
Halbert  gratiously  killing  the 
staggs      at      Sacks 
Gothy,"  177. 

Souk,  Marshal,  on  the  massacre 
of  Arabs,  162. 

Soyer,  Al'exis,  313,  314,  315. 

Spain,  pretensions  of  the  Pre- 
tender in,  156;  treaties  with, 
157^159;  "Punch  to  the 
Oueen  of,"  209,  210;  Lord 
Palmerston's  interference  in 
the  affairs  of,  234,  235. 

"  Speaking  Machine,  The,"  198- 
201. 

"Split  in  Conciliation  Hall," 
144. 

"  Stags,  The,  a  Drama  of  To- 
day," 170,  171. 

Standa}-d,  the,  description  of 
Peel's  attack  upon  Disraeli 
in,  113. 

Stanfield,  fresco  for  Prince  Al- 
bert bv,  1 15. 


Cobug- 


347 


INDEX 


Stanley,  Lord,  at   the  Colonial 

Office,  157,  167  and  note. 
"  Stiggins  in  New  Zealand,"  149, 

150. 
"Strange  Insult  to  the  King  ofi 

Saxony,"  34,  76. 
Sultan,    the,   his   meeting  with 

Mehemet  Ali,  195,  197. 
Sunday,   opening    of    museums 

on,  138-140. 

Tahiti,  conduct  of  the  French 
at,  95,  96. 

Talbot,  Miss,  the  case  of,  299  s^^. 

Talfourd,  Mr.  Serjeant,  allusion 
in  "  Punch's  Regency  "  to,  169. 

Tangiers,  French  operations 
against,  95,  99  uofe. 

Tawell  (the  murderer),  165  and 
nofe,  167  and  /lo/t;. 

Taylor,  Tom,  number  of  his 
contributions  to,  9,  10. 

Ten  Hours'  Bill,  49. 

Texas,  the  ownership  of,  117- 
121. 

Thackeray,  W.  M.,  his  pseudo- 
nyms, I,  34,  76,  163,  271,  283; 
reasons  for  leaving  Punch,  2; 
political  opinions  revealed  in 
his  anonymous  work,  2,  3; 
candidature  for  Oxford,  3-7  ; 
amount  of  his  work  for  PitncJi, 
8-11 ;  cartoons  suggested  by 
him,  II -15,  165,  187,  189; 
(Bibliography)  338.  {See  also 
tinder  titles  of  his  contribu- 
tions^ 

Thiery,  Colonel,  tutor  of  the 
Due  de  Montpensier,  50. 

"  Tickletoby's  Lectures  on  Eng- 
lish History,  Miss,"  xiii.,  16. 

Times,  the,  an  illustrated  com- 
ment on  an  advertisement  in, 
49;  a  literary  advertisement 
in,  211  ;  of  the  23rd  Septem- 
ber 1848,  267  sqq. 

"  To  the  Napoleon  of  Peace," 
95.  96. 


"Tradesmen,  Caution  to,"  213. 

Trafalgar  Square,  fountains  in, 
142-144  ;  French  agitator  ha- 
rangues a  mob  in,  223-224. 

"  Traitors  to  the  British  Gov- 
ernment," 271-274. 

"  Tremendous  Sufferings  of  the 
Household  Brigade,"  158. 

"Tribute  to  Daniel  O'Connell," 
Punch's,  180-182. 

Turf  scandal,  90. 

Turkey,  "  Lord  Pumicestone's 
Despatch  "  to,  235,  237.  {^See 
also  Sultan.) 

Turner,  J.  M.  VV.,  burlesqued, 
55 ;  offer  of  a  Birmingham 
tradesman  to,  122. 

Tussaud's,  Madame,  Louis  Na- 
poleon at,  223. 

Uniforms,   military,   248,  252, 

253- 
Union  Club,  Trafalgar  Square, 

142-144. 
United  IrisJunan,  the,  222. 
Uwins,    the    artist,    fresco    for 

Prince  Albert  by,  115. 

Victoria,  Queen,  in  the  page- 
boy cartoon,  13;  and  the 
Irish  question,  78,  79,  95,  159; 
her  visit  to  Coburg,  172,  173; 
intrusion  of  journalists  into 
her  life  at  Balmoral,  259- 
263. 

Villiers,  Charles,  and  the  anti- 
Corn  Law  agitation,  188. 

"  Virginians,"  the  question  of 
the  authorship  of  Chap.  IV., 
Vol.  II.,  212  note. 

"  War  between  the  Press  and 
the  Bar,"  164,  165. 

Wellington,  Duke  of,  an  Acad- 
emy portrait  of,  55,  56;  Can- 
tillon's  attempt  to  assassinate, 
65;  statue  to,  88,  89;  and  the 
Morning  Post,  123;  allusions 


348 


INDEX 


in  "  Punch's  Regency  "  to,  167 
and  7wic,  169;  his  retention 
of  the  post  of  Commander-in- 
Chief,  185.  186. 

Westminster  Hall  Competition, 
88. 

Wethered  sales,  the,  116. 

"What  has  happened  to  the 
Morni)ig  CJirojiicle ?"  122. 

"What  siiould  Irish  members 
do  in  regard  to  the  Ten 
Hours'  Bill?"  49. 

"What's  Come  to  the  Clubs?" 
201. 

"Where  are  the  Hackney- 
coaches  gone  to?"  153. 

Whewell,  Dr.,  snobbery  of,  158- 
160. 

"Who's  Afraid?  or.  The  Ore- 
gon Question,"  11,  12. 


Williams,  Rev.  Charles,  his  rem- 
iniscences of  Thackeray's  can- 
didature for  Oxford,  3-7. 

Wiseman,  Cardinal,  as  "Cardi- 
nal Wiseboy,"  280-283;  in 
"John  Bull  Beaten,"  292,  293. 

"  Wooden  Shoe  and  the  Buf- 
falo-Indians," 101-106. 

Woodstock,  elections  at,  57. 

Wordsworth,  parodied,  1 24-1 28. 

"  Worst  Cut  of  All,  The,"  222. 

"X.  Y.  Z.,"  211,  212  and  note. 

"Young  Ireland,"  145,  222. 

"  Young  Yankee-Noodle  teach- 
ing Grandmother  Britannia 
to  suck  eggs,"  cartoon  by 
Thackeray  of.  14,  15,  189. 

"You're  Another,"  128. 


THF.   END 


W.  M.  THACKERAY'S    COMPLETE 

WORKS 

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